god damn you rock

We ain’t nothin’ but a nation of god-damn chicken-shit, horse-shit, tattle tale, pissy-ass, whiny, fat, flabby, outta shape, facebook-lookin’, damned twerk-fest, peekin’ out the windas and slippin’ around, listenin’ in on the cellphones and spyin’ in the peephole and peekin’ the crack of the god-damned door and listen’ in the fuckin’ sheet rock. You know - Mr. Putin, please, show some fuckin’ mercy. I mean, come on, drop a fuckin’ bomb won’t you?
—  National treasure John B. McLemore

Shiro: (wants to meme keith)

Shiro:(throws a rock at keiths shack of a house)

Keith:(loads a shot gun) YALL CANT HAVE MY GOD DAMNED CANS- shiro? why are you throwing rocks at my house are with with the desert bandits?

shiro: I have a lot of questions suddenly but I will wait to ask them becouse I need you to hear a song, its the greatest song in the world

Shiro:(rickrolls keith)

Keith: (comes out of house and hugs shiro) Im never gonna give you up either!

Shiro: I- yeah ok that was totally my intention (hugs keith back)

(later, in space)

Keith:(hums never gonna give you up to shiro while sitting with him on the space couch, a small smile on his face)

Lance: is…is that never gonna give you up?

Keith: yup! shiro once played to tell me he wouldnt give me up :)

Lance: (stares accusingly at shiro)

shiro:(SWEATS)

HOLY FUCK IT’S A HORSE AND NOT A ROCK FOR ONCE GOD DAMN TERTON YOU MAD MAN.

Alright that aside today (it’s like 15 minutes past midnight here so it’s today for me) is Wiggles’ birthday! So here’s some Speedee because I totally forgot to draw her the moment I saw her like I planned… 6 months ago… man, I’m terrible at remembering things.

WHATEVER, today is @ask-wiggles‘ birthday so go over and give her some love!

Meanwhile I’ll just be over here trying to figure out how to proceed with my own yellow horse.

anonymous asked:

OOOOF DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING I HATE? THE GOD DAMN HOKAGE ROCK. PORTRAYING. OF. NARUTO. WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE HE'S PISSED AS FUCK ???

Cause he was forced to get an ugly haircut and then give up on the love of his life in order to marry a girl.

Another (Part I)- Levi x Titanshifter!Reader

Attack On Titan canon verse; multi-chapter Levi x Reader in second-person POV. A huge thank you to my wonderful friend Gianna for help with writing Jean, couldn’t have done it without you!

Warnings: Some swearing.

