god help me i will not get through today

RFA + MC: Panic Attacks

This also wasn’t requested. But I would like to point out that I struggle greatly with anxiety, panic attacks and low self esteem. That being said, everyone experiences anxiety differently. The accounts described are how I deal with them.

  • Yoosung

- It’s a shame. Rika wouldn’t do something like that
- If only Rika was here with us still, I miss her

- You and Yoosung were in a relationship for the past year and it was slowly blossoming. You two loved each other a lot and often told each other how you felt or if something was bothering you. You two vowed to be there for each other after all.
- Yet at times, you always felt that he still held Rika closer to him than you. Which was fine, Rika was like family to Yoosung. Her death was very traumatic for him, seeing that it was his first time coping with grief. You understood that much and were fine with that part.
- Yet you always felt at competition against her. And she wasn’t even alive anymore…
- He doesn’t love me
- He doesn’t appreciate me…
- I’m not doing enough for this party
- After all, I’m not Rika…

- Thoughts played on a loop. Your chest started to tighten and you awoke with a gasp. It was the middle of the summer and you were wearing your vest and shorts, yet your body was drenched in a layer of sweat. You started to lose sensation in your hands and feed and your breathing became faster and laboured.
- Tears streamed down your face as you croaked to Yoosung for help, unable to speak. You patted for him desperately.
- “MC..? It’s the middle of the night…” he said, groggily. He leaned over and turned on the lamp, wincing at the sudden brightness. He leaned over and froze when he saw you in your panicked state. He knew you got panic attacks regularly and he was there all the time for them, but he never knew the reason. “MC…”
- He never knew that you felt that you were being compared to Rika, and in turn, started to compared yourself to Rika.
- He pulled you close to him and tried to get through to you. “Shh, everything’s fine. You’re okay, it’s only panic. I want you to take deep breaths with me, okay?”
- You began to follow him and he rubbed your back up and down. He looked up to you so much yet you suffered with these debilitating attacks. Once you calmed down he asked what was on your mind. The stress of the party, feeling totally inadequate and comparing yourself to Rika, everything.
- He kissed your forehead and pulled you towards his chest now.
- “You’re so silly. Is that what triggered this? MC, love, there is no need go compare yourself to Rika and I’m sorry I come across as if I do that. I’ll change. But you’re you. Give yourself some credit. This is your second  party, give yourself some credit. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

  • Zen:

- There he was, looking as dazzling as ever. He was where he belonged on stage. He was so gifted and handsome and chivalrous.
- It was so packed and hot and you couldn’t hear yourself think. Or breathe. You felt really unwell.
- The intermission was approaching. Good, I have survived an hour, I can do one more and then Zen will be finished and we can go home, you told yourself.
- But you now had to deal with Zen’s fans outside. The majority of his fans were lovely and they were happy with the two of you being in a relationship and later married. You neglected to tell Zen this, but some of them had been targeting you on social media platforms. This wasn’t the root source of your issues with a anxiety and panic, but it’s undeniably true that it has been making your anxiety worse.
- “Oh look, it’s MC.”
- “I wonder what she did to become Zen’s wife.”
- “Oh, you mean it’s not obvious yet? Look at her!” The insults came one after the other.
- And you ran. You couldn’t take it, those comments tipped it over the edge. You ran backstage, despite what security said. You called out for your husband, your panic attack reducing you to the floor.
- “Miss, are you okay?” A backstage worker asked
- You shook your head, trying to catch your breath, but failing. You grasped at the air before you, croaking for Zen again. And thankfully, he spotted you and ran over to you.
- “Oh, mc, hey, hey… are you okay?” Your chest screamed for oxygen but you shook your head. He pulled you towards his chest for a few moments.
- “That’s okay, let it out. You’ve done well to last this long, okay?”
- He lifted you up and took you into the restroom. Zen always kept one of your beta-blockers with him, as well as a bottle of water. He gently pressed a tablet against your lips and opened up the bottle of water. You took a drink and you chest slowly began to loosen.
- He informed the director he had to leave to tend to some personal issues of his own and have his understudy take over, against the director’s and your own wishes. But he insisted. He needed to make you feel happy.
- He drove you home, removed your clothes drenched in sweat and gave you some looser clothes. He pulled back the covers and wrapped his arms around you, whispering sweet nothings until you relaxed and fell asleep in his arms.

  • Jaehee:

- Jaehee knew that you suffered from GAD and panic attacks. You had been for years now and it took a while, but you have come to grips with it for the most part that you were just an anxious person. It took time, but you gradually began to get your life back.
- However, you still had bad days and today was one of those days.
- Maybe it was the heat or because the cafe was packed today. But you couldn’t concentrate and usually that was a sign that a panic attack could overtake you. Everything seemed ‘fuzzy’, as if you were having an outer body experience.
- Jaehee called you over to serve two customers. It took you a few moments to register her request, but you walked over and took the tray to the table.
- Jaehee noted that you looked very pale, as did the customers at the table. You were now shaking and your chest tightened.
- “Are you okay?” They asked.
- You didn’t answer as you ran into the supply room, Jaehee coming in a few minutes later.
- Needless to say, you were a mess. You were hyperventilating, tears leaving tracks down your face, shaking. The familiar feeling of dread lingering in the back of your mind. You needed to get out, you needed to–!
- “Mc.” Jaehee said, kneeling down on the ground before you. She had your sweaty, clammy hands in hers. “Remember, you’re okay.” You began to whimper again and she brought a tissue to wipe your face. “Shh, shh. You’re okay, you’re okay.”
- She placed a glass of water up to your lips, encouraging you to take a drink.
- “Take as long as you need. I hunted everyone out, saying we were taking a break for an hour for lunch or something. You know, maybe that’s what you need. But for now, sit here, compose yourself, and I’ll be out in the kitchen and we can talk then, yeah?”

  • Jumin:

- “Dear, you look unwell, are you okay?”
- You nodded your head, but you could feel the butterflies in your stomach. The tingling sensations spread down your legs and arms. Jumin took a hold of your hand, squeezed it as a way of saying, “It’ll be okay.”
- And he was right. It was proven that a panic attack can, generally, last only ten minutes. But those ten minutes were utterly horrifying and the panic attack could easily come back.
- Currently, Jumin, you and his employees were in a meeting about business related crap, you honestly couldn’t pay attention at this stage. And then, an employee asked you to speak.
- No, no, please, you said to yourself.
- You stood up and slowly walked over towards the whiteboard that had various diagrams on it. You had a sheet of paper in your hands of the points you wanted to make. You then felt the employees’ eyes piercing into your very soul.
- You blinked away the tears, trying to compose yourself. Your chest was so tight and there was a sharp pain there too. The room began to spin. Thankfully, Jumin came to your rescue by saying, “let’s take a ten minute break.”
- You dropped the documents in your hands in a hurry and ran out of the conference room. Jumin came out and he held your hand as he took you to his office. You burst into tears as soon as he shut the doors to his office. He sat you down in his office chair as he kneeled down. Tears dripped down, landing on your pencil skirt. Jumin had his hand in yours and was rubbing circles into your palms.
- “It’s okay. Just follow my breathing. Just concentrate on your breath coming in-” he paused to inhale, “-and out.” And exhaled.
- You shook your head, hyperventilating still. You looked into those familiar eyes of liquid mercury, a comforting glaze in his look. You told him you can’t but he was there to shake away those thoughts.
- “You can, you absolutely can. Keep your eyes on me and focus on your breath,” he cooed, his voice turning to a whisper. “I am not going anywhere. I know you can do it.”
- In, out
- In, out
- You kept your gaze locked on his hypnotic eyes. He was there every step of the way. A warmth filled your heart and he gently pressed his lips to yours.


