god i have a lot of feelings

We Are Young: Chapter 1

Throne of Glass High School AU

Summary: Senior Rowan Whitethorn is new to town. It doesn’t take him long to get use to a new school, make new friends, even join the local hockey team. But it also doesn’t take him long to meet sophomore and figure skater Aelin Galathynius. And it doesn’t take him long to realize one thing; he can’t stand her.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter 

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“Coach is going to kill you.”

Aelin had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. She glanced over at Nehemia, but the dark skinned beauty was too busy backing into a parking spot of the school parking lot to pay her any attention.

Uncle Orlon,” The car came to a stop and Aelin sent Nehemia another pointed look - “Isn’t going to kill me for added a little extra sugar in my coffee.” A pause. “Uncle Weylan might though.”

“There are several things wrong with your statement,” Lysandra spoke up from the back of the car. She leant forward to look at herself in the rearview mirror, fixing her hair as she spoke. “One, you got a gingerbread latte and added three extra packets of sugar. I wouldn’t call that ‘a little’. And two,” Lysandra turned, sending Aelin a deadly smile. “Coach Weylan will definitely kill you when he finds out.”

If he finds out.” Aelin smirked, taking a big sip of her over sugared drink.

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anonymous asked:

i haven't read jared's chapter in the book, but your last post about jensen almost losing him caught my attention. did jared talk about being suicidal in his chapter?

he did. I read it the other day, and god it was so hard. I always suspected that we came really close to losing Jared back in May 2015, I just had this feeling that it was really really bad. I remember being at work when news came that Jared had dropped from Jibcon, and then his tweets asking for help, and I couldn’t concentrate all day long. god, I remember going to bed that same night thinking ‘god, don’t let me wake up to the worst news, please please.

I woke up to Jensen singing sweet home alabama and crying. and then there was that long radio silence from Jared, and god I remember being so fucking worried, I only relaxed a bit when I saw Jared at the Gilmore Girls reunion, he didn’t look 100% okay but god, he was alive and what a relief. I always felt somehow that it had been close. and Jared confirmed it, he said how he was ready to end it all when he went to Switzerland before he was scheduled to go to Rome. 

even typing that hurts, I just stopped for a couple minutes after finishing the last paragraph. Now I may start crying bc Jesus, I can’t even imagine that. 

funny that I’ve talked to Jared twice during autographs, once before May of 2015, before AKF, and one after. on the first time, which should have been the most emotional one since you know, was the first one, I was strangely calm, I talked to him just fine, it was nice and I was put together the whole time (I only cried afterwards). the second one, on august of 2016, I cried the entire time, I started on the line, talked to him crying, and cried even harder when he linked his fingers with mine, squeezing my hand. A proof that he was very much alive after everything. I mean, I knew of course that Jared was alive this entire time, but actually seeing him for the first time after all of that was so relieving. 

sorry, I got carried away, I just get emotional talking about Jared because he means a lot to me, and god I can’t put into words the amount of pain I’d feel if we had lost him on that May. that’s why I’m so happy about Jibcon, seeing Jared very much alive and happy, and also Jensen, is the best thing in the world.

we should all be very thankful to have Jared with us today, because it was close.

nopantsfriday  asked:

#mixtape for Ashanna?

aakj;ajsdf I’m terrible with oc playlists. I tend to associate songs more with canon characters. I have a lot more for Solas than Ash. So let’s see what I can drag up here…

First one is easy. Numb by Marina and the Diamonds has always been Ashanna’s theme song. I take a lot of inspiration for her character and the song lyrics have been used in quite a few of my fics. 

I feel numb most of the time
The lower I get the higher I’ll climb
And I will wonder why
I got dark only to shine
Looking for the golden light
Oh, it’s a reasonable sacrifice
Burn, burn, burn bright

Gods and Monsters by Lana Del Rey. 

You got that medicine I need
Dope, shoot it up, straight to the heart please
I don’t really wanna know what’s good for me
God’s dead, I said ‘baby that’s alright with me’

Lights by Ellie Goulding

I had a way then losing it all on my own
I had a heart then but the queen has been overthrown
And I’m not sleeping now, the dark is too hard to beat
And I’m not keeping now the strength I need to push me

Bloody Mary by Lady Gaga

We are not just art for Michelangelo
To carve. He can’t rewrite the agro of my furied heart.
I’ll wait on mountain tops in Paris cold
J'veux pas mourir toute seule [French for: “I don’t want to die alone”]\

Gravity from Wolf’s Rain

am I alone?
is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet
still the road keeps on telling me to go on
something is pulling me
I feel the gravity of it all

Thank you for the ask!


OC Ask Meme

Deleting This Blog.

Now, I’ve had this blog for roughly around six months. It’s nothing special, just a place for me and my feelings. However, with this blog came a sense of paranoia. A sense that there WAS a chance for someone to find it, and be able to tell my school. This would result it a lot of legal trouble, even if he never did anything illegal to me and it was solely my feelings.

This blog has helped me a lot in coping with these emotions. However, now that it’s growing in numbers I’m just getting more and more anxious. One of my irl friends already found it, but thank God she was understanding and took it well. Imagine if it had been someone else, someone who’s not fond of me. Or hell, even my teacher.

Its all so conflicting. I don’t want him to ever find this blog. I have a feeling he already knows how I feel, just because he can read people well. I’m pretty sure he knows, but if he were to find this it’d just set it in stone. Legally, I don’t know if he’d have to report it or not.

Anyway, back to the main focus. Everyday I worry about someone finding this blog, and then I know if they did I would immediately regret making it/not deleting it sooner. However, there’s a lot of memories that come with this blog. I don’t ever want to forget the moments me and him have shared, even though none of them are romantic.

