god damn it i was such a loser

update reactions !!!
  • “oh. well…”
    • jack zimmermann is a fuckign loser who hired out the whole damn place for his boyf
  • jack and bitty omg…ur so obvious i love u
    • “thanks for finally letting me crash here jackooohhh”
    • “you are the sweetest handsomest silliest boy on this planet”
      • wOw
  • shitty and lardo shitty and lardo
    • “you’re my bff”
    • “wanna know something?” “always”
  • this is honestly the cutest thing in the universe i am deceased
  • “in love with her since sophomore year” “love has changed you”
    • they’re both so!!!!!!!!!! in love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • u can lift me up and leaf pile me anytime jack
  • (chowder i see u there ily)
  • lardo supreme senior overlord and her subjects ransom and holster aka my fave thing ever
  • tHeY’rE gOnNa tELL thE fRogS
  • …….
  • can we just
  • this is jack zimmermann. who doesn’t always get on with his dad. because of his anxiety and the pressure of the bad bob legacy.
    • let’s talk about it” character development!!! healthy communication!!! how are they so good!!!

Anon asked for Tony making tons of cookies around the holidays and Bucky mentioning he liked chocolate chip and this was born :) And remember I’m always taking requests~


When Bucky walked into the kitchen, he was not expecting the scene in front of him. Steve had Clint in a choke hold, Bruce was sitting on Thor’s shoulders while the thunder god was holding Natasha at arms length and Tony? Tony was stirring a bowl of cooking dough. Or at least that’s what Bucky assumed as Tony dropped a handful of cranberries into the batter.

“Yes!” Bruce grinned. “I win losers.”

Clint whined and shoved Steve off of him. “Damn it. You already made a cranberry batch last time.”

“Yeah well, Brucie bear didn’t get on my nerves this week,” Tony shrugged. “Maybe I’ll be nice and make walnut with white chocolate chips after.”

Bruce got down from Thor’s shoulders and smiled as he swiped some dough with a small spoon. “I never get on your nerves.”

“That’s why you’re my favorite,” Tony smiled.

“Mom’s aren’t supposed to have favorites,” Clint pointed out.

“Of course we do,” Tony snorted. “We just lie about it, but we all have our favorites. Just like dad’s.” He winked at Steve.

Clint looked between the two of him before his gaze settled on Steve. “So…who’s your favorite then?”

“Natasha,” Steve answered.

Clint sputtered.

“Dude, that’s cold,” Bucky said. “I thought I was your favorite.”

“I can have more than one favorite,” Steve replied.

Tony started dropping globs of cookie down on the baking tray and turned to make sure the oven was on. He put two trays of cookies in the oven and set the timer.

“Welp, Natasha was gonna show me this new move so we’ll be going now,” Clint said as he and Natasha back tracked out of the kitchen.

Bruce and Thor came up with their own half hearted excuse and which left Steve, Bucky and Tony.

“I just remembered Fury wanted to meet with me about something. Sorry,” Steve gave Tony an apologetic smile and grabbed a few already baked cookies and left the kitchen.

“My ma would’ve rapped my knuckles for that,” Bucky chuckled.

Tony shrugged and smiled a bit. “I don’t mind.” He grabbed a sponge from the sink and started to wipe down the counters. Bucky dumped the dirty dishes in the sink and started to wash them.

“I didn’t know you could bake,” Bucky said.

“Just around the holidays,” Tony shrugged. “It’s one of things Jarvis and my mom taught me before they died. Pepper always complained she went up two dress sizes every Christmas and Rhodey likes to use the extra’s as good reinforcement with the new recruits. I mean, I personally don’t think they’re fight worthy. They’re just cookies.”

“Apparently they’re exceptional cookies,” Bucky replied. “My mom used to make me chocolate chip cookies. The chocolate would melt in your mouth. Always hated having to share them though. Even with Stevie.”

Tony smiled. “My mom’s specialty was sugar cookies that looked like the family. I always ate the head off the one that looked like my dad much to mom’s dismay.”

Bucky laughed a little. “Yeah?”

“Yep…I was uh thinking about doing that this year. For the team. Everyone can decorate their own cookie to look like themselves. Unless you think that’s to cheesy.”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Bucky smiled. “You need any help?”

“Help? Nah,” Tony shook his head and cleared his throat awkwardly. “But I wouldn’t say no to the company.”

“I can do that,” Bucky nodded.

It was awkward at first, Tony wasn’t used to people being in the kitchen with him while he baked but Bucky took it in stride. He watched Tony, and they talked about everything and nothing.

