god's sense of humor

anonymous asked:

Yo what r ur favorite voltron headcanons?

Y’all ready for this.

  • Allura is buff as fuck and uses every available opportunity as an excuse to rip off her sleeves. She’s lucky the Castle is able to replicate clothes because otherwise she would’ve run out of dresses by like. Day 9 lmao.
  • Hunk has two moms who love him very, very much.
  • Shiro and Keith are bros, either literally or figuratively.
    • I love them being half or adopted brothers, but my favorite origin story is that they met at like, a Garrison-operated space camp a few years back. Shiro was a cadet volunteer.
    • Shiro was 17/18 and awkward as hell with the kids but already a natural when it came to piloting. Keith imprinted on him like a baby duck.
    • Shiro, on the phone: Matt. Matt, you gotta help me. Matt. This random middle schooler adopted me, what do I do? Yes, I’m being serious! Yes, he adopted me. No, I haven’t seen any paperwork! Matt. Matt. Oh my god, stop laughing at me and put your mom on the line already you jackass. I hate you. Hi Colleen!
  • Lance is Coran’s favorite human and it’s obvious to everyone, including Zarkon. 
  • Allura introduced Alfor’s hologram to all the Paladins and his favorite was Hunk.
  • Shiro and Matt used to be Huge Memers back at the Garrison but then they became these space hotshots and heroes and people that kids looked up to so they had to dial it back. 
    • Lance can never know that Shiro has an encyclopedic knowledge of shitty memes. It is his greatest, and his most treasured, secret.
  • Allura and the Mice gossip like all the time and Hunk/Lance are determined to get in on that.
  • Coran would have a crush on Bill Nye.
  • Pidge and Keith are Gay Best Friends who like to undermine corrupted authority figures and dismantle the establishment. They also hunt for cryptids in their spare time, even in space. 
    • Is there such a thing as space cryptids?? Or is that just like. Aliens. Alien aliens.
  • Coran is Allura’s gay step-dad and he’s also kinda adopted the rest of the team. Lance is his son, everyone else is his niece/nephews.
  • Lance and Hunk were born outside of America and either immigrated in when they were younger or attended the Garrison on a student visa.
  • Keith is Texan (however this is now like 80% canon so. Say hello to your new god.)
  • Lance loves Beyonce.
  • Shiro has a serious sense of gallows humor lmao
  • Nobody Is Straight Or Neurotypical.
    • I also go back and forth a lot on gender headcanons lmfao… Pidge is definitely a trans girl to me though.
Top 5 God(s)

5. Monty Python

Hilarious, glowing, droll. Quality god.

4. Prince of Egypt

Soft spoken, kind, has Val Kilmer’s voice. Quality God.

3. Bruce Almighty

Shifty but kind, has a sense of humor. Played by Morgan fucking Freeman. Quality god.

2. Noah (2014)

Mysterious, creepy, kinda fucked up, likes magic, possibly gay. Quality god.

1. Sistine Chapel

The classic. Best beard, buff bod, sweet pink nightie. Quality god.

poedamerom  asked:

"I work as a florist and every day you walk in , buy one flower and give it to me" AU because yesterday I realised you were one of my favorite stucky writers!

Steve meets Bucky Barnes on Valentine’s Day, because God has a particularly cruel sense of humor.

— —

“You’re charging /how much/ for roses?” the man — later revealed as Bucky Barnes — asks.

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” Steve says as an explanation, then sighs as he rings the man up on the cash register. “Don’t worry, your sweetheart will like them anyway.”

The man snorts.

“What?” Steve asks.

“Not for my sweetheart, for my sister. She’s in high school, and this asshole guy’d been leading her on for months, and all we could do was watch while she pined after this little fuck. Meanwhile, this guy’s having her edit his essays, drive him places… You know, the shit that asshole high school guys do when they’re going on a power trip. Anyhow, yesterday he asks out this girl right in front of my sister, asks her if she’s happy for him, which of course she’s not. She gets home, my mom calls me, and we hang out and watch rom coms together, and that’s when we come up with the plan.”

“The plan?” Steve asks, leaning in a little closer.

The guy smiles, almost sheepishly. “Her math teacher is a friend of mine from undergrad, so I call him up. These flowers, a few cards, and a big ol’ box of chocolates are gonna be on her desk.”

“Lemme guess, the asshole sits next to her?”

He grins. “Indeed, he does.”

“She’s in on it, right?”

He nods. “‘Course, it’d be weird if she wasn’t. She’s gonna tell everyone that they’re from her overnight camp boyfriend or something, who has been begging to get back together with her. I dunno, she’s got the whole thing set up, but she promises me that it’s gonna make this jack ass jealous, and that’s the important thing.”

