god i wish i could have more days like today

2

@lizuhbethd: I miss this face every god damn day but today I wish I could be exactly where you are even more than usual. I’m so proud you, babe, definitely more than I’ll ever be able to put into words. You’ve come so far in the last year, you took every day as a step forward and I’m happy to have been with you through a big chunk of it. You’re an amazing, beautiful, insanely alive person who I can’t imagine a world without. ❤️ Thanks for the extended FaceTime at the crack this morning, I love you like crazy 🍓❤️ @notharley #1yearsober #supercheesygirlfriend #superproudgirlfriend

anonymous asked:

If you're still taking prompts, can you do one where Mulder takes care of Scully when she is sick? Maybe set pre IWTB on the run time period?

So I wrote and wrote, and what was originally going to be a story about Scully with the flu turned into this. I’m sorry. 

Mulder woke with a start as he heard a door slam. Suddenly wide awake, he sat up, inhaling sharply as his eyes scanned the darkened room and he reached for the gun sat just by the bed. With his left hand he reached out for Scully, noticing she was no longer sleeping next to him. Moments later he heard sounds of her retching from the bathroom, and his panic faded as he realized that she was responsible for the noise, not an intruder.

Clearing his throat, Mulder got out of bed, running a hand through his hair as he made his way towards the bathroom. It was a small motel room, cheap and nasty, and he could hear everything that was going on inside - the sound of Scully vomiting, followed by a flush of the toilet. “Sc…” Mulder caught himself just in time. He couldn’t be too careful. She was still Scully to him, at least during quieter moments, when they were driving from one town to the next, or when he was inside of her, her real name a whisper on his lips. But at times like these, when they could be overheard by a neighbor or passerby, she was someone else. “Amanda?” He called, the name sounding foreign on his lips each time he uttered it. This week it was Amanda, last week Claire. Next week he wasn’t so sure.

Scully’s reply was cut off by her retching once again. Without waiting for an answer, Mulder turned the door handle, relieved to find that she hadn’t locked the door, and stepped inside the cramped bathroom. Scully was curled up by the toilet, her arms hugging the rim as she reacquainted herself with what little she’d eaten the night before. She’d said she wasn’t hungry, but Mulder had put it down to stress and worry rather than an actual bug. It looked like he was wrong.

“Oh Scully,” he murmured, stepping over to the sink, careful not to jostle his partner, and pouring her a glass of water. He grabbed a washcloth from the side and wetted it, before crouching down to Scully’s level. “Here you go,” he said, handing her the plastic cup of water before moving to wipe her mouth with the washcloth. “How are you doing?”

It was the wrong thing to ask, he realized, as she glared at him out of the corner of her eye. “I feel like shit.”

She looked like it too, but he wasn’t about to risk his life by telling her that. “How long has this been going on?”

“I was up maybe an hour ago but I started to feel better. Then suddenly it hit me again.” She took a steady sip of water followed by a deep breath.

“You should have woke me up.”

“Sorry, I had more important things to worry about.” So she still had a little sense of humor, even if she did feel terrible.

Handing the cup back to Mulder, Scully then attempted to get to her feet. “Should you be doing that?” he asked, placing he cup and washcloth on the side before reaching out to help steady her.

“I want to splash my…” Scully paused, her eyes growing wide. She moved as though to turn back towards the toilet but was too late, unable to stop herself as she vomited once again, hitting the toilet seat, the floor and her and Mulder’s feet. Mulder jumped back in surprise. “I’m sorry,” she exclaimed, sinking to her knees once again as fresh waves of nausea overcame her, not even caring that she was kneeling in the mess. Mulder tore his gaze away from the floor to try and help her, this time holding her long hair back from her face with one hand, while holding her with the other. “It’s ok,” he tried to soothe her. “It’s ok.” Mulder wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, him cradling her as she threw up. When she was finally spent, Mulder stood, rinsing the washcloth yet again and helping Scully to wash her face. To his dismay he realized she was crying. “Hey Scully, it’s ok.”

“I’m sorry,” she sniffed, looking Mulder up and down. He glanced down at himself, feeling his own stomach tighten as he noticed his soiled pants and socks. He willed himself to keep his own dinner down.

“It’s ok, you’ve got nothing to apologize for. Come here.” Mulder held his hand out and helped Scully to her feet. While she cried he helped her out of her pajama pants, before quickly discarding his own and his socks, before throwing them into the shower stall. He could deal with that later.

“I..I threw up over…over your socks…” Scully hiccupped, her tears now falling in earnest, and Mulder rushed to reassure her, not wanting it to make her ill once more.

“I’ve got more socks Scully, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine.”