Bucky talked about Hydra and certain things he could remember. It came easier with Tony. He didn’t have this look like Bucky was a kicked puppy and he talked about his own issues.

Hours had passed before the rest of the team started to trickle back into the kitchen.

“Smells good,” Clint said. He sat next to Bucky and reached for the cookies Tony had just taken out of the oven.

Bucky smacked his hand away. “Not yet.”

Clint pouted. “Rude.”

“You have to wait for them to cool off,” Bucky replied. “And then we’re going to decorate them.”

“Decorate?” Steve asked.

“I made sugar cookie people and you’re all going to decorate one to look like you. Bucky and I already made ours,” Tony said.

He showed them the two cookies. One looked like Iron man and the other looked like Bucky. Tony carried the cookies out to the dining room where there was frosting and other cookie decorating things on the dining room table.

Bruce and Thor were already sitting at the table and Natasha joined them with Steve trailing behind her.

“Can we eat them after?” Clint asked.

“Yes you can eat them after,” Tony answered. He rolled his eyes and Clint sat down next to Natasha. “Bucky’s going to facilitate while I finish up the rest of the cookies.”

He walked back to the kitchen and took out the batch of chocolate chip he made when Bucky wasn’t looking.

“Tony you’re missing out,” Bruce called from the dining room.

“Hold on a second,” Tony replied.

He put the cookies on a plate and carried them out.

“My cookies feels suddenly inferior next to Captain America cookie,” Bucky said. He looked at Tony over his shoulder and saw the plate of chocolate chip cookies.

“Uh…These are for you,” Tony said blushing slightly. “I doubt they’re gonna be like your mom’s…or good for that matter. I’ve never made chocolate chip before.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Bucky said picking up a cookie.

Tony watched him take a bite and Bucky’s eyes widened slightly.

“Holy fuck, these are amazing,” he blinked.

“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better,” Tony replied.

“I’m not, these are really good,” Bucky smiled.

“I want to try one,” Steve said.

“Back off Roger’s,” Bucky replied holding the plate of cookies to his chest. “Tony made these for me…right?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah.”

Bucky leaned down and kissed Tony’s cheek. “This is why you’re my favorite.”

anonymous asked:

Daily reminder that you're a goddess.

Shhhhh you, I am British, compliments make me stammer. 

Every time you send a daily reminder my brain keeps Sterek-ing it. 

Now I am imagining Derek baking or cooking for Stiles and Stiles just moaning around his spoon and saying, “god, you are a goddess Derek Hale.” 

It takes Stiles a few moments to realise Derek is actively avoiding looking at him because damn is this good cake but when he does finally notice, he smirks the smuggest smirk ever to have smirked because…oh, that’s a pretty image. 

“Huh, I can’t tell if you’re blushing because I’m making love to this spoon and not you right now, or because you have something you want to share with the class.”

Dead silence.


“So,” Stiles bites his lip, a grin appearing on his face, “is it a pretty thing or an ego thing?”

Derek frowns, pretending he doesn’t have the faintest idea what Stiles could possibly be referring to. The loser, like Stiles doesn’t know his own husband. He graduated from the Derek Hale school of interpretation before they even started dating. 

Stiles decides to take a guess, standing up and walking over to Derek, nosing along his jaw. Derek tenses but leans into him even so, a sure sign he’s embarrassed but doesn’t want what is happening to stop. Stiles is more than happy to oblige him. 

“Pretty boy,” he whispers, delighting in the way Derek’s hips jerk forward, entirely of their own accord. “Pretty, pretty boy.”

Derek growls, his cheeks entirely red now, and buries his face in Stiles’ neck. “This is weird.”

“This is fun.”

A long pause. “…it is?”

Stiles rolls his eyes, heart clenching at the cautiously hopeful tone in Derek’s voice. This boy, he thinks, turning, placing a reassuring kiss to his cheek. 

“Like it could be anything else…sweetheart.”

Derek’s hips jerk again and Stiles bites his lip - hard - to keep from laughing. He doesn’t want Derek to think he’s laughing at him because he’s not. He’s just…giddy. 

“Can we maybe go to the uh, bedroom?” Derek asks, squirming a little. 

“Can we bring the cake?”


Ugh, fine, but don’t blame me when I moan cake instead of your name.” Derek raises an eyebrow. “We have a special bond, that cake and me, I’ll have you know.” 

That earns him a second raised eyebrow and a slap to the ass but Stiles couldn’t care less because within two seconds he is being swung over Derek’s shoulder and if the view of Derek Hale’s ass isn’t enough to make someone forget about cake, he doesn’t know what is.  