- “I don’t care about your feelings, alright?!”
- “Don’t be nice to me if you don’t know anything..
- “Keep your distance.”
- You had been nothing but kind and patient towards Saeyoung. You tried to be understanding, but he kept pushing you away. You tried to get through to him, but he wouldn’t have any of it. Today he reached his limits, and he snapped at you. And it was much harsher than normal.
- You slid down the edge of the island unit in Rika’s apartment. You buried your head between your hands and shook.
- You felt so stupid. I am such an idiot, he doesn’t like me at all… I just keep annoying him. Oh god, I must have gone overboard this time, you said to yourself.
- But you tried your best to help him; you gave him space, left him food, etc.
- Your chest grew tighter and tighter until you couldn’t breathe. You gasped in heavy strokes, trying to remain as quiet as possibly so that you wouldn’t disturb Saeyoung. You clamped a hand over your mouth, which echoed with a slap. Saeyoung must have heard it. He ran out and saw you in this state and. His heart split into two pieces.
- Oh god, are they okay?!
- He crouched down, shook them and took a hold of your hands. “Mc, mc… hey, mc! Can you hear me?”
- You responded with choked whimpers and laboured breaths. He sat down beside you, squeezing your hands.
- “You…” you whimpered, “you’re so mean to me… I am trying to understand you, but you’re so cruel to me…”
- I caused this… I caused them to panic like this, he said to himself, bringing you to his chest.
- “I am sorry, I am so sorry, Mc. I am doing this for your own good. I’m dangerous and you can’t get close to–”
- “I don’t care!! I don’t care that you’re dangerous. It makes no difference, because I love you… a-and you keep pushing me away!” you wailed. “But it just fucking hurts!” You choked. Your breathing quickened and the room started to spin and Saeyoung cupped your tear-streaked cheeks.
- Everything she said was a stab to the chest.
- “It’s like you don’t care… but I know you do, I know it!”
- “Deep breaths, Mc. Try to calm yourself before we talk about this…”
- He sat with you, taking deep breaths. There was bomb in this apartment, but this was more important. You were upset and he was partially to blame. As you stopped crying, he rubbed your back. He tried to explain his feelings to you.
- “I am sorry, mc… I am sorry I said those things. But… I do feel the same way. I just don’t want to hurt you… I want to cherish you. But look at what I have done to you… I will not yell at you anymore. All I ask is that you wait for me to deal with this bomb crap and we’ll talk more about this then.”
- You nodded.
- He guided to your bed and suggested to taking a nap. He left a drink of water in your bedside locker and stayed with you until you fell asleep.

While You Were Gone

Originally posted by ehghtyseven

Summary: The reader makes a deal to temporarily go to Hell for a week to save Dean. He doesn’t know what to do with himself while she’s gone and starts writing her letters…

Pairing: Dean x reader

Word Count: 1,800ish

Warnings: lanuage

A/N: Written in Dean’s POV….

Keep reading

pixlokita  asked:

Okay just... I just got out from work and saw that baby shinichi and Kaito playdate comic. I almost cried because it was too cute. I love your DC art so much thank you for blessing my dashboard with your amazing art<333

oh wow thank you so much!!! i’ve seen your art around a lot too and it’s so adorable and funny, i’m glad we’re creating things that make each other happy! :’)

there’s a vague sequel to that comic (at least along the same theme of shinichi and kaito being childhood friends) i’ve been working on today, and i just finished so i’ll spill it here because why not:

“oh my god, that’s right, my dad kidnapped you one time”

kaito gets all dramatic the first night he faces off against shinichi as kid, but they’ve been apart for so long that shinichi’s kinda forgotten they hung out as lil babies and it completely deflates kaito’s whole showstopping “look at me now” performance 

i’ve been playing with this au with @nebulousneko a lot lately. shinichi still ends up turning into conan and kaito helps him out, even though he has to get through the fifteen years’ worth of laughter he’s had stored for when Mr Perfect finally screws something up on a huge scale

(also they don’t fight outside heists and shinichi won’t grass on kaito’s identity; they’re both fully clued up on each other’s situations so they take their opposing interests easy on each other)


Literally me rn oh my god. 

Originally posted by wearethefauves

Jesus lord you guys are so wonderful and I love you all.

I have 75 requests in my inbox right now and I am just



Words cannot describe. Like dude, I’m speechless right now. Wow. I’m so thankful and happy I can share my writing with you all and make your days even the slightest bit better. It warms my heart. 

I was feeling down today, but just reading through all of your messages and requests have cheered me up. AHhHHH. I’m going to get working. 

This might sound crazy, but I’m keeping requests open until tomorrow morning. 
I just love you all so much you guys deserve some extra time to throw ideas and things at me! <3 Haha. 

200 Sentence Prompts!

message me a number and a guy/girl (hamilsquad or hamilcast) and I’ll write a fic!! (p.s I used feminine pronouns for these but if you want me to use masculine/gender neutral pronouns just tell me in your request and I’ll use them :))