“It’s just a bit of vomit. It never hurt anyone. Come on,” he added, wrapping an arm around her. “Please stop crying, it’s ok.” But Scully didn’t agree, and her tears didn’t let up. He began to wonder if her crying was more than just a result of being sick. “This is…it’s just a bug, right?” he asked, concern evident in his voice. “It’s nothing more?”

“I’m not pregnant if that’s what you mean,” came a small voice.

Her words only made Mulder feel worse. He hadn’t really suspected it, but he just wanted to make sure. They’d had plenty of unprotected sex since they’d been on the run, but then it had been the same just before they’d conceived William. Still, Scully seemed sure and he believed her. “And you feel ok otherwise?”

She nodded, looking impossibly tiny in his arms as she cried. “Yeah,” she replied, her voice breaking. She was anything but ok.

“Help me out here,” he pleaded. “What would you do if you were at home?”

“I’d call my mom.” Now he felt like a first prize asshole. “I want my mom Mulder,“ she sniffed. “I just want to talk to her.”

“I know you do.” He wished she was able to. “It’s not safe.”

“I know, but I still want to. I want to make sure she’s ok.”

“We can get a message to her.”

“I want to talk to her now.”

“We’ll do it first thing Scully, I promise.” He squeezed her tightly. “You hear me?”

Scully shrugged out of his grasp. “I need to lie down,” she said, wiping her eyes.

“Ok, I’ll just uh –” He stopped as he watched his partner walk out of the bathroom, leaving him alone with the mess. He made quick work of cleaning it all up, rinsing the soiled clothes in the shower before switching off the light and joining Scully back in their bedroom. She was already back in bed, stretched out on her side facing away from him, but he knew from the hitching of her shoulders that she wasn’t asleep and she hadn’t yet stopped crying. He crossed the room in a few strides and settled down on the bed behind her. “Scully,” he whispered, reaching his hand out tentatively to rest on her hip, relieved when she didn’t push him away. “I’m sorry,” he added. “I know you want to talk to your mom, and I wish you could. I wish you didn’t have to suffer through all of this because of me.” She didn’t say anything, but then she didn’t push him away either. “If you want to go back…I’ll understand.” His heart hurt just thinking about it. “You can even tell them where you last saw me –”        

Scully turned in his arms, stopping him in his tracks. Her face scrunched up as she sobbed. “It’s his birthday today Mulder.”

There it was again, he thought to himself. The feeling of nausea returned. “I know.”

“A year old.”

Letting out a deep breath, Mulder closed the gap between them, slipping his arm around her waist. “Yeah.”

“I want him back. I want my baby back.“

“I know you do.” He stopped short of agreeing with her. In the short time that they’d been on the run, they only mentioned William briefly. It was still too soon, too raw, with neither partner wanting to hurt one another. After all, they were all that the other had right then. So instead they buried the hurt and regret and tried not to get their hopes up whenever they saw a little boy in the store, or heard a child call out “momma” or “daddy.” They knew it would never happen for them. But now it appeared that the guilt and upset was getting too much, made worse by the fact that it was now…he checked the clock to make sure…William’s first birthday.

“What have I done?”

“You did what was best,” Mulder replied, repeating the words he’d told himself over the past few weeks. “You’ve kept him safe Scully, you did what any mother would in that position.”

“I’m not a mother,” she hiccupped. “A mother wouldn’t just give up on her baby.”

“You didn’t give up on him. You’re…” he stopped himself before speaking in the past tense. William wasn’t dead, he was still very much a part of their lives. “…a great mom. We couldn’t go on like this. William was in danger, and helped him. You gave him the best start in life by loving him and caring for him, and now you’ve made sure that he’s safe and looked after.”

“He could have been placed with anyone.”

“No, no…he’s with the best people for the job. They love him Scully, I’m telling you they do. He’s their little miracle just like he’s ours.”

“We should be with him today.”

“I know, and I wish to god that we could see him just for a little bit. But I bet you he’s going to have the best day. He’ll have tons of presents – cars, trucks, blocks, probably one of those annoyingly loud musical instruments that you can get for babies – but you know he’ll be more interested in the gift box than the present itself.” Scully said nothing, simply listening as fresh tears fell. God how he wished he could take her pain away and reunite her with their son. “And he’ll have a little party with a cake, and he’ll want instant gratification so he’ll grab a huge chunk of it before they’ve even cut a slice, and he’ll smear it all over him.”

“He’s like you,” came a soft but shaky voice. “You’re just like that.”

Mulder smiled sadly. The time he shared with William was so brief, that he couldn’t even imagine his son picking up any of his traits. “Yeah, he probably has better table manners than I do.”

“What else?”

