god damn it i was such a loser

Proposition

Originally posted by boredoutofmymindwriting

2,500 Followers Oneshot

Summary: Jensen tries to convince the reader to be his pretend girlfriend.

Prompt: "You’ve given up being sexy a long time ago haven’t you?“

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Word Count: 1,266

Requested by: @starswirlblitz


Work today was fucking torture. It was too long, too boring and filled with too many morons. You can only fake being nice for so long, it’s exhausting.

Trying to get into a more relaxed head space, you decide to pamper yourself a bit. You down a much needed glass of wine then take a soothing bubble bath. Soon after you throw on a black mud mask that clarifies, it’s weird looking but it works awesome.

Deciding to give yourself a pedicure, you pick out a dark red nail polish and get yourself settled on the couch. Finally feeling a little more relaxed, you breathe a happy sigh for the peace and quiet.

“Y/N!”

Son of a bitch.

Keep reading

  • Some guy on Twitter: I just bought a happy meal and wow the portions are small :/
  • Wendy's™ Twitter Official: More like an unhappy meal you fuck. You fucking loser you little pissbaby nerd come eat at god damn Wendy's and have some chili
  • Buzzfeed: Oh yeah! Ultimate clapback. Wendy's Twitter page DID THAT
heathers summarized
  • beautiful: we're all ugly but we have potential !!
  • candy store: don't be a fucking loser and bully ppl w/ us
  • fight for me: ur even hotter if you'll punch someone !
  • freeze your brain: don't kill yourself, chill yourself
  • big fun: let's get drunk and say big fun repeatedly!!
  • dead girl walking: well I'm screwed let's have sex
  • the me inside of me: well fuck darn it we killed the bitch
  • blue: HORNY TEENAGE BOYS, THE GOD DAMN MUSICAL!!!1!1!2!2
  • our love is god: they make you cry, I make them die
  • my dead gay son: gay dads ftw
  • seventeen: cause committing homicide isn't what normal teenagers do
  • shine a light: what the actual fuck mrs.fleming oUR CHILDREN ARE DYING
  • lifeboat: all her rides to school are dead
  • shine a light (reprise): the moment when you wanna slap Heather Duke
  • kindergarten boyfriend: MARTHA IS TOO GOOD, TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD
  • yo girl: well fuck
  • meant to be yours: too bad you didn't wanna commit mass homicide w/ me I lo- oh shit you killed yourself
  • dead girl walking (reprise): JD ur fucking nUTS
  • I am damaged: well I'm pretty fucked up but you're still good I'll just die peace out
  • seventeen (reprise): my boyfriend just blew up but it's all good
Cats and Dogs

Originally posted by hellosarang

Note: Originally was just a college au but I incorporated the animal hybrid element because why not.  Also, I’m sorry if this is disjointed but I was literally working on this from 5 different angles.  I’ll be better next time hunnies.

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader
Rating: NC17
Warnings: hybrid!au, frottage, masturbation, voyeurism, slight name-calling/insulting (not in a sexual way though)
Genre: Smut
Word count: 4723

[Mini-Masterlist]

Summary:  When you skip your yearly heat, it causes a different kind of friction between you and that perpetual, thorn-in-your-side mutt named Kim Taehyung. (cat!girl/dog!boy au)

*

*

*

You should have never engaged Kim Taehyung while you are going through physical difficulties, but he is an expert at egging you on.  The dog hybrid might be a slacker in class, but he’s absolutely conscientious when it comes to pissing you off.  It also doesn’t help that this is the first time in years where you’re late for your heat by a whole month.  Usually you are on-the-dot regular, but with graduation looming and the overwhelming fact that you’ll have to go out into the Real World soon, you’re on edge, and not a little bit stressed out.  

Even Jimin and Jungkook, your two best friends who have been with you from the cradle to adulthood, have taken pains not to be around you too much because you’ve taken to being a little…extreme with your words and actions as of late.  (Read: You were being a Bitch.)  

But Taehyung just doesn’t know when to stop irking you.  