1. “I kinda sorta maybe like you.”
2. “You’re my favorite person.“
3. “You know that, right?”
4. “I’m gonna kill you!”
5. “What the fuck happened here?”
6. “Please…don’t go.”
7. “Stay the night?”
8. “You’re such a loser.”
9. “Why do you hate me?”
10. “Just shut up and kiss me.”
11. “How dare you?”
12. “Excuse me?”
13. “Make me.”
14. “Can you not?”
15. “Care to explain?”
16. “Okay…sounds fake but okay.”
17. “Why are you filming?”
18. “Delete that. Immediately.”
19. “You spent $340 on what?”
20. “Why. Just…why.”
21. “Oh, and by the way? I love you.”
22. “You look so good in that.”
23. “If you want me to stop, then say so. But I don’t think you want me to.”
24. “I respect a slice of cheese more then I respect you.”
25. “Currently dying. Bye.”
26. “Don’t touch me.”
27. “Get the hell away from me.”
28. “I haven’t stopped listening to Taylor Swift for eight months because of you.”
29. “If that’s not dedication I don’t know what is.”
30. “How do I put this simply? I despise you.”
31. “Put that thing back where it came from or so help me God!”
32. “What are you wearing?”
33. “You’re being ridiculous!”
34. “You’re just like them!”
35. “What song is this?”
36. “That might just be the worst pick up line I have ever heard. Congrats.”
37. “You have invented a new kind of stupid.”
38. “I sure don’t remember having a dog.”
39. “Why are you under a table?”
40. “Where are you?”
41. “I’m dead. Bring donuts.”
42. “Are you bleeding?”
43. “How often does this happen?”
44. “Oh my God, someone call an ambulance/medic!“ (depending on the time period)
45. “Did you just hiss at me?”
46. “You can’t spend the rest of your life inside.”
47. “Watch me.”
48. “I have a presentation in the morning, and I’d very much appreciate if I didn’t have to listen to your emo music all night.”
49. “Is that my shirt?”
50. “Can I have my stuff back?”
51. “You broke my heart.”
52. “________ is rolling in their grave right now.” “…________ isn’t dead?” “They are to me.”
53. “I’m sorry I kicked you in the balls. It might happen again.”
54. “Nobody cares??”
55. “Are you drunk?”
56. “You’re drunk.”
57. “You’re a woman?”
58. “…you have a sister?”
59. “You’re their sister?”
60. “FIGHT ME.”
61. “I’m Kanye and you’re Kim.” “Don’t insult Kanye like that.“
62. “Get out!”
63. “Please don’t hurt him!”
64. “Please, don’t hurt yourself.”
65. “I can’t take it anymore!”
66. “That’s gotta hurt.”
67. “…you set off the smoke alarm while smoking weed?”
68. “Why are the windows fogged up?”
69. “Don’t check my browser history. I haven’t been watching porn, I’ve just been marathoning Dance Moms for the past week and I don’t want you to see the extent of my shame.”
70. “It’s an honor to meet you.”
71. “It’s you. It’s actually you.”
72. “I love your tattoos.”
73. “Go to prom with me?”
74. “Did you just admit you love me over text? Lame.”
75. Hahahahahahahahahahahavesexwithmehahahahahahahahahaha.”
76. “Come back to bed?”
77. “Sing it!”
78. “Everyday is Halloween if you’re dedicated.”
79. “OTP.”
80. “Just make out already.”
81. “Can I do your makeup?”
82. “I can fight my own battles.”
83. “Get out.”
84. “Get help!”
85. “Hey, hey, hey, stay with me.”
86. “Hold my hand.”
87. “I think your parents like me more than they like you.”
88. “Can I have your number?”
89. “Fuck it up!”
90. “You’ve ruined everything!”
91. “It’s all your fault!”
92. “Why are you wearing a tutu?”
93. “Nobody needs to know.”
94. “It’s yours.”
95. “It’s not yours.”
96. “I’m yours.”
97. “I am nobody’s but my own”
98. “Talk to me like that again and I’m leaving.”
99. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
100. “Fix your lipstick, put on your heels, and let’s get going.”
101. “Please tell me you’re not courting him.”
102. “We need to be quiet.”
103. “You don’t understand.”
104. “What were you doing in there?”
105. “I’m fine.”
106. “We’re not fine!”
107. “Everything is falling apart at the seams!”
108. “You wanna come over here and say that to my face?”
109. “This means nothing.”
110. “You sure about that?”
111. “Can you come over?”
112. “Are you…naked?”
113. “That’s the weirdest thing you could possibly say in this situation!”
114. “What were you thinking?”
115. “You could have died!”
116. “Where is she?”
117. “I’ll do anything.”
118. “Please don’t hurt her.”
119. “You’re going to be a father.”
120. “I’m so sorry it had to be this way.”
121. “Hold me back!”
122. “Okay so you gotta hold me back so it looks like I’d really fight them, okay? No matter what I do, don’t let go.”
123. “I love you, asshole!”
124. “I’ve loved you ever since you pantsed the principal on the last day of senior year.”
125. “You should have told me.”
126. “Please don’t leave me.”
127. “I waited for you.”
128. “You broke a promise.”
129. “If you walk out right now it’s over.”
130. “Keep it in your pants, for crying out loud!”
131. “What if someone hears?”
132. “Everyone heard.”
133. “Everyone knows.”
134. “You’re so in love with her it’s embarrassing.”
135. “Don’t throw away your shot.”
136. “You stalled. He didn’t. Deal with it.”
137. “If I never see you again, I want you to know I love you.”
138. “What do you mean she’s missing?”
139. “It’s you.”
140. “That was not supposed to be sent to you.”
141. “Those were pot brownies.”
142. “As a man of the law, I’ll have you know I strongly oppose illegal substances.” “As your girlfriend, I’ll have you know I really don’t care.”
143. “She’s pregnant?”
144. “What did they do to you?”
145. “I’m going to kill him.”
146. “You deserve so much better”.
147. “Take it off.”
148. “I’m an independent ass woman, and I can do it myself.”
149. “You’re a grown ass man, and you still can’t take a bra off?”
150. “Kinkshaming is my kink.”
151. “And now I have a hickey. Thanks.”
152. “Who gave you that hickey?”
153. “Can you please stop giving me hickeys?”
154. “Get in, loser. We’re going shopping.”
155. “We are not naming our child after my rival.”
156. “I’m about to go into labor and the father isn’t here. So yeah, I’m not doing that well!”
157. “I swear to God if you don’t show up in the next five minutes I’m naming this baby ___________” (depending on the rival)
158. “Why did everything just get really we- OH MY GOD.”
159. “Donut come for me.”
160. “Slaaaaaaaaay.”
161. “May I have this dance?”
162. “I do believe you are the most beautiful girl here tonight.”
163. “It’d be a shame if I didn’t say hello before the night is over.”
164. “Lord, help me through this night.”
165. “What do you mean we’re locked in?”
166. “Just do it.”
167. “I can’t believe it, I’m getting married today.”
168. “I’m married.”
169. “You know you don’t love him, so why do you pretend?”
170. “You deserve happiness.”
171. “You deserve everything you have, darling.”
172. “Just hold me.”
173. “I just want to hold you.”
174. “I can’t sleep without you in my arms.”
175. “You got arrested?!”
176. “This is so gonna get you arrested.”
177. “Come on, live a little!”
178. “Asl? ;)”
179. “I swear to God he’s the most annoying person on this planet.”
180. “He’s my brother.”
181. “Since when do you have a brother?”
182. “Holy shit, boobs.
183. “Why do you keep putting me in the backseat when it’s obvious I’m so much taller than him? You’re just adding on to my chiropractor bill in 10 years.”
184. “Aww, you’re so short!”
185. “My height gives me an advantage when it comes to kneeing people in the balls, so I’d watch your mouth.”
186. “Could you not wear those heels? They make you look taller than me and my reputation is already suffering.”
187. “Keep doing that and you’re gonna regret it.”
188. “After everything that happened, I don’t regret a single moment of it.”
189. “I still love you, even after what you did.”
190. “I still love you, but I can’t do this.”
191. “You don’t love him and you know it.”
192. “I don’t love him, I love you!”
193. “I swear to God I will never love anybody else.”
194. “Yeah, I love you, but you know what? I wish I didn’t.”
195. “Loving you is the best thing I’ve ever done.”
196. “And to think, none of this would have happened had I not spilled coffee all over you that one Monday morning.”
197. “Marry me?”
198. “Marry me.”
199. “I was gonna marry her.”
200. “I do.”

For those who feel like no one listens because they’re “too young”

“Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.“ 1 Timothy 4:12.

These words were written by Paul to Timothy. Timothy was a very young leader in the church at Ephesus. Just like we constantly are told by those older than us, Timothy had his fair share of “What do you know? You’re young and inexperienced.” Paul saw this. What did he do? He encouraged Timothy to continue doing what he was doing. He encouraged Timothy to be an example to everyone.

When it comes to God, your age doesn’t matter. He has great plans for you and wants to see you accomplish great things. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re too young. Be an example to everyone. Show them God’s love.

These words got me through some tough times at the end of my time at the church I grew up in. These words still help me today. Because, no matter how old I get, someone is older and thinks they know better than I do (Which is sometimes the case. I’m not going to overlook wise counsel. I just don’t want to hear things like “You’re just a kid. You have no clue what you’re doing.”).

Just remember that there’s a difference between wise counsel from those who have experienced what you’re going through and not listening to you because of your age and/or inexperience. Soak up the wisdom of those who have come before you like a sponge. Wisdom and experience are important. But don’t listen to those who wish to discount you and what you’re doing because of your age. 

You are important. You matter. God loves you. Unlike people, God looks at your heart (1 Samuel 16:7). It is God we should aim to please, not others. If you show God to others through your speech, love, life, etc., He will see what you’re doing and reward you (Colossians 3:23-24).

I’ll repeat it because I know I need to hear it as well:
- You are important.
- You matter.
- God loves you.

I genuinely never believed that I could feel unconditional love for someone in the past, but recently I’ve realised that it’s something I definitely feel strongly and altruistically. Amazing how someone can affect your life in such a positive way, even after going through all of that crap, even after all the shitty things that’ve happened. I may not be with that person, but I’m so god damn grateful that I had the chance to be, because after spending most of my life before cold and borderline devoid of emotion, nothing has ever beaten the bliss of that feeling. It was that love that made me a better person and helped me get to the positive place I’m in today.

anonymous asked:

Hey I've been interested in faith stories so could I hear yours? Maybe get some other users you know who are public about their faiths to talk about what experiences got them to where they are today?


You can read my testimony here. I left quite a bit out because this is a public page and there are some things that I’d only tell people after knowing them for a while (really personal stuff that still gets me today). 

Basically, a lot happened before I looked into the Church and I faced (and still do, to some extent) a lot of opposition from people close to me after I decided to convert. I told one of my Catholic friends 90% of the story and he said it’s amazing I made it this far.

It’s very important to share our stories so God can work through them to help others. People shared their stories with me and it had such a great impact :)

I hope that I answered your question! May God bless you and I wish you a blessed Palm Sunday!

Ad Jesum per Mariam,

María de Fátima


spoilers ahead! this is the audio log of officer doug eiffel, onboard the uss hephaestus station, orbiting the red dwarf wolf 359 in the leo constellation. feel free to change pronouns and modify to your needs.