Even just chatting as friends is something that means so much to me. He is the highlight of my day, and he makes the worst of days better with a simple gesture. I hate how much control he has over my emotions, but at the same time it helps. I never want to forget anything this blog has helped me through.

So…what I’m getting to is, I’m unsure if I should delete this blog. It’s helpful in someways, but could harm me in the long run. Thoughts?

Sigil of Abundance and Prosperity

Money magic can be tricky. There are a number of things that can go awry if you cast specifically for money. For instance, maybe you get the amount you want, but it happens through something awful, like getting hit by a car and receiving a settlement. Even if the money you desire does come to you through some non-terrible means, you might end up losing it immediately to unforeseen expenses. I read somewhere once that money is best regarded as a sort of trickster god, and I tend to agree. 

As such, I find that it works out better to cast for the feelings and outcomes you want to get through that money, things like security, happiness, and having everything you need. That’s what this sigil is about. A lot of spring and summer energy poured itself into this one, and a goddess showed up completely of her own accord.

Here’s to abundance!

10

they need help (i need sleep)

@proinsiascassidy

anonymous asked:

What would Boris be in the animation department if he became alive to? Bendy's assistant? I feel like if he was, he'd be the only one that Bendy wouldn't get to mad at, despite Boris screwing up a lot. Like Boris spills a couple of gallons of ink, and Bendy is like: "BORIS!" and Boris is like: "Oooooh golly! Boss is gonna yell at me!" And Bendy is like "... Oh I can't be mad at you buddy. I mean look at this face! It's one of the few nice things I see on a daily basis! Here have a cookie!"

Oh my god I love that! Boris being bendy’s personal assistant that’s adorable. On the other hand though I also kinda like the thought of him being in the sound of music department working on the soundtrack and sound design for the show.
I hear he pretty good with the clarinet.

There you go guys!

Me: I wanted to know what you think Bellamy wanted to say to Clarke at the beach in episode 6…

Bob: Oh yeah *laughs* You normally get those lines and you’re just like jesus how do I make this work! Basically I think that by saying that, he’s posing the reality… presenting the reality to her that maybe they are both gonna die so again, you know I think.. because I… you know I don’t wanna cause any trouble for the show cause I don’t know where it’s gonna go, how it’s gonna go. Storylines change all the time and I just want to keep it open… So hhhm… I just…. *giggles* Oh god. When I saw that line I was like: alright, yeah… So what was he gonna say after that? I don’t know I think it wouldn’t have been a very simple statement it would have actually have been a lot more elaborated than that. Its not easy to express your feelings about how much you care about someone and how much they’ve done for you and shaped you as a person and you know *mumbbles* She’s saved humanity like seventy times and you know; how can you possibly summarize how he feels in that moment and how much she means to him in one sentence?

Me: He’d need a whole monologue.

Bob: Yeah I guess but the shows not that long! *laughs* I’m just gonna be honest,
I’m trying to avoid the question. *laughs*

@iamkstewteam @lucayameanseverything
Kissing, Interrupted.

Originally posted by perfectfeelings

Peter Parker x Reader

Request: Yes

Summary: Peter and the reader are getting pretty steamy and someone decides it’s the perfect time to interrupt. Talk about cockblock, amiright?

Warnings: language, kissing, fluff, Star Wars, makeout sesh (holla). (Let me know if I missed any).

Word Count: 1,479

A/N: For the amazing @literallyrozie812, thanks for the request! I hope this fic gives you guys all the Peter feels. Also, I apologize if it sucks ass lol. I’m not experienced in this part of writing, so bear with me as I slowly dig my way into it! Let’s hope I did at least a 4/10. Thanks for all the never ending support, guys! As always, feedback and constructive criticism is appreciated.


Being raised as a Stark definitely has its perks, but let’s not forget about the downsides.

For instance, not being able to try out the Iron Man suit because of one accidental mistake of you blowing one up. 

Hey, it happens… right?

Or not being able to join the team on missions because it’s “too intense” or “not safe.”

Like, hello? I’m an Avenger? I deserve to participate, Dad.

And don’t even get started on boys.

Oh, lord. If he knew about Peter and you, well, let’s just say Tony’s suit isn’t the only thing that would be blown up.

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[TRANS] NYLON Magzine April Issue with NCT 127 — Ment

TAEIL
“When I was a high school student, I somewhat wanted to become a zookeeper. Since I really like animals, I wanted to take care of the animals in my neighbourhood. But after a bit of research, I gave up. The competition rate is high. Somehow, I became an idol where the competition is even more intense, haha. There are two happiest moments in my life, when I passed the SM Audition and when it was confirmed that I will debut with NCT. When I passed the audition, I was so happy I screamed, and when it was confirmed that I will debut, I bursted into tears. Especially when they confirmed my debut, really… I cried and cried until my eyes were puffy. Do you understand this feeling? It’s like there is a clear, bright flamelight somewhere over there, I know there is a bright world, but I feel like I’m just as in the dark as before. I have lived as a trainee for about three years and a half, every day I had this feeling, the moment it was announced that I am going to debut, it was like crawling out of a lonely tunnel. A world filled with bright and golden light, as if El Dorado unfolded in my life. That was a year ago, but even to this day, I still feel good and bewildered. Sometimes when I go on holidays, it really amazes me how on the streets and in shops I go to, there are people who recognise me. I am still inexperienced and I will work hard. Until I am like ‘Super Junior’s Kyuhyun Hyung… I envy his calm personality as well as his sweet voice and abilities. I also want to have his sense of security (stability). It would be a sense of security to be able to have both experience and skill. “