Keep reading

The Lost Light Does Your Makeup (S1 Cast)

(I’m leaving it up to the reader to decide whether these losers are using holomatter avatars or are in robot mode btw so I guess you can apply these to either a human or Cybertronian reader if you want lmao) (also why are there so many god damn robots on this ship this is so long holy hell)

Rodimus

  • He tries giving you smokey eyes. It doesn’t work out.
  • No seriously he’s so bad at doing makeup don’t let him near the eyeliner he’ll poke you in the eye with it and scream because he thinks you’ve gone blind.

Drift

  • He loves painting your lips, because he likes how it makes your smiles even prettier!
  • Probably forgets to use a setting spray/powder/whatever and gets a bit sad when it rubs off though (unleSS IT RUBBED OFF ON HIM CAUSE U WERE SMOOCHING).

Ratchet

  • He thinks it’s kinda dumb, but will do it anyway if you ask nicely. If you ask him pre-Delphi his hands might seize up and he’ll like. Smear lipstick across your entire face.
  • Post-Delphi when he’s got New Hands smearing stuff across your face won’t be a problem. He’s great at doing your eyeliner, and other more finnicky things but he’s gonna need you to explain what each product is and which brush you gotta use it with.

Ultra Magnus

  • It takes a lot of convincing to get him to do it, but he’s actually not bad if you’re okay with staying still for a long time (he’ll make mistakes and then remove everything and start over until you look flawless)
  • He will up your eyebrow game by an insane amount and your eyeliner will have perfectly even wings. Get Mags to do your makeup.

Swerve

  • He’s constantly cracking jokes while he’s applying the goods, so you end up laughing really hard when he tries to do anything.
  • You look like a disaster when he’s done, but you both had fun and he did his best so it’s okay. You do his makeup too and take some selfies together.

Tailgate

  • He gets very excited because you’re so cute!! And he gets to help you look even cuter!! He’s determined to make you look amazing.
  • He’s got no idea what any of these things are. Please guide this big baby through the whole process so he doesn’t get lipstick on your eyes or something.

Skids

  • He saw you do your makeup once and was all “hey can I try” so you were like “sure thing lol” because you couldn’t get your eyeliner right.
  • He managed to do everything perfectly on his first try and even did a bit of contouring. You hate how perfect you look. This isn’t fair Skids. You don’t even wear makeup, Skids. 

Brainstorm

  • He’s either terrible or really great at makeup, there’s no in between with him.
  • He’s gonna screw conventional makeup looks and go for something very elaborate and avantgarde just because he can. You either look glorious and majestic or monstrous and terrifying when he’s done with you. Get Brainstorm to do your makeup.

Cyclonus

  • He’s not gonna do it, so don’t even bother asking.
  • I mean I guess if you try hard enough he might give in and teach you some old as balls Cybertronian makeup techniques that have been otherwise forgotten (spoiler alert: they’re all war paint patterns), but that’s all you’re getting and he’ll only do it once, so you better remember those looks. You look badass tho.

Rung

  • He’s honored you’ll let him do your makeup tbh, because hardly anyone on Cybertron wears makeup except for like, war paint or for religious reasons.
  • Probably opts for a subtle and/or simple look though, because he doesn’t want to make you look bad on accident. It takes him a bit of practice, but once he gets the hang of it you look absolutely radiant. 

Whirl

  • Don’t let Whirl do your makeup. He will break all your brushes and products with his Big Metal Claws. If he uses his holo avatar it should be ok though.
  • Holo!Whirl decides you’re gonna have a look that says you killed a man. When you’re done, you look like extremely hot, and also like you’ve murdered not just one man, but a hundred.

Chromedome

  • Honestly? He probably doesn’t want to do your makeup but Rewind took your side but that’s probably because he wants to film Domey trying (and failing) to do your eyeliner.
  • He’s not very good at it, but he’s also not terrible at doing your makeup. He avoids doing your eyeliner though and just sticks to using mascara and some lipgloss. Rewind is disappointed.

Rewind

  • This smol boy doesn’t take it seriously. At all.
  • He films himself doing your makeup. He does it badly on purpose and then makes you watch the video before you look in a mirror. It’s entertaining but the end result is awful. Don’t let Rewind do your makeup.
Idiot Nation Accent Challenge

Idiot Nation Accent Challenge

made by @fucktrecool and @officialgreenday (i love u guys)

Introduce yourself

  • What’s your URL?
  • What’s the URL of the person who challenged you?
  • What’s your first name?
  • How old are you?
  • Which country are you from? / What’s your first language?
  • What’s your blog title?
  • What is your favorite Green Day lyric?

