god i hate the european name of this game so much

Bad Match - Pt.1/?

Summary: Bucky and the Reader are set up on a date, but things don’t go as well as expected.  

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Word Count: 2605

Warnings: angst, self-loathing feelings, bad date, Bucky is kind of a jerk, swearing.

A/N: I’m not exactly happy with it, but I just couldn’t stare at the screen anymore. Thank you @imhereforbvcky  for your kind offer to help, giving me some of your time and teaching me so much about writing with just a few notes. You’re amazing.  

English is not my first language, so you’ll find grammar mistakes and nonsenses. Sorry!

Part 1/ Part 2Part 3/ Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

“Are you sure is not too soon for both of us?” you apprehensively asked your best friend through the phone. “I mean, I broke up with Jeff just, what… three months ago and he, on the other hand, well, he’s Bucky Barnes…I really wouldn’t like to become an additional problem for him, since he already has his fair share of issues” you tried to debate with your fellow SHIELD agent.

“Three months are already too long Y/N, it’s past time for you to move on, and when it comes to Bucky, he’s a really sweet guy once you get to know him, you’re gonna love the man, and he’s gonna love you too, trust me,” the strong-minded woman argued on the other side of the line.

“Ok…” you sighed with resignation, knowing there’s no win with Sharon Carter once she’d put something on her mind “I guess you have a point, I’ll be there”.

~~~

Lying on their shared bed, arms crossed behind his head, Steve observed his girlfriend sitting by the desk talking to you on the phone. When she hung up with a satisfied smile he knew she’d got what she wanted.

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” the Avenger told her with furrowed eyebrows while she was making herself comfortable again beside him laying one arm over his chest.

“Of course I do, they are great for each other.” She responded with the smug confidence that Steve so well knew and loved about her.

“I just don’t think Bucky is ready Shar, and wasn’t it Y/N that recently got out of a terrible relationship?” He tried to ponder with her.  

“Steve, honey, I know you worry a lot about Bucky, and you have your reasons, I get it. Yet, he’s been among us for over a year now. He’s doing so great working with the Avengers. I understand he’s still have some social skills matters to work on, but he’s been doing progress with therapy.” She tried to prove her point.

Steve looked down at his girlfriend “What about the Natasha situation?”

“That’s another reason. That ain’t gonna happen, not now, not never, she’s a different person than she was before and is head over heels for another man. Bucky has got to let go of this obsession with their past.” The blonde woman snorted her disapproval and continued. “He hasn’t been to a proper date yet, don’t you think there’s something missing? He needs someone good in his life, not just those meaningless shallow one-night stands he’s been going on.”

Steve opened his mouth to respond, but Sharon kept talking, circling her hand on his chest in a reassuring way “And as for Y/N, yes, she’s been in a horrible relationship, but she’s managed to put an end on it and deserves a second chance too. They are a good match, I have a feeling.”

“I still don’t know baby, are you really sticking with this?” The soldier insisted.

“Steve… sometimes even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself…”  

The Captain interrupted her, rolling his eyes “Ok ok ok, you don’t have to use the “you move” speech.” Giving her the giggles, he chuckled and put a kiss on the top of her head “I just hope you’re right on this one.”

“I am.” She concluded nuzzling into her boyfriend chest.

~~~

“Here it is, Miss,” you smiled at the waiter when he placed your second drink of the night on the table. You took another glance at the clock on the restaurant wall, 30 minutes…

You couldn’t believe that you were going to be stood up on your first date after your break up with Jeff. So much for being open to new possibilities.  At first you were reluctant to go along with Sharon’s idea, but then you started to think that she could be right. You had to move on from you self-pitying state and the sooner the better.

Flashbacks of the crappy last two years started playing in your mind. You had met Jeff at one of the CIA`s divisions in Europe, when you and Sharon started working there after the fall of SHIELD.  You didn’t know then, but he was the man that would break you into a million tiny self-hating pieces. Without once laying a finger on you he had the power to, with a word or just a look, make you feel unworthy, tiny, unlovable. There was always something that wasn’t good enough for him: your clothes weren’t that fashionable, your looks could be better, your hair should be longer and there was always someone than  you in any given aspect. That was your daily life with the man you started to believe you were lucky to have as partner and that loved you in spite of all of those flaws.

You only realized you were getting stuck in a vicious cycle of self-loathing when your friends, specially Sharon, practically punched some sense into you.

The break up didn’t happen on good terms, so you were glad in accepting SHIELD’s insistent offer to assume your position back after they were reactivated and rejoined forces with the Avengers. You moved countries and focused exclusively on work.

Your fall to an abyss of sad memories was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat next to you. When you looked up, you weren’t expecting to see an ocean of blue eyes staring down at you with a questioning look.

“Oh h-hi, sorry I didn’t see you here” You stood up and, God knows why, leaned to greet him with a kiss on the cheek, only to be stopped with a preventative handshake. Blame it on your European times.

“Hi you must be Y/N, my name is Bucky.” He introduced himself and the soft rusky tone of his voice was the most alluring you had ever heard.

Like in a trance you practically moaned, “I know everything about you Bucky.” Listening to your own words and checking the startled expression on his face as he let go of your hand, you tried to correct yourself. “I-I mean, n-not everything, course not, you’re Bucky Barnes, Steve and Sharon’s friend, t-that’s what I know.” He raised one eyebrow and took his seat in front of yours.

What was the matter with you? You had met the guy for five seconds and suddenly became a stuttering mess? You took in his appearance and concluded that, even though you had seen pictures of him before (most of them with his Winter Soldier mask, since the media still craved for his troublesome past) you certainly weren’t ready for the real deal. He was absolutely gorgeous.

But that fact and the outrageously sexy low bun that was holding his brow locks didn’t stop you from realizing he hadn’t apologized for being 40 minutes late.

“How was the traffic, too crazy?” You questioned to give him the opportunity to redeem himself.

“No, not really” he responded nonchalantly, taking a look around the Indian place you had chosen. “Have you ordered anything yet?”

“Oh, I haven’t, I was waiting for you.”

“I hate Indian food, but go ahead, make your order.” He turned to the waiter already standing next to him and asked for a drink.

“Oh… I’m sorry, this is my favorite place, that’s is why I picked it, I didn’t know… we can go… somewhere else…” You were so flustered that you could feel your whole body burning, starting in your cheeks that probably were showing a deep shade of pink now.

“No, no, don’t worry Doll, I’m a drink kind of guy anyway… So tell me, how long have you been friends with Sharon?”

The use of the nickname and the whole embarrassing events so far got you rambling non-stop. You never ordered your food and kept talking about your childhood, your job, Donald Trump, the lack of male nudity on Game of Thrones… Every single thought that came across your mind was spilled at an impassive Bucky.

When your mouth went dry of talking and not a word had come out of Bucky’s plump lips you excused yourself to the toilet, taking your purse with you.

Inside the small room, you took a deep breath and, while staring at the mirror to retouch your lipstick, you wondered when everything had started to go to shit. Maybe you weren’t ready after all…

Walking back towards the table, you decided to give it another try, start over and maybe have a pleasant rest of night with your date. You glimpsed Bucky by his back talking on his cellphone and the sound of your name made you stop close enough to overhear the conversation.

“What can I tell you Steve? Jesus, she won’t stop talking… And I don’t understand half of the things she’s saying. I can’t see why you and Sharon insisted on this dating thing… Besides, you were wrong… Not for a minute I was able to get Natasha out of my head… Y/N’s got nothing on her, she is not slightly as amazing as Nat…”

You felt your stomach drop to the floor and your heart sank. Bucky kept talking, but there was a buzz in your ears, loud enough to drown out every other sound around you. The restaurant and everything else transformed into a very familiar scenario. It was like Jeff was by your side all over again and his unwanted voice in your mind was reminding you of how distasteful, insignificant and unlovable you were. Your hands started shaking and tears were forming in your eyes, that was the signal you needed to turn around and leave as fast as you could. No goodbyes. You never wanted to see Bucky Barnes in your life again.

~~~

When you got to your bedroom after the longest cab ride in your life, your attention was caught by the pathetic form in front of the mirror on your wall. You knew that the woman he was comparing you with was THE Natasha Romanoff, the sexiest spy alive whose seductiveness haunted you poor hard worker mortals who were trying to make a living in the secret agent’s business. How could he even make the comparison when clearly there was none. You were average, tops. Flat where you should be curvy and curvy where you should be flat.

Someone could think that you’d be able to beat you lousy sex-appeal by a dashing interesting personality, but this someone would be wrong. If you had doubts about it, the last few moments with Bucky had dismissed them all, he was pretty clear about how unpleasant your company had been… Not slightly as amazing…

Knowing that you were going down a road too familiar for your taste, you attempted to dismiss all those self-hatred thoughts off of your mind by trying to get some sleep, hoping to dream a sweet dream that would make you forget all about that night. So you took off the dress you’d bought for the occasion and left it on the floor, found some energy in you to remove the full face makeup and brushed your teeth before diving into your bed, putting on some pjs was too much to ask of you at that moment.  

 ~~~

Your alarm rang and it felt like it had been 5 minutes since you finally conquered slumber. You groaned at the sound and the prospect of getting up to face the day ahead. Your half-asleep mind immediately drifted to the night before. Something you were so desperately trying to keep dormant inside you had awakened. The wounds on your self-esteem were too fresh and those words had hit them like a punch.