I do not own Attack On Titan or any of its characters.
I do not own you.
I own this story.

~~~

Keep reading

A Family Affair
  • *Angelo's*
  • Molly's Date: *raises his glass* To us.
  • Molly: *smiles; lifts her glass* To us *clinks his*
  • Molly's Date: *nods at Angelo* A mate of yours?
  • Molly: *turns away; waves* Oh, yeah, he's friends with...someone I know *turns back* So...where were-
  • Sherlock: *suddenly next to them; exasperated* Sorry I'm late...may I join you?
  • Molly: ...
  • Molly's Date: *frowns* Excuse me?
  • Molly: *rolls her eyes* Edward, this is Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock, Edward Castle *mutters* Sherlock is my soon-to-be-ex husband.
  • Molly's Date: *raises an eyebrow* You never told me you were married.
  • Sherlock: *pulls up a chair; smug* Ah, first date. Remember ours, dear?
  • Molly: *narrows her eyes* Where are the kids?
  • Molly's Date: *splutters his drink* Wait, you have kids? Plural? As in...more than one?
  • Molly: *still looking at Sherlock* Yes. Where are they?
  • Sherlock: *thinking* Hmm...one is out solving a crime probably, teenagers, I'm sure I left the twins downstairs with Mrs. Hudson, John and Mary wanted the toddler practice and Mycroft is babysitting the, erm, baby.
  • Molly's Date: *alarmed* Jesus, how many have you got?
  • Sherlock & Molly: *glance at each other* Five.
  • Molly's Date: *confused* Well, then...why are you splitting up?
  • Molly: *smiles* The sex was crap.
  • Sherlock: *chuckles; takes her wine glass* Now, Molly, give him an excuse he'll believe *raises the glass to the light*
  • Molly's Date: *looking between them* What's going on?
  • Sherlock: *sighs* Does the name Julia Smith mean anything to you?
  • Molly's Date: *shakes his head*
  • Sherlock: Nooo *sniffs the glass* You never get to know their names first, do you? Did you know she was fifteen years old?
  • Suspect: ...
  • Sherlock: Her mother hired me to investigate her attack. Dinner at a restaurant with someone she met in a chatroom... *dips his finger in the wine glass* I don't think I need to tell you the rest *tentatively tastes the liquid*
  • Molly: *calm* You see, while you're sat here with me, the police are raiding your flat and, well...I don't think you're getting away this time.
  • Suspect: *fuming* You have no right-
  • Sherlock: *fuming* Our eldest is the same age. It is taking all my willpower not to force you to drink this and leave you at the mercy of my girls. Far worse than anything I could do to you.
  • Greg: *enters Angelo's; approaching their table* Come on, Castle. You have the right to remain silent... *leads the suspect away*
  • Molly: *holds Sherlock's hand* It's okay...we got him.
  • Sherlock: *nods* Too late *sighs* That was...good.
  • Molly: Not bad for an amateur, eh? *pats his knee* Come on, let's round up the troops.
  • Sherlock: *smiles* Thank you for helping me.
  • Molly: *grins* What would you do without me? *kisses him*
  • Sherlock: *takes her hand* Don't make me think about that.
  • MEANWHILE
  • John: *running his hands through his hair* For God's sake, Will...put that down.
  • Baby Holmes: *grinning; rips open the bag of flour*
  • John: *high-pitched* Don't you dare! Where did you even get-
  • Baby Holmes: *throws the flour at him*
  • Mary: *returns from the bathroom; examing one of Sherlock's shirts* I think I got most of it out *looks up, sees John covered in flour; stifling giggles* What happened?
  • John: *glares at her* About this baby of ours...

FIX YOUR FUCKING GAME I SWEAR TO GOD THE UPDATE WITH THE NEW ANIMAL IS JUST GONNA BE PACKED FULL OF GLITCHES THAT THEY’LL NEVER FIX AND WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS THIS PICTURE?? IT’S LITERALLY A FUCKING PET GECKO, TOO LAZY TO ACTUALLY DESIGN A BIT OF ANIMAL POKING OUT FROM BEHIND A ROCK??





I swear to god fix your damn game you fucking dickheads.






Ok I’m done.

Edward and Jon are playing rock papers scissors.
Edward: three… Two..
Jon: in my first move ill play rock
Ed: …
Jon: …
Ed: … One
Jon actually plays rock.
Ed: GOD DAMN IT
Jon: I told you

anonymous asked:

Miles Heizer is out there somewhere doing his best and rocking it.

Ya know what you are god damn right I saw a pic of him today that healed me a little

Tell me something good to offset my suicidal thoughts

annaoi  asked:

11

NINTENDOGS IS EVERYTHING 

11. Name a guilty pleasure game. 

I have alot gurl A LOT

Theatrhythm Final Fantasy and Theatrhythm Final Fantasy Curtain Call for the 3DS. For those who say its a dumb rhythm game you need help go away its so much more than that. It’s a rhythm game with a twist. Your music takes you on adventures and you fight monsters with it. And that game just hits me in the feels man. Like all the old ff songs just HIT MY HEART AND MAKE ME CRY! The character designs are also cute and I love it okay, I JUST LOVE IT