Steve laughs. “Yeah, it is,” he says. “Bet your girlfriend is jealous, too,” Steve asks, and okay. He’s fishing a bit.

The guy raises an eyebrow. “Actually, I’m single right now,” he says. “I’ve got all these grand romantic gestures stored up with no outlet. It’s a real problem.”

“What a problem to have,” Steve says. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten flowers on Valentine’s Day, in any context. And that’ll be $42.88.”

“Ouch,” the guy says as he inserts his debit card into the chip reader. “I’m Bucky, by the way.”

“Steve,” Steve says, then adds, “but you probably could’ve gathered that from the name tag.”

Bucky chuckles. “Thanks Steve,” he says as he takes his card out and puts it in his wallet.

“No problem,” Steve says, handing the flowers over to Bucky. “And good luck with your grand gesture.”

“Thanks,” he says, taking the flowers. He pauses, and pulls a rose out of the bunch. “Here,” he says, handing it to Steve.

“What?” Steve asks.

Bucky moves it a little closer to Steve. “A flower. Happy Valentine’s Day, Steve.”

“Oh, uh…” Steve says, taking it. “Thanks,” he says, a little lost for words.

“You’re welcome,” Bucky says. “Though it’s not quite a grand romantic gesture.”

Steve shrugs, trying not to blush. “It’s sweet,” he says.

Bucky just smiles and leaves the store.

— —

He comes back in the next day. “One tulip,” he says, bringing a yellow tulip up to the counter.

“Sure thing,” Steve says, then asks, “How’d the gesture go?”

“Perfectly,” Bucky says. “By the end of the day, he was telling her that he regretted everything, and she was telling him that she’s too good for him.”

Steve can’t help but smile. “Good to know, and that’s $4.21.”

Bucky pays with his debit card. “Yeah, gotta focus my energies elsewhere now,” he says.

“Good luck with that,” Steve says, handing him the flower.

“Thanks,” Bucky says, then hands the tulip back to Steve. “Enjoy the flower!” he says, before leaving the store.

Steve stands there, eyebrows furrowed, looking at the flower in his hand. “What?” he mutters to himself.

— —

It keeps happening.

Bucky comes in, he buys a flower — a different one every day — and hands it to Steve. If he doesn’t come in, he orders one online with the direction “give to Steve, please.”

“This is ridiculous,” Steve says after a month.

“I’m supporting a local, independently-run business,” Bucky responds as he hands Steve an amaryllis. “It’s the right thing to do.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Steve amends, but he takes the flower anyway.

— —

He’s started keeping them in his apartment as a mismatched, ever-changing arrangement. When a flower starts to wilt, he presses one of the petals and keeps it in a little book.

He sort of loves it.

He also sort of loves Bucky, but that’s a different story.

— —

They get to know each other, even though they just talk for a few minutes a day. Bucky is an architect who lives a few blocks away and passes by the flower shop on the way to work. He spends a lot of time with his mom and his sister (his dad isn’t in the picture), and he likes cheesy movies but not cheese — he’s lactose intolerant.

“We have that in common,” Steve says.

“Then it’s a good thing that I’m giving you flowers and not chocolates,” Bucky says as he hands him a peony.

Steve takes it and gives it a sniff. He really does like the smell of peonies. “What’s your endgame here?” Steve asks. “It’s been four months.”

Bucky shrugs, smiling. “Dunno,” he says. “I honestly don’t. I just wanted you to have fun.” He pauses and shoves his hands in his pockets. “If it gets annoying—“

“It’s not,” Steve says, too quickly. “It’s not annoying,” he says.

Bucky looks up, smiling. “Alright then,” he says.

“See you tomorrow?” Steve asks.

Bucky nods. “See you tomorrow.”

— —

When Bucky walks into the shop on Valentine’s Day, his face lights up.

“Steve?” he asks, looking at the flower arrangement in the middle of the shop and the accompanying valentine, made from the dried petals of 365 flowers.

“I thought you could use a gesture,” Steve says. “And a date for tonight?” he adds on, hopeful.

“Are these…?” Bucky asks.

“The flowers, I saved a petal from each one.”

“Oh my God,” Bucky says, looking down and biting his bottom lip. “I’m gonna have to step up my game if we’re gonna start going out,” he says.

“So that’s a yes?” Steve asks.

Bucky nods. “Yeah,” he says. “That’s a yes.”