Despite the desire to keep drowned in your fort of blankets,  you couldn’t skip work. You had a meeting with The Man himself, Nick Fury. You had no idea what it would be about, you were warned by his secretary the day before.

You shook away your thoughts about the date with Bucky and got off the bed.  You had much more important things to worry about and focus on. At least you wouldn’t have to see him again, as the SHIELD’S operating base wasn’t located at the Avengers’ Tower.

Not much time passed before you were ready to go to work, after all it wasn’t that hard to choose an outfit from a wardrobe of grey suits. On your commute to SHIELD’s headquarters you remembered to take a look on your phone. 5 missed calls from Sharon. …he’s a really sweet guy once you get to know him, you’re gonna love the man … You mimic her voice in your head and memorized an entire speech of curses to deliver to the blonde for when you meet her again.

Once inside the building you already felt a little better. Work was your whole life, especially now, you loved what you did and felt appreciated and wanted there. You went straight to the big boss’s office, feeling nervous about whatever the infamous Nicky Fury wanted to talk to you.

“Hi Y/N, how are you today?” Maria Hill greeted you, putting an arm around your shoulder, guiding you to the adjacent room of the large office.

“Hi Maria, a little anxious for whatever this means, any clues?” she gave you a squeeze on your shoulder and smiled at you, but another voice responded:

“Miss Y/L/N, you’re here because I have a proposition for you.” It was the SHIELD’S director, using his well-known straightforward style.

“Tony Stark has contacted me and asked for the name, and I quote, of the most badass spy I could provide him.” Having an idea of where that conversation was heading, but not allowing yourself to fully believe it, you kept a dumbfounded stare at your boss in front of you, waiting for the outcome.

“So, Miss Y/L/N, how would you fancy a position on the Avengers’ team?” The weakness in your knees and the sweat leaking out of your pores must had been pretty evident, since Maria Hill placed her hand on the low of your back, in a support attempt.

“Oh my God sir, it’s such an honor…” your tremulous voice was interrupted by Fury, clearly in a hurry:  

“Good, you’re being transferred today to the Avengers compound, Maria will help you with paperwork and everything else that will be necessary for your relocation…”  He talked in a monotone, gathering some papers on the desk he was standing by, apparently oblivious by the rush of adrenaline that was swelling down your whole body. Suddenly  Maria’s support didn’t seem enough to prevent you from falling, so you gripped one hand on the desk chair in front of you, biting your lower lip so you wouldn’t let out the scream taking place in your mind. You had never thought something like that would happen, but now that it was a reality you felt like you had dreamed about it your whole life.

“You’ll go through evaluations and training for some time and then it will be decided if you really have what it takes to be an Avenger…” I’m going to be a fucking Avenger, bitch. You were trying to maintain some posture and conceal your excitement by listening carefully to the instructions that would change your life.

“Your main tutor for the starting process will give you the guidelines and other details, he’s most likely now waiting for you at the compound. You’ve already had the chance to meet Sgt. James Barnes, haven’t you?”

And just like that you went straight to the floor from cloud 9. FUCK.


End of part 1. 

Part 2 

So? Feedbacks? 

OKAY JACKASSES.  IT’S 2017 AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.  IT’S TIME FOR THE HIGHLY REQUESTED MEME LIST OF 2016.
DON’T MESSAGE ME MEMES I FORGOT.  I REALLY CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. It fills up my inbox and is just really bothersome.
YES I’m gonna do one for 2017 because I have no self respect and too much time on my hands
anyways
in no particular order, the memes of 2016


  • jennifer lawrence being a huge jerk to the person on their phone cuz they wwre trying to translate somethint
  • cumslutscootaloo
  • me: why are aliens destroying the earth??? aliens: [x]
  • me: thats fair i understand
  • you fucked up a perfectly good monkey is what you did! look at it! its got anxiety!
  • mercrury retrograde
  • the boys are back in town
  • chungy
  • congratulations you played yourself
  • tag yourselves im the x
  • mario 64 HALF A PRESS
  • squidward dabbing
  • the fine bros copyrighting react videos
  • that one photo of marge simpson
  • waste his time (what it started out as was pretty shitty but then it got fuckijg funny)
  • bernie or hillary?  be informed. compare them on the issues that matter
  • jean stuff
  • is dabbing a meme or a trend
  • i heard that kylo ren has an 8 pack. that kylo ren is shredded.
  • that blond kid with the kazoo and the youre my special friend i dont know who he is but??? hes a meme
  • daaaaaaaaaamn daniel
  • ted cruz is the zodiac killer
  • jeb bush got bullied outta the election
  • pokemon sun pokemon moon
  • its time to stop
  • kanye wests cover art for his album
  • the death of the leonardo di caprio not getting an oscar memes was a meme itself
  • when the sun hits the x just right 👌🏻
  • i wondered why this movie was so visually pleasing (golden ratio used wrong everywhere)
  • let lesbians live (The 100 killed off another lesbian cuz god forbid we let the queer women live)
  • [glass him]
  • the snapchat face swap feature
  • a photographer took photos before and after tellijg people they were beautiful
  • who are you? im you but stronger
  • WE DEM BOYS
  • #memehistory
  • need me a freak like that
  • history of japan (that video was fuckin art)
  • •christian memes tbh that shit is wild 
  • sausage party
  • get a man who can do both
  • that one photo of mr krabs and everything is turning
  • this is descision 2016 (tumblrs april fools joke once again)
  • “can we listen to something other than ___”
  • breaking news
  • be careful who you call ugly in middle school
  • vaporwave
  • tumor toileta
  • HE RUINED MY DREAM JOURNAL!
  • I did nAUGHTt! Mister Electic send him to the principal's office and have him EXpelLed!
  • that one photo of skai jackson
  • that one photo of beyonce
  • the skai jackson photo beingg used with the beyonce photo and the kobe photo (the oned where they are silently like passive aggressivley exsisting)
  • power puff girls reboot???? might count as a meme??? just general hate for it its terrible
  • dark [x] show me the [thing that is hard to find with that x]
  • nanalan
  • the photo of squidwards eyes closed and they stay closed
  • LEMONADE and honestly wverything about that album was eventually a meme to some degree
  • FRESH AVA CA DOO
  • the image of a finger pressing a key on a keyboard and its blue and it says something
  • chaotic good
  • dog or muffin?
  • youre on our radar!
  • dat boi (oh shit waddup)
  • to be continued/roundabout
  • boof
  • we are all
  • obi juan whoever the fuck you are… youre my only ho
  • honk if you love x
  • me.       my mutuals. 
  • dover
  • anything involving pokwmon sun and moon ESPECIALLY the starter pokemon
  • captain america civil war came out and thus became a meme again 
  • art vs artist 
  • please disconnect from the bluetooth speaker.  we need to talk. come downstairs
  • mutuals do this it’s really fun
  • the pic of caveman spongebob
  • x has been found dead in miami
  • that one thing of captin anerican saying “hail hydra” became a meme cuz i guess ppl were so mad they didnt know what else to do.  basically you drew a character saying something theyd NEVER in a million years say
  • alright tommy im leaving the house to do some errands see you in a bit
  • tthose photos of like “apple [a character u think is a bottom] jeans”
  • *inhale* you can be in the LGBTQA+ community and-
  • are you a or b? c or d? e or f? (cat person or dog person? day person or night person? things like that)
  • the cursed child plot became a meme itd SO BAD 
  • we are gamers
  • cracking ur knuckles and then writing crazy fast
  • britian left the european union
  • i would literally die if a boy did this to me (image of somehtig that would kill u)
  • old friends senior dog sanctuary facebook page
  • another spongebob one! using spongebob screencaps to represent similar things (ie each game in a series, characters in a series)
  • matpat gave undertale to the pope
  • that one image od the guy running towards where a green sign is pointing like hes middair 
  • clap 👏🏻 between 👏🏻 every 👏🏻 word 👏🏻 in 👏🏻 a 👏🏻 sentence 👏🏻 or 👏🏻 something 👏🏻
  • a submeme is dont call yourself an x if you havent y with the hands between each word
  • does pokemon go count? we had that meme that was like “but ms! theres a (pokemon) in (place the pokemon would likely be in our world)” but now the game came out and theres just pokemon go shit EVERYWHERE 
  • mighty number nine
  • that one picture of squidward lying in bed hella fucking terrified and spongebob outside his window (a lot of spongebob memes this year)
  • wholesome memes? like memes that r normally made at the expense of others being turned around to be nice to othwrs
  • taylor swift is a snake/rat
  • THE NUT BUTTON
  • snake emoji
  • *inhales* BOI
  • north korea declaring war on the us
  • arthurs clenched fist 
  • photo of two guys waving at each other"same ___! same ___!“
  • “oh now this! this is beautiful”
  • michael phelps game face
  • how deep is this pool
  • IM RICK HARRISON AND THIS IS MY PAWN SHOP I work here with my dad and my son, Big Hoss. Everything here has a story, and a price. If there’s one thing I learned after 20 years, you never know WHAT is gonna come through That door.
  • i like dropping hints that im ___. im ____.
  • roses are red (weird headline or phrase)
  • #dicksoutforharambe
  • “the pupil of your eye can expand as much as 55% while looking at something you love”
  • 100 layers of x
  • we out here
  • ghat huy in a green body suit saying “im gay”
  • 🐍
  • “RANDY YOUR STICKS”
  • nut
  • hooty hoo
  • does bruno mars is gay
  • “are you sure about that”
  • iphone 7 not having a headphone jack 
  • u vs the guy she tells u not to worry about
  • steven hawkings first post
  • the jackson hole live stream webcam thing
  • date a terf who… posts
  • HE BOOT TOO BIG FOR HIS GOTDAMN FEET
  • stranger things titlecard
  • “this user [blank]” userboxes
  • HACKERMAN
  • cursed image
  • BORN TO DIE WORLD IS A FUCK
  • that photo of tom from tom and jerry coming out of a door with a hat on
  • me, an intellectual:
  • zoo wee mama
  • those amazon button press things
  • his hair? wack. me? tight as fuck
  • that one image of that black guy mid whip
  • hand slamming the blue button
  • 2016 presidential debate
  • wow try this! close one eye, tilt your phone, and look at this from the charger hole!
  • the water bottle flip trick
  • the naming ur kid after things u like but its like a tv show
  • pulling the lever to make the train kill one oerson instead if five people
  • how to start a conversation with a girl “hi” WRONG
  • idk if this is a meme persay, but there were a fuck ton of creepy clowns in the USA in October.  like.  that was a thing that happened.
  • owo whats this?
  • remember the psat memes from a year or two ago? that happened again this year
  • my longest “yea boi” ever
  • friendship ended with x now y is my new best friend
  • cryptid
  • name a more x …..ill wait
  • PERSIAN IN POKEMON SUN AND MOON IM SO MAD
  • nintendo switch
  • UH! PINEAPPLE PEN
  • “what  he listening to?”
  • vine being shut down (2016 was a bad year guys)
  • i arrive at the x
  • y: z (z is a state of being and y is a noun)
  • dick: out
  • i am forcibley escourted out of the x
  • i voted banner edits
  • [person] is real and they sucked my dick behind [chain store]
  • “theyre okay but they died”
  • 2016 election memes
  • can’t relate
  • me to me: that one picture of kermit the frog and another kermit who’s mouth is a tiny bit open and who has a black cloak on
  • anything from lazy town, specifically we are number one
  • joe biden and obama memes
  • had it not been for the laws of this land i would have slaughtered you
  • lightning mcqueen dies
  • the definition of perfection but its fuzzy, a thing of glasses being wiped, and then a character who you love
  • the mannequin challenge isnt a meme persay but i feel it has a place on this list
  • bode
  • name a more iconic duo…. ill wait….
  • no x we y like men
  • this bitch empty. YEET
  • x but y.  this meme had several subsets:
  • x but every time y happens z happens. (especially with replacing it with other things.) this was extra popular with the bee movie and we are number one from lazy town
  • x but every time y happens it gets faster
  • x but it keeps getting faster
  • the thing of one dude passing a sheet of paper to anoher dude and something dumb js in it
  • bone app the teeth
  • bee movie kinda made a comeback witht he whole the bee movie but
  • 25 miles <-  ¼ mile ->
  • If This Guy👦🙏 AINT Under My Tree🚷🌲On Christmas Morning🍆👌IM GON B PISSED🐸🍷Santa🎅👋Dont Come If U AINT Bringing Him 😏💦💯
  • take a fucking sip babes
  • youtubers exaggerating wildly in video titles
  • three images with the same content but they get more and more badly drawn and the descriptions get more ans more overly specific (increasigly verbose meme?)
  • example
  • nutshack theme
  • pinkest pink vs blackest black artists pettiness
  • removing the middle two panels of ctrl+alt+del strips
  • pinkest pink vs blackest black
  • me at the beginning of 2016 and me at the end of 2016
  • send nudes