Pronounce the following words

  • Billie Joe Armstrong, Mike Dirnt, Tré Cool, Haushinka, Armatage Shanks, Babs Uvula Who, Al Sobrante, Gilman 924, Sassafras Roots, Adrienne Nesser, Crooked Tooth, Going to Pasalacqua, Extraordinary Girl, Emenius Sleepus, Platypus, Desensitized, Espionage, Y’know, Pinole

Read the following quotes

  • “Ladies, if someone touches you and you don’t want them to, feel free to punch them in the fucking face”
  • “No Trump, no KKK, no fascist USA.”
  • “Green Day is like sex, when we’re good, we’re really good, when we’re bad … we’re still pretty damn good.”
  • “Be a fucking freak, be a fucking weirdo, all the time! That’s how you live God dammit, that’s how you fucking do it- by telling people to fuck off!”
  • “There’s nothing wrong with being a loser. It just depends on how good you are at it.”
  • “Music to me is the air that I breathe, it’s the blood that pumps through my veins, that keeps me alive.”
  • “Punk is dead to anyone who didn’t get it in the first place”
  • “Never jack off a cactus. Because you’ll only hurt your hand. And the cactus’s feelings.”
  • “Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman, then always be Batman.”
  • “No man can eat fifty eggs.”
  • “Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.”
  • “I hate even using the word fans, y’know? They’re just our peeps.”
  • +quote of your choice (optional)

Pass the torch

  • anyone do this if you want !!
4

I was tagged by @southofheaven94 to post a selfie from 2010, 2014 and 2017. First picture is me and my family on a hike, second picture is 14 year old me being a sassy bitch, and third one is some ugly loser idk.

I tag @stxrlx @softggogh and if you wanna do this too just say I tagged you!

anonymous asked:

Nora x Neptune: "Come on. Let me touch it."

“Come on. Let me touch it.”

“I’m seriously concerned something might explode.” 

“I’m a trained huntsman-”

“Almost.” 

“-and I am sure you couldn’t handle my weapon.” 

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “So, is that a challenge?” 

“You mean me against you, me with your hammer, you with my trident?” 

She grinned and layed her hammer on the floor in front of him. “What does the winner get?” 

“A kiss?” 

“As if I wouldn’t get that anyway.”

“The loser pays for dinner?”

“Sounds like a deal.” 

He smirked and handed her his trident, watching her fondly as she ran her fingers over the metal, getting familiar with it. 

“I’ll give you some time to train with mine while I try out this one”, she said with a grin that never meant anything good. 

“I guess I won’t need that, power princess. No need to walk off. Wait… God! Nora! You didn’t tell me that thing was so damn heavy! Nora, come back! I can’t even lift it up, is there some kind of trick to it? Nora? Nora!”

Leonardo x Reader

Imagine Leonardo being terrible in love with you but not knowing how to deal with it.
He’s had crushes before (one actresses and models from magazines) but this…this is something bigger. All his previous crushes were were on people he’d never met.
But this was real.
This was real and right in front of him and he just didn’t know how to handle it…
It wasn’t his fault really.
A guy doesn’t learn a lot about dating when A: he’s a mutant turtle who fights crime at night. And B: he lives in the sewers.
And you, you were so incredible.
You were smart and kind and sort of sassy. When you were together (and he was able to compose himself), you would talk about books and traveling and just…everything. But when he was unable to calm down…well…
He would blush and struggle to say the right things. He rubs the back of his neck (a nervous habit of his) and, even though he tells himself not to, he can’t stop looking at you. He’d get so lost in those beautiful eyes.
“Leo?”
Damn. Not again. He shook his head and smiled nervously, trying to figure what you had just asked him.
“W-what? Sorry, I just…”
God, he sounded like a loser.
But you gave him that sweet smile and said
“I asked if you wanted to come over sometime and maybe have dinner. Just the two of us?”
“Like…a date?” he asked.
“Yeah, like a date.” you replied.
Was this for real?
Were you really asking him out?
His heart was going wild inside his chest and maybe he was freaking out in his mind but somehow, despite all the chaos, he managed to blurt out
“Yes! Yes, I’d…I’d really like that.”
“Me too.”
A sudden call from your sister pulls you away. As you walk out of the lair, you turn back and smile at him once again. You slip out the door and Leo sits back on the couch.
“I have a date,” he whispers to himself. “An actual date!”
Imagine Leo being unable to actually believe that you, this beautiful wonderful human, has asked him out.
Imagine Leo always being a bit shy and nervous as a boyfriend and it’s pretty easy to make him flustered…and pretty fun.