Animal Crossing Wild World for the DS and Animal Crossing City Folk for the Wii. ITS ANIMAL CROSSING OKAY, WHAT IS THERE TO NOT LOVE??? Theres cute animal characters and they make weird noises, the music is so uplifting and adorable, you can find money in god damn rocks and trees, EVERYTHING IS JUST PERFECTION!

Cooking Mama for the DS (I also have the second and third, how? cause I owned an r4 card LOLOLOLOLOL) cause I’m a disaster in the kitchen Gordan Ramsey will toast my idiot sandwich ass and I need to feel accomplished in life.

anonymous asked:

Can you please write a story about that reader is pregnant from Spencer and they're waiting for a daughter. You can write about birth and feels. Please?

Yes!  I can most certainly do this.  And to the Nonniepot that requested this: “Hi. Could you write a story where Reid is sitting in the hospital with his wife and newborn daughter and the reader, his wife, starts crying after their daughter falls asleep because shes afraid she can’t take care of her? And he just tells her of everything she means to him and that she’ll do perfect, with him holding her hand or something and having his daughters hand wrapped around his finger? Thanks“…your prompt is in here as well.

I hope you both enjoy it, because it’s comin’ ‘atcha!


Hobbling through the ER doors, Spencer rushes to the counter, frantically trying to track someone down as you breathe through your contractions.

“Hey there, honey,” a nurse says as she takes your arm and lowers you into a wheelchair, “have you been timing them?”

“7 minutes and 6 seconds apart, give or take 8 seconds,” Spencer breathes as he runs back over to your side.

“Alright,” the nurse chuckles as she wheels you through the double doors, “let’s get you in a bed and get an IV going.”

Nodding quickly as you start to breathe, Spencer takes his phone out and pounds out a mass text message, hitting the send button and shoving the phone back into his pants’ pocket.

As the nurse wheels you into a room, she helps you into bed and straps a heartbeat monitor around your protruding stomach, your breath hitching as another contraction wafts over your body.

“When you relax, I’ll set it,” the nurse says, watching your hand as your body relaxes.

“Aaaaand, there we are,” she says as you hiss air through your teeth.

“Do I need to get the anesthesiologist?” she asks, looking at you as you shake your head.

“No, I can’t have an epidural,” you say through your teeth.

“Any medical reason why?” the nurse asks as she stands.

Nodding quickly, you suck air in as another contraction hits, now 5 minutes apart, as Spencer steps in and takes over.

“She’s allergic to morphine,” he says, coming over and taking your hand.

“Well, let me at least go talk to the anesthesiologist.  There are other pain relief combinations that don’t require morphine, and while they don’t have the numbing effect, we could see if it might help,” she offers, heading towards the door.

Hearing a knock just outside a few minutes later, you scream out as your head lobs off to the side, tears streaking your cheeks as Spencer’s head whips around.

“I’m just gonna set this here,” Morgan mouths, setting down the bouquet of flowers and the pink teddy bear as he slowly backs out of the room.

One by one, the team fills your room with cards and chocolates and cheeses, flowers and blankets and little socks and onesies, and finally the OBGYN comes in to the room.

“Hello, Mrs Reid!  Let’s take a look,” he says, hiking your gown up as you groan and lay your head back onto the bed.

Wincing as he shoves his fingers inside, you see him smile as he peaks back up and says, “You’re 8 cm.  How’re you feeling?”

Shooting him a nasty look, you clench your teeth as you scream out, gripping down on Spencer’s hand as you throw your gaze over to his eyes.

“If you ever touch me again, I will shoot you.  Got it?”

Watching Spencer nod, the nurse comes back with a big syringe full of a clear liquid.

“Here, if you want, this is a mixture of pain relief that doesn’t contain morphine or anything near the family tree, so to speak,” the nurse says, holding it up for the OBGYN to see.

Sitting up as you rock back and forth, your screams turning into long, guttural groans, you eye the huge bathtub off in the corner and slowly point, your tears blurring your vision.

“Alright,” Spencer whispers, shaking his head at the nurse as he nods and goes over to the bathtub, running warm water into it as Spencer helps you off of the bed.

As your doctor takes your other arm and helps you over, you step down into the ground-set tub, sighing at the warmth and moaning as yet another contraction wracks your body, causing your legs to give out from underneath you.

