god what are my emotions


A few days over the horizon just waiting for us.

vanessa and sonny are very close and have a lot of fun together,, okay that is all

  • Family: Why are you in a bad mood?
  • Family: *acts like jerks for no reason*
  • Family: *gangs up on me*
  • Family: *lectures me for being upset because I should be happy at all times*
  • Family: I think you just have a bad attitude
Narrative structure as Dean/Cas possibilities/viewpoints in Dabb Era

I’m sitting here trying to remember the “lesson” of all the cases this past season and really I do think it’s all going to point to what’s coming next for Dean and Cas. Besides some mirrors that portray Mary against Sam and Dean’s histories, there’s been a few cases of one sided love (12x07 and the one with the camping couple where the girl was leaving but the guy loved her more than she loved him) , one of a lover “saving” another by dying with them (12x13), one accidentally getting a best friend killed (12x06), two settling for a reanimated sibling instead of living without them (12x11 and 12x20). I’m sure there’s more (but since I mostly stopped caring deeply where Dean/Cas was going I stopped looking at this show through the meta/predictive lens). It all feels like possible depictions and shades of Dean and Cas’ relationship as it has now found itself. Which situation are they most like? We can’t really tell… for one, because the season isn’t done, and for two because we are given multiple relationship avenues/labels for them while simultaneously committing to none. We see no definitive outcome/depiction for Dean and Cas in a way that can be deemed consistent.


This right here is why it has looked like there’s no narrative structure this season (well, this and the fact that the few Mary mirrors we have been given have just seemingly been shown with no greater purpose than to recap old history, PLUS with no brotherly conflict this year the show hasn’t focused any structural efforts towards the Dean/Sam relationship depiction so when it compares Dean/Cas to siblings it’s a bit jarring). In Carver era, for example, the Dean/Cas relationship was ALWAYS depicted by interspecies/interracial relationships or same sex relationships, or sometimes both. Because of this CONSISTENT defining structure you could always tell the “status” of Dean and Cas’ relationship by looking at these particular “C” plot character mirrors/folds.

In Dabb era this is no longer the case.

My mind compares it to a car now being put in reverse (exclusively romantic being dropped for mixed ones), that has hit the metaphorical gas, but is miraculously being dragged forward by something stronger, a narrative burnout if you will. And that something is the text. The mirrors no longer need to be so precise because Dean is being fairly verbal to Cas this season, and Cas’ problems (the main two being he’s still probably suicidal in his need to clean up his messes while protecting Dean and Sam and he’s feeling eternally “put out” by Heaven by which this season human/Angel interaction “rules” gets an extended highlight and a full episode) are what is driving half the story and have been given a fair bit of text/dialogue themselves.

The whole thing feels like a now blended label of what Cas is specifically to Dean. But since the text is creeping towards being more clear, the subtext and structure can theoretically, therefore, be more loose if the storyline was still a possibility on their radar. Really, I don’t know how I feel about it. As many of you know (or hell, might not know since I mostly converted my blog into an art blog), I was a loud canon supporter and structural meta writer who supported Carver hard (I thought we were headed fast into canon text in S9 before I realized Sam’s “cure” was going to derail the storyline), but became fairly jaded because it became increasingly clear that he was going to leave the subtext as subtext. Like Korrasami, Destiel was canon because of the narrative mirror comparisons (which told the story where the characters would not put said feelings into actual words/text), but easily ignored if it wasn’t your thing. Text is harder to ignore, obviously. So here I am making this post because I’m beginning to see talk of canon again.

While the structured narrative subtext is no longer romantic exclusive for Dean and Cas, the text is, somehow, amazingly, getting closer for Dean to either tell Cas explicitly some feelings in text, or for Dean to give Cas a big romantic gesture (whether this will be healthy is unlikely, but let’s face it… Dean loves in unhealthy ways) of some sort (most possibly in a way that “saves” Cas and/or mourns him in death). I always said I’d be honest with how I felt the show was portraying Dean and Cas and this is currently it. This is what it looks like they are currently doing and setting up. But make no mistake, without a cohesive romantic mirroring structure the whole thing looks narratively weaker and all together more unlikely to lead to canon (regardless of SPN’s history with this storyline’s execution or rather lack there of). But on the plus side, those that want/discuss canon will no look as “delusional” when discussing this possible narrative scenario because it’s definitely no longer being told mostly through wardrobe cues/lighting and other characters. Dean and Cas are using words and actions. We just don’t know yet what *exactly* is going to be said/done between them and we still likely won’t know the true extent for some time.

