god consciouness

*me, emerging from my slumber because I did, in fact, Not drop dead in the night* WHO’S GONNA BE JOAQUIN THO??????

Relevant Commands in Islam for Young People:

Stop talking trash about other people:

“O you who have attained to faith! Avoid most guesswork [about one another] - for, behold, some of [such] guesswork is [in itself] a sin; and do not spy upon one another, and neither allow yourselves to speak ill of one another behind your backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, you would loathe it! And be conscious of God. Verily, God is an acceptor of repentance, a dispenser of grace!” - The Holy Qur'an [49:12]

Stop saying you’ll do something, but not do it:

“Most loathsome is it in the sight of God that you say what you do not do!” - The Holy Qur'an [61:3]

Stop talking when you’re angry:

“When one of you is angry, he should be silent.” - The Prophet [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]

Stop thinking that God won’t accept your repentence:

“Even if your sins reached up to the clouds in the sky, I would forgive you.”- Hadith Qudsi [Sunan al-Tirmdhi]

Stop pretending that God won’t forgive you from your sins so you don’t start fresh:

“Why would God cause you to suffer [for your past sins] if you are grateful and attain to belief - seeing that God is always responsive to gratitude, all-knowing?” - The Holy Qur’an [4:147]

Stop telling the other gender to lower their gaze, lower it yourself, that includes online:

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity: this will be most conducive to their purity - [and,] verily, God is aware of all that they do… And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity.” - The Holy Qur'an [24:30]

Stop being mean to those who have wronged you:

“Excellence is being kind to those who are evil to you.” - Prophet Eisa (Jesus) [Tafsir ibn Kathir]

Stop forgetting to pray to God when times are tough, here, Dua of Desperation:
رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنْزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ
Rabbi inni limaa anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqeer
[28:24]

Stop neglecting to put what you learn into practice:

“Who are the learned? Those who practice what they know.” - The Prophet [Bukhari]

Stop procrastinating and work hard:

“The believer dies with sweat on his brow.” - The Prophet [Tirmidhi]

Stop envying other people:

“Beware of envy, for envy consumes good works as fire consumes wood.” - The Prophet [Abu Dawud]

Stop chasing things that you know aren’t good for you:

“…it may well be that you hate a thing the while it is good for you, and it may well be that you love a thing the while it is bad for you: and God knows, whereas you do not know.” - The Holy Qur’an [2:216]

Stop forgetting that God is testing you with hardships:

“Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested?” - The Holy Qur'an [29:2]

“And most certainly shall We try you by means of danger, and hunger, and loss of worldly goods, of lives and of [labour’s] fruits. But give glad tidings unto those who are patient in adversity -” - The Holy Qur'an [2:155]

Stop forgetting that God knows you can get through these hardships:

“God does not burden any human being with more than he is well able to bear” - The Holy Qur'an [2:286]

“God does not burden any human being with more than He has given him - [and it may well be that] God will grant, after hardship, ease.” - The Holy Qur'an [65:7]

“Seek closeness [to God] and be steadfast.. in all that afflicts the believer there is atonement, even a thorn that pricks him.” - The Prophet [Tirmidhi]

Stop taking your free time and health for granted:

“Two favors that many of the people squander are health and free time.” - The Prophet [Tirmidhi]

Stop fooling yourself into thinking that those sins you do lead to better things than what God can give:

“There is nothing that you leave out of God-consciousness [taqwa] except that God will compensate you with something better” - The Prophet [Ahmad]

Stop forgetting that God remembers those who do good:

“O son of Adam, I do not forget the person who disobeys Me, so how can I forget someone who obeys Me?” - Hadith Qudsi

Stop finding excuses to not give money in charity:

“A man said: 'O Messenger of God, which kind of charity is best? He said: 'Giving charity when you are in good health, and feeling stingy, hoping for a long life and fearing poverty.”’ [Nasa'i]

“[O believers,] never shall you attain to true piety unless you spend on others out of what you cherish yourselves;” - The Qur'an [3:92]

Stop waiting for God to make a change you need to make:

“Indeed, God will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” - The Holy Qur'an [13:11]

Stop forgetting to pray for your parents, here, the Dua for parents:

[rabbi irhamhuma kama rabbayanee sagheera] “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small” [17:24]

Stop thinking that being young doesn’t matter, of the protected people on Youm Al-Qiyamah it includes:

“a youth who grew up with the worship of God” - The Prophet [Bukhari]

Stop pretending that wealth and worldly stuff is a reward from God, they’re tests:

“and know that your worldly goods and your children are but a trial and a temptation, and that with God there is a tremendous reward” [8:28]

Just remember: “The Prophet said, 'My Lord says…if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.’” - [Bukhari]

Things about prayer that I should have learnt a long time ago: 

1. God doesn’t need your prayers. The prayers are for you. Why? Because praying five times a day isn’t merely a pointless ritual; it establishes a routine, a sort of rhythm to your life. It is the one part of your to-do list that you get to check off, even if the rest of your work is unfinished. 

2. Don’t expect some sort of enlightening experience when you pray after a long time. I think that’s what I found most disheartening about prayer, that I didn’t feel a ray of light enter my heart, that I didn’t feel cleansed when I prayed after a long time. Prayer does feel nice, but the “cleansing” the “enlightening” comes after a while and it comes from within. It comes with the stuff you do along with prayer. It comes from the effort you put in to becoming a good person and into becoming conscious of God. 

3. Beating yourself up about missing prayer disheartens you more. Beating yourself up in general is disheartening. Take it easy on yourself. 