JOHNNY
“I am Johnny from Chicago. Compared to New York, Chicago is quieter and more relaxed. It’s a city where nothing is too hasty but not overly relaxed, this is why I like Chicago. The fact that I come from Chicago is very important, doesn’t the environment shape a person? I want to be someone who will never forgot where they come from, and I try to keep my wish. I’ve been living in Korea for four to five years now. It feels like I have matured a bit after living in Korea for a while. During this time, I have learned to not only think about myself and to respect the grown-ups. It also made me reflect on the importance of ‘myself’. Idols live in the eyes of others and are obligated to live up to their standards. Under such environments, to avoid losing focus, I have to remember who I am. I constantly think about the questions ‘who am I?’ and ‘what kind of person am I?’. I, Johnny, like DJing and playing the piano. I also wish to become a warm (kind) person, and someone who gives other people strength. My ultimate goal is to become a person who, even though is standing still, can still show their great personality. I am still very much flawed, but please believe that I will become that person. “

TAEYONG
“It’s NCT’s leader, Taeyong. NCT127 gave me a lot. I got a job called (being an) idol, I came into the company and met a lot of nice adults, most of all, I made a lot of friends. To me, the members are my best friends. Although I am the leader, rather than me leading the members, there are more times when they helped me. When I was young, I could paint and play the piano, I had a good reputation for expressing myself, and I often received praises, but it wasn’t easy for me to get close to people quickly. Do you like films by Studio Ghibli? I really like them, but the main characters in these films, why are they slightly different from others, they live alone and are lonely, but if you get to know, they are all good people. I’m talking about characters like Howl in ‘Howl’s Moving Castle’. I think I’m that kind of character, after we became NCT I have eight friends. I am grateful. Still, the times that I spend alone are also very important to me. Therefore, no matter how busy I am, when schedules finish I go to the training room alone and dance or practice singing and tidy my thoughts. I think that having time alone has the power of helping me grow and endure the pressure of busy schedules and life as an entertainer. It is my goal to continue to express the days I have lived, the days a youth lived, through rap and music, and after gaining a lot of experience and knowledge, I have a dream of becoming an adult. I want to be a real grown-up who can help and guide the way for the juniors.”

YUTA
“I have this phrase I always say whenever I introduce myself “I’m manly mountain man Yuta”. I really like mountains. In Japanese, the pronunciation of ‘mountain’ and 'top’ is the same. That’s why I’m manly mountain man Yuta. Ah, I really like mountains. Before debut, whenever there was time to spare, I used to go to Bukhansan, Namsan-dong and every mountain in Seoul City alone, whether big or small. Whenever I’m at the mountains, my mind feels like it has been cleaned and I feel at ease. I thought of becoming a singer because of TVXQ sunbaenim. I wanted to become a soccer player when I was young. But after watching TVXQ, everything changed. They were really cool and they felt like gods to me… But after debuting, it’s harder than I thought it would be. Above all,  there’s no free time, I don’t have time to go to my favorite mountains anymore… One day when I was in a lot of stress I asked our EXO sunbaenim “Until when will this be hard?” they answered it will take three years to give up everything and I firstly will need work to my fullest. That advice gave me strength, I thought 'Ah, our Hyungs also went through a lot of hardship’  and this made my heart feel more at ease.
But whenever I’m tired, I’d like to watch sports documentaries. Soccer players in the A-League have to repeat the same strategy for years to improve their own skill. When I look at it, I think of their 'professional spirit’ and I want to become a person like that too. After all, everything is a fight against yourself. Whenever I don’t feel like practicing or just want to laze around. I think it’s important to keep pushing myself. Like this, I want to keep moving forward one step at a time. It’s just like climbing a mountain.”

DOYOUNG
I have an episode (story) that shows well what kind of person I am. When I was in elementary school I wanted to eat an ice cream so I went and bought it but
a car had rolled over my legs. But, I never let go of my ice cream for even one moment. Even when going to the hospital and arriving in the emergency room, I still held on to my ice cream tightly. In the end, I couldn’t eat my ice cream because it all melted. But this shows that when there’s a thing I really like, I tend to only think about that thing. Right now, I’m struck by our team’s music. The music I can do alone and the music and voices I can do when the 9 of us are together are definitely different. Nowadays, I think a lot about what kind of music our team would fit best. I don’t want to do just common things. Music is a 'proof of existence’ to me. Since I was young, I really liked singing but my parents never really told me 'good job’. To prove my ability, I started to participate in singing competitions. And when I was in high school, I went to the singing contest hosted by the province and got the first prize. That’s when my family started to acknowledge my singing ability. Since then, music has always seemed to give me a feeling of “this is it.” I don’t really have a role model, but I want to be a vocalist who can be recognized after singing just a single line. Like Adam Levine or Lyn sunbaenim. By the way, do you know Lyn’s song 'Love U. . Love U’? You should have a listen. It’s a song accompanied by a piano with delicate vocals

JAEHYUN
“ When I was young, at home I would frivolously laugh well and would have a talkative personality but strangely at school words wouldn’t come out. I’m also shy and somehow felt like I should stay quiet too… That’s why I spent a lot of time alone and my 4th grade elementary school teacher recommended extracurricular activities. I then realized the joy of standing in front of people for the first time doing variety of activities. I think the joy I felt at that time made me do it today. In fact, it’s still nice and fun to be standing in front others and not being burdened. However, it’s hard when I’m not as strong as I expect. Even if you practice but your skills don’t change, do something else. If you can’t dance, sing, when singing falls into a slump, you can watch a movie… Then a moment to be okay will come. I realized as I went many time through that process that I was interested in dancing, singing, movies and so on. That’s what I’m all about. Eventually, it’s obvious but it’s true that you have to be a good person to be a great artist. Being known is nice and receiving love is nice too but I want to be a better person. Someone who doesn’t deceive, someone who is confident of himself. And after a decade, he continues to endlessly finding out what he likes diligently, I want to be someone who continues to enjoy. A person who doesn’t lose his enthusiasm for what he does, that’s the kind of person I find cool. “ \