It’s All My Fault

||| @chanyeolisdaddyaf asked: Hey, can I get an EXO and Monsta X scenario where they are being aggressive with their girlfriends? |||


Shin Hoseok (Wonho) x Reader

Genre: Mafia AU, angst

Word count: 581

Originally posted by wonhontology

He was supposed to come back 2 hours ago. You were starting to get impatient when you heard voices coming from the first floor. You rushed downstairs. They were talking about something and you could feel how tense the atmosphere was. When you got near them they all fell silent.

“What happened?” you asked. Hoseok just glared at you and brushed past, going up the stairs to his office. You followed him with your eyes and when he was inside you turned to the members.

“What’s up with him? Why the gloomy faces?”

“Don’t mind him, you know that you’re the last person he would do anything to.” Kihyun told you.

“The deal didn’t come through, it was a trap.” Changkyun interrupted.

“What?” only now you noticed that there was one member missing.

“Where’s Minhyuk?” you questioned but the members stayed quiet. “Tell me!!” you shouted grabbing Kihyun by the collar.

“I think you should hear this from Hoseok.” he said. You let go of him and quickly ran up the stairs, slamming the door to his office open. He was standing near the window, his back to you.

“Tell me what happened.”

“Close the door.” he said in a harsh tone.

He never talked to you like that so you were reluctant to comply. He turned around and looked you straight in the eyes.

“Close the god damn door!!” he ordered, practically shouting at you. You have never seen him this angry and you could feel a shiver run down your spine. You didn’t want to make him more mad and finally got the door closed. You stood still for a minute and after a while decided to approach him. Maybe you will get him to calm down.

“Hoseok-“  you started putting your hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!”

You pulled back and waited for him to tell you something. He turned to the window again.

“Minhyuk is dead.”

It seemed like the world stopped at that moment. You could feel the tears starting to build up in the corners of your eyes.

“How?” was the only thing you dared ask him. He punched the wall near him, startling you.

“It’s all my fault, I should have known this would happen. How could I trust those bastards…”

“How can you say that? Are you really going to blame yourself for this?” you were about to ask when he slapped you hard across the face. Holding your cheek you immediately took a few steps back.

“And what do you know?! You weren’t even there!!” he shouted but then realized what he had done.

“Oh my god, baby I’m sorry, my emotions took over me.” he begged you to understand as he approached you. But it was too late, you couldn’t look at his face right now because the sweet Hoseok you knew disappeared the moment you walked into this room. Avoiding his grasp you rushed out of the room.  You ran downstairs where the other members were still gathered.

“Y/N?! What happened?” Hyungwon asked.

“Move!!” you just shouted going out the door to your car.

“What did you do Hoseok?” Kihyun tried to stop him as he chased after you. He pushed him away and ran outside.

“Baby, please wait!!” but you had already started the car’s engine you looked at him through the rear view mirror meeting his gaze for the last time before you drove off.

“Fuck!!” he screamed slumping down at the ground. “What have I done?..”

!!! Part 2 !!!

A/N: Aggressive behaviour = perfect opportunity to write a mafia au 😃 But getting serious aggressive relationships is a big no no and should not be tolerated. Anyhow, feel free to request more scenarios, reactions etc, I keep up with a lot of groups, both male and female!! 😉

It has finally hit me that I’ve read no less than six books on the subject of Jeffrey Dahmer, each of which I have followed up with its own essay, however lengthy or brief. To be honest, there isn’t much more that I haven’t already said, even though I would regard Dahmer Detective as essential reading for anyone with a not-so-healthy interest in this warped deviant.

