“Tell him you’re excited to have his last name and then marry his brother.”

#wastehistime2k17 Oh my god I had so much fun doing this silly comic! I really hope everyone can take this prompt as a joke as I really mean no harm in doing this! 💖 Some McHanzo for Valentine’s Day 💖💖💖 have a fun week, y’all!

  • viktor: nice job today yuuri! your eros performance was off the charts!
  • yuuri: thanks!
  • viktor internally: holy shit man im dead and gone yuuri has real eros and i have real love for him oh my god can i please marry him alreay

tbh i don’t really think john blames sherlock for what happened. on the contrary, i think he blames himself, but he’s so angry, so confused, and so god damn afraid right now that he’s projecting all of his feelings at sherlock just so he can deal with them, y'know?? maybe he’s even blaming sherlock for leaving all those years, leading him to meet and marry mary in order to “move on”. but of course john knows that none of this is sherlock’s falut, and of course he’ll forgive him next episode. but right now he just needs time to make sense of what the hell happened. please give my john time.

the signs as things i overheard in my class
  • Aries: I'm going to write a fanfiction about this in the afternoon.
  • Taurus: my mom thinks i have friends
  • Gemini: if you can't fix it with duct tape, you haven't used enough duct tape
  • Cancer: He said he preffers cats over dogs, that's when i realised i hate him.
  • Leo: (after someone else said the time) can you tell it to me digitally please ?
  • Virgo: So you're supposed to say 'Hello ?' at the beginning of a conversation ?
  • Libra: I don't care where do we get married, i just don't want him to be vegan !
  • Scorpio: i feel like this would be a really good place to hide a dead body
  • Sagittarius: i saw a piece of ham on the floor so i threw it on my classmate
  • Capricorn: let's pretend we're working okay
  • Aquarius: wait... Monday ? I though it's friday GOD DAMN IT
  • Pisces: (about teachers) man i ship them

Pray for your future spouse, because it’s a great way to connect with them via God, and also it’s less depressing than always wondering if you’ll ever be married–praying for them inherently assumes that you will be.

This is what I try to do whenever I remember, feel free to copy or adapt it. (Pick the appropriate response from the parts in parentheses)

Please bless my future (husband or wife) and make sure that (he or she) is happy and healthy and safe, and let (him or her) know that, even though I haven’t met (him or her) yet, I already love (him or her) more than I can possibly say, and I can’t wait to meet (him or her) and spend the rest of our lives together.

I almost posted something complaining to God about being ready to no longer be single (lack of sleep makes me whiny, lol) but instead I wanted to do something inherently positive, and I feel a little better now.

Hopefully this can help you, too. :-)

English is a Weird Language

DM: (declaring a successful attack from our paladin) Your foe is now– smote?

Wizard (whose player’s second language is English): Uh, wouldn’t it be “smitten”?

Paladin: I think the right tense is “smote”? Oh my god, IS there even a change in spelling between tenses?

Rogue: Let’s ask Google.

DM: Hold up! We’re not stopping this fight to look up the proper word. Anyway, the man crumbles to his knees where you smote him, and–

Wizard: And he is SMITTEN.

Paladin: Well that’s– inconvenient. But I will take responsibility! Can I officiate my own marriage?

DM: What are you fools DOING?

Cleric: I can do that! We worship almost the same deity.

DM: He’s not–

Paladin: Please don’t tell me I’ve smitten a married man.

DM: His husband will cry.

Rogue: Well, what do they think about polygamy?

DM: I’m going to TPK you all.

Jaehee/Saeran headcanons

omg so I was browsing through @mysme-headcanons excellent blog and they mentioned shipping Jaehee/Saeran and my mind ran AWAY with it on the bus. jaehee would be so warm and supportive for him oh god i love her marry me jaehee. (i hope tagging you is ok??? you inspired this so!!) Tw for… recovering from abuse/unpleasant feelings I guess. It’s Saeran so;;

- Jaehee is working on the coffee report for Jumin and 707 wants someone to keep an eye on Saeran. “Keep an eye on Saeran” basically means “please help socialize this poor boy”, so Jaehee says it wouldn’t be any trouble to take Saeran to the coffee shop with her.

- Saeran is kind of grumpy about this - he’s never been to a cafe and he can be pretty sulky about trying new thing, but as soon as he hears there’s cake there he’s in. Besides, Jaehee is pretty inoffensive, all things considered. She’s not loud, she’s polite, and she’s got a good work ethic…

- The first thing Saeran notices is the smell. The next is how pretty everything is, and the third how just… calm it is? Jaehee gets him tea and a slice of strawberry shortcake for him to eat while she talks to the manager and it’s beautiful. He eats around the strawberry at first because it’s wonderful looking to eat, and takes these teeny, tiny bites because he feels like this is something royalty should be eating.