also i guess tumblr cant fucking bullet images so here’s the images that i had originally spread throught the list but fuck me i guess

  • what he listening to?

• that thing where the drawing gets worse and worse and the words get more and more extra descriptive (it was originally here but tumblr hates me i guess? anyways)

happy new year everyone. i hope 2016 is writhing in it’s grave

archiveofourown.org
thebookhunter | Archive of Our Own
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
By Organization for Transformative Works

I have been told it is @incredifishface​‘s birthday today, so in honor of that, I’m posting this link to her AO3 page and telling everyone that all of her Thorki fic is fantastic. Yes, all of it. Happy birthday!! (I think I missed it where you are, so happy timezone-extended birthday…)

Cocky boys – “In which Thor and Loki are the top stars in a studio of online porn, famously hate each other, but by popular vote they get paired to perform together in the Christmas Eve Live Event, and are not happy about it.”

A classic of the enemies-to-lovers genre, by turns hilarious, poignant, and scorchingly hot. The Tony Stark narration is especially wonderful.


Dog inside the heart – “Thor and Loki are the children of a dynasty of great actors. Their mother Frigga is a grande dame of the stage and muse of the finest European movie directors, their father Odin is going down in history as the Lawrence Olivier of his time. Thor and Loki are following on their steps, with everything to prove, to themselves and to the world. But as they become dragged under the public eye, so does their past, full of secrets and lies.”

Tragic, epic, and wrenching; sometimes emotionally difficult to read so READ THE BLOODY TAGS. Loki is such a fucking hero in this one, oh my God.


Unfaithful – “Thor has a good life with his wife Jane and a job in a law firm on the rise, until international superstar lawyer Loki Laufeyson is recruited to work in the firm’s most ambitious case. Loki brings with him not only his encyclopaedic knowledge of law, his silver tongue, his lack of morals, and a playful, mercurial, chaotic approach to the work, but also his outrageous playboy lifestyle… and his long, complicated past history with Thor.”

Did I mention that everything Fishie/Bookie writes is incredibly hot? Just look at the tags: “Angry Sex, Hate Sex, sad sex, making up sex, breaking up sex, Goodbye Sex, i can’t live without you sex, we can’t keep doing this sex, oh god the pain sex.” Hot and emotionally powerful! This one also brought my part-time Frostiron shipper to the fore (to be clear: Thor/Loki is always the endgame ship; but Loki/Tony is a completely fitting, emotionally appropriate, and also kind of hot stop along the way).


Musketeers Assemble – “Poor gullible Steve, freshly arrived in Paris from the provinces, has been ensnared by the Trickster, Cardinal Richelieu’s Spy or Spies, and now the Queen’s good name and the fates of France and England rest on the ability of his Musketeer friends, gloomy Thor, merry Tony, and steady Bruce, to help him retrieve what the Trickster has stolen.”

No, this is not crack, but it is similarly addictive. My knowledge of Dumas’s The Three Musketeers is limited, but from what I know, the character correspondences – Steve as D’Artagnan, Thor as Athos, Bruce as Porthos, Tony as Aramis, Loki as Milady – are spot-on. And Thor and Loki’s tragic backstory… oh, my heart.


Night of Kings (series) – “Loki’s hold on the throne of Jotunheim is finally strong and secure. There is but one thing left to do: renew Jotunheim’s alliance with Asgard. But when the King of Asgard asks him to cement their alliance by spending a night in his bed, Loki realizes you can’t learn everything just from books…”

Sort of Game of Thrones/ A Song of Ice and Fire-inspired, with Thor as virile horse-lord Khal Drogo and Loki as strong-willed but sexually inexperienced Daenerys Targaryen, but without the sexism and consent issues. Once again, by turns hilarious, poignant, and scorchingly hot… oh wait, that’s all of her stuff.


Serpent – “It’s been years, but Thor’s still not over Loki. He has put some sort of life back together, but now Serpent are back in town, and whatever semblance of peace and balance he’s managed to create is about to be turned on its head.”

A Rockstar!Loki AU – and in a reversal of the most frequent pattern, Loki is trying to win back a surly, reluctant Thor. And also being the most adorable high-off-his-ass spoiled diva imaginable.


A for Asshole – “Thor is a Class A Asshole. What a fucking shame. He is also the most beautiful thing Loki has seen in his entire life. He’d be willing to make many allowances for that face, that body, that blinding smile, but the truth is, the man is an Asshole of the highest order, an irredeemable, unbearable jerk.”

Yes, even the one-shots dashed off to try to shake writer’s block are delicious nuggets of salivary-gland-stimulating smutty goodness. Thor is an asshole, but Loki will fuck him anyway, under pretty much any conditions…

anonymous asked:

Hi! I was wondering, you don't have to do this if you don't want to or if you're too busy or whatever, if you have any tips on doing french characters? I'm thinking of putting a french character in my book and was wondering about maybe some stuff about english/american that's weird to you or something just like, about the french people? Again, you can totally ignore this if you're uncomfortable or if you don't have time, I know you're a busy gal. It would just be super great if you could ^.^

Hi anon ^^

It’s a tricky question because French people can be very different according to the place they live, their social or ethnic background, their education or just because of the fact that we are all different but I’m gonna try to tell you about “general trends” and our relationship with Americans. Here is a (certainly incomplete) list, in no particular order.