  • “that’s fine, everyone makes mistakes, but if she could stop talking about my, ‘fragile, carbon-based, uncomfortably liquid body,’ it’d be a real breakthrough.”
  • “i’m still banned from the lab.“
  • “well, yeah, i guess that’s fair.”
  • “eat your heart out, you succulent rat killing tar.”
  • “y’know what, i think i need some coffee.”
  • “calling it coffee helps.”
  • “well, clearly this is an important matter that requires my immediate attention.”
  • “take me away, sweetheart.”
  • “one-thousand and… ugh, it’s the extra one that’s really annoying.”
  • “are we seriously blowing up now?”
  • not explosion. something… less destructive. a hairdryer, perhaps.”
  • “i guess we have to break into his lab and make sure he doesn’t die.”
  • “sweet merciful tap dancing zombie chorus girls.”
  • “i should probably make sure [name] isn’t burning to death.”


  • “we can safely conclude that operation… freaky… deaky… space music is ongoing.”
  • “yep. super calm. totally uneventful day.”
  • “i have little to no idea what you’re talking about.”
  • “actually it seems like pre-meditated caution.”
  • “—basically i took the entire tube.”
  • “hostage is such an ugly word.”
  • “before anyone decides to get clever or heroic, you should know that i’m not above doing something stupid here, alright?”
  • “radio as entertainment seems to be making a comeback around here.”
  • “i still have the right to toothpaste.”
  • “just because i’m crackin’ up doesn’t mean i’m crackin’.”
  • “i’m here to discuss the terms of your surrender.”
  • “it’s more orange than red, really.”
  • “this little revolución is over.”
  • “i guess there’s nothing to gain by saying how sorry i am?”


  • “this is a day of darkness. low tide. —a half melted fudgsicle of despair.”
  • “he’s like a friggen shark sniffin’ for chum.”
  • “i was just trying to be helpful.”
  • “i like to think i tactically misrepresented the data available.”
  • “so you ‘tactically’ lied to me.”
  • “i was wondering what that thing taped to my door was.”
  • “you might, however, be surprised at what you can live through.”
  • “i guess your lies get bigger as you go higher up in the ranks.”
  • “i know we’ve had our ups and downs but i could kiss you right now.”
  • “i never used the flame thrower before, so this might be fun.”
  • “with napalm, you moron!”
  • “this has been a good day.”


  • “today, i am not unlike the gods.”
  • “sorry, i didn’t mean to enjoy the majesty.”
  • “loud and clear.”
  • “okay okay, got it. class dismissed.”
  • “oh god, my eyes.”
  • “everything’s ‘gimme shelter’ out here.”
  • “son of a bitch.”
  • “a hundred feet? jesus christ.”
  • “i’m gonna drown? in outer space? what kinda sense does that even make!”
  • “i’ve had enough dramatic irony for one day, thank you.”
  • “i don’t exactly have breaks on this thing.”
  • “well, you’re still you. so.. eh?”
  • “he did have to resuscitate you so you may now qualify as ‘undead’.”
  • “scouts honor.”
  • “hey, baby. did you miss me?”
  • “i have something for you.”


  • “i feel [coughs] fine.“
  • “i got this stupid skin rash that’s driving me nuts.”
  • “you are a great man.”
  • “you look terrible.”
  • “theoretical science first, practical medicine… more of a past time.”
  • “true science mustn’t be so severely hindered.”
  • “just answer the damn question.”
  • “don’t worry. you’re in extremely capable hands.”
  • “i may be in slightly more dire straits than i previously thought.”
  • “who knows what that maniac’s told them.”
  • “and then we’ll see how he likes it when someone’s messing around with his internal organs.”
  • “the fifth amendment says i don’t have to answer that.”
  • “no, [name], it’s not ‘four-ish’.”
  • “the only experiment here is the one you are conducting on my patience.”
  • “i have every intention of seeing this through to the end.”
  • “i always thought i’d die in a science fair. turns out, i wasn’t that far off.”
  • “just because i’m a scientist doesn’t mean i am mad ingenious super-villain.”
  • “i think there’s a lesson here, but it’s kinda lost in all the hallucinations. i’ll get back to it.”


  • (less than enthusiastic noise maker sound)
  • “and by party, i mean helping me procrastinate my work shift.”
  • “you’re way overthinking this. it’s just a taste thing, there’s no wrong answer.
  • “i don’t know what i want but i know how to get it.”
  • “are you upset? i didn’t know you got upset.”
  • “did i tell you about that time i thought he was trying to kill me? — any of those times?”
  • “things don’t ‘get’ to me.”
  • “score one for old school double-a’s.”
  • “has this place always been so overlook hotel-y?”
  • “— or that time you poisoned that liter of water trying to make whiskey.”
  • “why are you underneath that table?”
  • “i’m guessing it’s not one of those ‘gets better by itself’ situations.”
  • “basically we’re barreling toward certain death. that’s all you gotta say. ‘barreling toward certain death’.”
  • “oh, it’s spooktastic in here, baby.”
  • “okay, i swear to god somebody’s talking to me.”
  • “whooaa, what just happened? did… did everything just kind of blink around for a second there?”


  • “god, they’re still at it.”
  • “in the meantime, that means we gotta make our own fun.”
  • “on friday we’ll have mustard. umm… that’s all it says for friday. im not sure what that means.”
  • “[name] does pigheaded obstinacy like it’s an olympic sport.”
  • “i think we might have a situation on our hands.”
  • “sit your swiss ass down and pick a side.”
  • “you’re both utterly useless.”
  • “oh, stop. do you know how condescending that is?”
  • “you can’t hold that against me. you were practically wire tapping.”
  • “why am i not surprised.”
  • “oh, right, like i actually care enough about what you do to try and sabotage you.”
  • “that’s exactly what i was afraid you would say.”
  • “our rating on the peril-o-meter just went from ‘spidey-sense is tingling’ to ‘bat signal in the sky’.”
  • “and, just in case it wasn’t already obvious, i am absolutely terrified of both of you.”
  • “the fact that i’m trying to get the two of you to do the responsible thing is scary enough.”
  • “she’s just taking out her insecurities on you.”
  • “just say what you really think!”
  • “you stay here. i’ll deal with you later.”

BOX 953

  • “it’s either not smoking OR sylvia plath’s ‘lady lazarus,’ not both of them together.”
  • “already i don’t like where this is going.”
  • “that, however, will be a clever lie.”
  • “you can’t solve all your problems by knocking people out.”
  • “i never really paid attention to this room before.”
  • “only. um. none of them have eyes.”
  • “holy crap! you guys—there’s a canon in here! why is there a canon in here?!”
  • “why would anyone want that many l-shaped blocks? l-blocks are useless.”
  • “this is some raiders of the lost ark level stuff here.”
  • “no. it is not cool. it’s diametrically opposed to cool.”
  • “you don’t understand. there is SINGING.”
  • “so, yknow. ew.”
  • “i’m not sure if it was a warning shot or if she just missed.”
  • “i’m always multitasking.”
  • “i’ll see you on the other side.”
  • “in lieu of super human strength, i went to get a crow bar.”
  • “once again, our quarterly talent shows have taken something away from me.”


  • “uugh. balls.”
  • “can we really be ready for anything?”
  • “riders on the storm, man. riders on the storm.”
  • “whatever happened to those weekly calls from mom and dad?”
  • “we’d be looking at- i dunno- random strings of ampersands and sevens .”
  • “but it makes no sense.”
  • “what the hell are we supposed to do with this?”
  • “un momento por favor.”
  • “what happens when we run out of numbers?”
  • “we should be… pretty safe? based on our limited perception of safety.”
  • “you had to say something you had to open your mouth.”
  • “okay. officially, now. what the hell.”
  • “’mathematically unlikely’? that’s the best we can do right now?”
  • “there are a lot of ‘could’s in that explanation.”
  • “i like the sound of my voice a lot better than the sounds of what’s going on out there.”
  • “oh, god damn it.”
  • “well, following that, this is gonna sound a lot less sexy.”
  • “it’s cruel! and sick! and… other adjectives!”
  • “i think we need a proper nights sleep to really let our anger reach its full potential.”
  • “hint: IT. WAS. AWFUL.”