WINWIN
“ I’m Winwin from China. I have a deep fear of strangers. I’m also more of the shy type. However, if we’re close then I’m a completely different person. I play around a lot… NCT members all tease me for being a “heodang” (T/N: someone who looks perfect but acts stupid) Ah, furthermore! I am a smart person. When me or any of my friends have problems, I can solve them all! Don’t believe me? It’s for real. When my friends encounter problems they always find me first. Because of school, starting from middle school I had to leave my family in Wenzhou to go to Beijing alone. Compared to other people my age, I think I’ve developed a better ability to control and cope with situations. Therefore I was able to adjust to life in Korea without difficulty. I’ve been in Korea for a year and a half and met a lot of cool people. EXO’s Lay hyung is one of them. Dancing and singing, he is good at them both but besides that Lay hyung has a charisma that’s unexplainable in words. I want to also have my own kind of charm someday. My story, what else? Someday I want to act. I’m confident I can cooly play a the lead character in a film about everyday life. Also, I like R&B… my favorite song? I’ll let you know next time. If I tell you too much about me, the charm will be gone! “

MARK
I have a lot of laughter. I laugh about things that don’t make sense and when I was young, I was a kid with a lot of high spirits. Nonetheless, isn’t it more pleasant to be positive rather than depressed? I started <High School Rapper> with a cheerful mind. I did not come with the thought of wanting to compete and win the first place. The thought of wanting to learn was bigger. But when I went out, it was more stimulating than I thought. It’s also a place where I can see the talents of kids of my age around the country, and there are a lot of great friends. Above all, I have already debuted and come from a huge company. I have a lot of people who can help me and guide me. However, these kids who came out there in the competition are alone and they practice alone, I really respect that courage and will. At first, when it started, it was good to have fun, but I have to work hard too, as far as I can. I rap a lot for the team (NCT) but now it seems a bit funny to separate myself from being a rapper or a singer. From now on, without being bound to one restricted area, I want to be an artist who makes good songs and expresses them. Like Michael Jackson’s 'Man in the Mirror’, I want to create a song that is bright and is hopeful for people. The kind of music that can have a good influence on the world. That is my dream.

HAECHAN
“I’m NCT 127’s youngest Haechan. I’m in charge of being the 'cutie boy’, haha, these are not my words but the hyungs. The Hyungs really adore me a lot. Instead of giving you a common introduction, I will tell you the songs of my life. The first one is 'Hello’ by Huh Gak sunbaenim. Since I was young, I liked this song a lot. My parents both play music so naturally, I thought I would also definitely play music too. And one day, my mom came and said: “there’s an audition, let’s give it a go”. I went with a light heart and thought of having fun but unexpectantly, I passed the audition in one try. The song I sang at that time was 'Hello’ from Huh Gak sunbaenim. That’s how I got through the auditions and started my trainee life. I didn’t really know at the time but I seemed to hit puberty when I was fifteen. My mood swings were pretty severe. Whenever I cried, I would go to a dark room and listen to 'She’s Out of My Life’ or `You Are Not Alone’. It was Michael Jackson who seemed to have protected me during my puberty. Also, more important than any other song of my life is NCT’s debut song 'Fire Truck’. I was dazed and confused when I recorded the song, but listening to it now I realize it’s a great song. I think 'Fire Truck’ will be my song of life until I die. When I look back, I think about all the other debuted teams when we debuted and watched the sunbaenims who had already debuted. The teams, who made their debut together with us, were also very good and talented. I thought that 'I cannot hold too much hope, if we don’t work hard enough we will be buried (underneath the other teams)’ and worked even harder after our debut. I’m practicing these days to improve singing and dancing. Although I still lack a lot, I will do well. I’ll have more confidence in myself.”

Translation: Teddy, Selin, Rini, Esmee @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: NYLON April Issue

Please take out with full credit

SO MANY THINGS ABOUT THIS UPDATE!!!!!!

-Bitty being SO NERVOUS about everything and obsessing over the pie. “But there’s still a slice of this maple-sugar-crusted apple pie so THEY HATE ME.” BITS PLEASE.

- JACK’S TEAMMATES BEING SUPPORTIVE. ESPECIALLY MARTY AND THRIDY JUST HAVING JACKS BACK

-TATER BEING SO CHILL ABOUT IT BUT ALSO BEING HILARIOUS “secret? why? who cares? he’s one making all the nook pies?” TATER JUST WANTS HIS PIE OK? HE DOESN’T CARE WHO MAKES IT

- Snowy in a snapback. thats all.

- TATER CALLING BITTY ‘B’ 

- Tater and Bitty’s adorable heartfelt conversation, finding out tater’s parents were pretty well known, finding out he feels a lot of the sAME PRESSURE JACK FEELS. TATER, BITTY, JACK BONDING SESH RIGHT THERE.

- TATER AND BITTY BITCHING ABOUT PARSON. MY. GOD. “Parson. Yech.” “He’s some piece of work in’he?” “Next time? Throw him across ice.” LIKE TATER, CHILL. (we already know you have a huge crush on him. ok?)

- “And the shower joke on the bus.” lemme tell u a thing it’s a good thing jack didn’t name names with that because I would have gone into the Samwell universe and throttled whoever said that MYSELF. I WANT TO CRY OK???

