goddamn roxanne

I had a dream last night that I was Megamind

and it was E X C E L L E N T.

It was pre-movie; I was in the middle of an evil plot that was outside the Evil Lair and Roxanne was there (!!!) and tied up, only it was really windy out and she said she hadn’t gotten her hair cut in a while, so it was a little long. 

And it kept blowing in her face, so she finally got annoyed enough with it that she told me to get a pair of bobby pins out of her purse and pin it back for her.

(!!!!!)

aaaaaaahhhhhhh and I brushed her hair back from her face and I ALMOST DIED OF HAPPINESS, LET ME TELL YOU.

Also, it is INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT to pin someone’s hair for them when you have never had hair of your own, so I was S T R U G G L I N G, but Roxanne thought it was funny and she laughed (!!!)

And I finally got her hair pinned out of her face, and she jokingly asked if she looked funny and I was already pretty flustered so I was like “no no; you look really pretty!”

and she raised her eyebrows at me and said I must rate my skills as a hairdresser pretty high and I started babbling about how she always looked pretty and it was EXCRUCIATINGLY EMBARRASSING OH MY EVIL GODS.

But Roxanne seemed to think that was funny, too, which (!!!! ??? !!!!)

And then Metro Man showed up, only I’d been so busy with Roxanne that I hadn’t actually even set up the evil plot, so I decided to pretend that there…wasn’t an evil plot. And we were still technically on the Evil Lair grounds, and Metro Man isn’t supposed to attack there unless there’s an evil plot happening.

But Metro Man was all suspicious, so I was like “no, really, nothing happening here” only he insisted that Roxanne was there, and barged past me to look for her and I was like ‘shit’, but when we got to where she had been tied up, she wasn’t there.

(she must have escaped while I was gone)

So Metro Man left and I was like “well, this day is a bust, might as well take a nap,” so I went to my bedroom and took off my shirt and lay down on the bed and okay, maybe I wasn’t exactly intending on napping, per se, but luckily I didn’t do much more than think about…that…because 

THE CLOSET DOOR OPENED AND

ROXANNE POPPED OUT

And I screamed and launched myself off the bed.

When Roxanne finally stopped laughing at that, she told me she’d gotten lost looking for the exit after she escaped, and had hidden in the closet. 

She also added “now you know how it feels when people break into your house and jump out at you, Megamind.”

I was like “I HAVE NEVER JUMPED OUT OF YOUR BEDROOM CLOSET AT YOU, MISS RITCHI; THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR.”

And she was leaning up against the doorframe of the closet and I was on the floor in front of her, trying to find my shirt so I could put it on, only it was all inside out and I was flustered because Roxanne (!!!) was in my bedroom (!!!) and she was looking at me with this–expression of amused fondness and it was really difficult to try to function with that happening–

She was teasing me about screaming, which she never does, when I woke up.

…and I just realized, typing this out, that she could have easily waited for me to fall asleep before sneaking out to find the exit, but she deliberately came out of the closet while I was still awake, so she must have wanted to–see me–talk to me–interact with me more–

DAMN IT, WHY DID THE DREAM HAVE TO END THERE?!?