(bonus: “You are an amazing woman, Y/N, and after all this time, I still don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you.” “Leo, you’ve saved the world like, four times. I think you deserve a lot more.”)

anonymous asked:

Unnamed person: I dont care what you do, ship your ship, write your stupid fics and draw your comics, Im not policing...but it better not be adultery or disrespect their families or spouses. Write what you want except these things that upset me but remember Im not policing. Don't you dare draw Bob rejecting princess goddess queen daughter of God himself its ooc. By the way I'm not obsessed with your ship ok. Also dont all tell me what I cant and can do stop policing me you obsessed losers.

“i’m not policing anyone but if fanart doesn’t portray orih*me exactly how i want to then i’ll start shit with the artist and act like a whiny brat!!!! but i’m not policing!!!1!”

I just realized something. The reason why I feel that I’ll probably be able to handle the generally angry and very hot headed blond, or what you guys probably know well as Kacchan.

He’s literally my brother minus the swear words

Like, all the explosive tendencies and anger and just. The general demeanor?? He just reminds me of him?? How can I not realize like he’s my closest sibling and we watch anime together all the time including bnha???

And then this idea struck me. Whoop.

Warning for swear words because Kacchan’s foul, foul mouth.


The boys as a brother to their sister

Izuku is the best older brother who’s attentive to your needs, and he’s probably going to spoil you rotten because you and your mom are his only family and he treasures the two of you so much.

“[f/name]-chan, I bought your favorite snacks! Oh, and I saw these on sale today, I remember you saying you wanted them, see this?”

As a younger brother, Izuku looks up to you and you’re literally the second after All Might in his top hero list whether you’re a hero or not, and this admiration means that he will mostly consult you about his problems because he usually will feel better afterwards.

“Nee-san, are you asleep? Can I come in? Um, you see… Lately at school…..”

Katsuki is the worst older brother in a sense that he isn’t doting or even showing that he cares about you in the slightest, but when he sees you crying he’s going to find the fucker who made you cry and make them cry blood. 

“Oy, [f/name]! Where the fuck’s my shirt?!! I know you’re wearing them again, god damn it, learn to wear your own shirt, you shitface!”
(Naturally, his mother smacks him after hearing this because that’s no way to speak to your younger sister)

As your little brother who has tendencies to try and one-up you, Katsuki could be a lot to handle, and it’s as if he’s so intent to make everything a competition; from sparring matches to who can brush teeth faster, there’s gotta be a winner and a loser in the end.

“What the fuck, Aneki!? That’s MY pudding! Hah?! Why the hell should I put my name on it, this ain’t some shitty dorm! Damn it, you bitch, you wont get away with this!!”

I feel like Shouto is going to turn up as a rather protective older brother (especially if your quirk turns out to be similar to him), he tries to minimise contact between you and his dad, takes it upon himself to teach you to fight, and basically mothers you over your wellbeing. 

“I told you to dry your hair properly before getting to bed, [f/name]. I told you…. *sigh* …. Stay on your bed, I’ll call in sick for you.”

Having Shouto as a younger brother is going to make you want to spoil him because he’s been through too much and no one deserves that as a child, and you become his second mother figure he can depend and trust on.

“[f/name] nee-san, you’re pampering me again…. Huh? …. It’s not like I don’t enjoy it – okay, now you’re choking me, seriously – stop.”


Bonus:

Fumikage as your older brother: “Don’t be afraid to be different, [f/name]. We’re unique, and it’s not a bad thing.”

Fumikage as your younger brother: “Nee-san, I need your honest opinion on this. Which color suits the curtain better, charcoal or outer space?”