- When the staff starts showing Jaehee how the coffee machines work, Saeran is kind of… looming in the background. It smells so good so he wants to know, but it’s also… kind of scary…
Jaehee smiles at him so kindly and invites him to watch too.

- He really doesn’t get what’s going on but it sounds cool. They offer him a sample and Jaehee has the foresight not to give him black coffee.

- “It’s weird,” he says, nose scrunching up like a rabbit’s, but it’s sweet so he takes another sip. He likes that it’s warm.
The staff shows them how to make lattes with art and Saeran’s jaw practically drops to the floor. It’s pretty. It’s so pretty. How can something be so pretty?

- The staff offers to let them try it and Jaehee’s eyes are just gleaming. She’s SO into this and Saeran has never seen her so excited about anything and he is also just excited that this exists but can’t possibly see himself actually… like… making something so beautiful so he says he doesn’t want to make one at first.

- Jaehee knows what’s up tho. Says it’s okay. Puts a little pressure on him and says that it’d be extremely helpful for her work to see another inexperienced person do it.

- ok fine

- Neither Saeran nor Jaehee’s latte art looks very good but that doesn’t matter, holy shit Saeran just made this thing and it looks like a leaf and it’s so creamy and pretty.

- Jaehee offers to let Saeran try hers if she can try his. Saeran says ok, and is like - STUNNED by how good Jaehee’s coffee is. And then when Jaehee smiles at him and says his is wonderful he’s just
someone said something he made is wonderful

- he made something

- what is this feeling.

- Saeran leaves feeling really odd and really good and he really likes cafes.

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Friends {Sentence Starters}
  • "Oh, God, ask them what they want."
  • "Why does anyone have to be naked?"
  • "I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
  • "If you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"
  • "Then, please, give me money so I can buy a computer."
  • "They go out on one date and you worry about her marrying him?"
  • "Can you take care of ____ just for today?"
  • "I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets."
  • "If the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside."
  • "I thought it'd be great, you know? Have some time alone with my thoughts."
  • "If you don't mind, would you please just go back home?"
  • "You fell asleep. There was no kangaroo."
  • "I am here to take care of you. What do you need? Anything."
  • "Okay, I love you, is that so wrong?"
  • "Turns out, I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think."
  • "Kick me in the stomach, why don't you?"
  • "_____ ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him/her. Do you think that was wrong?"
  • "You've got waaaay too much free time."
  • "You don't put words in people's mouths. You put turkey in people's mouths!"
  • "Sometimes, after you sleep with someone, you have to kill a fish."
  • "We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here."
  • "I think I'd be great in a war. I'd, like, get all the medals."
  • "Okay, just don't go swimming right after you eat."
  • "You don't like the game, because you suck at it."
  • "Have I been living with ____ too long or did that all just make sense?"
  • "I don't suck at it. It sucks. And you suck."
  • "Oh my God, this is the longest that anyone has not spoken EVER."
  • "Look at that, look at that, it's still there!"
  • "You're not gonna try and make me join a cult are you?"
  • "Yeah, you really shouldn't have said anything."
au #3: sugar we’re going down

Rating: T for language
Pairing: Natsu/Lucy
Prompt: “I’m fightin this person and they shoved me into u im sooo sorry- oh hey you’re cute- oH MY GOD UR KICKIN ASS MARRY ME!!! PLEASE!!!!”
Words: 1505 

you can also read the entire au collection here

Natsu was an idiot.

Natsu was a fucking idiot.

Honestly, he should’ve stopped about five shots and three beer cans ago but because someone (cough, Gray) called him a wuss, here he was, drunk off his ass, about to fight some burly looking guy practically triple his size. Seriously, this guy was fucking jacked.

‘His arms are like, the size of my face,’ Natsu thought to himself as he warily eyed his impromptu opponent.

It’s not like he even really wanted to fight the guy. It had started off as a normal drunken brawl between him and Gray. They were being dumb, drunk boys like always and after some clever insults, they decided to duke it out like they always did. Holes in walls, broken plates, some teeth knocked out, no biggie. Except this time, things went a little wrong.

‘Stupid stripper just had to dodge my punch, huh?? It’s not like I meant to punch this guy in the face jesus christ.”

“Oi why couldn’t you just let me punch you in the face you ice cube dick!!” He shouted at a black haired boy who was standing in the circle of people surrounding him.