Written by former Detective Pat Kennedy, this is basically a novelization of Dahmer’s 200-something page confession. It is some of the funniest shit I’ve ever read in my life. No doubt anyone with a sense of humor as twisted as mine will find it unintentionally hilarious, with such golden moments as “Jeff, why did you wear that guy’s face?”, a bizarre scene in which bananas are compared to severed fingers, and of course the reactions of Kennedy’s partner Dennis Murphy, who is so jaded he actually started laughing himself during the interrogation at the ludicrosity of some of the more insane details.

Of course, it’s also terribly poignant. After his arrest and especially during the trial, Dahmer presented a public face that was more of a mask. Whenever televised he appeared emotionless, static, so far gone he might as well have been on Pluto. (Even in the Stone Phillips interview, where he’s high as a kite on Prozac, I almost fell asleep listening to his flat, monotonous, soft voice. You’d think he wouldn’t have needed to drug his victims to put them to sleep.) But Kennedy’s account makes it clear that this was not the case. Dahmer was not emotionally numb, merely adept at hiding his emotions. Besides, according to a news anchor covering the trial, his attorney told him to pretend he was somewhere else—“a deserted island in the Pacific” where he was untouchable. The fact that he felt the need to tell Dahmer to do that proves some feeling must have been shown.

In other words, compare the vast array of emotions and traits Kennedy documents seeing in Dahmer during the interrogation with that scene from A Father’s Story where Lionel confronted his son for the first time in jail. You know, this one:

“As he stood before me at that instant, my son, for perhaps the first time in his adult life, presented himself to me as he really was, destitute of feeling, his emotions shaved down to a bare minimum, a young man who was deeply, deeply ill, and for whom, in all likelihood, there was no way out.
Jeff will kill himself, I thought with a strange certainty. No one can live like this.” (pg 184)

Deeply ill, yes. Desiring death, yes. But not without feeling. Brian Masters (The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer) believed Dahmer purposely stunted his emotions because the “real Jeff”, when left unchecked, would wreak havoc upon everyone around him. This “real” creature, some sort of phantom other-entity, was fueled primarily by rage. It was whatever prompted him to beat the trees with sticks in order to vent frustration and pummel the drugged Steven Tuomi with his fists in a drunken stupor. But to disconnect Dahmer from his aggressions is like subtracting me from my all-consuming, relentless drive to write. It removes the cause from the symptoms. Obviously he didn’t keep his rage in check, because he murdered seventeen people. Likewise, he must not have dulled his emotions, however primitive they might have been, because he was able to fool almost everyone. Almost.

And don’t give me that crap about the people around him being so useless and self-absorbed they were oblivious to him. (Lookin’ at you, Backderf! (My Friend Dahmer)) Yes, his parents could be described thus, but I find it hard to believe it was the same way with EVERYONE. Grandma knew something was up, and so did his stepmother. They just couldn’t imagine how deranged he truly was. And really, what sane person could correctly guess that Jeff Dahmer was a necrophiliac, splanchophiliac, cannibalistic serial killer? Nobody suspects that of anybody, unless they’ve seen the (literal) skeletons in the closet.

Anyways I feel like Matt and Esther are that type of couple where like one of them could be like doing something, like Matt talking excitedly about the new book he’s reading or Alec Lightwood or Esther modeling or running around Italy or London or some great city, and the other is watching them with a full on, soft grin on their face, so content and happy and in love

best things abt writing with splickedy

-both like the same tropes

-”I have an idea, what if <thing happens>?  and then <character> is like <blah blah blah>” “HAHAHA YES and then <other character> could be like <blah blah blah>” “<blah blah blah>” “<blah blah blah>” *five minutes of out-loud roleplaying*

-similar writing styles mesh well

-talking through big changes, patiently hashing things out + not taking crit personally

-”oh! OOOHHHH” “what” “oh my god oh my god what IF <devastating emotional twist>” “YESSSSS”

-quality friend time with hot chocolate and good music

-”fourth song” / *furiously typing* “I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW”

-”I don’t know how to say this, write the sentence for me” (I think it’s usually me saying this lol)

-”okay if you’re taking over this section for me, here’s what I was thinking would happen”