The Lost Light Does Your Makeup (S1 Cast)

(I’m leaving it up to the reader to decide whether these losers are using holomatter avatars or are in robot mode btw so I guess you can apply these to either a human or Cybertronian reader if you want lmao) (also why are there so many god damn robots on this ship this is so long holy hell)


  • He tries giving you smokey eyes. It doesn’t work out.
  • No seriously he’s so bad at doing makeup don’t let him near the eyeliner he’ll poke you in the eye with it and scream because he thinks you’ve gone blind.


  • He loves painting your lips, because he likes how it makes your smiles even prettier!
  • Probably forgets to use a setting spray/powder/whatever and gets a bit sad when it rubs off though (unleSS IT RUBBED OFF ON HIM CAUSE U WERE SMOOCHING).


  • He thinks it’s kinda dumb, but will do it anyway if you ask nicely. If you ask him pre-Delphi his hands might seize up and he’ll like. Smear lipstick across your entire face.
  • Post-Delphi when he’s got New Hands smearing stuff across your face won’t be a problem. He’s great at doing your eyeliner, and other more finnicky things but he’s gonna need you to explain what each product is and which brush you gotta use it with.

Ultra Magnus

  • It takes a lot of convincing to get him to do it, but he’s actually not bad if you’re okay with staying still for a long time (he’ll make mistakes and then remove everything and start over until you look flawless)
  • He will up your eyebrow game by an insane amount and your eyeliner will have perfectly even wings. Get Mags to do your makeup.


  • He’s constantly cracking jokes while he’s applying the goods, so you end up laughing really hard when he tries to do anything.
  • You look like a disaster when he’s done, but you both had fun and he did his best so it’s okay. You do his makeup too and take some selfies together.


  • He gets very excited because you’re so cute!! And he gets to help you look even cuter!! He’s determined to make you look amazing.
  • He’s got no idea what any of these things are. Please guide this big baby through the whole process so he doesn’t get lipstick on your eyes or something.


  • He saw you do your makeup once and was all “hey can I try” so you were like “sure thing lol” because you couldn’t get your eyeliner right.
  • He managed to do everything perfectly on his first try and even did a bit of contouring. You hate how perfect you look. This isn’t fair Skids. You don’t even wear makeup, Skids. 


  • He’s either terrible or really great at makeup, there’s no in between with him.
  • He’s gonna screw conventional makeup looks and go for something very elaborate and avantgarde just because he can. You either look glorious and majestic or monstrous and terrifying when he’s done with you. Get Brainstorm to do your makeup.


  • He’s not gonna do it, so don’t even bother asking.
  • I mean I guess if you try hard enough he might give in and teach you some old as balls Cybertronian makeup techniques that have been otherwise forgotten (spoiler alert: they’re all war paint patterns), but that’s all you’re getting and he’ll only do it once, so you better remember those looks. You look badass tho.


  • He’s honored you’ll let him do your makeup tbh, because hardly anyone on Cybertron wears makeup except for like, war paint or for religious reasons.
  • Probably opts for a subtle and/or simple look though, because he doesn’t want to make you look bad on accident. It takes him a bit of practice, but once he gets the hang of it you look absolutely radiant. 


  • Don’t let Whirl do your makeup. He will break all your brushes and products with his Big Metal Claws. If he uses his holo avatar it should be ok though.
  • Holo!Whirl decides you’re gonna have a look that says you killed a man. When you’re done, you look like extremely hot, and also like you’ve murdered not just one man, but a hundred.


  • Honestly? He probably doesn’t want to do your makeup but Rewind took your side but that’s probably because he wants to film Domey trying (and failing) to do your eyeliner.
  • He’s not very good at it, but he’s also not terrible at doing your makeup. He avoids doing your eyeliner though and just sticks to using mascara and some lipgloss. Rewind is disappointed.


  • This smol boy doesn’t take it seriously. At all.
  • He films himself doing your makeup. He does it badly on purpose and then makes you watch the video before you look in a mirror. It’s entertaining but the end result is awful. Don’t let Rewind do your makeup.
Got7 as shit my friends have said/texted
  • Bambam: I'm gonna whip to school, nae nae through life and dab to success
  • Mark: when I get a man imma snuggle the kpop out of 'em. You best believe that I will.
  • Jackson: you can never be TOO extra
  • JB: Don't make me slap the kpop trash out of you.
  • Jinyoung: just like your future, I'm dead inside.
  • Youngjae: EVERYONE LOVES ME. EVEN THOSE WHO HATE ME CANT HELP BUT LOVE ME, so why are you so God damn r00d huh?
  • Yugyeom: I'm a swaggalicious , bootylicious loser in a onesie
Loser-Derek Smut


Request: Derek smut where you both play pool and things get heated. 