- “One day you’re a rook, the next you’re haulin’ kids” JACK AND BITTY WITH KIDS. J A C K + B I T T Y + K I D S

- JACKS ALARMED LOOKIN FACE WHEN HE SEES BITTY GONNA TRY TO LIFT TATER. #CONCERNEDBOYFRIEND

- MARTY AND THIRDY JUST FINDING #CONCERNEDBOYFRIEND FRICKEN HILARIOUS

I JUST HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS RIGHT NOW. I’D LIKE TO THANK NOT ONLY GOD, BUT NGOZI.

[Major Spoilers] “Follow your true feelings!”: My Musings on P5′s Wildcard Couple

Can we talk about Morgana’s astute observations regarding Akechi’s true feelings for Akira? Can we talk about how (Morgana’s words–not mine) Akechi’s smile when he was hanging out with Akira had been genuine? This boy– who had distanced himself from everyone, who had wrapped himself up in layers upon layers of lies that he wears like a second skin, who had made revenge his one and only goal in life – had also, in spite of himself, serendipitously found kinship in the one boy whom he has decided that he has to kill. 

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Lana Del Rey: Wild At Heart

Courtney Love: Is this the mysterious Lana Del Rey?

Lana Del Rey: Is this the one and only Courtney Love?

Lana Del Rey: So, we could just talk about whatever… Like those burning palm trees that you had in the ‘Malibu’ video. I didn’t think they were real!

Courtney Love: Back when rock’n’roll had a budget, you mean? Oh my God, Lana, setting palm trees on fire was so fun. You thought they were CGI?

Lana Del Rey: Yeah.

Courtney Love: God, you’re so young. I burned down palm trees. In my day, darling, you used to have to walk to school in the snow. So, since I toured with you, I got kind of obsessed and went down this Lana rabbit hole and became – not like I’m wearing a flower crown, Lana, don’t get ideas – but I absolutely love it. I love it as much as I love PJ Harvey.

Lana Del Rey: That’s amazing because, maybe it’s slightly well documented, but I love everything you do, everything you have done – I couldn’t believe that you came on the tour with me.

Courtney Love: I read that you spend a lot of time mastering and mixing. Is that true on this new record?

Lana Del Rey: Oh my God, yeah, it’s killing me. It’s because I spend so much time with the engineers working on the reverb. Because I actually don’t love a glossy production. If I want a bit of that retro feel, like that spring reverb or that Elvis slap, sometimes if you send it to an outside mixer they might try and dry things up a bit and push them really hard on top of the mix so it sounds really pop. And Born to Die did have a slickness to it, but, in general, I have an aversion to things that sound glossy all over – you have to pick and choose. And some people say, ‘It’s not radio-ready if it isn’t super-shiny from top to bottom.’ But you know this. Whoever mixed your stuff is a genius. Who did it?

Courtney Love: Chris Lord-Alge and Tom Lord-Alge. Kurt was really big on mastering. He sat in every mastering session like a fiend. I never was big on mastering because it’s such a pain in the butt.

Lana Del Rey: It is a pain in the ass.

Courtney Love: I think my very, very favourite song of yours – you’re not gonna like this because it’s early – is ‘Blue Jeans’. I mean, ‘You’re so fresh to death and sick as ca-cancer’? Who does that?

Lana Del Rey: I have to say, that track has this guy Emile Haynie all over it. I remember ‘Blue Jeans’ was more of a Chris Isaak ballad and then I went in with him and it came out sounding the way it does now. I was like, ‘That’s the power of additional production.’ The song was on the radio in the UK, on Radio 1, and I remember thinking, ‘Fuck, that started off as a classical composition riff that I got from my composer friend, Dan Heath.’ It was, like, six chords that I started singing on.

Courtney Love: You have that lyric (on the song), ‘You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip-hop.’ Did you really grow up on hip hop?

Lana Del Rey: I didn’t find any good music until I was right out of high school, and I think that was just because, coming from the north country, we got country, we got NPR, and we got MTV.

Courtney Love: What I hear in your music is that you’ve created the world, you’ve created a persona, and you’ve created this kind of enigma that I never created but if I could go back I would create.

Lana Del Rey: Are you even being serious right now? I don’t even know if your legacy could get any bigger. You’re one of the only people I know whose legacy precedes them. Just the name ‘Courtney Love’ is… You’re big, honey. You’re Hollywood. (laughs) Touring with Courtney Love was, like, an Elizabeth Taylor diamond (for me).

Courtney Love: You know, I met Elizabeth Taylor. I was with Carrie Fisher at Taylor’s Easter party and she was taking six hours to come downstairs.

Lana Del Rey: I love it.

Courtney Love: I looked at Carrie and I said, ‘This is not worth it,’ and Carrie said, ‘Oh, yes it is.’ So we snuck upstairs and, Lana, when you go past the Warhol of Elizabeth Taylor as you’re sneaking up the stairs and it says ‘001’, you start getting goosebumps. And then you see her room and it’s all lavender, like her eyes. And she’s in the bathroom getting her hair done by this guy named José Eber who wears a cowboy hat and has long hair, and I’m like, ‘What am I doing here? I’m not Hollywood royalty.’ And the first words out of her mouth are, like, ‘Fuck you, Carrie, how ya doin’?’ She was so salty but such a goddess at the same time.

Lana Del Rey: She was so salty. The fact that she married Richard Burton twice – and all the stories you hear about those famous, crazy, public brawls – she was just up for it. Up for the trouble.

Courtney Love: You know what, darling? I started real early. I started stalking Andy Warhol before I could even think about it. And you kind of did the same, from my understanding. That ‘I want to make it’ thing. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Lana Del Rey: No, there’s not. There’s nothing wrong with it when you do the rest of it for the right reasons. If music is really in your blood and you don’t want to do anything else and you don’t really care about the money until later. It’s also about the vibe, not to be cliched. And the people. I think we had that in common. It was about wanting to go to shows, wanting to have your own show – living, breathing, eating, all of it.