- French people have a pretty “dry” and dark sense of humor. If they are a bit “mean” to you, it means that they like you and that you are a part of their circle. Think South Park, Georges Carlin, Chris Rock and even for some people, Jimmy Carr. Also, all the “white guuurls” jokes don’t  make any sense to us. It doesn’t mean that we don’t joke about racial stuff but it’s different. So yeah, we are often pretty violent verbally, but it doesn’t mean we are angry. It can be a bit baffling for foreigners because they don’t know when we are joking or when we are really angry.

- We don’t have the same racial stereotypes. For instance, this racist cliché about black people liking watermelon or chicken is beyond understanding for a French. I remember this hilarious French forum thread about Mary J. Blige being called out because she was in that Burger King commercial 4-5 years ago. People were outraged and didn’t understand why it was such a problem. “If this damn woman wants to be in a commercial, it’s her problem!” - “I don’t understand. Is it because she’s a rap artist and it’s not good for her image?” - “Are vegans not happy or something?”. And it’s finally after the 50th comment that someone explained that the association “chicken/black people” could be seen as racist in the USA and the whooole thread went O____o

- Ok, sorry about that one but….the American “PC culture”. It doesn’t mean that in France everything is allowed or that we are not offended by precise topics, it means that we often have the impression that American are offended by the tiniest things. Whether it’s objectively true or false doesn’t matter: it’s the general impression that we have. For instance, in political debate shows in France, when someone is easily offended, you can be sure that at a  moment or another you are gonna have a “We are not in the USA” (or more recently “We are not in Sweden” - Sorry Sweden :S) from one of the participants.

- No, we don’t hate Americans for fuck’s sake. Ok, sometimes, we tend to see Americans as a bit arrogant (but we see ourselves as fucking arrogant too, don’t worry) but we have for instance nothing against American tourists. We also have a great respect for WW2 veterans:

(US army veteran Jack Schlegel, 91 y.o at the time, in front of the street named after him.)

- Everything is the government’s fault and the government should do something about it (whatever the problem of the moment is)…but on the other hand, it shouldn’t interfere too much either. xD

- French people have no problem finding ways to get around the law when they judge the law is restricting their everyday life and that “we can’t do anything anymore in this fucking country”. Simple example. Before, in cafés and restaurants, you had a smoking and a non-smoking area. It stopped when an anti-smoking law was voted and that all the bars, cafés and restaurants had to become 100% non-smoking. Do you know what happened? The shop owners installed heating devices in the restaurant terraces to give people the possibility to smoke outside and then, they closed the terraces with some sort of plastic wraps. You are outside and inside at the same time. Inside because you are hot and you can eat like in a normal restaurant but outside in regard of the French law.

- We love to complain, we are big mouths. That’s our way of communicating. For instance, this is how French illustrator Uderzo sees us (and it’s also one of the most famous gags in French comics: A fight that starts because of the bad smell of the fish shop. You have one in every volume of Astérix)

- We are a bit pessimistic. We are individualistic (you can see it in the way people act toward each other in the streets, they don’t care about other) but we see the ideas of solidarity and fraternity as important (don’t fucking touch to the NHS). It’s a fucking contradiction. We are also a bit disorganized but as it’s our way of living we don’t realize it. It drives tourists and foreigners living in France nuts.

- We don’t open easily and sometimes we can see as suspicious someone who asks too many questions, particularly in Paris (less in the south, though)

- There’s a great hypocrisy concerning money. We live in a country where the notion of social classes is very important to us, where rich people are often despised and not seen as examples and where we don’t talk about how much we earn…but a lot of us want to be rich: we spent millions of Euros a year in lottery games. Speaking of social classes…

- Our relationship to communism is different. At the time where USA were obsessed to know who was communist and who was not, the communist party was one of the strongest parties in France, particularly among the working class. Consequently, it’s not unusual for a French to have a communist grand-father. In other words don’t freak out if you hear someone says “My grand Pa, who was a member of the Communist Party in the 70′s…”

- Lunch break is important. It baffles foreigners to see how long we take to have lunch even when we are busy. And we are obsessed with “good” food too. Yes, that one is true…even if we are the #1 European con summers when it comes hamburgers. Once again: contradiction.

- Hugging people. That’s not natural at all. Either we kiss people on the cheeks (2 times or 3 times or even 4 times depending on people or on the region they are from. It can awkward sometimes because you never know how many times someone will kiss you), either we shake their hands but hugging feels very…intimate and awkward.

- Secularity. We don’t joke with that shit. The US President ending his speeches with “God bless America” is something you will never see in France. The French President ends up his speeches with “Long live the Republic, long live France”, no reference to God.

- We don’t care about what politicians do with their private life and we don’t expect apologies when it happens. If they cheat on their wife or have 5 mistresses, it’s their problem. When the affair between President Hollande and Julie Gayet became public, a lot of people were not happy that he cheated on his partner, Valérie Trierveiler but the main concern was that he did all this using the tax payers money…and that he got caught because honestly, François, it’s not good for the image of the country.

(At least, we had fun with “scooter memes”)

- There’s a French obsession around a graduation degree called “The Baccalauréat”. French parents ABSOLUTELY want their kids to have this degree…while complaining that this degree has no value anymore because French schools have turned into an idiot factory (”une usine à crétins”)

- There’s a kind of “rivalry” between Paris and the rest of France. Parisians seem to see themselves as better than the rest of the country (it’s not my fault if it’s true…just saying. What? Yes, I’m a Parisian, how did you realize?) and the rest of France sees Parisian as grumpy, cold, despising, full of themselves, stressed sons of bitches. (ok, this is maybe true too but being amazing and fab comes with a price, ok?)

- Names. Like seriously enough with names like Yvette, Nicole or Robert if you write about someone who is in their 20-30′s. Nathan, Lucas, Léo, Gabriel, Timéo, Enzo, Louis, Raphaël, Arthur, Hugo, Jules, Ethan, Adam, Nolan, Tom, Noah, Théo, Sacha, Maël, Mathis. (most given boys names in 2015) and Emma, Lola, Chloé, Inès, Léa, Manon, Jade, Louise, Léna, Lina, Zoé, Lilou, Camille, Sarah, Eva, Alice, Maëlys, Louna, Romane, Juliette (most given girls names in 2015) are fine.
 
- France is a multi-ethnic country….

…so you can have a French character called Fatou or Sofiane. We have a lot of people from African or north-African descent, particularly in big cities. And exactly like French names, the trends have changed when it comes to the names of kids from north-African descents. For instance, bit less Mohamed and Fatima and more Rayan, Anis, Ilyès, or Sara. On the contrary, Asian kids (mainly with parents or grand-parents from China, Thailand, Vietnam) tend to have French names.

- We have a love/hate relationship with our national football team. They are a bunch of rude uneducated thugs with no values..except when they win, of course.

- We don’t care about striped shirts (at the exception of people from Brittany: striped shirts, the famous marinière, is imporiant) and mimes. Unless we are loaded, we don’t wear designer clothes.

- I don’t care what boring French movies with Louis Garrel show you, we don’t live in this kind of apartments (except for some rich people, of course):

And speaking of movies. A lot of French people pretend they know something/care about old movies but a lot of us have never seen a Nouvelle Vague movie. They are even considered as boring and pretentious.

- American supersize stuff. Is it really necessary? I mean, you can feed a family of 4 during two months with some of your portions.

- That thing below…

…is a fucking “pain au chocolat”. Don’t let people from the south west of France tell you it’s a “chocolatine”. They will try to fool you but stay strong my little one!

Voilà! The result of brainstorming with some friends. TLDR: We are loud, full of contradictions, nice if you understand our sense of humor and don’t touch to our NHS.

Good luck to you and happy writing. ♥

What Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Speculative Fiction book should you read, based on your type?

Feel free to read all of these regardless of type.

ESTJ: The Kingkiller Chronicles - Rothfuss. I may be pushing my luck recommending an as-of-yet unfinished series to a Te-dom. However, too bad. Read the first two books in the unfinished trilogy; you may not like the side novella that came out and it’s not essential to the plot. Anyway, the story takes the form of a character retelling his adventures in a tavern during war time, and the total length of time that’s passed has been like 2 days, so dude is talking a hell of a lot. It’s a widely-spanning fantasy though, with a magical system that depends on knowing the true names of things and intricate world building.

ISTJ: American Gods - Gaiman. It’s going to be a TV series that frankly looks amazing, so read it beforehand. Also, it’s a great book about mythologies and what happens when people stop believing in them. It’s reference-heavy, highly detailed, includes one of my favorite monologues in literature, and draws on real places in the U.S. I also heavily associate Si with the midwestern states where much of the story takes place. Incidentally: I went to House on the Rock about a year ago because I’d lived not far from it and never gone, and was about to move. If you are ever in the vicinity of Spring Green, Wisconsin, check it out. It’s super weird.

INTJ: The Patternmaster Series - Butler. These books were actually written backwards, in that the latest in the series was the first published, and then Butler worked her way back and figured out how they got there. It’s a pretty grim series, but highly original and visionary. Doro strikes me as definitely an NTJ, in his brutal pragmatism mixed with a very strange, far-future reaching goal of a psychic network. I actually read Wild Seed years ago and only read the rest of the books later; I think Wild Seed is possibly the best written and can stand alone best, but the whole series isn’t long and it works best as a whole.