“Whoa…” Spencer says, catching you as he removes the rest of your hospital gown, “Here, let me help.”

Crying on his shoulder, he lowers your naked body into the water, propping your arms on the outside of the tub as he removes his shirt and pants, getting behind you and pressing his hands into your lower back, massaging as you continue to rock back and forth on your knees.

“Oooooooooh…fuck!” you scream, a new bout of tears running down your cheeks as your contractions become two minutes apart, barely giving you time to catch your breath.

“I’m gonna get ready, she’s progressing very fast,” the doctor says, shuffling out of the room and leaving the two of you alone.

“I love you,” Spencer leans over and whispers into your ear, earning a very weak grin before another contraction contorts your face in anger.

“God…DAMN IT!” you yell, rocking once again as Spencer digs his fingers as hard as he can into your back, trying desperately to break up some of the tension.

“I can’t do this,” you moan, burying your face in your arms.  “I-I-I-I…can’t be a mother.”

Stunned at your statement, Spencer slowly turns you around, facing him as your bottom sits down on the step inside of the tub, your legs spread and your back arched as he leans into you and kisses the tip of your nose.

“You’re going to be incredible,” he says, staring into your tear-stricken eyes.

“I don’t…I don’t know…h-h-how to…dress her, o-o-or feed her…or even hold her.  I don’t know h-how to breastfeed, or how to put her in her c-car-seat…”

As your body is wracked with sobs, you scream out into oblivion, your eyes rolling in to the back of your head as your legs permanently give way.

“Alright…how is she?” the doctor asks as he steps into the tub.

As Spencer stays silent, looking upon you with a worried expression, you open your mouth, drooling off to the side as you say, “I need to go to the bathroom.”

“That’s my cue,” he says, dipping his hands down a thrusting two fingers in between your legs once again.

“Alright, Mrs. Reid, whenever you’re ready, give us a good push,” the doctor encourages.

“No…” you moan, shaking your head from side to side.

“Y/N…” Spencer says, urgency in his voice as he gazes upon his tired, distraught wife.

“I don’t know how to be a mother!” you yell, screaming as you start to push, your body taking over what your mind is trying to override.

“That’s it…just like that!” the doctor says, his hands helping to part your legs as Spencer continues to drip warm water over your shoulders.

“Listen to me, Y/N,” he says, settling behind you as his lips press to your ear, “you’re strong, and you’re brave, and you’re independent…but most of all?  The most important thing?  You are selfless.  You have given up everything to be with me: your body to have my child, your name to have mine, your career to care for our dear Elizabeth, your heart to marry me, and your home to move in with me.  And if you can give our daughter half of the selflessness and dedication you’ve shown me in the 5 years we’ve been together, than you will be a better mother than any on the planet.”

Grunting as you push again, screaming as you bare down, your fingers digging into Spencer’s legs, you lob your head back, panting for air, and search his face for the truth.

“When have I ever not rattled off facts, Y/N?” he says, smiling down at you as he reads your mind.

“Never,” you whisper as he bends down and kisses your forehead.

“I’m so tired,” you moan, lobbing your head onto his chest as the tension in your body builds once again.

“Hey, Momma,” the doctor says, “would you like to feel your child?”

Looking up at him with wild eyes, you look down and see the head of your child, floating in the muddled bathwater.

Looking up at Spencer, you motion for him to get down there, and as he smiles and wades over in between your legs, he dips his hands down and guides the rest of his daughter’s body out, bringing her to the surface as your body collapses in a fit of exhaustion, your body slowly revving down as it quickly pushes your afterbirth from your body.

“Oh, my god,” he whispers through misty eyes, bending down and kissing her forehead before he is ushered out of the bathtub and over to the baby-cleaning station to cut the cord.

As everyone hustles and bustles over to where the baby is, you lob your head back as you feel the nurse get in, unplugging the drain to the tub and gathering up all of the remnants of your birth that she can.

Smiling as you hear your daughter’s first cry, fresh tears of joy spring to your eyes as Spencer comes back and helps you out of the tub, taking a towel and drying you off from head to toe.

“Here, let me go get your robe,” he says, helping to steady your weak legs as he slowly walks you over to your hospital bag, his hands working quickly to shuffle through it as he pulls your house-robe out of the bag and drapes it around your body.