  • “i’m gonna be a little less npr and a little more national geographic.”
  • “— or, it’s scientific name, ‘stick-iss up the ass-us’.”
  • “you say that like it’s supposed to mean somethin’ to me.”
  • “is that ‘yes, i did it’ or ‘yes, i have no idea what you’re talking about but i don’t want to get in trouble’?”
  • “god damn it, [ name ].”
  • “so. um. yay? i’m s- i’m really not sure what’s happening here.”
  • “i have an alternative theory, but i don’t think you’ll like it.”
  • “where did the spider go?”
  • “it’s just a bug.”
  • ”it’s an EXTREME. DANGER. BUG.”
  • “i can’t do this.”
  • “what if we just shoot it off?:
  • “i’m gonna sneeze.”
  • “how is this gonna work again?”
  • “if i die, [ name ] gets all my toys.”
  • “is it dead?”
  • “i also brought a gun. just in case.”
  • “if the two of you’ll excuse me, i’m gonna faint.”
  • “i’m gonna go— not sleep. no sleep. never again sleep.”


  • “why are we so afraid of being alone?”
  • “we make big bomb. now everybody is afraid of us.”
  • “nothing in the dark that isn’t there in the light, yes? 
  • “there must be monsters underneath someone’s bed. 
  • “open only when you are alone. 
  • “is anyone laughing now?”
  • “can you hear me? hello?”
  • “— whoopsies.”
  • “you’ve used the word ‘basically’ thirteen times in the last five minutes.”
  • “them’s the rules.”
  • “i’ve never been great at proverbs.”
  • “it wouldn’t be hard, either.” 
  • “i doubt it, but you never know. i can be full of surprises.”
  • “is anybody in here?”
  • “do you ever feel like you are ot where you are supposed to be?”
  • “yes. in fact, can we like… underline that yes? and bold it? and put like a bunch of stars and arrows and a drawing of a scary plant monster next to it?”
  • “oooh, brotha.”
  • “spice things up a little. give it that hal 9000 touch.”
  • “god, honestly, it’s like he’s nine years old.”
  • “i’m not sure which possibility i find more disquieting.”
  • “i’m fine. really. don’t worry about me. and don’t make that face.”


  • “i’m using the last of the real turkey for this.”
  • “there’s other things happening aside from sanatized pagan rituals.”
  • “anyway. as i was saying. impenitrable darkness.”
  • “it’s okay. don’t cry for me argentina.”
  • “not now. taking a personal insanity moment, ask again later.”
  • “you’re still not listening to me.”
  • “ready to go nuts?”
  • “consider it my present.”
  • “we have an honest to god situation on our hands.”
  • “turns out i might be really good at my job. hold your applause.”
  • “after that went so well last time? pass.”
  • “this ones got a bit of a kick in it.”
  • “holy crap. they were right. they knew.”
  • “what the hell are you doing?”
  • “enjoy your last half hour of oxygen.”


  • “score one for crazy, dangerous plans.”
  • “you’re smarter and stronger and better than that bastard’s ever given you credit for.”
  • “step six, don’t die in any of the above.”
  • “who is this? who am i talking to?”
  • “you’re so eager to seem smart, you don’t always do smart.”
  • “are you trying to get us all killed?”
  • “why yes, mr. pot, mr. kettle is looking a little black today.”
  • “cutting it a little close. i was starting to think you forgot about me.”
  • “hope you like life as a popsicle!”
  • “just remember. you made me do this.”
  • “don’t bother. it’s not her.”
  • “go to hell.”
  • “do you have anything to say for yourself?”
  • “he wasn’t lying. not about that, at least.”
  • “can we fix her?”
  • “i’m not sure of anything right now.”
  • “there’s something bigger going on here.”
Not in the Mood for Love - Part 4

|Part 1| |Part 2| |Part 3| |Part 5| |Part 6| |Epilogue|

Member: Park Jimin

Genre: Angst and fluff

Word Count: 1778

Summary: 1 argument is all it took to break off a 3 year relationship. Everything was a lie, nothing mattered anymore. Staying in your town was only killing you more and more each day so you decided to move to a new town and to a new life. You knew you wouldn’t be ready for a new relationship, you wouldn’t be able to handle any more emotional trauma.

A/N: Part 4 c’est ici!! Honestly, I feel like this was all over the place so I apologize if this fic is starting to get really disorganized or rushed. I’m just trying to move the plot along and have some character development. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy reading this! xx 

Originally posted by suga-com

You’re not enough

I don’t know why I every thought that I loved you

You weren’t worth my time

I should have broken up with you earlier; my time is too precious

Sometimes I wish we never met.

You weren’t worth my time and you never will be Y/N

You were so stupid for believing that I ever loved you. This was all just an act, can’t you see?”

Keep reading

omg im getting dinner at 6pm for the first time in… a week… if anyone follows my personal they know i literally haven’t eaten anything in three days besides tiny plates of food at like 9pm because a) anxiety and b) literally just my safety in a new country

im so excited and its just tomato soup and salad and wings LOL 

i’ve been kind of drawling through chapter fourteen cause i’m honestly so hungry but this will help me get some more done cause i’ll have energy finally!! and meat oh my god all they had at dinner last night was rice with shrimp and I can’t eat shrimp so it was just like… veggies and crackers with cheese…

and Chapter 13 is finished I just need to read over it once or twice and it’ll be posted today :) 


Summary: In the early days of Heaven, Gabriel raises a fledgling Castiel in the hopes of teaching him to be a well rounded angel while encouraging him to hold on to his uniqueness.

Author: revwinchester

Characters: Gabriel, Castiel, Michael, Lucifer, Raphael, God, Dean Winchester

Word Count: 1748

Warnings: Angst (with a happy ending, I think?), description of Dean’s time in Hell

A/N: This is my entry for January’s @gabriel-monthly-challenge.  The prompts were awesome and really inspired me this month, hence the posting so soon after they were announced.  I had been dealing with some writer’s block and the challenge this month helped me to break through it.  The dialogue prompt was “One day you and I are gonna wake up and be alright.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day.  I promise you.” and the statement prompt was “when you least expect it sometimes you get saved.”  Both are in here this month.

Friendship - 

Gabriel looked over the fledglings with sorrow.  He and his brothers were supposed to help raise the young angels that their father had created but the archangels hadn’t been able to come to a conclusion on how to do that and Dad hadn’t left any instructions before going off to “create the world,” whatever that meant.  Dad had said he’d be back in a week but no one really had a good sense of time, yet, especially not their father.  

Keep reading


Conor Maynard x Reader

Request:  Can you do an imagine were Y/n and Jack or Conor have a fight. And Jack/Conor takes it to far. And they break up but see each other at like Starbucks and make up. Or it can be like a YouTube hunger games like Katniss and Peeta but with Y/n and Josh. Thanks. Sorry for being picky. You can the one that you like the best.

Thanks to fran0004 for this request! I had a lot of fun writing it! I decided to choose the first part of the request with the ever handsome Conor and changed the coffee shop part a bit ♥

Warnings: fight


Y/n stared at her phone, mulling over her options. Conor had texted her to come to his flat at this time, right? She read the message over, confirming that he did say 3pm today. She had called and texted him to answer the door but she hadn’t gotten any replies, just voicemail and silence. She knocked on the door for the third time, preparing to give up and go back to her place. She turned to leave when she heard the lock turn, she looked back to find Josh at the door, looking like he had just gotten out of the shower.

“Hey Y/n, sorry I didn’t know you were out here,” he had opened the door wider for her to enter but she stayed where she was, “Hi Josh, it’s not a problem. Is Conor home?” He nodded, “Yeah but he’s been working on his album, hasn’t come down since early this morning.” Y/n walked in and set her bag and coat down by the door. She laughed in realization, “That makes sense as to why he hasn’t called me back.”