ENTJ: The Foundation trilogy (Foundation, Foundation and Empire, Second Foundation - ignore the later additions to the series) - Asimov. The whole concept of psychohistory (using sociology and psychology to predict political events) is very Ni; The Foundation, set up to control those events, is Te. Not going to lie, this is probably the series I least remember on this list as I haven’t read it in probably 10 years or so, but I remember at the time it being both familiar (I’d read a decent amount of Asimov at the time) and unfamiliar (I’d mostly read his short stories which were often more humorous).

ESFJ: A Song of Ice and Fire - Martin. Here’s the thing. I actually don’t watch Game of Thrones, and for a long time I was like “look, I’ve read the books, I don’t need to see that onscreen.” But now the show has gone beyond the books and I feel left out of the water cooler conversation. So, ESFJs, as people who rock the water cooler conversation, read the books and watch the show and now you can talk to anyone about that! Bonus: you can talk about it with nerds who say they hate small talk even though I would consider chatting about a hit TV show to be the height of small talk (as a sometimes awkward nerd myself). Plus this series follows a number of characters, is rich with detail and with the history of what’s happened in the past 30 or so years in Westeros, and features some top-notch insane manipulation that you can be horrified by and/or appreciate depending on your Fe usage. 

ISFJ: The Mists of Avalon - Bradley. I personally associate Si-Ne with an obsession with the details and stories of mythology (rather than the abstract archetypes), so this retelling of the Arthurian legends from the point of view of the women makes me think of ISFJs. I remember reading this as a teenager and liking it somewhat more than I do now but I still enjoy it; by having much of the novel from the point of view of Morgan Le Fay we get to see multiple sides of the story and how all the characters truly interact.

INFJ: Cloud Atlas - Mitchell. I find Mitchell’s dystopian views of the future (here and in the Bone Clocks) super depressing; I find the fact that all his novels are interconnected impressive. Cloud Atlas (I haven’t seen the movie) is 6 stories nested within each other, sharing some key details and hinting that the characters are connected spiritually or even as incarnations of each other or characters in each others fictions while also directly contradicting that by having some of the characters meet each other. The abstract and puzzle-like nature should appeal to INFJs, as will the strongly-drawn characters.

ENFJ: The City and The City - Mieville. I loved this after several failed attempts to get into Mieville; I think the fact that I read it on a trip (in Edinburgh) helped because it is a very European novel in a lot of ways. Anyway, this novel is dark and twisty in a highly Ni-type of way, but also very much about the agreed-upon social codes that countries or cultures share. It’s hard to describe - I’ve never read a book quite like it - but it’s a pretty quick read.

ESTP: The Martian - Weir. I know the character of Watney is generally considered to be an ENTP but I think the book has a particular appeal to ESTPs. It’s about survival, about breaking the rules because they don’t make sense or benefit someone, about the weird balance of self-reliance and teamwork, and it’s also really funny. Plus, while I am definitely on team “sensors actually fucking love science fiction”, it is my experience that this particular type of hard sci fi appeals to STPs in particular. Also: there’s a movie! It’s pretty good!

ISTP: Guards! Guards! - Terry Pratchett. I haven’t read much of Discworld actually which is why I’m not recommending the whole intertwined series, but once I have more time I intend to dig in. I have read this and the second Night’s Watch books, and ISTP sister loves Discworld and has read most of it so you have her word if not mine if you want to continue. It’s hilarious and full of action, and ranges from very dry to terrible puns. Plus ISTPs are as we know the Cool Nerds so this should help with that cred.

INTP: The Dirk Gently Series - Adams. You’ve almost certainly already read Hitchhiker’s Guide, so read Adams other series, about Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency. As with all of Adams’ works, it’s a strange mix of mundane, surreal, and alien; clearly not realistic but not really fitting into a single genre; very funny; and highly scattered yet possessing a certain logical consistency (I’m pretty sure Adams was an ENTP; he talked about being inspired by works of music a lot in a way that seems like Ne to me, plus his deadlines quote is pretty xNTP). Plus, the first book came to be from a failed Doctor Who script and INTPs are (almost) always massive Whovians.

ENTP: The Belgariad/Mallorean - Eddings. Because I’m feeling contrarian right now I gave the Ne-doms arguably the two longest series. IT’LL BE GOOD FOR YOU I SWEAR. Anyway, these two series by David Eddings are five books each but they go really quickly. I first read them all as a teenager and I go back every few years to reread them because they’re just a lot of fun. Eddings was an adventure writer who decided to write a trope-filled high fantasy series. As such, his story touches on a lot of major archetypes (the thief/knave/rogue, the innocent chosen one, the wise mysterious old man, the fiesty princess, etc) but does so with a great sense of humor. And the characters are constantly bickering/snarking, which should appeal to ENTPs. Plus I think the character introduced as Old Wolf is an ENTP, so now you have to read it and debate with me.

ESFP: The Dresden Files (I haven’t read all of this, so start with Storm Front and read until you’re bored) - Butcher. Another action-heavy, fast-paced series, and funnily enough like the previous series, written to some extent because the author wanted to be as cliche as possible (but whereas Eddings was like “hmm, I’ll do this because it seems interesting”, Butcher was encouraged to write urban fantasy by his teacher and he decided to make it as cliche as possible out of sheer stubbornness, which ESFPs have a lot of surprisingly enough). The books are funny, non-stop, and personally I find something very xSFP in urban fantasy that I can’t quite describe.

ISFP: The Years of Rice and Salt - Robinson. This is actually only sci-fi in that a. it involves reincarnation, and b. it’s an alternate history. The premise is that the bubonic plague, instead of killing about a third of Europe, killed 99%. As a result, Christianity and European culture all but died out and the two dominant cultures in the ‘old world’ were those of Buddhism (East and South Asia) and Islam (Central Asia and Africa, eventually migrating north into southern Europe). It’s a long but fascinating novel, with excellent details and characters who constantly rebel against societies that in our world, don’t exist.

INFP: The Magicians - Grossman. It was called Harry Potter for adults, which is stupid because a. I’m an adult of the generation that grew up with Harry Potter and I’ve had long serious conversations with people my age about Hogwarts houses more times than I can count so Harry Potter is if not for adults, at least highly represented among adults and b. other than being set in a school for wizards it’s really not the same. The story is much broader and more expansive, but underneath it all there’s a very strong Fi feel, and a dissatisfaction in knowing one is special and yet not feeling as though that’s enough. I can’t give away any more but there’s also something that I found very Ne-Si in the story as well.

ENFP: The Vorkosigan Saga (or selections thereof) - Bujold. I whole-heartedly recommend the Vorkosigan saga to anyone, over and over, because it is amazing, but because Miles is an ENFP (I struggled over this typing), I recommend it to ENFPs in particular because he’s not flaky or Random!Lololol! like the ENFP stereotype and I think they’ll appreciate that. In fact his main characteristic is ‘terrifyingly driven’; a good deal of that comes from his whole quest to define and prove himself, and a lot comes from the realities of his environment (Te is very helpful when you’re fighting in outer space). The whole damn series is worth it, but if you are bad at sitting still and reading then I recommend the novella The Mountains of Mourning, which won a bunch of awards and gets an amazing callback in one of my favorite books in the series, Memory. Alternately, if you’re cool with spoilers for a lot of the books about Miles’s youth and/or want minimal sci-fi and maximal farce, A Civil Campaign is hilarious and you can pick up most of the previous references through inference/a wikipedia search.

If you didn’t like the recommendation for your type: I couldn’t decide where to put The Diamond Age, Cryptonomicon, or Snow Crash, all by Neal Stephenson, but they’re all good (Stephenson’s writing seems to lean NTP to me) ; writing about The Mists of Avalon reminded me of Gerald Morris’s YA The Squire’s Tale series which is a humorous retelling of the Arthurian legends (The Sword in the Stone is also a very different humorous retelling); Good Omens is funny and amazing and everyone should read it, and I just read the short story collection The Assimilated Cuban’s Guide to Quantum Santeria if you’re more a short story person. 