“Gee, sorry for dodging!” Gray shouted back, “Guess I didn’t really feel like getting socked in the eye today!”

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This guy friend has never read/seen Pride and Prejudice

My favorite text message reactions so far:

“This dude [Mr. Collins] will not shut up. Half the pages where he appears are just him rambling about the clergy and lady Catherine de boring.”

“I also relate to Mr. Bennet on a spiritual level.”

“Oh my god. This idiot proposed to Lizzie. No. This can’t be happening.”
Me: “A man in my position should get married, so here are 10 reasons why we should.”
Me: It gets better.
“I am going to be physically sick if this gets any worse.”

“No, please. Continue to express that she is poor and in need of your saving grace. Go on.”

Dialogue Prompts

1. “I care about you.” “Well that was your first mistake.”

2. “Are you comfortable?” Yep, waiting on him to come back and kill us is very comforting!“

3. "Your smile is a gift.” “Thanks, it’s all yours.”

5. “Please! Please don’t take them away! I love them!”

6. "Is this a dream?“ "You wish.”

7. “I love you, okay? Listen I can’t live without you!” “I-I can’t breathe, you’re hurting me…”

8. “I’m here to kill you.” “Thank god!”

9. “Marriage is over rated.” “Yeah, on a completely other note, wanna get married?”

10. “I can’t sleep.” “Okay well I am tired, so leave or lay down, just turn off the goddamn lights!”  

showering with Michael includes:

• him shaving for like twenty minutes before getting in
• warm water
• soft touches
• lots of neck kisses
• him standing behind you washing your hair.
• ‘I love you so much’
• ‘I loved your beard, mikey’
• ‘you only love me for my facial hair’
• bending you over, face out of the spray and spreading your thighs.
• 'wait can you blow me first?’
• mouth fucking, h a r d c o r e m o u t h f u c k i n g
• 'Yassss choke on my dick pretty girl’
• slight asphyxiation kink on his part
• him pulling you back up into a kiss
• long make out sessions with him pressed against the wall
• 'if you cut my dick off, I think I’d still love you’
• 'please don’t do it though’
• hand holding
• him asking you to wash his hair
• 'I’m gonna marry you one day, I swear to god’
•'do you like the feather’
• lots of ass slapping
• rough kisses with clashing teeth
• 'shut up ill punk rock you into next month’
• 'stop laughing and bend over for me, pretty girl’
• grabby hands
• hard thrusts
• über loud grunts
• 'I’m gonna come’
• 'oh my fucking christ almighty you need to warn me before you go collapsing’
• 'I get my dicks that good by shit pretty girl’
• 'can I fuck you in bed too?’
• more soft kisses
• bundling you up in like three towels and carrying you to bed
• 'gimme kiss’
• pouty lips until he gets his kisses
• him strutting around naked
• 'stop watching my dick, you’re making him hard’
• 'you wanna suck me off again, baby’

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why am I suddenly all about that arranged marriage ABO Sterek fic please send help

The thing is, it’s not like Derek is thrilled to be there. He knows why it has to be him. He’s the only alpha of his siblings besides Laura, who’s going to be ruling their own kingdom. So he’s really the only one who can be married off. He understands that.

He’s prepared for a lot of things when it comes to the omega that’s been chosen for him. For Stiles to be excited about the idea, for him to have bought into the romantic myth. Or for him to be just as unhappy as Derek to have been chosen. Derek is prepared for hot anger or cold indifference, for resentment or disappointment. And sure, there’s a small, hidden part of him that wants the legends to be right. That wants to look at Stiles Stilinski and fall in love with him the moment their eyes meet. It would be strange, but so much easier than the alternative.

Here’s what he’s not prepared for: his betrothed is an idiot.

“Hey! Hi! Uh, you must be Derek. I’m Stiles. You probably figured that out. I’m probably not what you were expecting. I mean, you’re not what I was expecting. I don’t know what I was expecting. Not this, uh, with the chiseled jaw and the biceps that won’t quit. I should probably shut up. Yep. That’s a thing that should happen. And a thing that will happen. In three, two, one…”

Stiles shuts up. They stare at each other.

God, I really cant wait for this former love coming into play (the one who loved Red but married someone else), even just for one episode, because I really want to see Red once, only once - please dear TPTB (no, that´s not true, I want him to be always like this), as a sexual human being and not as this “daddy substitute”.

Maybe we should bring on these nice motorcycles… (Sorry, I can´t get them rid of my mind)… shred the suits and ….

Dear lord in heaven, they engaged James Spader for this Reddington part… Have they ever seen some of his films??

Originally posted by relationshipaims