Conor tended to shut out others when he suddenly got an idea for part of his album, wanting to record it right away and push everything else aside. Y/n was proud of her boyfriend and was always understanding when he got like this, because he was having a hard time with it all. “I can go tell him you’re here if you want,” Josh offered which made Y/n tilt her head in confusion, they usually let her go up to his room. Josh noticed and explained, “He’s been in a bit of a mood, he’s really stressed about getting this album done, his studio called earlier this week and they want a demo.” Y/n sighed, “It makes sense, but I’ll be fine, I have been dating him for a while.” Josh laughed and agreed with her. He let her pass him on her way to the stairs when she realized there was a person missing, “Where’s Jack?” Josh chuckled and pointed to the boy’s room, “Probably asleep still, had a late night.” Y/n laughed with Josh, “Maybe I’ll make a quick detour.” She opened the door to Jack’s room slowly, peeking in to see if he was by himself and had clothes on. Once she saw he was alone with the blankets on him, she pulled Josh in quietly and she counted down with her fingers. When she reached one, both she and Josh dived on Jack’s bed, singing morning songs and jumping on his now groaning body. Jack cursed at them both before moving off the bed to avoid the earthquake they caused. “I bloody hate you two.” Y/n grinned and gave Josh a high five before hopping off the bed and making her way to the door. “You love us,” Y/n sang before leaving the room, rushing up the stairs to avoid the pillow Jack threw towards her. She didn’t hear anything from outside Conor’s door and assumed it was safe to walk in. She turned the knob slowly and walked in, “Conor?” He sat at his desk with his headphones in, listening to the recording he just made. She said his name louder and louder until he realized she was in the room, frightening him.

“What the fuck Y/n, why are you here?” He pulled his earphones off and turned his chair toward her. “Babe, it’s half past three already.” She nodded to the clock above his bed, he followed her gaze confused, “and?” She sighed, “You told me to come over today at 3, we had plans for a coffee date.”

Realization crossed his face, “Oh, I thought I cancelled that with you. I have to do this.” Y/n nodded but sensed how tense he was, “Josh told me you’ve been in here a while, why not take a break for a half hour?” Conor ran his fingers through his hair frustrated, “No I need to work on this, I can’t get this part right.” Y/n took a seat at the end of his unmade bed, “Conor, you’re stressed, a break will do you good.” She wasn’t trying to push him but she had seen him like this before and if he didn’t take a break he would have a meltdown. “Y/n stop, just stop talking.” Her eyes widened, “Excuse me?”

Conor stood, taking short steps around his desk, clearly agitated, “I said STOP. You don’t get it, I need to finish this. It’s been three years since my last album, I can’t just waste my time on you.” Y/n stood, ready to defend herself when Conor spoke again, “Can you just leave, I can’t deal with this today. I’ll see you later.” Y/n felt her face heat in embarrassment and her own frustration. He’s never yelled at her before, and she knew that the boys could hear the conversation through the floors. “Stop being like this, I get that you’re upset but stressing out over it won’t do you any good.” Conor threw down the notebook he had started to look through, “Of course I’m fucking stressed Y/n and you telling me that I am doesn’t help me at all. God why can’t you see that I don’t need you right now, I DON’T NEED YOU OKAY?” His voice boomed at her.

Y/n felt her eyes start to water and her breathing constrict, signs she was soon going to cry. She took deep breaths and stared at him. “You don’t mean that.” Her voice was soft but shaky. Conor laughed humorlessly, “Of course I fucking mean it Y/n. Stop with the distractions, I can’t have you constantly calling or texting me or showing up at MY fucking flat when I don’t want you here. It’s useless to have you here, why don’t you go hang out with the boys, you seem to prefer them over me anyway.” He turned his back to her and Y/n scoffed. “Don’t you dare start to accuse me of cheating or whatever it is just because you’re upset over something else.” His eyes flashed to hers and she could see the flames of anger he couldn’t contain. He opened his mouth and bellowed at her, “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL HERE?” Y/n couldn’t keep her tears at bay and let the floodgates open, Conor’s face immediately softened noticing his mistake.
“Fuck you Conor, I’ll leave and for good.” Y/n ran down the stairs wiping at her eyes furiously. Jack and Josh waited by the door watching as she grabbed her belongings, “Y/n don’t do this, he’ll realize what he’s done and be really sorry.” Y/n shook her head, “He should have never said those things in the first place.” They went to disagree with her but couldn’t find the words. She was right. Y/n opened the front door and Conor came running down the stairs, hoping to catch her and apologize. He was awful to her and he knew it, the stress that was put on him was eating him alive though and he couldn’t handle it. “Y/N, WAIT, please.” Y/n slammed the door shut behind her, and didn’t hear it open again.

Jack and Josh turned towards Conor, “That was really harsh man,” Jack recounted. Conor pushed his brother slightly, “Shove off.” Conor bolted back towards his room where he stayed for the rest of the night and the next night, and the night after that.

Conor’s appearance was disheveled, he’d barely eaten, hadn’t showered and could barely sleep. Jack noticed the bags under Conor’s eyes when he forced him to come down for lunch and the way he wasn’t paying any attention to the conversation, instead thinking of ways to see Y/n. He tried calling and texting but she obviously didn’t want to talk to him and he could understand. He yelled at her, he didn’t mean to; he wasn’t that type of person. Sure, they had fights before, every couple does but not like this.

“Go to her flat.” Josh urged Conor to see Y/n because he knew she was a mess as well, only Conor shook his head at Josh. He had been texting her to make sure that she was okay and tried to convince her to see Conor. He told her about Conor’s actions, laying on his bed or looking out the window while holding onto his phone, hoping it will ring and he will see her face appear.
Y/n brushed off the comments, but she was worried about Conor. She still loved him but she couldn’t face him, did he really think she was useless? Or that she would possibly cheat on him with his own brother or Josh? She decided that she wouldn’t think about it. She needed to get out and do something. It was five days after the fight and Y/n stepped out of her flat. She walked to the local Starbucks and stood waiting for her drink. She stared down at her phone, reading through the messages Conor had sent for the past days, many apologizing, others praising her and the rest saying the three words she didn’t know if she could trust. Her name was called and she shoved her phone in her pocket, grabbing the cup before turning towards the door. She had taken a few steps away from the coffeehouse when she saw him, making her stop in her tracks. He walked with Jack, wearing a sweatshirt and large sunglasses even though it was raining out. He was looking at the ground, ultimately having Jack lead him. She made eye contact with Jack who paused his words, making Conor look up as to why his brother stopped talking. He looked up to see her standing in the middle of the sidewalk just twenty feet away from each other. Their stare broke when Y/n turned and walked away, although it hurt her heart, she thought she needed more time and as Conor watched her walk away he understood.

Y/n sat on a bench in the park for over an hour, watching the people who passed. As she finished her now cold coffee she pulled out her phone and guided herself to her voicemail. There were 5 messages from Conor and she hadn’t bothered to listen to them yet. She willed herself to tap the first one and pulled her phone up to her ear. “Y/n,” She brought her other hand up to her mouth, “I’m so so sorry, I didn’t mean anything I said and I feel like absolute shit for speaking to you like that. I shouldn’t have let you leave. Please answer my calls.” She tapped on the next message and the next, each time hearing Conor’s voice become more hysterical and sorrowful. She held the phone to her ear once more, ready to hear the last message, “Hi, it’s me,” his voice was calmer now but still held heartache, “I don’t know what to do, I can’t imagine my life if you’re not in it. I love you, and I’m going to keep telling you I love you until you tell me to stop, and then after that I’ll still say it until you put a restraining order against me or something.” She chuckled slightly, “I’m sorry, I truly am and I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore. I was a complete asshole and deserve your silent treatment but please let me know if there is even a chance that I can make it up to you.” There was a pause and Y/n held her breath, awaiting the next words. “Uh, yeah anyway I’ll hang up now.” She heard the click and came to a decision.