I love how solangelo fics are either

“My love, could you pass the salt please?” Will said to Nico as he smiled. The light of his life passed the pale canister across the table with a graceful hand

Or

“Nico, you twat, pass the gods-awful salt. My lunch is dryer than your sense of humor, you stubborn dishcloth.” Nico flipped Will off as he continued to listen to his music

And there is no in between

Joie De Vivre

Summary: Bucky meets a sassy barista

Word Count: 1809

A/N: no one requested this but i wanted to do something else w the coffee shop au!/ story line idk

Pairings: bucky x reader

Fuck, this is the longest day ever, you complained to yourself as you foamed the milk for the thousandth time for the thousandth latte of the day. Your thoughts were interrupted by an angry customer yelling ‘why are you taking so long!’ Your grip on the cup tightened before loosening it up and turning around to face the person.

“We’re almost done,” your friend muttered next to you before you took a deep breath and plastered a fake smile on your face along with a fake apology for taking up their time. Returning back to the register you call up the next person, grabbing an empty plastic cup and the black sharpie, ready to jot down their order -Venti Iced Skinny Hazelnut Macchiato, Sugar- Free Syrup, Extra Shot, Light Ice, No whip.

Ignoring the pretentiousness of the order you couldn’t help let out a huff at the ridiculously long list of instructions, but nonetheless you created the order, mentally cursing at those who decided to create fancy names for coffees. You tried to not scoff when you yelled, “Bucky, your order is ready!” while setting the drink on the counter in front of you. What kind of a name is Bucky, you wondered.

“Did you follow the instructions?” A quiet but raspy voice asked as a hand reached for the drink.

“Yes. I do know how to do my job,” you replied without looking up at the customer as you cleaned your station.

“Wow, employees really changed since I last came around,” the voice said and you could practically hear the smirk that was on the man’s face. You dropped your wash cloth on the counter rather dramatically, ready to give a whole speech to the stranger but when you looked up you couldn’t help but be in awe of him. The man named Bucky was wearing a red henley that showed off his muscles perfectly along with low riding running shorts and shoes. His brown fluffy chocolate colored hair fell gracefully to his shoulders and framed his face, exaggerating the blueness of his eyes, a juxtaposition to his rigid look.

“See something you like?” Bucky said with a shit-eating grin, raising an eyebrow at you.

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you replied, ducking your head in hopes that the stranger doesn’t see you blush.

“Right, okay. I’ll see you tomorrow macchiato girl,” he said, raising his drink while he winked at you before taking his first sip and letting out a satisfied sigh.

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She’s snoring on my chest peacefully and almost rhythmically and seems so content. I can’t stop thinking about the way she looked tonight. I would glance over and there she’d be, smiling back at me. It was like a dream come true. But now that I think about it, all of it has been a dream come true.

The way she answers the phone and you can tell she’s excited to talk to me no matter what time it is. The way she loves baked brie and Chipotle as much as I do. The way she talks about neuroscience and California with a sparkle in her eye like they’re the guiding loves of her life. The way she always has to touch some part of my body, whether it’s my lower back in isle 7 at the grocery store picking out Apple Jacks or holding hands with just our pinkies while we watch a scary movie together. Her taste in music and how it’s as though I created her in a computer because it matches mine so well — she loves Ellie Goulding the way I love Lana. How we unintentionally sleep until 4pm on Sundays because we both love sleeping that much. There hasn’t been a single day in months where I haven’t died laughing because our sarcastic senses of humor align perfectly. Her voice. God, her voice. She’s the hopeless romantic to my cynicism. She loves black as much as I do and we take our coffee the same. She texts me right after we’ve just separated and still kisses me when we both have morning breath. Every time I pessimistically doubt something, she reassures me with her idealism. And she never lets me go a day without telling me she loves me.

Now that I think about it every single day with her in my life has been a dream come true.

—  It’s 2 in the morning and I think I’ve found the love of my life
If you had a spirit guide...

…what would it be like? 

If a perfect multidimensional being were to interface with your consciousness in order to facilitate your awakening process, in what form would it appear to you?

Would it seem angelic or earthy or cosmic?

Would it be physical or just an intangible presence? Or perhaps a sound?

Would it be humanoid or animal or entirely alien? 

Would it go by the name of a god(dess), spirit, or demon?

Would it have a sense of humor or be dry and direct? 

Would it present a known gender or a yet to be discovered gender or a nonbinary gender or be entirely undescribed by gender?

How would it talk to you? As a beloved a child, a lover, a friend, a partner, a soldier, a monk, a sorcerer?

What sort of advice or empowerment might this incredibly powerful being bestow upon you in times of need?