-the satisfaction of closing a gap in the writing

-solid 50/50 effort

-hilarious typos

-scrolling through the doc and noticing there’s a chunk of writing you didn’t see before and it’s always quality as hell

-shameless behind the scenes OC/canon shipping

-every interaction with other people Red has in Live Free

-stories get so damn long, how did this happen, who authorized this


masterlist; ask

In the moonlight, I could clearly see a tall dark figure standing in front of the glass window, staring right in. He knew I was looking at him, and I knew he was looking at me, but we didn’t see each other. I thought of the person I used to know and how different he was from the man I just saw. I didn’t know what he was thinking about, but he stood there for a while and then he turned around and left.

Keep reading


He knew I had no choice in the matter.

The Monster in my Bed

Sorry, I think I blacked out there for a second. Is that art not GORGEOUS?! It’s by @brigadierbanana. To whom I dedicate this piece of fiction, The Monster in my Bed. Nana’s joy and energy has been infectious throughout this entire endeavor. THANK YOU SO MUCH, YOU DEAR SWEET THING.

Notes: so…what started as a fun little, ‘Hey, let’s play with this ship, huh?’ ended up pretty epic. It is with great joy and fierce excitement that I present to you my first multi-chapter One Punch Man fic.

A few notes here: this takes place after the Garou arc. It’s not really spoiler-heavy, but it does allude to events in the webcomic, so be aware. I am still mulling over if I want this to be a part of my series “Boys Who Like Boys,” because at this point Saitama and Genos have an established relationship, but meh.

Regardless, I hope you enjoy it. These guys are way too fun to write.

Here’s a teaser from the prologue!

“Come on, through here. If my brother finds out I brought you home, he is going to be really mad.” Zenko glances back at the creature that is shambling into their garage. “He really doesn’t like it when I bring home strays. So you’ve got to keep quiet and – no no, don’t lay down there!”

He’s on his side now, on the cool cement space, curling up, and it’s becoming harder to coax him towards the door.

Zenko slaps her knees, trying to urge him up. “Please. You cannot stay here. It’s gross out here. Up, come on, it’s just a little farther.” She finally resorts to walking behind him and pushing his back, but only a little, as he emits a low growl. Slowly, he returns to his feet and shuffles up the small set of stairs to the kitchen.

“Big Bro?” Zenko calls out, using her body to block the wounded animal from moving further into the house. “You home?”

There’s no response.

“Okay, good. He must be at a meeting or something. Let’s get you cleaned up.” She puts one small hand on him, guiding him down the hallway to the bathroom. The light turns on, and he slinks inside, once again letting gravity win and sliding in a lump to the floor. Zenko lets out a breath through her nose, hands on her hips. “What do I even call you?”

“Garou,” the creature says, disappearing into the shower and closing the sliding door. The faucet slips into the hottest setting, and he rests his head next to the drain, watching the swirls of pink and red run out of his hair. The heat runs through every wound, a clean pain, and he can finally slip out of the world.


Oh. Oh. Oh. Ohhhhhhhh.

It never occurred to me…despite Khun calling himself pathetic…that…

Khun is scared that he’ll be a burden to Bam.

Khun is scared that he won’t be strong enough to be of any use to Bam.

Khun is scared that, when Bam needs him most, Khun won’t be of any use–period.

Khun is scared that Bam will eventually think the same as Evan and eventually leave, thinking he can do better even though Khun knows he isn’t like that. 

Khun is scared that Bam will think he’s putting his friends in too much danger and that, in order to protect them, he’ll someday leave–which is exactly Bam.

Khun is scared that maybe he really will die and that he’ll break his promise to Bam of not leaving him–of being there to chase after Bam at any time. 

Either way, Khun is scared that Bam won’t think of Khun as being strong enough to stay beside. That, even worse, it would be true.

And that’s why, despite not having had even a ten-minute break throughout the day, Khun gets up once again to continue his training from the devil dwarf.

Because, if he really is going to try and follow Bam as far as he can, he’s going to make damn sure that he can do more for Bam than make him a movable bed.