Thunderbirmon and Digitalworldproblems' Guide to Digimon
  • Rule #1: Make friends with everyone, they'll come back later.
  • Rule #1b: Unless you're in the Frontier Digiworld in which case if they come back there's every chance they're going to die.
  • Rule #1c: Or if they're Leomon. Any Leomon.
  • Rule #2: Don't pick favourites, because chances are they will die.
  • Rule #3: Never split up from the group because you'll probably die or have several near-death experiences if you do.
  • Rule #4: Always have optimism, even if you don't, pretend you do. Everything in the Digital World that has a consciousness will feed off negativity. Always act like you are happy or else you are screwed.
  • Rule #5: Bring several pairs of gloves, eventually something will throw poop at you and you better be prepared.
  • Rule #6: Expect to find an evil Digimon that will end up becoming a good Lopmon.
  • Rule #7: If you have goggles, you're probably going to be the most powerful. If you don't have goggles, argue incessantly with whoever does and that works too.
  • Rule #7b: If you do not fit into either category, be prepared to be tossed aside while those two do all of the fighting.
  • Rule #8: Make sure you can swim, someone somewhere will make sure you end up attacked in the water.
  • Rule #9: You must be in perfect physical condition because at many points you will be required to run for your life for extended periods of time.
  • Rule #10: Practice friendship speeches every day, one might just save your life.
  • Rule #11: Have ridiculous hair, have unnaturally coloured eyes and wear ridiculous shoes to fit your giant feet.
  • Rule #12: Have at least one tragic thing in your past to look back on and give you strength to fight further at a pivotal moment.
  • Rule #13: There will always be a missing extra member of your group. Search for this person at all times.
  • Rule #13b: Unless it's Ryo. He'll show up eventually, no point trying to rush it.
  • Rule #14: The small child of your group is actually capable of taking care of themselves, no matter how incompetent they appear to be.
  • Rule #15: Establish a really annoying trait early on so that when you overcome it, it counts as character growth.
  • Rule #16: Know that your Digimon is nothing but a tool for character development.
  • Rule #17: The comedy villain always comes after the storm.
  • Rule #18: Be aware that if you so much as breathe next to another character, people will ship you. It's unavoidable, no matter how much or how little of an age gap there is, whether you are related or not, or whether you are the same species or not.
  • Rule #18b: If you don't want hate mail forever, never get in the way of Tai and Sora. There are people out there who will fuck your shit up.
  • Rule #19: Expect to have your heart broken once your adventure is over.
  • Rule #20: If you want to do something and never have an American or European see it, do it while peeing and nobody will ever hear of it
  • Rule #21: If your partner Digimon has a form that resembles humans, never Google that form's name and look at images, or else you will never be able to see your partner the same way again.
  • Rule #21b: Actually just never Google your partner, nothing is sacred.
  • Rule #21c: Never Google yourself and another character in the same search, the effects will be even worse than googling your partner and looking at images.
  • Rule #21d: Unless you're into that, I guess. We're not judging. (We are. We aaare.)
  • Rule #22: Don't even bother bringing food. You will only need to eat in the first few episodes and then you will never get hungry or thirsty again.
  • Rule #23: Remember - It's never a game. This advice will make most bad humans turn good. And possibly crush their souls.
  • Rule #24: If a Digimon tells you that you can trust them, there is a 99% chance you can't and they will turn on you and probably steal any essential belongings of yours.
  • Rule #25: Falling is only fatal in the human world, anywhere else and something will conspire to catch you.
  • Rule #26: Once you think you have defeated the final enemy, you have not. There will always be one that is stronger, or the same one will return twice more.
  • Rule #26b: Don't worry though, despite being stronger, Digivice ex machina will intervene and save the day.
  • Rule 27: Light is the almighty good but darkness is also good??
  • Rule #27b: If whoever explains this first is themselves a representative of darkness, they're lying and evil. Everyone knows objective evaulations of darkness only come from the almighty light.
  • Rule #28: There will always be an evil Digimon who will attempt to convince you to believe that you are the only sane person in the group and that the evil powers of darkness that you have spent your entire time fighting against will help you rise above the commoners.
  • Rule #29: Sexy is evil. Anyone who thinks they're sexy is therefore evil.
  • Rule #30: Your Digimon is always right yet they will still do whatever you force them to.
  • Rule #31: If they're small but have two legs they're probably Ultimate level or higher.
  • Rule #32: Walk down stairs, do not run.
  • Rule #33: No really we're not kidding. Walk down stairs, do not run.
  • Rule #34: If your Digimon is blue and related to dogs, you will be playing an important role.
  • Rule #34b: Same goes for fire Digimon.
  • Rule #35: You must love eating weird food combinations. It is a custom with Digimon protagonists.
  • Rule #36: No matter how desperate the situation, you always have time to chat, sass, and bicker.
  • Rule #37: When holding up your Digivice to activate something, it is essential that you do some hand movements and turn around a few times before actually activating it.
  • Rule #38: Beware Digimon bearing banquets.
  • Rule #39: When you kill an enemy Digimon, make sure to destroy the body because they will probably come back if you don't.
  • Rule #40: All adults should be assumed to be dangerous idiots until proven otherwise.
  • Rule #40b: Do not accept any direct help from adults because they will probably make everything worse.
  • Rule #40c: Accepting help from Digimon will probably kill them in the long run.
  • Rule #41: Don't feed your Digimon too much food or else they won't be able to move in times of a crisis.
  • Rule #42: There is no moment that doesn't need terrible jokes.
  • Rule #43: At some point, some almighty celestial Digimon will descend and explain everything to you that was supposed to be explained at the start.
  • Rule #44: If something calls itself God it's probably evil.
  • Rule #45: Never trust any digimon named after Satan.
  • Rule #46: The whole Digimon level actually mattering thing will eventually gravitate towards being total bullshit as your adventure continues.
  • Rule #47: Wear clothes relating to your personality.
  • Rule #48: Don't reveal anything in an internal monologue you wouldn't want the world to know.
  • Rule #49: If you always wear headgear, expect everyone to beg you to take it off at some point just so that they can see your hair.
  • Rule #50: Sea Digimon can fly out of water. Legless Digimon can fly. Any Digimon can fly if the plot demands it.
  • Rule #50b: Until suddenly your Digimon becomes aware that it needs wings in order to fly. Then it will no longer be able to fly.
  • Rule #51: Your Digimon can engage in colossal battles in the real world. They will probably destroy buildings while stopping that digimon from destroying buildings, but fuck it, it's in the name of good, right?
  • Rule #52: Despite the name, baby Digimon can take anything up to a building collapsing on them as long as they aren't the target of it.
  • Rule #53: If you're in the Tamers universe, you don't need to wait for a magical bonding moment for your Digimon to evolve. You can just cheat by slashing an evolution card.
  • Rule #54: All prophesies and legends are true, and are probably about you. Especially the ones involving a great darkness.
  • Rule #55: Even if the entire world sees you save both worlds, you won't be treated like a hero. People probably won't even remember the existence of Digimon about 5 seconds after the problem disappears.
  • Rule #56: No matter how much the world is going to end in like five minutes and you've proven yourself competent before, all normal people are going to insist on you doing your chores and homework and staying where it's safe while the world dies.
  • Rule #56b: Even though you're pretty much excused from school, you'll probably still have to do homework. But on the bright side, there is pretty much no bedtime!
  • Rule #57: Always get into petty fights with your Digimon so you can reunite stronger than ever later.
  • Rule #58: Keep your Digimon a secret from your family/friends and if they see it, deny that they saw it. Apparently the giant monsters rampaging through the streets are more normal than a partner Digimon.
Homecoming | Monday  Calum Imagine

Summary: It’s the week of homecoming at your high school, and Calum Hood - the star soccer player - is looking for someone to wear his jersey

Masterlist


It was the week of homecoming at your high school and everything was becoming crazy. Every day was a new dress up day and everyone in the school was expected to show off their school spirit, homecoming king and queen would be announced at the end of the week, and the senior girls were plotting and scheming about who would wear whose jersey on the night of the big game. You absolutely hated the ‘jersey mania’, where girls would begin asking the boy athletes if they could wear their jersey months in advance. At your school the soccer boys were the most in demand, namely Calum Hood who was the star player of the soccer team, and of course one of the most attractive boys in the school.

You couldn’t understand the fascination with Calum Hood, I mean sure he was good-looking. He had amazingly bronzed skin with dark hair to match, and a killer smile, but other than that he wasn’t anything special. He was just another jock who always had a pretty girl on his arm. Because of his affinity for beautiful girls, everyone had just assumed that Reina Corse, the prettiest girl in the school who was loved by everyone would be the one wearing Calum’s jersey, but rumor has it that when she asked for his jersey he turned her down and told her he had someone specific in mind, but the school had yet to find out who this special someone was.


When you walked into school on the Monday of homecoming week everyone was dressed up as their favorite character, which meant that girl’s wore extremely short Minnie Mouse dresses and the guys were in superhero outfits. 

You hadn’t gone to quite the level of dedication as other girls in your school, but your best friend Joslyn absolutely loved homecoming, and she wouldn’t let you skip dressing up for another year. So you decided to dress up as April from Parks and Rec which was essentially just normal clothes, while Joslyn dressed up as Deb from Napoleon Dynamite, side pony and all.

“Holy fuck Y/N, take a guess at who is wearing your outfit counterpart today!” Joslyn squealed when she got to your locker.

You just shrugged nonchalantly while continuing to switch your books for your first few classes.

Joslyn let out an exasperated sigh, “While I guess you’ll never know then.” She had always been quite the drama queen, and used it to her advantage with you to get her way.

She started to walk away, but before she could get too far you let out a laugh and called her back, “You are so overly dramatic, who is it then?”

“Calum, fucking, Hood.” Joslyn whisper-screamed.

You faked an extremely shocked look, “Oh my god, do you think this means we are getting married?!” Then you shook your head, and began the walk to your first class of the day.

Joslyn was one of Calum’s many fans, and would probably kiss the ground he walked on so you weren’t surprised when she responded with, “One could only hope.” 

You just bumped your shoulder into hers and stopped at the door of your first class, before saying, “You’re delusional. I’ll see you at lunch okay?”


You were sitting in history class feeling like the day was dragging on and on, as your teacher tortured you with a documentary about the immigration habits of Europeans in the 18th century, when finally someone must have heard all the calls for help you were sending from your brain because the next thing you knew the fire alarms were going off.

Everyone rushed out of the room, not because they were worried about the fire but because they all wanted to get out of there before they died of boredom. In the process you somehow ended up in the middle of a different class, but when you looked over you recognized Calum Hood who was indeed dressed up as Andy from Parks and Rec.  You had to admit his outfit was very impressive, he was on rollerskates while playing some of the songs by Mouse Rat, you would’ve thought he would be dressed up in a superhero costume to show off his muscles like the rest of his friends.