Denki as your older brother: “Oh man, that was some amazing action, don’t you think? Where do you think we should go n– HOLY SHIT [F/NAME] OUR FAVORITE BAND IS PERFORMING WE GOT TO SEE THIS OPEN UP YOUR SAVINGS”

Denki as your younger brother: “[f/name], my dearest, most beautiful, patient and forgiving sister of mine, I, uh, I… ate your cake by accident. Please forgive me with that kind heart of yoOOOOWCH THAT HURTS NEE-SAMA I’M SO SORRY I WAS WRONG”

Eijirou as your older brother: “Come on, [f/name], if he makes you cry, he doesn’t deserve it! I can introduce you to my friends, they’re manly men and they’ll make you happy for sure, not like that jerk… What’s his name and address again by the way?”

Eijirou as your younger brother: ”[f/name] holy shit you’re not gonna believe how amazing All Might looks like in person– I could barely breathe– there’s so much amazing people in the class– we got pro heroes teaching us– Oh man, this is gonna be long, let me fetch some snacks!“

anonymous asked:

whispers can you list headcannons for both Luci and Lutz bc they are like my babies thank you btw your blog is frickfrackin amazing I literally stay up past my bedtime reading your blog

(pSH GET EIGHT HOURS OF SCHOOL AND DRINK YOUR SLEEP MAKE SURE TO GET ENOUG H MILK TOO)(*sweats* i hPOE YOU GUYS LIKE THESE I HOPE I’M NOT FUCKING THEM UP)


⦁ o kay where to begin
⦁ LUCIANO VARGAS
⦁ WHAT A SEXY NAME IN GENERAL, RIGHT
⦁ dang
⦁ he ur boi aaayy lmao
⦁ !*tsundere alert*!
⦁ he actually is v sweet around u tho
⦁ always opening doors, pulling out your chair, punching fucking fucks in the face
⦁ will offer to pay for everything
⦁ actual sugar daddy
⦁ he will speak to you in italian which is quite possibly the hottest thing ever
⦁ italian pet names too ooooooo
⦁ he probably exchanges your wardrobe for you too
⦁ like
⦁ the expense, i mean
⦁ *gets exact replica of twelve dollar knock off oxfords for 849428 dollar real oxfords*
⦁ “oh i don’t remember them having designs”
⦁ *sweats* “idk bell@ i don’t either”
⦁ will take you to fancy dinners and balls and wine tastings only the elites know about
⦁ will also probably fly you into Milan without you knowing
⦁ apart from his pants being made out of money, he’s a trashbag
⦁ like
⦁ don’t sleep in the same bed with him
⦁ you’ll be waking up to a hobo in your room
⦁ his hair is everywhere, he has a perpetual bitch face, and his skin is doing that puffy sleep thing
⦁ it’s kinda cute tho
⦁ like a pretty trainwreck
⦁ relatable
⦁ he’ll make you some fine ass italian food to match his fine ass italian ass
⦁ always hangin’ out with those axis losers
⦁ pssh
⦁ flavio too
⦁ if you’re lucky he might sing for you
⦁ voice from the gODS
⦁ VIOLIN AND PIANO TOO HOT DAMN BOI
⦁ sigh
⦁ he’s perfect
⦁ and will always be there to swoop you up into his extremelyexpensivecaryoudon'twanttotouch
⦁ fantabulous kisser
⦁ d a ng
⦁ he’s heckin’ radical
⦁ if you have long hair you can get him to braid it for you with enough smoochin’
⦁ short hair too
⦁ “ho w did he manage that i have a buzz cut”
“italian magic”
⦁ he’d shove all of his breadsticks into your purse if you asked
⦁ wAIT
⦁ THAT SOUNDED-
⦁ i mean
⦁ he’d do that too
⦁ ;)))
⦁ pda do to possessive tendencies
⦁ rip
⦁ he’d love you paint you as well
⦁ i n  t h e n u d e ; )
⦁ not sexually tho
⦁ unless you want it ;)
⦁ he’s a fierce cuddler and likes movies
⦁ prepare
⦁ you’re in for a wild ride
⦁ with Luciano Vargas.

