Thank you to everyone that has sent me kind messages. I really appreciate them all and I just wanted to make a mass post about it because I don’t have the energy to reply to everyone.
I know I said yesterday would be the last update but…yesterday was really hard. In all of my life experiences I don’t think I’ve ever had such a terrible day. The news of my aunt’s passing was really hard to take in. No one expected that she would pass away. Somehow, through it all we had faith that she would recover. She just wasn’t the type of person that deserved this. She was the most caring individual I had ever met and she just didn’t deserve any of it. I’m so angry and sad all at once. It doesn’t feel real. My heart aches but my mind is constantly thinking about it all not being real. I don’t want it to be. I want to wake up tomorrow and know she’s there. That it was all a misunderstanding. For me, for her son and daughter, for my mom and the rest of her siblings, for my grandmother, for us all. It wasn’t her time and deep in my soul I ask myself if there was anything else we could possibly do.
Yesterday I received the news from my father through the phone. I could hear my mother sobbing in the background. At the time I was home alone and I just broke down. About 30 minutes later my parents were back home and my mother couldn’t even make it up the stairs alone. She was hysterical. As time went on my mother began to have a panic attack. Her whole body was trembling, her hands were getting stiff, her breathing was completely off and her crying…it was heartbreaking. She slipped in and out of consciousness as we tried to check her blood pressure while attempting to calm her down. That was only one of the three or four panic attacks she had that day. Each as terrifying as the last as she slipped in and out of consciousness for brief seconds at a time. We were close to taking her to the emergency room but were luckily able to calm her down for the rest of the day. Our family friends that came to visit and pay their condolences would trigger her attacks each time they cried.
To top that off the hospital refused to give us her body unless the family paid a huge lump sum of money, more money than any average person could possibly give. It was a huge worry for hours not knowing if we would be able to get her back. Our family had to call out to as many people as we possibly could to please help us. Everyone literally gave as much as they possibly could and luckily by around 7 pm our family was able to receive her body from the hospital.
My mother took a flight back over there and my aunt was laid to rest this afternoon. The pain we are all feeling right now is just too much. We’re all just looking in ourselves for the strength that we so desperately need.