Y/n rose from the bench and made her way to the entrance of the park. She pulled her phone out again and called Josh. As soon as he answered she spoke, “Is he home?” There was a pause, “Josh yes or no, is he home?”

“Yeah he just got back.”

Y/n stood outside of their flat staring up at their balcony before she made her way inside. She hesitated before lifting her hand and knocking. She waited before Josh swung the door open and upon noticing it was her he affirmed her thoughts, “He’s in his room.” Y/n rushed up the stairs opening his door quickly to find him sat next to his window. He didn’t bother to look up, figuring his brother was at the door again. She walked closer in the room before he looked up. He jumped up without delay and stared at her. Without a word she took a step and he followed her actions, until they were wrapped in each other’s arms. “I’m so sorry Y/n,” he kept whispering as he stroked her hair, remembering the way she felt in his embrace. She pulled away and gazed into his eyes, “I know,” her words made Conor squeeze her to him. “I love you,” he rested his forehead against hers, “I love you too, now shut up and kiss me.” Conor captured her lips in his own and felt the pressure as she pushed harder into him, the kiss feeling like it was making up for more than the fight and the days without each other. She pulled away and took a deep breath, bringing her hand up and tracing the dark circles under his eyes with the touch as light as a feather. “Come on.” She pulled him over to the bed and discarded her boots before laying down, him following suit and laid facing her. He put his arm around her and pulled her closer to him, “I feel like I’m dreaming right now,” he confessed. She smiled and set her head closer to his, “We can’t fight like that again.” He nodded, “We won’t, I promise Y/n.” She brought her lips to his once more and couldn’t bring herself to pull away.


I hope you all enjoy! Let me know if you think there is a mistake ♥

Praise Report

My life is far from perfect, and right now I have to go through the storm in order to get out of it. Yesterday was a hard day and I cried out to God for help. I have faith in my heart again today. I got knocked down, but I’m not going to stay down. I have too much worth for that. God gave me the realization that he has me on his mind and in his heart. He knows what I am going through and he knows how it ends. Today, I am leaning in again and saying I’m sorry father, for I doubted you. He gave me peace. He can give you some too.


I think I was about 16 years old when I decided to work on my tea drinking. I really didn’t like the taste of it, not plain, not with sugar or milk, nor with honey. But every time a saw someone with a cup of tea I got a bit jealous. There was some kind of coziness about it that I wanted. I think I knew that every book I would read would be slightly better with a cup of hot tea in my hand and it never was the same thing drinking lemonade in a group of tea drinkers. So I started to brew one cup of plain tea everyday. The first day I could only drink one mouthful before spitting it out but at the end of the week I suddenly realized that I had drank a whole cup without even noticing it. I ran down the stairs as fast as I could screaming: MOM! MOM I DID IT! I DRANK THE WHOLE CUP! I LOVE TEA NOW!
And after that day I suddenly became a tea-addict. I drank so many cups a day that I after a few years started to get headaches if I didn’t had the time to drink some one day. It is the one and only thing I need to calm myself down. I even thought about steaming tea while being at the dentist today. Being completely afraid of going to the dentist that was the only thing I could think of that would help me get through it. And it did.So thank God for tea. 

The Best Woman ~ Calum Imagine

I met Calum Thomas Hood at the age of six right after the class bully had pushed me off the swing and onto the dirty ground. As the tears started to stream down my face he had swooped in to save the day yelling at the boy saying how dare he do that to a girl. That was the first day Calum Hood had been my hero and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. If I had known that fateful September day that being Calum’s best friend would only cause me pain and heartbreak I would have just beaten up that stupid bully all by myself.

Our friendship was great; simple, fun, and normal. We had sleepovers, laughs, bike rides, and were completely inseparable. Everything was good and our friendship had survived everything until my sixteenth birthday.  That was when I realized I had a crush on my best friend. By the time I had turned eighteen the little crush had turned into me being fully in love with him. It was his stupid sexual innuendoes, his big goofy grin, and how he was the absolute sweetest boy ever to me. Yet our relationship had remained strictly platonic and the only person who actually knew about the fact I was in love with Cal at that time was my other best friend Luke; who I accidentally spilled my true feelings to one drunken night. That was the night after Calum had asked my stepsister on a date for the first time. That was three years ago now and the heartbreak I felt that day had absolutely nothing on what it has now grown into. The boy I’m in love with just told me he’s getting married, and to my stepsister no less.

“Y/N? Are you actually not going to give me an answer?” Calum asked me nervously.

“Sorry I zoned out what did you say?”

“Well now that you’re back on earth, I was asking you since you’ve been my best friend for years, well I was wondering if you would give me the honour of being my best woman?” Calum asked me, concern clouding his beautiful brown eyes. 

Could I really handle that? Helping out with the wedding? Being right beside the boy I loved when planning a wedding that wasn’t even ours?

“Of course Cal, anything for you,” I say with a fake smile plastered across my face. Cal takes me into his arms picking me up and spinning me in a circle and my heart can’t help but break a little more with every sweet gesture even semi directed towards me.

“Put me down you big oaf I have lunch plans with Lukey and we all knows how grumpy he gets when I’m late.”

“Fine! But let the blondie know he won’t be able to have you all to himself very often over the next few months,” Cal says finally setting me back onto the ground. Muttering a quick goodbye I rush from Cal’s apartment and into the drivers seat of my car so I can finally let my uncontrollable sobs out. As the sobs rack my body I can’t help but think of all the opportunities I had to tell Calum how I really felt but I had been too afraid he’d shut me down or just straight up laugh in my face. If I hadn’t kept my love a secret it could have been me walking down the aisle. A beautiful white dress adorning my body, a white rose bouquet being held in my hands as I hang onto my father for dear life praying I don’t trip on the hemline of my dress as I walk towards my groom; The boy I had loved every moment of everyday since I was eighteen years old. Instead I’ll be standing right beside him while my stepsister gets to be the girl of his dreams. I shouldn’t but I can’t help but be angry with her. It’s not fair she stole his heart not me.

After about twenty minutes of crying, broken dreams, and self-pity I realized I was actually late for lunch with Luke. I quickly scrub off the smudged make up and tears hoping the redness of my face would subside by the time I drove to the bistro. I quickly park my car and hop out, not bothering to put my makeup back on. As I walk into the restaurant I quickly spot Luke’s blond quiff and rush over to his table. I lower myself into my chair smiling at Luke hoping my face is no longer red and blotchy.

“What happened? Are you okay? DID YOUR DOG DIE?!” he practically screams across the restaurant the concern evident on his face.

I lightly chuckle “Luke I’m fine jeez stop ruining everyone’s lunch with your yelling.”

“Don’t even try to pull that I’m fine crap with me Y/N. I know you. The only way that you wouldn’t be wearing your black eyeliner in the middle of the day is if you were crying. You don’t cry easily so it must have been pretty bad,” Luke states pulling me into a hug. With that I can’t help but break down again. I hiccup through the whole story not leaving anything out and by the time I finish the old ladies at the table beside us are giving me sympathetic looks while Luke has an unreadable expression on his face.

“God I’m so sorry for crying all over you Lukey. I’ll tell you one thing though I defiantly won’t have to pee very often today since I’ve cried so much,” I joke trying to get a laugh out of my blonde friend. “Luke what are you thinking about please? You’re kinda scaring me.”

“I think I have an idea to fix this,” Luke whispers still leaving me totally confused.

“What were you thinking?”

“You might not like the idea but I think I should set you up with my friend Ashton. I think you’d really like him,” Luke explains.

“You have other friends?” I ask completely flabbergasted. “Just kidding! But why would you set me up with him? I’m pretty sure we’ve already established that I love Calum.”

“I know, I know you love him and all that shit but you dating Ashton could work out two ways. One, you really like ash and you completely move on and forget about Cal. Or two, Calum gets super jealous and realizes he’s actually in love with you,” Luke explains to you as if he was teaching a toddler how to read.

“This sounds like it might get messy.”