He was in the middle of a song when he did a circle on his rollerskates, and caught your eye, stopping his circle mid-spin, “So you’re the other Parks and Rec fanatic everyone has been telling me about all day!” He skated closer to you with a smirk on his face, “So this is going to sound extremely douchey of me, but I don’t exactly know your name.”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s okay, we’ve only been in the same classes for about six years now, I wouldn’t expect you to know me. We don’t really have much in common anyways since I’m not much of an athlete, but I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” You said, suddenly becoming aware that people were watching you. It must have been because you were interacting with Calum.

“Well Y/N, we clearly have more in common than you think!” He said ignoring the obvious bite in your voice and motioned between our costumes, but he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going in the process, and when we made it outside for the fire drill he hit the grass and immediately started to flail. Before you could even think, you put your hands on his shoulders to stop him from falling but you underestimated the momentum Calum had had while skating, and he ended up falling on top of you in the process. 

You kept your eyes closed because you didn’t want to think about the mortifying situation you were currently in, but you could feel Calum’s muscles on top of you, and his arms on either side of your head that kept him from completely crushing you.

Eventually you opened your eyes and cleared your throat causing Calum to look up at you, “Uhh, are you planning on standing up any time soon Calum? Or have you fallen asleep?” You said in a sarcastic tone.

He scrambled to stand up, and then pulled you back up before laughing your biting comment off, “Sorry about that, I’m just not used to girls falling for me so quickly.” He dropped his eye in a cheesy wink.

“I’m sure it must be really hard for you to come by a girl that likes you, isn’t it.” you replied back to him, starting to walk away.

He quickly caught back up to you, “It’s hard to find someone that likes me for me, rather than just my athletic abilities.” You were shocked at how serious this conversation had just gotten. But then Calum’s face lit back up into a smile, “Of course my dashing good looks always help!” 

Then he began to play the song Sex Hair by Mouse Rat which caused you to giggle. You tried to hide your smile by covering your mouth with your hand, but it was too late Calum had already seen it, “I knew I could get you to smile eventually, and of course nobody can resist Mouse Rat - the greatest band to ever live!” He all but screamed the last part, and began to skate circles around some of your classmates chanting “Mouse Rat” and of course because he is Calum everyone quickly joined in.

Soon the chant died down, and one of your teachers gave you the all clear to head back inside. You were walking back inside, when you heard your name being shouted. You turned around to see Calum dodging people on his roller skates, how he was skating so well in the grass you had no idea apparently his athletic abilities were in more than just soccer.

When he finally caught up with you he smiled his best, full-teeth smile that sent something running through your body then asked, “So, since you’re April and I’m Andy I think it’s only fair if I get your number.”

You giggled, and leaned in to whisper something in his ear, “Not in a million years Calum.” Then you sent him your most dazzling smile, and walked away.

He was left there with his jaw hanging open, before he swore under his breath, with a new found determination to make you his.


A/N: I just thought of this idea, and I really like it! Let me know if you like it just as much, and want to read about what’s going to happen on Tuesday of Homecoming Week here!

Tuesday is up now!

Catch Fire: Chapter 1

When a one-night-stand turns two-night-stands turns sex buddies turns…well, good question OR when Lou met and somehow ended up having sex with her celebrity crush, she never expected things to turn out the way they did

Warnings: smut, language, 5SOS and especially Luke are kinda assholes


LOU’S POV:

Greenlight – 5 Seconds of Summer

“It’s taking me over, I don’t wanna play this game no more

All you gotta do is tell me right now, you want me right now, come on

Give me the greenlight, we could have all night

If you just say the word, tell me it’s alright, give me the greenlight”


I open my eyes and squint in the harsh sunlight coming from the window of my bedroom. Yawning, I reach for my phone and check the time. It’s 2pm and I just woke up. Oh well. That’s what holidays are for. Sitting up, I stretch and wonder what I’m going to do today. I’ve spent the last week in LA making the apartment ready for when I’m moving in (in a few months), and this is my last day before flying back to France, where I still live with my parents.

I don’t feel like getting up just yet, so I go on YouTube to check the number of views on my last video (yes, I’m a dork that way). I smile goofily at the screen. I posted it two days ago and there are already 1k views! Okay, it might not be enormous, but I started my channel a little over a year ago and it’s not like I’m that great at singing, so I’d consider it an achievement to even have two views. I quickly scroll through the comments, which go from ‘Omg your voice is amazingg and ur sooo pretty <3’ to ‘Do u call that playing guitar?! ur voice is a fuckin disaster’.

Oh well, haters gonna hate. Comments like that are actually pretty ironic since the name of my youtube channel is GoAwayPeasant. Okay I’m not funny.

Anyway, I finally decide to get up and pick out my clothes as I check my Twitter, which I basically only use to stalk bandmembers. No one’s posted anything special, except Jack from All Time Low who’s just being his usual hilarious and stupid self. I shrug on a pair of skinny jeans and the DropDead ‘Join Us’ tank top, pulling my dark red curls in a ponytail. My phone lets out a small sound as a new tweet comes in. I look at it and freeze. Oh my god. It’s a picture of all of 5SOS in LA. I had no idea they were here. The tweet simply says that they’re stopping here for the day, and then leaving for the European leg of their tour tomorrow (yes of course I have tickets for the show in Paris). I breathe and try to channel my inner fangirl, but it’s no use. I’m in the fucking same city as them! Of course they probably won’t leave their hotel and I’m not enough of a creep to stay outside of it and stare at the windows, but still.

Just then, New Americana by Halsey starts playing as my phone rings. I pick it up, recognizing my dad’s number.

 “Hello? Louisiana?”

I sigh. Don’t get me started on my name. Normally I make everyone else call me Louise or Lou, but he insists on using my full name. I hate it. It’s not my fault my dad has family in Louisiana and has thus insisted I be called that, or that my mom thought it was a very awesome idea. But still I’m the one stuck with that horrible name.

“Yeah?”

“Hi honey, how are you?”

“Hey dad, I’m great! How are you guys?”

“We’re good. How’s the apartment?”

“It’s amazing,” I gush. “I love it so much! And it’s really close to this awesome music store! Well, I haven’t really checked it out yet, but it looks awesome. I’m probably gonna go today,” I add as an afterthought.

“I see, glad you’re having fun.”

We talk a bit more about what I did during the holidays and discuss the details of how I’m gonna get home before saying goodbye. I settle back down on my bed and contemplate what I wanna do before visiting that music store. After a few minutes of hesitating between movies, fanfics and YouTube videos, I go for the last and decide to do a re-run of all of danisnotonfire’s videos, because let’s face it: he’s amazing.

Five hours later, I’m at the music shop. And I was right: it’s paradise on earth. I trail my fingertips over the rack of CDs, looking for…there. Taking the CD out, I inspect the cover. The extended version of 5 Second of Summer’s new album finally came out, and I’m holding a precious copy. The four boys’ faces smile up at me, and I notice that for once, they’re all actually looking at the camera. I focus on Luke’s face, tracing the edges of his light smirk. So damn hot. Gripping the CD as well as the other few albums I’ve selected, I head towards the counter.

And stop in my tracks.

Entering the shop is a tall young guy around 20, with golden-blonde hair, sky-blue eyes and a pierced lip. It’s him. Lukey. Aka Luke Hemmings, 5 Seconds of Summer’s lead singer and guitarist and the boy who has been my celebrity crush for three years. Here. In this shop. Walking in my direction.

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I’ve been thinking about how toxic fandom can be.

I could write a dissertation on the various ways fan culture breeds the worst of the worst, but this particular rant is about the race thing. Because Tumblr culture thinks it’s so progressive and above other places like Twitter and Reddit and, idk, Yahoo comment sections when it comes to race. But actually it’s not any better. It just covers the bigotry up with flowery words and feminism!!! (yeah I’m still mad at how much this site can shit on female characters while praising white peen, all the while claiming they want better for women)

This has been on my mind for awhile, even more since I’ve totally fallen in love with The Flash and watched the fallout that happened the second that Candice Patton was cast to play Iris West.

And I started to really wonder why folks went off the rails. Why people latched on to Caitlin like a life line and insisted that she should be Barry’s love interest, even before the show aired. And once it did, posts in the Iris tag ran the gauntlet of excuses of why she wasn’t a well written character to how she should either be killed off or reduced to something other than a main.

The writers of the show have pretty much made her perfect. Happy, loved, a great friend. Pretty much always has a smile on her face. College student, working part-time to cover expenses at a coffee shop. Loves her some Barry. Loves her some Joe. Even loves her some Eddie once she realizes that her whole world wasn’t just her bff, school and her dad. Even still, she starts a freaking fanblog about that super fast dude that goes around saving people because she knows Barry and wants to help him find the truth/closure about his mom’s death. She literally hasn’t done anything to anyone to be dragged across the coals the way she has been. In fact, everyone else has been doing a disservice to her by being big fat liars about things that she should really know about. Which, somehow, people turned this into being her flaw.

(If you can’t tell, I’m a stan for Iris. I will defend her to the death. Carefree blk girl that has so many people in her corner. This is SO FUCKING RARE! I have NEVER seen this before on tv)

Then that wonder turned into an ‘oh yeah, fandom is racist as hell but they don’t want to admit it.’