Cookies

Anon asked for Tony making tons of cookies around the holidays and Bucky mentioning he liked chocolate chip and this was born :) And remember I’m always taking requests~

Cookies

When Bucky walked into the kitchen, he was not expecting the scene in front of him. Steve had Clint in a choke hold, Bruce was sitting on Thor’s shoulders while the thunder god was holding Natasha at arms length and Tony? Tony was stirring a bowl of cooking dough. Or at least that’s what Bucky assumed as Tony dropped a handful of cranberries into the batter.

“Yes!” Bruce grinned. “I win losers.”

Clint whined and shoved Steve off of him. “Damn it. You already made a cranberry batch last time.”

“Yeah well, Brucie bear didn’t get on my nerves this week,” Tony shrugged. “Maybe I’ll be nice and make walnut with white chocolate chips after.”

Bruce got down from Thor’s shoulders and smiled as he swiped some dough with a small spoon. “I never get on your nerves.”

“That’s why you’re my favorite,” Tony smiled.

“Mom’s aren’t supposed to have favorites,” Clint pointed out.

“Of course we do,” Tony snorted. “We just lie about it, but we all have our favorites. Just like dad’s.” He winked at Steve.

Clint looked between the two of him before his gaze settled on Steve. “So…who’s your favorite then?”

“Natasha,” Steve answered.

Clint sputtered.

“Dude, that’s cold,” Bucky said. “I thought I was your favorite.”

“I can have more than one favorite,” Steve replied.

Tony started dropping globs of cookie down on the baking tray and turned to make sure the oven was on. He put two trays of cookies in the oven and set the timer.

“Welp, Natasha was gonna show me this new move so we’ll be going now,” Clint said as he and Natasha back tracked out of the kitchen.

Bruce and Thor came up with their own half hearted excuse and which left Steve, Bucky and Tony.

“I just remembered Fury wanted to meet with me about something. Sorry,” Steve gave Tony an apologetic smile and grabbed a few already baked cookies and left the kitchen.

“My ma would’ve rapped my knuckles for that,” Bucky chuckled.

Tony shrugged and smiled a bit. “I don’t mind.” He grabbed a sponge from the sink and started to wipe down the counters. Bucky dumped the dirty dishes in the sink and started to wash them.

“I didn’t know you could bake,” Bucky said.

“Just around the holidays,” Tony shrugged. “It’s one of things Jarvis and my mom taught me before they died. Pepper always complained she went up two dress sizes every Christmas and Rhodey likes to use the extra’s as good reinforcement with the new recruits. I mean, I personally don’t think they’re fight worthy. They’re just cookies.”

“Apparently they’re exceptional cookies,” Bucky replied. “My mom used to make me chocolate chip cookies. The chocolate would melt in your mouth. Always hated having to share them though. Even with Stevie.”

Tony smiled. “My mom’s specialty was sugar cookies that looked like the family. I always ate the head off the one that looked like my dad much to mom’s dismay.”

Bucky laughed a little. “Yeah?”

“Yep…I was uh thinking about doing that this year. For the team. Everyone can decorate their own cookie to look like themselves. Unless you think that’s to cheesy.”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Bucky smiled. “You need any help?”

“Help? Nah,” Tony shook his head and cleared his throat awkwardly. “But I wouldn’t say no to the company.”

“I can do that,” Bucky nodded.

It was awkward at first, Tony wasn’t used to people being in the kitchen with him while he baked but Bucky took it in stride. He watched Tony, and they talked about everything and nothing.

Bucky talked about Hydra and certain things he could remember. It came easier with Tony. He didn’t have this look like Bucky was a kicked puppy and he talked about his own issues.

Hours had passed before the rest of the team started to trickle back into the kitchen.

“Smells good,” Clint said. He sat next to Bucky and reached for the cookies Tony had just taken out of the oven.

Bucky smacked his hand away. “Not yet.”

Clint pouted. “Rude.”

“You have to wait for them to cool off,” Bucky replied. “And then we’re going to decorate them.”

“Decorate?” Steve asked.

“I made sugar cookie people and you’re all going to decorate one to look like you. Bucky and I already made ours,” Tony said.