Courtney Love: Can I ask you about your time in New Jersey? Was that a soul-searching time?

Lana Del Rey: Oh, I don’t even know if I should have said to anyone that I was living in that trailer in New Jersey but, stupidly, I did this interview from the trailer, in 2008.

Courtney Love: I saw it!

Lana Del Rey: It’s cringy, it’s cringy. (laughs)

Courtney Love: You look so cute, though.

Lana Del Rey: I thought I was rockabilly. I was platinum. I thought I had made it in my own way.

Courtney Love: I understand completely.

Lana Del Rey: The one thing I wish I’d done was go to LA instead of New York. I had been playing around for maybe four years, just open mics, and I got a contract with this indie label called 5 Points Records in 2007. They gave me $10,000 and I found this trailer in New Jersey, across the Hudson - Bergen Light Rail. So, I moved there, I finished school and I made that record (Lana Del Ray A.K.A. Lizzy Grant), which was shelved for two and a half years, and then came out for, like, three months. But I was proud of myself. I felt like I had arrived, in my own way. I had my own thought and it was kind of kitschy and I knew it was going to sort of influence what I was doing next. It was definitely a phase. (laughs)

Courtney Love: But you have records about being a ‘Brooklyn Baby’. You can write about New York adeptly and I cannot. I tried to write a song about a tragic girl in New York, going down Bleecker Street – this girl couldn’t afford Bleecker Street, so the song made no sense, right? (laughs) I did my time there, but it chased me away. I couldn’t do it because I wouldn’t go solo. I had to have a band.

Lana Del Rey: I wanted a band so badly. I feel like I wouldn’t have had some of the stage fright I had when I started playing bigger shows if I had a real group and we were in it together. I really wanted that camaraderie. I actually didn’t even find that until a couple of years ago, I would say. I’ve been with my band for six years and they’re great, but I wished I had people – I fantasized about Laurel Canyon.

Courtney Love: I wanted the camaraderie. The alternative bands in my neighbourhood were the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Jane’s Addiction. I knew Perry (Farrell, Jane’s Addiction frontman) and I went to high school for, like, ten seconds with two Peppers and a guy named Romeo Blue who became Lenny Kravitz. I remember being an extra in a Ramones video and he stopped by when he was dating Lisa Bonet from The Cosby Show and it was a big deal.

Lana Del Rey: See? You didn’t really see that in New York. When I got there, The Strokes had had a moment, but that was kind of it. LA has always been the epicenter of music, I feel.

Courtney Love: LA is easier. People have garages. And then as you go up the coast, in Washington and Oregon people have bigger houses and bigger garages, and people have parents. I didn’t have parents, and you – well, you had parents, but you were on your own.

Lana Del Rey: Yeah. You know that song of yours (Awful) that says, ‘Just shut up, you’re only 16’? I think there are different types of people. There are people who heard, ‘What do you know? You’re just a kid,’ and then there are people who got a lot of support from the line, like, ‘Go for it, go for your dreams.’ (laughs) And I think when you don’t have that, you get kind of stuck at a certain age. Randomly, in the last few years, I feel like I’ve grown up. Maybe I’ve just had time to think about everything, process everything. I’ve gotten to move on and think about how it feels now, singing songs I wrote ten years ago. It does feel different. I was almost reliving those feelings on stage until recently. It’s weird listening back to my stuff. Today, I was watching some of your old videos and this footage of you playing a big festival. The crowd was just girls – just young girls for rows and rows. I was reminded of how vast that influence was on teenagers. And – going back to enigma and fame and legacy – you know, those girls who have grown up and girls who are 16 now, they relate to you in the exact same way as they did right when you started. And that’s the power of your craft. You’re one of my favourite writers.

Courtney Love: You’re one of mine, so, checkmate. (laughs)

Lana Del Rey: What you did was the epitome of cool. And there’s a lot of different music going on, but adolescents still know when something comes authentically from somebody’s heart. It might not be the song that sells the most, but when people hear it, they know it. Are you a John Lennon fan?

Courtney Love: When I hear ‘Working Class Hero’, it’s a song I wish to God I could write. I wouldn’t ever cover it. I mean, Marianne Faithfull covered it beautifully, but I would never cover it because I think Marianne did a great job and that’s all that needs to be said.

Lana Del Rey: I felt that way when I covered ‘Chelsea Hotel (#2)’, the Leonard Cohen song, but when I was doing more acoustic shows, I couldn’t not do it.

Courtney Love: I don’t have your range. I’ve tried to sing along to ‘Brooklyn Baby’ and ‘Dark Paradise’ and this new one, ‘Love’. You go high, baby.

Lana Del Rey: I’ve got some good low ones for you. You know what would be good, is that song, ‘Ride’. I don’t sing it in its right octave during the shows because it’s too low for me. But I’ve been thinking about doing something with you for a little while now. Then after we did the Endless Summer tour, we were thinking we should at least write, or we should just do whatever and maybe you could come down to the studio and just see what came out.

Courtney Love: When we were on tour, our pre-show chats were very productive for me.

Lana Del Rey: Me too. That was a real moment of me counting my blessings. I just wanted to stay in every single moment and remember all of it, because it was so amazing.

Courtney Love: Likewise. It was really fun coming into your room. My favourite part of the tour was in Portland, getting you vinyl that I felt you needed. (laughs)

Lana Del Rey: When you left the room, I was just running my hand over all the vinyl like little gems, like, ‘I can’t believe I have these records that Courtney gave to me, it’s so fucking amazing.’ And we were in Portland, too. It felt surreal.

