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 Tom Hollander: “Here I was sitting by the seaside with Hugh Laurie, who is one of the most entertaining people you will ever meet in your life, and Olivia Coleman, Tom Hiddleston, Elizabeth Debicki… It was paradise. Until we went swimming ! And, I -cause I’m a gentleman- lent Elizabeth Debicki my goggles, which I’d brought to Majorca because I knew about the jellyfish problem. But she didn’t have any so: ‘You must have mine Elizabeth’, so she wore them and I swam into all the jellyfish… And I don’t know if you’ve ever been stung by a jellyfish but it’s really, really painful… Guess who peed on me ? Tom Hiddleston. He saw this, he is heroic and you know, sort of ‘Bond’ like… Out of the corner of my eye, someone sharp strokes cutting through the water, Hiddleston had seen I was in trouble, he came out to me. I was standing on a rock immerged just in a few feet of water and he went: ‘It’s alright, stand back, I know what to do.’ He went ‘Where is it?’ ‘Here, it’s all here !- and ah it’s all really warm now…’

Tom had done what he needed to do, which was to pull his dick out, and to piss all over me. And I’m sorry to say, it doesn’t actually work.

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