He showed them the two cookies. One looked like Iron man and the other looked like Bucky. Tony carried the cookies out to the dining room where there was frosting and other cookie decorating things on the dining room table.

Bruce and Thor were already sitting at the table and Natasha joined them with Steve trailing behind her.

“Can we eat them after?” Clint asked.

“Yes you can eat them after,” Tony answered. He rolled his eyes and Clint sat down next to Natasha. “Bucky’s going to facilitate while I finish up the rest of the cookies.”

He walked back to the kitchen and took out the batch of chocolate chip he made when Bucky wasn’t looking.

“Tony you’re missing out,” Bruce called from the dining room.

“Hold on a second,” Tony replied.

He put the cookies on a plate and carried them out.

“My cookies feels suddenly inferior next to Captain America cookie,” Bucky said. He looked at Tony over his shoulder and saw the plate of chocolate chip cookies.

“Uh…These are for you,” Tony said blushing slightly. “I doubt they’re gonna be like your mom’s…or good for that matter. I’ve never made chocolate chip before.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Bucky said picking up a cookie.

Tony watched him take a bite and Bucky’s eyes widened slightly.

“Holy fuck, these are amazing,” he blinked.

“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better,” Tony replied.

“I’m not, these are really good,” Bucky smiled.

“I want to try one,” Steve said.

“Back off Roger’s,” Bucky replied holding the plate of cookies to his chest. “Tony made these for me…right?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah.”

Bucky leaned down and kissed Tony’s cheek. “This is why you’re my favorite.”

Imagine being on a game show where the losers get pregnant.

I know someone already did this request but I like it too, so, I’m doing it too except I’m changing it a little for my pleasure.

Also please include my tumblr! Its fuckingpreg.tumblr.com

It’s the day of the show. You’re so excited. You saw registration for the show online, and hell, it made you so excited you had a session by yourself just thinking about the concept. And it’s real? God damn. You’re an adult, you can do what you want, so you sign up for the show. The show isn’t typical, maybe not even ethical, but you are so down for it. They fly you (and the other contestants) to the studio and it’s a lot like survivor. Except you’re all pregnant. Everyone starts off with a normal pregnancy (Nothing added special, but of course, there’s the chance of twins or triplets just from starting. It’s good luck, you think to start out with triplets) and you do challenges. The losers of said challenges get injections which somehow alters their pregnancy. Makes the baby bigger, or more babies, etc. At the end of the season, whoever wins the final challenge, gets lots of money. Being young, money sounds real good.

Once you fly out to the studio, you know this is still legit. There’s about a cast of 10, and they’re all different types of people. Some men, woman, whatever you’re into. You start the first day getting acquainted with each other, and you hit it off with some, but then it’s time for the insemination. To your surprise, the male contestants are there to help. Sure, they’re getting knocked up too, but they’re helping you get knocked up. It’s a win win. It’s a massive orgy and in the morning, you barely remember what has happened.

About 11am is when they start the challenge- You don’t exactly come in first, but you don’t come in last. The people who you see come in last get injected with something on their sides and you wonder what will happen to them.

Days go on, more challenges happen, and you don’t exactly win. People start showing almost immediately, some are still flat as a cutting board. By the time you get to the last challenge, you surely are huge. It’s amazing. You had brought your vibrator and certainly were enjoying it. About an hour before your last challenge, you’re alone, and you feel pressure. You decide to feel down there and there’s a pop. Your water broke. You walk into a common area, and find out everyone else has had a similar situation. The last challenge is birth. Everyone is desperate to win the money, doing whatever they can to speed up and control their labor. Modesty is nothing to them or you.

Over the course of an hour your contractions go from nothing to consistent, and soon you feel the need to push. You squat, hoping gravity helps, and you look around at your competition. No one is as far as you. You push and nothing much happens. You keeping pushing, the competition giving you an extra boost in strength, and soon you feel your baby moving down into the birth canal. When the baby starts crowing you notice something strange. You notice, maybe from one of the challenges, your baby isnt really a baby. It’s an egg. It happens to be bigger, harder, and more challenging all over to push out. After it finally coming out after you dont know how long, the others are desperate to come out. The rest all becomes a blur, but eventually everything is out of you and you just won 10 thousand dollars.