Courtney Love: Yeah, I don’t like going there much but I went there with you. We have this in common, too: we both ran away to Britain. If I could live anywhere in the world, I’d live in London.

Lana Del Rey: If I could live anywhere in the world other than LA, I’d live in London. In the back of my mind, I always feel like I could maybe end up there.

Courtney Love: I know I’m going to end up there. I know what neighbourhood I’m going to end up in, and I know that I want to be on the Thames. I subscribe to this magazine called Country Life which is just real-estate porn and fox hunting. It’s amazing. OK, so, if you weren’t doing you, what would you do?

Lana Del Rey: Do you have a really clear answer for this, for yourself?

Courtney Love: Yeah, I would work with teenage girls. Girls that are in halfway houses.

Lana Del Rey: That’s got you all over it. I’m selfish. I would do something that would put me by the beach. I would be, like, a bad lifeguard. (laughs) I’d come help you on the weekends, though.

Courtney Love: Do you like being in Malibu better than being in town?

Lana Del Rey: I like the idea of it. People don’t always go out to visit you in Malibu. So there’s a lot of alone-time, which is kind of like, hmm. I’m not in indie-rock enclave Silver Lake but I love all the stuff that’s going on around there. I guess I’d have to say I prefer town, but I’ve got my half-time Malibu fantasy.

Courtney Love: The only bad thing that can happen in Malibu really is getting on Etsy and overspending.

Lana Del Rey: Oh my God, woman… (laughs) Tell me about it. Late-night sleepless Etsy binges.

Courtney Love: Regretsy binges. OK, so, lyrically, you have some tropes and one of them is the colour red. Red dresses, scarlet, red nail polish… I kind of want to steal that.

Lana Del Rey: You need to take over that because I think I’ve got to relinquish the red.

Courtney Love: Well, I overuse the word ‘whore’.

Lana Del Rey: You take ‘red’. I’ll trade for ‘whore’. I’m so lucky.

Courtney Love: I love this new song ‘Love’.

Lana Del Rey: Thank you. I love the new song, too. I’m glad it’s the first thing out. It doesn’t sound that retro, but I was listening to a lot of Shangri-Las and wanted to go back to a bigger, more mid-tempo, single-y sound. The last 16 months, things were kind of crazy in the US, and in London when I was there. I was just feeling like I wanted a song that made me feel a little more positive when I sang it. And there’s an album that’s gonna come out in the spring called Lust for Life. I did something I haven’t ever done, which is not that big of a deal, but I have a couple of collabs on this record. Speaking of John Lennon, I have a song with Sean Lennon. Do you know him?

Courtney Love: I do, I like him.

Lana Del Rey: It’s called ‘Tomorrow Never Came’. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt this way, but when I wrote it I felt like it wasn’t really for me. I kept on thinking about who this song was for or who could do it with me, and then I realized that he would be a good person. I didn’t know if I should ask him because I actually have a line in it where I say, ‘I wish we could go back to your country house and put on the radio and listen to our favourite song by Lennon and Yoko.’ I didn’t want him to think I was asking him because I was namechecking them. Actually, I had listened to his records over the years and I did think it was his vibe, so I played it for him and he liked it. He rewrote his verse and had extensive notes, down to the mix. And that was the last thing I did, decision-wise. I haven’t mixed the record, but the fact that ‘Love’ just came out and Sean kind of finished up the record, it felt very meant-to-be. Because that whole concept of peace and love really is in his veins and in his family. Then, I also have Abel Tesfaye, The Weeknd. He is actually on the title track of the record, ‘Lust for Life’. Maybe that’s kind of weird to have a feature on the title track, but I really love that song and we had said for a while that we were gonna do something; I did stuff on his last two records.

Courtney Love: Do you have a singular producer or several producers?

Lana Del Rey: Rick Nowels. He actually did stuff with Stevie Nicks a while ago. He works really well with women. I did the last few records with him. Even with Ultraviolence which I did with Dan Auerbach, I did the record first with Rick, and then I went to Nashville and reworked the sound with Dan. So, yeah, Rick Nowels is amazing, and these two engineers – with all the records that I’ve worked on with Rick, they did a lot of the production as well. You would love these two guys. They’re just super-innovative. I wanted a bit of a sci-fi flair for some of the stuff and they had some really cool production ideas. But yeah, that’s pretty much it. I mean, Max Martin –

Courtney Love: Wait, you wrote with Max Martin? You went to the compound?

Lana Del Rey: Have you been there?

Courtney Love: No. I’ve always wanted to work with Max Martin.

Lana Del Rey: So basically, ‘Lust for Life’ was the first song I wrote for the record, but it was kind of a Rubik’s Cube. I felt like it was a big song but… it wasn’t right. I don’t usually go back and re-edit things that much because the songs end up sort of being what they are, but this one song I kept going back to. I really liked the title. I liked the verse. John Janick was like, ‘Why don’t we just go over and see what Max Martin thinks?’ So, I flew to Sweden and showed him the song. He said that he felt really strongly that the best part was the verse and that he wanted to hear it more than once, so I should think about making it the chorus. So I went back to Rick Nowels’ place the next day and I was like, ‘Let’s try and make the verse the chorus,’ and we did, and it sounded perfect. That’s when I felt like I really wanted to hear Abel sing the chorus, so he came down and rewrote a little bit of it. But then I was feeling like it was missing a little bit of the Shangri-Las element, so I went back for a fourth time and layered it up with harmonies. Now I’m finally happy with it. (laughs) But we should do something. Like, soon.