A fun exercise. You’ll get the most out of it if you don’t take it too seriously.

Namaste

“so this is how liberty dies ... with aramis hanging from the ledge of a married woman’s window”

Summary: Truly, Constance thinks, it must be a unique sight: four idiots dangling out a bedroom window in Louis de Bourbon’s perfectly nice back garden, breaking the law. 

Treville’s going to kill them when he finds out.

THE TITLE IS THE BEST THING I’VE ACCOMPLISHED IN MY WHOLE CAREER SHOUTOUT TO @emilybrontay FOR HER HELP anyways this was done in an effort to feel creative whilst simultaneously writing a really dry essay on ethics. it’s definitely part of @hansolosbutt‘s modern detective (brooklyn nine nine) au. hopefully i’ve given enough context in the fic for it to actually make sense, but at this point, who KNOWS. reviews are love and sunshine and excellently placed star wars references. speaking of, it is universally acknowledged fact that modern au anne has watched pride and prejudice over 200 times and also wants to be padme amidala when she grows up.

Constance Baudin prides herself on being good at her job.

At least, that’s what she told Deputy Commissioner Richelieu in the aftermath of the attempted murder two weeks ago. The Deputy Commissioner had said, “I must confess I was shocked to hear the matter was dealt with so gracefully, Detective,” and Constance, who perhaps had been experiencing one of Aramis’s severe bouts of utter lack of self-preservation, had said, “I pride myself on being good at my job, sir,” in front of Captain Treville, the bloke from Major Crimes, and someone who she thinks might have been the DA’s assistant.

Thank God Richelieu has what Porthos calls a right perverted sense of humor under that mustache of his, else Constance might’ve lost her job right there for giving attitude to the Deputy Bloody Commissioner.

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werewolf andrew au

Andrew Minyard first changed when he was fifteen years old. He don’t remember what led to the change, whether he was born this way or bitten, like all of the stories implied. All he remembers is being sick all week. Nicky had been worried but he was a worrier, so Andrew hadn’t really thought much about his fever. The fever never relented and he took to wandering the quiet neighborhood streets at night in an attempt to cool off. He couldn’t sleep anyways. On the fifth night of his fever, it happened for the first time.

Excruciating pain was all he remembered, but he supposed that his bones breaking and reforming into the skeleton of some monster might cause a fair amount of pain.

He didn’t remember it the first handful of times he changed, but by the time he was at Palmetto State he was becoming well acquainted with the process. There wasn’t really ever a time when he thought he would be used to the horrific change, but he definitely thought it had gotten slightly easier as he learned how to brace himself for the pain, how to anticipate it’s arrival.

The only good thing about the drugs they had him on was that it dulled the senses to the point that he could almost ignore the change as it happened. Never afterward. Changing to and changing back was too much pain for one man to handle, and he always blacked out and woke up naked in the woods sore all over.

He was off his meds now and it was the first time he had felt the change coming on since. He wasn’t afraid, Andrew Minyard was afraid of very few things, but becoming the monster everyone saw him as was not something that he was afraid of at all.

Being on a team of misfits meant that he could at least share his secret with people. Aaron was the only one on the team without a “gift” as the upperclassmen were so keen on calling it, and it was a source of barely concealed hatred for Aaron. Andrew didn’t know how he became what he was, but he was and he was alone. He had always been alone and he was okay with that.

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Terracotta bell-krater

Greek, Attic, red-figure, ca. 450 B.C.
Attributed to the Methyse Painter
Obverse and reverse, Dionysos, the god of wine, with his followers, satyrs and maenads
Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC

Belonging to the group around the Villa Giulia Painter, the Methyse Painter takes his name from the lyre-playing maenad in front of Dionysos (methyse means “drunk”).  The figures’ incipient inebriation is subtly suggested.  The key is Dionysos— slow-moving with downcast, introverted expression and stabilized by a young satyr who wraps his arms around the gods middle.  The satyrs and maenads on the reverse are more active.  One maenad holds her thyrsos (fennel stalk) ready to parry an assault.  The figures under each handle are engaged in an eternal pursuit.

2

* That comedian… 

Chara obviously hates comedians because they remind Chara of their failed stand-up career.

