going home after school club 2

look guys. i get that it’s cool to hate alaska right now. but i’m gonna get really real for a second here so i can explain why i still love her.

in high school, i was top of my class, ap student, in a ton of extracurriculars, all that. i had my shit together–or that’s how it seemed. but like, i’d go home after my club meetings were over, i’d check my grades, i’d see a B on a test, and i’d absolutely fucking lose it. it was the stress of everything riding on me, and sometimes it piles up inside you and you NEED to get it out or you feel like you’ll literally explode. 

that’s what anxiety is. now multiply it by about a million.

that’s what alaska was feeling. she came into this competition the CLEAR pick for the winner; everybody’s been asking her about as2 since the day she lost season 5. pretty much every single person assumed she was going to win. and so far, she’s been murdering the competition, bottom line cut and dry–basically, doing what everyone expected of her, because we’ve been holding her to a higher standard than say, people like roxxxy or tatianna, simply because she’s alaska. last night was her equivalent of getting a B on a final. for the first time, she couldn’t excel in something, and she acted like a brat, yeah. she was a complete bitch. it was really fucking hard to watch. but i saw myself in her–i saw my anxiety. i saw that she pinned her entire fucking identity on excelling at drag the same way i did at excelling in school. that crown is getting into harvard for her. it’s not blowing everyone’s expectations away–it’s doing the bare minimum of what people were expecting of her. she internalized all that pressure, and she exploded, and i fucking cried last night because it was so hard to watch her go through the exact same shit i did two years ago.

she’s not gonna see this, but i hope that i can meet her again sometime soon, so that she knows that i still love her. #teamalaska.