A few months later

It was the day of the wedding and things couldn’t be any more awkward. The last week had consisted of my sister having a total breakdown saying Calum didn’t love her anymore because he was always so grumpy now a days, Calum running off for two days, my boyfriend of a few months accusing me of being in love with Calum, and Luke accidentally getting married in Vegas to some guy named Michael. Believe it or not the easiest problem to fix was Luke’s. The boys took their marriage license to a lawyer and told him how they are both straight and they had gotten married to try and impress some hot girls. I have no idea how they thought that would work but now they are actually living together and are best friends. Then the next three problems were all connected and all admittedly my fault.

Ashton and I have been dating for a few months now after Luke had introduced us.  After many awkward dates we hit it off. The problem is Calum hadn’t found out until this week. It wasn’t that I had avoided telling him or anything but he had been so busy with planning the wedding, spending time with his bride to be, and working, we had barely seen each other. The cat came out of the bag when Cal, my sister, and I had been finalizing the seating arrangements. Living in the same house as me, she had obviously met Ashton and knew about him, but when I asked if Ash could be placed with Michael instead of being totally in the dark Cal asked why it mattered so much to me that some random dude had a friend. When I explained to him that I would be the worst girlfriend in the world otherwise he totally freaked out. He lost all of the colour from his face and just stormed out. We had rushed to the parking lot but by the time my sister and I realized what happened there were only two skid marks where his car used to be. I instantly called Luke freaking out to see if Calum was at his place. He wasn’t. Instead Ashton was and he didn’t like the fact that I was so torn up about Calum running off. Thus causing a big fight later that night when Ash came over for our date night. Then when Calum didn’t show up for a couple days it caused my sister to have a freak out but it got even worse when he was completely irritable when he finally did come back. No explanation why he left or where he went just grumpy Calum. The cherry on top is that it’s been two days since he came back and he hasn’t uttered a single word to me. He just keeps staring at me like I kicked his puppy.

I’m currently pacing the hallway of the church running my hands through the hair cascading down my back and occasionally smoothing down my baby blue best woman dress. It’s been almost an hour that I’ve been pacing in the hallway and the wedding starts in ten minutes. I can’t help but feel stressed. Sure the groom is here but he’s still not talking to me and I’m pretty sure I’m still in love with him even though I’m dating Ashton. My head is just one big mess.

“Y/N,” I hear Ashton quietly call me, breaking me out of my internal blabbing. As I turn towards him he just wraps me in his muscled arms. “I’m so sorry that I freaked out baby. I was being stupid and I can’t stand being away from you and you being mad at me.”

Just as I was about to reply a stern voice interrupts my thought process.

“Y/N we need to go get in place the wedding starts in five minutes,” Calum says in a menacing voice. Ashton gives me a kiss and mutters a quick goodbye before scurrying off to his seat. I start awkwardly walking beside Calum not knowing what to say after his blow up about Ashton and I’s relationship the other day.  

“Why are you even dating that tool Y/N? You could do so much better,” Calum mutters. That just made me angry.

“Well that’s good you think so Cal too bad it’s none of your damn business who I date,” I spat back at him. 

“WELL IT SHOULD BE! WHY DO YOU DATE THAT DUMBASS?” Calum snaps and yells at me.

“I’M DATING HIM SO I START LOVING HIM INSTEAD OF YOUR POMPUS ASS,” I shout right back at him. Any chance of me calmly replying went straight out the window.

“How long have you loved me?” Calum whispers completely bewildered.

“Too damn long not that you care,” I say not even caring I just admitted I loved him.

Luke pokes his head out the door smirking. “It’s time to get hitched Cal. Let’s line up kiddos.” As we walk out to the front of the church Calum keeps trying to talk to me but I try to stay strong and just ignore him even though it’s killing me inside. By the time we are all properly lined up it gets more and more difficult for me to stay composed with every bridesmaid that walks toward us. As ‘Here Comes the Bride’ starts to play I know that there’s no possible way I can watch the man I’ve loved for years marry someone else. Before I even catch a glimpse of a white dress I’m booking it out the back door of the church without looking back and not stopping when I hear “Y/N!” being shouted from behind me.

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4


The Phone List

Turnover has always been a problem in the office. 

I’ve been here a little over a year now, and in that time there’s been almost a complete staff revolution. A few old-timers are still around - the general manager, the supervisor, I think a couple girls in HR - but the people on the floor don’t last long. I don’t know what their deal is. Maybe it’s stress; we have to deal with a lot of customers in high-tension situations, and the pressure can get to you. Or maybe people just find something better and move on. 

Here’s what I do know, though: The phone list is cursed. 

I mean, I don’t think it’s actually cursed. I don’t think someone sat down with some candles and did an incantation or anything. I just mean, there’s this weird coincidence I’ve noticed: Every time the company updates its internal directory, someone else quits. 

We have a bank of offices, and of course each employee has their own phone and extension. They keep a list of all the extensions, so we can easily make calls from one to the next - I guess they don’t want us leaving our area to go make smalltalk if we need something - and obviously it makes sense that when somebody leaves that list should get updated.

But I swear, it seems like every time they update that list to reflect a new hire or someone quitting, another person quits within a week. 

That’s another odd thing about this company, actually. When people leave, they just sort of vanish. You never see them cleaning out their desks, or hear them whispering plans to leave; there’s not much gossip in the break room. 

And when people leave, it’s like they were never here. You might see the manager emptying out their desk, but no one ever talks about the people who have left. I guess management is trying to overlook the turnover - maybe they think we’ll stage an insurrection or something if we get to talking about how bad retention rates are - but the whole thing just feels weird. 

Anyway, I didn’t think too much of it for a long while. Businesses have turnover. No big deal, right? 

And besides - the job itself is pretty sweet.   Dealing with customers is pretty stressful, but the pay is decent, the benefits are nice, and the management is usually pretty good at staying out of my hair. I barely talk to my supervisor anymore, to be honest. I see her walk by with the general manager sometimes, disappearing off into an office to talk about finances or whatever, and I’ll wave - but that’s about it. Normal office stuff. We have potlucks all the time, and they feed us really well. I’ve put on a few pounds this year, from all the shared meals. Even the supervisor has plumped up a bit since I got here. 

So, it’s got its perks. And if people can’t cut it, I guess that’s their problem. 

But once I started making friends in the company, the whole turnover thing got a little more awkward. This one guy, Jake, friended me on Facebook; we used to banter back and forth and share memes. Nothing big, but fun. Then one day he quit work and I guess unfriended me - I couldn’t find his profile anywhere after that. Not a word. That stung a little. 

And Tracy, who had my phone number. We’d text sometimes, meet up for drinks - but when she left the company, she just stopped answering me. It was weird. I felt like some kind of pariah for staying at work here. 

But the worst one by far was Abby, who I really considered to be a friend. We had known each other outside of work before she even got hired here. In fact, she was the one who referred me to the job, after running into me at a high school reunion and hearing I needed work. We weren’t best buds or anything, but we did meet up outside of work on a pretty regular basis to let our kids play and catch up on gossip. 

And then one day she quit, without warning, and I haven’t heard from  her since. I’m honestly not sure whether to be worried or pissed. If there’s something she found out about this job - some reason to leave - she’d damn well better tell me and not be a coward about it. And if she just left for some dumb reason, why would she be so reluctant to answer my phone calls? I even swung by her house yesterday; her car was in the driveway. She must have been avoiding me. How much of a wimp can you be? 

Well, anyway. That’s what’s running through my head today. There’s a potluck this afternoon, but I’m too irritated to look forward to it; the idea is honestly turning my stomach a bit. And I couldn’t help but notice the supervisor as she waddled past - god she has gotten fat - and think maybe I should have a salad today or something. 

But here’s the thing that’s really getting to me right now. I just got the new phone list, the one updated to remove Abby’s number – and I noticed that my name is missing, too. 

That’s weird. 

A shape moves outside my office door - a big, hulking shadow, a bloated silhouette - and I feel the oddest stab of fear. 

Why is the supervisor coming to get me now? The potluck isn’t for a few more hours…