Because I’ve seen various versions of CW’s Iris West in other shows, with almost the same personality and charisma and having everyone be in love with her cause she’s just so awesome… and fandom tripped over themselves to stan the hell out of them.

But all those characters where white.

And this is the problem. The second a characters can no longer jokingly be called snowbunny, too much of fandom can no longer relate to them.

That’s when those tired ass tropes come out:

  • The bad actress thing
  • The no chemistry thing
  • The she’s better off without a love interest thing
  • which feeds into The Independent, don’t need a man thing
  • The she’s too aggressive thing
  • The she’s too passive thing
  • The they’re like brother and sister, so it’s incest thing
  • The she’s an action girl, therefore why are you trying to bring in a usually white male love interest to ruin it (even though that male character will have more fans than the said female character)
  • The but she’s also a damsel in distress, why can’t she just save herself and carry that load and just be a general mule that cries I Don’t Need a Hero Baby and if you help me in any way it’s just gonna invalidate my Strong Independence thing
  • The she’s too perfect thing (a.k.a the Mary Sue Syndrome)
  • The she’s not perfect enough (a.k.a. the I don’t understand that characters can be flawed and I can still love them when they identify as a woman… But hey, let me flood your dashboard with Loki and Sherlock and Bucky Barnes, and Sam and freaking Dean Winchester b/c tragic male characters are just the fucking best or something… idk, I seriously don’t care anymore)
  • The why can’t we have more strong male/female FRIENDSHIPSaremagic!!!!!11!, they don’t have to become romantic thing
  • The I just don’t like her thing, even though I can’t articulate why I actually don’t like her. And if pressed for it an explanation, I’ll just throw out the most superficial reasons why she’s just the worst thing ever to hide my internalized misogyny and racism while tagging that shit but please don’t call me out on it because then you’re just being a bully and I was only stating my opinion even though nobody fucking asked for it and gosh can’t I just live? First Amendment!!!! I’ve sent myself gotten anon death threats okay, this is why we can’t have nice things
  • The she didn’t look like that in the original source material thing. Why is everything become so PC? Those black/brown people are really getting out of hand with their want for representation. Why can’t they relate to a character if they don’t actually look like them? It shouldn’t be that hard. Who care’s if they didn’t cast Katnis or Khan or The Exodus right? They’re just characters. And their race shouldn’t play into how much you identify with them. But holly shit, Idris played a Viking god??!? Annie isn’t a pale, freckled faced red head. That’s just taking things too damn far. Let me shove the importance of European beauty standards down your throat some more, because obviously there aren’t enough of us in all your media.


Yo, this shit I just typed… this shit that I’ve seen in literally any fandom that has characters that weren’t melanin challenged… IT’S GOTTEN OLD

And the clap back that’s been happening… those people like me who are done with everyone thinking white is the status quo… it isn’t about shipping or us being sjw.

It’s about us being so fucking tired of defending characters that look like us, that speak like us, that go through the same bullshit like us, but are either ignored or vilified by fandom for reason that aren’t canon just because said fandom doesn’t want to admit it’s problematic as hell.

It’s about me being too old and too done with fandom pissing on my head and claiming it’s just rain… It’s about the fact that there is no apparent safe place for fans of color because #fandom is for white women.

This should no longer be a thing. There have been more articulate and sober folks saying this since AOL free trial disks were all the rage (trust, I was there) BUT IT’S STILL HAPPENING

This is why folks like me snark, and curse, and reply to your ‘am I the only one that doesn’t/cant’s stand [insert whatever non-white person of the week’s name here] lol?’ posts with side-eye gifs and general disdain. This is why we don’t care for your criticisms that divorce race from the narrative. This is why we have to have racebending prompts and create new tags just so that we can stan for those characters that apparently the world hates. And why we don’t give a flying fuck about your ‘can’t we all just get along? Solidarity guys. Listen to the only MLK quote I know’ posts when you aren’t trying to police the people that are causing the actual problem, but trying to guilt us into thinking you’re the victim. This is why we create our own message boards and forums and no you aren’t invited. This is why we don’t care to educate you. This is why your passive attitude towards the bs we have to go through as fans of color is worst then the actual assholes that perpetuate it.

THIS IS WHY TUMBLR AIN’T SHIT

But, despite all of this, I like it here. Sure, the staff doesn’t have their priorities straight and apparently will protect the identities of KKK members before they’ll support black history month, but it’s free and the xkit guy works miracles.  

But most importantly, I’ve met incredibly talented and smart individuals here. And I know it can be better.

So do better. That’s all I’m asking. Check yourself before you start applying higher standards to characters of color and judging them in ways you don’t to anyone else.

And FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS UNIVERSAL, LISTEN TO US WHEN WE TELL YOU YOUR LANGUAGE IS RACIST!!!!! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR INTENTION WAS. I DON’T CARE IF YOU AREN’T LIKE THOSE FIGURATIVE ‘OTHER PEOPLE.’ YOU FUCKED UP. PUT ON YOUR ADULT PANTS AND OWN UP TO IT. LEARN FROM IT. AND DO BETTER NEXT TIME. It’s really that easy.

*This rant has been brought to you in part by too much caps lock, the Charles Shaw Trader Joes chardonnay blend, that tequila and Waffle House I had for breakfast, and years of frustration defending characters like Iris West | Bonnie Bennett | Abby Mills | Jenny Mills | T-Dog | Mako Mori | Breaden | Guinevere | Glenn |  Olivia Pop | Joan Watson | Roxy & Fred Weasley |  Uhura | Martha Jones | Lana Lang | Michonne | Nick Fury|  Dualla ‘Dee’ | Rosita | Tyler Lockwood | Sharon/#8/Boomer | Teyla | Regina Mills | Stacker Pentecost | Lacy Porter | Tara Thorton | Shirley Donavan | Marcel Gerard | Naevia | Melinda May | Michaela Pratt | Sam Wilson | Tiana | Cassie Robinson | Tory Foster | Rhodey | Casca | Heimdall | Hogun | Aveline de Grandpre | Scott McCall | Mika | Sasha | Ororo | Literally all the non-white characters they had white folks playing them in  Game of Thrones | dot dot freaking dot I can go on forever with this list

August’s stereksupportnetwork member prompt was School AUs. I got the prompt from the school themed prompts.

Please bear in mind that I’m from England so if I’ve made any mistakes with how US colleges work I’m sorry!

Prompt:  We hated each other during summer orientation and now it turns out we’re roommates.


“It’s not that long dude; we’ll see each other at Christmas.”

“That’s nearly four months Scott!” Stiles exclaims down the phone.

“You’ll be fine Stiles; college is going to be awesome. You’re going to have so much fun.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever you say.”

It’s Stiles’ first day of college and he’s headed to freshman orientation. Scott elected to stay back in Beacon Hills to go to community college and keep training with Deaton, Lydia’s off at MIT, Kira and Allison are at Berkeley, while Stiles was accepted to Stanford.

“Anyway you’re only a few hours away; you can always come home if you want to.”

Stiles sighs. “I know it’s just weird that’s all.”

“What is?”

“Being away from you guys, away from my dad, from Beacon Hills. I just w-”

As Stiles makes his way across the quad, a guy comes out of nowhere bashing into his shoulder knocking his phone out of his hand and sending it flying onto the grass.

“What the hell?! Watch where you’re going!” Stiles shouts and the guy’s leather clad back.

The guy ignores him.

“Seriously not even an apology? You just bumped into me! Actually more like slammed into me.”

The guy doesn’t response and just continues to walk away.

“Really you’re just going to walk- urgh whatever.”

“Stiles? Hello Stiles? What happened? Is everything ok? Stiles!” Scott’s voice comes through the speaker.

Stiles bends down to retrieve his phone from the ground checking it over quickly for any damage. It looks ok; the guy’s lucky.

“Przemysław Stilinski answer me!”

“Dude I’m fine, just some utter douche-nozzle bumping into me. And seriously Scott please don’t call me that again, just because I told you my name doesn’t mean you can say it out loud,” Stiles says checking his watch. “Crap I’m going to be late for orientation, I’ll talk to you later man.”

Stiles makes it to orientation just in time. He chats with a few faculty advisers, meets some other students and snags himself some cool freebies. He hasn’t decided on a major yet but has some idea of what freshman classes he wants to take. He signs himself up for a couple of Computer Science classes, and a seminar in Film Studies. As he’s looking for his last class, Stiles sees the guy from earlier in the corner of the room looking over some of the history class information.

If you asked him about it later, Stiles wouldn’t know why he did it. He can see the guy making his way over to the European History stand, just as Stiles overhears the adviser say there’s only one space left in the class. Stiles hates history. Hates it. He slept through most of his history classes in High School, but something makes him rush over to the stand and hurriedly write down his name on the class list.

“Sorry, the class is full.” Stiles hears the adviser say to someone behind him. Stiles turns around only to come face-to-face with the guy.

“Are you serious?” the guys asks him sharply.

Stiles shrugs. “Sorry man, looks like you missed out.”

The guy honest to god growls at him before storming off. Stiles knows it was mean, and he knows he shouldn’t have done it but he’s never going to see the guy again right? College is a big place.

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