He was pissing me off. Big bad wolf and all. Big bad wolf my ass.

“But you fucking cheated i saw the ball moving god damn it!!” he yelled. he really couldn’t take some competition.

“Asshole” i whispered.

“What did you say?…”

“Oh fuck you Derek you can detect when i'm  lying so now y ou know i am not. You just can’t cope with losing ” i shouted a bit more than needed but was interrupted by his lips brushing against mine.

“I’d fuck you…” he whispered sucking on my earlobe. Every word caressing my skin. i stumbled on my feet due to the sudden surprise of all of this and felt the pool table right behind us.

“Ouch"a tiny whimper escaped my lips  and he smirked. He looked at the table where we had been playing only seconds ago and without waisting any time, 
Spread the balls to make space and then motioned for me to jump on it.

He approached me shaking his head a bit as if not believing what was happening.

” trust me i have trouble believing it too.“ I said and he chuckled as his strong firm hands wrapped around my waist engaging both of our lips into another hungry kiss. 

i started trailing patterns with my lips all over his cheek, lowering them leaving butterfly kisses on the way. Isucked on his sweet spot causing him to moan. Never had i ever imagined Derek Hale could produce such sounds.

Soon we had both stripped of our clothes.(His claws had made it easier ) and were facing at eachother lustfully.

He smiled before pushing my chest down so that i would be lying on the table. He took a moment to stare at my body before targeting where i craved him most.  He blew cold air at my soaking wet area and sucked on the inner thighs. Biting a bit on the skin. His fingers brusged against me only once and that lack of contact made me want to scream. I just needed him. He could sense it i knew he could. Pride was written all over his face. Then Without any warning he shoved his tongue in me sucking on my clit, licking and breathing against it. Devouring me as if i would be the last meal he’d ever have.. i held onto the green coverage of the table, pushing a few more pool balls aside.

My legs started trembling and i felt gim chuckling against the now very sensitive skin.  I was close…and just when i was about to climax, he pulled away and smirked.

"I hate you” i whispered.

“No, you don’t” he whispered back and held my hips. I was about to ask what he was doing , when he flipped me over. i got on my knees and sticked out my bum as much as possible as i held from the table’s sides. I wasn’t supposed to allow him to do that, but for some reason, the idea was making me wet.

I could feel him smirking as he held my hips and pressed his dick inside my back entrance . His head fell back in pleasure and his eyes were closed.

“Fuck!” i yelled due to the pain

“You’re so tight” he moaned as he started thrusting harder.  He would squeeze on the right buttcheek and then slap on it before doing the same to the left one.  I could hear the sound of our bodies colliding together with every thrust. 
. Soon we were moving in sync and i could feel the vibration in my stomach. His left hand left my hip and procceded on grabbing my hair , pulling me closer, so that he can go even deeper.

“Ugh Y/N” he gasped. My breathing was far too fast to be able to speak. His right hand was tugging at my hair and he used his left one to hold on to my neck. Pushing my whole body against his member.

“Did you ever please yourself thinking about me?” he asked. Was he trying to pick up a conversation?? really?

i didn’t answer, he knew the answer anyway.

he slamed in me faster and faster, when i stopped him. He looked at me.

“Hurts too much?” he asked.

“No…..but,…can i ride you?” i asked as inocently as possible. 
he laughed and truned over as his back hit the table and placed his hands behind his neck.

“Go ahead” he whispered and i climbed on top of him placing my centre down his dick. It slowly entered me and my jaw dropped open from the pleasure.

As soon as he could feel my walls against him again he started gasping and i followed. I begun going faster and harder , jumping on his dick while rubbing my nipples, causing them to harden. He noticed what i was doing and pushed my hands away.

“Let me” he gasped and grabbed my tits, at his touch i moaned even harder. I am pretty sure people outside the pub , could hear my moans. He held on my tits squeezing them, gently and then roughly as i rode his cock.My head arched back as i allowed myself to enjoy the feeling  and my hands found his stomach, my nails, scaring his abs, it must’ve hurt but we were too into it to care.

“i’m gonna cum” i said as i rode my orgasm, yelling louder than ever. Soon he followed , his warm cum filling my walls.

Unfortunately i couldn’t sustain all of it, meaning , there was now a huge stain on the pool table.

“Maybe they won’t notice?” i questioned refering to the stain as i got up and put on my clothes.