Feeling Spencer help you heave yourself back into the hospital bed, the doctor turns around, little Elizabeth wailing in his arms, and asks if you want her swaddled or not.

Shaking your head no, he places her down on your chest as you peel your robe back, feeling her skin against yours as the color slowly returns back to her little body.

Smiling down at her as you cover her body with your robe, you nod at Spencer to go get the team, knowing that they are anxious to see the newest addition, and only little girl, to the family.

Smiling as you hear them file in, the room is filled gasps, “oooh”’s, and “aaah”’s over how beautiful she is, lightly touching her head and congratulating you and Spencer on a job well done.

Smiling down at her, you feel Spencer scoot into bed beside you, putting his arm around you as he lightly runs his finger up and down little Elizabeth’s chubby cheek.

“She’s perfect,” you choke out, your eyes lobbing large tears down your reddened cheeks.

“Yes, she is,” he says, kissing your head as his finger trails down to her hand that has made its way out of your robe.

“Spencer…look!” you whisper as you watch your daughter wrap her hand around Spencer’s finger.

And with that, you heard the clicking of camera phones, a big flash coming from Rossi’s direction.

“I want copies of all of these,” you lean your head up and say, eyeing Rossi in particular as he continues to maneuver around the bed, snapping first family photos and newborn pictures.

And as the clicks and flashes continue, you look up at Spencer, with a tear cascading down his cheek as he smiles back at you, and rear your head up for a light kiss that you place on his lips.

“I love you,” you murmur, your eyes lovingly burrowing into his.

“I love you, too,” he chokes out, slowly lowering his forehead onto yours as Rossi snaps yet another picture.

The Prince and his maid part 5

Requested: YES

Smut: Yes 

Word count: 1.3k+

Summary: Will you two finally be able to be together?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 

You were surprise that the Prince was kissing you, you knew that he loves you but the world doesn’t want you two together, you stepped away from him, gasping for air

“My Prince” you shuttered out “W-we can’t” you knew your words were lies you never wanted this to end

“Y/n” he step towards you “I cant be without you Y/n, I love you with everything I have, I just need to know that you love me as well and we can be together forever, I will leave all of this for you if you just tell me.” he leaned into you with your foreheads touching “Please” he whispered holding your hands.

Keep reading

I can’t be the only person who thinks Deacon and the Survivor flirt.

Deacon’s like, “Damn, boss. You rock that outfit like it’s your god damn birthright.” and the Survivor’s like “Nice jeans, D. They’d look even better on my floor.” but they’re still just buddies. Buddies who compliment each other’s asses A.K.A. the best kind of buddies.

I have bragging rights, okay?!

Y'all are gonna hate me but I just need to brag about my girlfriend. This one’s for you, Penguin ❤️

That girl has been my god damn rock since the day we met! The first time I saw her, I knew what I wanted; as forbidden as she was I had my heart set on her. Two of my friends tried to whisk her away into happiness and it broke me. I really thought I’d never had a chance. Until she turned my life around, after I plucked up a lot of courage and confessed (in very little detail) my feelings for her (because I could never put into words how she made me feel, I was also extremely nervous) she said yes. I went home and cried after that (of happiness) I was so overwhelmed, I almost couldn’t believe it. I will never regret taking that risk. Before I went out with her, I was questioning my sexuality; I was extremely curious and I guess he few experiences that I had weren’t enough to finalise my decision. I was still living in denial. That girl made me realise who I truly am and I am extremely proud to say that I’m gay. Overall, this girl, she means the world to me. I would give and destroy anything in my path if it meant that she would be fine. Damn, I’d give my life for her. I hate to see her suffer, and I know sometimes that I can’t help, but it gives me peace of mind that I’m there and I did what I could; if anything were to happen.
Luckily, I think the world of her. Penguin, I hope you know that. All I have to do is think about you and I get butterflies. I want to devote myself to you for the rest of my life. Even if it means I get hurt, I’ll go through anything to stay with you. I will love you until my heart contracts for the last time, until the blood stops flowing through my veins, until my lungs fail and deflate. I will never let you go.