(Big thanks to everyone who kept me company during the art stream!)

i could ghost walk through

the end game

would settle for a draw

fuck i’d settle for an etch a sketch 

was told i wasnt real 

once

dreamt  empty 

fuck it this standard poetry shit is tedious - and - thought train slows to a crawl - so - have u ever - discorporated - i remember the 1st time - machine death - too young to make that kinda choice but no choice - do we ever really come back - or - am i dreaming still - sometimes u gotta choose pain - in increments - bite size bits of data - mining - jest conceptual art - they say god has a sense of humor - they say a lot of - dont they - everything changes/everything dies / even the stars / only love and souls survive (stealing from my own self cuz i can) - lissened to sister ray the other day - but thats another story - lou reed is dead but i see him drinking a coke - at the bar - on a screen - trance former - more than meets the i

anonymous asked:

Ok the RFA reacting to mc who is like soooooo sassy. And they're at a party or something and a guy says something sexist and SHE PUTS HIM IN HIS PLACE SO FAST👏🏼👏🏼

I Fucking live for this ~ Admin Taylor

Yoosung

» Who is this woman

» I thought she was cute and pure

» Where’s my girlfriend

» When you two went out together he was astonished if you ever put someone in place

» You guys went out to the mall and another guy noticed how Yoosung was the submissive in the relationship

» Yoosung didn’t know the guy was your ex

» “ Oh my god, MC you found yourself a little puppy to follow you around ”

» “ Shut the fuck up Alex. You don’t have to be an asshole cause your dick will never be as big as your ego ”

» Yoosung was so fucking out of it

» He dropped the mic for you

» His girlfriend was a bad ass

» He wanted to be bad ass like you

Zen

» Zen wanted you to go to work with him for one day

» But some girl put too much salt on her fries

» She was fucking staring you down as you were right about to go home.

» “ Bitch hi? Can I help you? ” you smiled and waved

» “ Really? Her? She’s such a cunt. I’m sure she’s fucked everybody on this set behind your back “ the girl scowled in Zen’s direction, thinking you couldn’t hear her

» ” Is your ass jealous of all the shit that just came out of your mouth honey? “ you retorted

» ” What do you mean? I’m not being rude? “ The girl smiled.

» ” If you’re going to be two-faced at least to and make one of them pretty. Baby I think it’s time we go home “ you tugged Zens arm

» HE LAUGHED SO HARD WHEN YOU GOT HOME

» He was red

» That was the best show he’s seen

» It was almost as good as his sexy looks

» He gave you so much praise

» He was hella in love after that

Jumin

» While you two were out at one of his fancy parties, your best friends ex-boyfriend approached you two

» Dude looked pissed

» “ Wow I can’t believe I considered cheating on your best friend with you. You really are just a gold digger, MC ”

» Jumin was about to call the guards

» But you stopped him

» “ Listen, I would love to see this situation from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass so you’ll have to settle with this. Get the fuck out of here before you’re forced the fuck out of here ” you smiled kindly in his direction.

» “ MC? ” Jumin questioned as the guy stormed away

» “ Someone needed to put him in his place ” you shrugged

» When the guy turned back to see if you were ’ regretting your decision ’ Jumin just smiled and pulled you in for a hungry kiss.

Jaehee

» You and Jaehee were about to be closing up the cafe

» Through the window, a man saw the two of you kiss

» He strutted in, and Jaehee went to clean up the tables

» “ Shouldn’t a pretty girl like you be with a man? You should be able to reproduce. If you drop her right here right now I could show you a good time ” the guy smirked at you.

» Jaehee stormed up to you two and opened her mouth but only to get cut off by your words

» “ With an attitude like that, the only way you’ll get laid is if you crawl up a chickens ass and wait ”

» “ M-MC ” Jaehee stuttered

» “ What ever. You fucking homosexuals are missing out ” the guy rolled his eyes

» Jaehee grimaced at him before pulling you into a kiss

» “ Thank you ” she smiled once he left

» “ But I could’ve handled that in a more mature fashion ”

» “ Shut up, you liked it ” you giggled.

Saeyoung

» You and Saeyoung were a tag team of sassy bitches

» If one of you put someone in their place, the other would join in

» You two were walking through the park at around 11 pm, hand in hand

» Some asshole approached you two, drunk out of his mind

» “ How much for one night babe? ” the man smirked at you

» “ Baby look! God does have a sense of humor ” Saeyoung turned to you with a huge grin.

» “ Wanna say that to my face? ”

» “ I would tell him the same but all I see is an ass with a mouth ” you giggled.

» “ You stare at frozen juice cans because they say concentrate ”

» “ I heard you went to a haunted house and they offered you a job ”

» “ I bet your bath toys as a kid were an iron and a toaster ”

» “ When you were born and the doctor said ’ What a treasure! ’ your mom said ’ yeah bury it ’. ”

» By now the dude just left.

» You two were rolling on the floor with laughter

» Literally

» The dude went to go find security and you ran from the authorities for the 20th time this week