He only laughed.

“maybe” he said.

“ and you did lose that game” i added putting my clothes back on. Or rather, what was left of them.

“If this is what the loser gets, then please. Beat me again.”

as someone who like got into melee to have a hobby i can enjoy without being bone fucking stoned the overlap of stoners and smashers is ridiculously high and they’re literally all such losers god damn

vdreamblood  asked:

Wasi? what a loser i hate him i- *trips* *thousands of pictures of Wasi spill from pockets* fuck those aren’t mine i swear i’m just holding them for a friend i- *slips on a pile of pictures* fu ck no they’re not mine i hate him i just- *more pictures fall out as i fall to my knees, desperately trying to pick them up* hang on a sec jUst LISTEN

god damn it V ur better than this

I’m more than pissed off about not having access to the god damn tags I need to have access to.

Tribute to make it up to me, cunts.

#Findom #PayPig #FinSub #Domme #Queen #Goddess #FindomGoddess #FindomQueen #Findomme #SPH #PayPets #PayToPlay #Humiliation #HumanAtm #CashSlaves #MoneySlaves #Losers #SlaveToGoddess #Slave #FinancialDomination #FinancialSlave #FinSubsWanted #Censored #Glitch #Dumb #Annoying #Pissed

Markiplier sentence starters: Outlast: Whistleblower

“Why do I have a reporter’s notebook? I’m not a reporter.”
“I like the screams of the damned feel.”
”Time to parkour my way out to victory.”
”I haven’t been able to say anything clever. I’ve just been going, ‘OH, THAT’S DISGUSTING.’”
”Nice beard. Or is that just the entrails of the fallen on your face?”
“That’s so gross. Why am I still looking at it?”
“Look at this custom built asshole!”
“Who designed this to be exactly what a horror movie should be?”
“Good God, your smile is awesome.”
“You can’t get me here. What a big, ol’ loser you are. Oh, there’s a door right there.”
“I was looking everywhere except where was obvious.”
“I’m hobbling as fast as I can hobble.”
“Get out of the way, hands and body parts, I got places to be.”
“This is where I fell down the elevator and jabbed my leg.”
“I gotta not go that way.”
“I’m what every horror character should be.”

Winners/Losers so far.

Wings (losers) trade Jurco for a fuckin 3rd round pick that’s stupid coulda gotten at least a prospect. to Chicago (Winners)

Dallas (Loss) trades Eaves to the Ducks (Winners) for a god damn conditional pick, In the middle of a break out season probably one of his best seasons.

The Bolts (Win/loss) fuck around and trade their best goalie for some decent stock. But realistically the Kings (Losers) lost out on this deal because Bishops contract runs out at the end of the year and i dont think he’ll sign.

And those poor poor idiots in Arizona traded stone (Losers)

ABC’s of me

A - Age: 18

B - Biggest fear: Failure and dying alone

C - Current time: 8:03

D - Drink you last had: Worter

E - Every day starts with: a feeling of dread 

F - Favourite song:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

G - Ghosts, are they real?: Maybe

H - Hometown: A little shithole in New Brunswick

I - In love with: Rose, mostly 

J - Jealous of: Anyone who is mentally well 

K - Killed someone: No but i’ve wanted to

L - Last time you cried: couple days ago

M - Middle name: Malachite

N - Number of siblings: 2 and their both losers

P - Person you last called/texted:  uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, theree was a few

Q - Questions you’re always asked:  im not asked a god damn thing 

R - Reasons to smile: my doggo

S - Song last sang: no clue 

T - Time you woke up: whats sleep?

U - Underwear colour: grey

V - Vacation destination: missouri

W - Worst Habit: Chewing my nails

X - X-rays you’ve had:teeth

Y - Your favourite food:   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Z - Zodiac sign: Sagittarius 

anonymous asked:

I'm a massive fucking loser who is a little too enthusiastic about artifacts. Also too forward for my own god damn good and bitch you know I'd cut a motherfucker.

Damn, I’m really bad at this game… I’m so sorry y’all

Also I just noticed…

Jack kinda looks halfway angry like “God damn it Crow how dare you cause a scene and hurt yourself even more yOU STUPID BIRDFACE STOP THIS I CARE ABOUT YOU”

And Yusei just looks like he’s internally screaming and doesn’t know what to do “Do I hold him? What if he breaks? Oh god I don’t want to break Crow. What if hiS ARM FALLS OFF? HOLY STARDUST WHAT DO I DO???”

And Bruno there in the back between Crow’s hair is just “shit did I leave the oven on?”