Courtney Love: I would like that. That would be awesome.

anonymous asked:

Freddie not mentioned again? 👀 👀

Zero. And they would have had a lot of chances because i mean…Liam was talking for a while about what it feels like being with Bear and Cheryl, spending time with his son, first time being a dad, etc. he could have asked about having his bandmate support or comprehension since he’s a father or something… they mentioned louis only in relation to just hold on and jay’s death. THANK GOD. but also…interesting. especially when it comes from dick wattpad. 

Mitch jokingly says to me a lot, “Thank god I’m a good singer, because I’m good at nothing else.” I know he’s just joking, but sometimes, I get the feeling that he actually believes that…and it destroys me. He is easily one of the most loyal, honest, handsome, beautiful, unique, hilarious, & talented people I have ever met. Truly special.
—  Scott Hoying // 🍓 coffee table book
WOLFSTAR !!!!!!

OKAY SO CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE REMUS’ AND SIRIUS’ RELATIONSHIP BEC I CAN AND IM DYING RIGHT NOW

· Remus had his growth spurt during fourth year, and by the start of fifth year, he’s towering over all the Marauders at the height of 5'10", while Sirius is 5'5", Peter is 5'3", and James is 5'8"
· Sirius teasing Remus and vise versa (mostly starts with jokingly rude comments and ends with a little lot of flirting)
· Remus being all lanky but god damn this boy works out a lot because he likes the feeling of having control over his body and he finds that during his routine exercises
· REMUS DISCOVERING THAT HE’S BISEXUAL HALFWAY THROUGH FIFTH YEAR
· the open flirting between Sirius and Remus become an almost daily thing, and James doesn’t do anything to stop it, so neither does Peter, because frankly, they find it quite entertaining
· Sirius accidentally saying something about Remus’ lips and, like the damn amazing prick that Remus is, he decided to say “Of course you would know—you’ve practically been staring at them the entire day, haven’t you, Padfoot?” and fucking bites his lower lip and gives the other boy a wink and Sirius’ entire face turned red because shit he’s been caught but he didnt know that Remus had only been joking but he practically confirmed that he was, in fact, doing it because hiS ENTIRE FACE AND NECK TURNED SO RED HE BLENDED IN WITH THE BACK OF LILY’S HAIR
· Remus going out for a smoke one night and he happened to stumble across Sirius in the abandoned, crumbling courtyard hidden away behind the Astronomy Tower (but no one other than the Marauders and possibly Dumbledore knew about it) but Sirius was silently sobbing, his shoulders shaking and he had tears rolling down his face and Remus was so shocked at first that he didn’t know what to do because Merlin’s beard Sirius was crying and he felt his panic rising rapidly
· but he let his instincts take over and he strode towards the Black heir and enveloped him in a hug so tight because god, if only that could hold together all the broken pieces of the boy who was forced to grow up too soon
· and he started muttering praises to Sirius because Remus could see every bit of good in him when he himself couldn’t
· he never lessened his grip on the Black, which made Sirius cry even harder, but Remus continued, occasionally rubbing small, comfortingly distracting circles on his back
· they stayed like that until Sirius calmed down, and by then, the sun was already starting to rise
· Sirius surprising Remus (as well as himself, honestly) when he rose to his tiptoes and planted his lips onto that of the lycanthrope’s
· Remus not reacting at first because oh Merlin he’s been waiting for that moment for such a long time and it’s finally happening and deepening the kiss when Sirius was about to pull away
· Sirius and Remus holding hands on their way back to the Gryffindor Tower, and the smiles on their faces were brighter than the sun and stars combined
· buT WAIT THERE’S MCGONAGALL AND DUMBLEDORE WHO WERE WATCHING THE WHOLE THING UNFOLD AND MCGONAGALL BEGRUDGINGLY HANDING OVER FIVE GALLEONS TO DUMBLEDORE BECAUSE DAMN IT, BLACK

anonymous asked:

Please do tell me more about that AU with Cas as a pagan god.It's absolutely necessarily.Believe me.The world needs it.

Oh, Nonnie  ❤︎

Dean stands in complete silence, breathless as he understands what he’s seeing.
It’s a temple.
It sits quietly between the trees, unmoved by time, light dancing on the leaves covering it’s surface.
Forgotten and ruined, it became part of the forest, stone floors and crumbled walls covered in moss and vines.
It’s almost impossible to see where one ends and the other beings, with columns made of trees it looks like it belongs there, right in the middle of nowhere.
It looks so natural that Dean doesn’t even realize where he is until he’s right before the altar.

He breathes, taking the final step and finding himself in place which is usually reserved for the higher priests and priestess.
Slowly, he starts to clean the altar, revealing dark stone with edges covered in sigils.

Somewhere a bird starts singing, and the dust drifts lazily in the air, glittering in the sunlight.

Gods are absolute.
Some are older than the world itself, able to bend and shape both time and space.
Some are younger, created by the violent fire of newly-born Sun or the first drop of rain on Earth.

He traces the symbols with his fingertips, unfamiliar shapes he wishes he could understand. He doesn’t need to know their meaning to recognize that they are ancient, though. This temple belongs to a god so old that his worshipers spoke in a language no one knows anymore. An language that doesn’t look like anything else Dean has ever seen.

A shiver runs down his spine.

He know stories about the old gods, born of chaos and the first light, gods that are here from always and that will be forever.
About their many faces and countless wings, thousand eyes burning brighter than the Sun and voice louder that thunder.

Young gods are scary, the old ones are terrifying.



This thought alone makes him drop to his knees, suddenly aware of how disrespectful he was, walking like that into a god’s home, standing before an altar with his soul so dirty.
He doesn’t have much ; all he can offer in apology is a little bit of milk and honey he has left.

He watches as the stone becomes white and gold, and prays for forgiveness to a nameless diety.