“What else?” Scully seemed to want to talk about their son, although the thought of what he might be like now was almost too painful for Mulder to consider. He kept talking though, aware that Scully needed this. “He’s just started walking,” he continued. “He took a few steps on his own for the first time about a week ago. He was so quick that by the time anyone had noticed, he’d landed back on his ass and had gone back to crawling.”

“What was his first word?”

Mulder closed his eyes, feeling his own throat tighten. “No,” he replied, and Scully looked at him quizzically. “No was his first word.” He felt himself smile, even though his heart was breaking. “He hears it a lot.”

“Just like you.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, tears welling up in his eyes. “Just like me.”

“I wish we could hear him talk.”

He squeezed Scully tighter, relieved when she moved to return the embrace, settling fully in his arms. “Me too. We will do Scully, we’ll see him again one day.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Don’t give up. He’s our miracle.”

“I feel like we’ve already had our miracle. We don’t get a shot at another one.”

“He’s our son Scully. He’s got your intelligent nature, my inquisitiveness and habit for breaking the rules. There’s no way he won’t look for us. And when he does we’ll be waiting for him. This is not the end. We may not see him today, but he’ll have plenty more birthdays, and we’ll be there for him.”

“I hope so,” she replied sadly. Mulder only wished he could believe himself.

“It’ll happen.”

“Promise?”

It was a false promise, they both knew that, but at that moment Mulder would have got Scully the moon if she’d asked for that. “I promise.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry.” Mulder’s own voice broke as he spoke. “I wish you didn’t have to go through any of this. You deserve so much more. You don’t deserve to be here.”

Scully pressed her head against his chest. “I’m glad I’m with you,” she replied, making Mulder feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in the process. Everything she’d been through, and she still wanted to be with him.

“Yeah…well…you could have fooled me. You did throw up over my pants remember.”

“I’m sorry.” He detected a smile in Scully’s voice and he lowered his head, pressing a kiss to her crown. “Can I get you anything?” He knew it was a loaded question, but thankfully she didn’t say anything.  

“Can we just stay here like this?”

“Sure.” He kissed her once again, rolling onto his back and taking Scully with him. He rubbed her back soothingly, holding her until her tears finally dried and she drifted off to sleep. The next time she woke and rushed to the bathroom, he was there by her side.

Survey 193

Reblog | Bold what applies; 

i’m female.
i like cheese.
i like my independence.
i’d be lost without my phone.
i want to have kids one day.
my best friend is male.
i love cookies.
i don’t have a favourite animal.
i have had swine flu.
i’m afraid of spiders.
i have a brother.
i have a sister.
my dad is between 45-50 years old.
my mum is between 40-45 years old.
i want to learn how to drive.
i have had a tooth taken out.
i horde money.
my best friends parents love me.
my hair is brown.
my eyes are green.
i dislike the colour blue.
i wish i was younger.
i have been to australia.
i live outside the US.
i love being hugged.
i would rather shop than dance.
i’m good at singing.
i wish i could be less clumsy.
i like my hair being played with.
my oldest cousin is over 30.
i like card games.
i can’t stand opera.
i like the sound of my own voice.
i can’t stand my name.
i fear being rejected.
i’ve eaten chicken today.
i’ve stolen money off someone.
my best friend is my partner.
i enjoy cycling.
i’m an artsy person.
i have a large dvd collection.
i have a large cd collection.
i am a virgin.
i want to get married one day.
i believe in god.
i have lots of close friends.
i wish i was more sporty.
i love perfume.
i like shakespeare.
i like dickens.
my hair is long.
i have a favourite tv series.
my lips are chapped.
i don’t like beer.
i love apple juice.
i drink wine.
i drink vodka.

whiskey makes me sick.
i like cocktails.
i have a niece or nephew.
i like irish music.
i have irish descent.
i don’t wear makeup often.
i wash my hair at least 3 times a week.
i like pizza.
i love pasta.
i hate olives.
i’ve dyed my hair an outrageous colour.
i eat too much chocolate.
i have natural curls.
i wish i had a pet horse.
i have a cat.
i have a dog.
i love swimming.
i live in a town.
i live in a flat/apartment.
i’ve had chicken pox.
i find golf boring.
i hate boxing.
i get jealous easy.
i love fantasy films.
i love harry potter.
my friends would say I’m caring.
i once wanted to be a teacher.
i have a low attention span.
i am an avid reader.
i am not easily frightened.
i’m very philosophical.
i am or intend to study psychology.
i would say i am unique.
i have more than 3 aunts.
my skin is pale.
my birthday is in less than 3 months time.
i feel sleepy right now.
stars and hearts are pretty.
purple is my favourite colour.
i wish unicorns existed.
i have a specific, actual, phobia.
flying frightens me.
i would rather listen to music than watch tv.