4. You’ll never expect it, but one day you’ll be crying in sujood and it isn’t because you’re weak it’s because you’re taking a step towards being stronger. Don’t be afraid to cry in prayer. It’s nice to feel yourself humbled towards God. You don’t have to cry in front of anyone else, but you can sob your heart out in front of God and that’s perfectly okay. 

5. That discomfort you feel about having missed a prayer, is something that you should address. Don’t brush it off. If you brush it off once, you’ll do it again. Go pray. It really is good for you. 

#WednesdayWisdom

What No One Tells You About Being Conscious

There are levels to the awakenings we experience, each level is not linear like floors in a building - rather they are infinitely deep & expansive. Each level of the illusion we transcend presents more opportunities for self-discovery. The biggest mistake we can make in this life is thinking we’ve transcended all layers of the illusion.

This happens when the ego has been seduced by the notion that we are too knowledgable or “woke” to be fooled by an illusion because we have already seen through other layers. Often times this can cause us to be resistant to interactions with some people because we believe we are “more woke” than them - the introduction of this separation gratifies the ego & justifies our ignorance.

We are all one - when we encounter others that have yet to perceive certain layers of the illusion it is not our place to judge them. We must acknowledge that they reflect something about ourselves that we have either not yet seen or forgotten. There is something to learn from every single interaction with have with another person, because there is no other - we are interacting with ourselves through the illusion of their body.

Being “spiritual”, “conscious” or “woke” means that we are gaining knowledge that will help us to live a life that serves and fulfils us. Knowledge is power & with great power comes great responsibility - it is our responsibility to wield this power for our benefit, but also for the benefit of others. This doesn’t mean we have to preach our knowledge to others - on the contrary it means we must allow others to live their lives without imposing our knowledge onto them. 

Everyone awakens in their own time and it’s important for us to keep in mind that everyone is on their own journey - the knowledge we carry cannot liberate anyone from their suffering unless they are willing to accept it. It’s like throwing a book at someone’s head & expecting them to read it instead of being annoyed you threw it at them.

Using the knowledge we acquire on the journey of self-discovery we can live a way of life that serves as an example to others - walking the path instead of talking about it. This inspires those who are looking for change to approach us, which is our invitation to share our knowledge - this is how we help the planetary oneness through its ascension.

Become the light instead of talking about it.

Peace & positive vibes.

2

Two-part collab with the lovely @momonart to an absolute must read called Corner of a Birdcage by @oxeh! This fic captured me the moment it began! The pacing is perfect, the squad dynamics couldn’t be better, and the slow burn is to die for on top of great writing!! It’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a fic; if you haven’t read it already, what are you doing here?

Trying to be better for Allah

Ramadaan daily habit formation IDEAS

DUA RELATED-

  1. Establish morning adhkar
  2. Establish evening adhkar
  3. Read the translation of those du'as
  4. Establish bedtime supplications
  5. Learn a new du'a everyday
  6. Make dua in sujood
  7. Include the state of the ummah in du'a
  8. Complete your du'a list at least once

SALAH RELATED-

  1. Pray on the dot
  2. Read the translation of salah
  3. Establish salat of tawbah
  4. Pray salatul duha
  5. Be in a constant state of wudu
  6. Perform Tahajjud/qiyyamul layl
  7. Establish dhikr after every salah
  8. Perform the sunnah prayers
  9. Do full/“Half” taraweeh 10.Pray two rakahs of gratefulness
  10. Perform wudu thoroughly

QURAN RELATED- personalise

  1. Read one page of Quran
  2. Memorise half an ayah
  3. Read my memorisation portion
  4. Ponder upon the meaning of Quranic verses

HEALTH RELATED-

  1. Track my period (needed to know how many fasts to make up)
  2. Eat moderately
  3. Eat healthily
  4. Chew food thoroughly
  5. Go to bed early
  6. Fill your heart with positivity
  7. Yoga

HELPING RELATED-

  1. Give sadaqa regularly
  2. Go out of your way to be kind to your parents
  3. Be patient with person X
  4. Be deliberately gentle in speech
  5. Remind people of du'a acceptance times
  6. Help prepare the table
  7. Help prepare the food
  8. Help someone

GOD CONSCIOUS RELATED/OTHER-

  1. learn and understand one of Allahs 99 names
  2. Smile more generally
  3. Say bismillah before doing ten things
  4. Renew your intentions
  5. Revive a forgotten sunnah
  6. Try not to be idle

NOT RAMADAN RELATED-

  1. Fast Monday’s and Thursday’s
  2. Create an islamic/life bucket list
  3. Plan your life in detail
  4. Maintain an exercise routine
fall [e.h  x reader]

Evan Hansen x Reader

warnings: really bad writing, anxious people, angry!evan, angst

requested? yes!

“evan x reader where the reader is the one who takes him to the hospital after he broke his arm and one day he snaps at her and then misses her?” -anon

evan x reader angst? -anon

word count: 3.8k (kms this is bad why would i keep writing it)

Tuesday, July 15

Crack.
Snap.
Yelp.
Crash.

It happened much too quickly and you almost didn’t see the see the small figure fall from the oak tree placed a few feet ahead of you on your hiking path. It was almost like the breath was kicked from your lungs as you saw it thump onto the ground.

“Oh my god! Are you okay? Holy shit.” You yelled while running towards the crumpled figure lying on the ground. It was a boy, you recognized him from school, but never really talked much. He was nice, though. You knew that for sure.

He was whimpering and clutching his arm close to his chest, tears streaking down his puffy cheeks. The tears making the pink of the cheeks look even darker under the wet streaks seeping from his eyes. He made eye contact with you and closed his eyes again when he saw how worried you looked. He recognized you too, but couldn’t think straight and said nothing. You kneeled down next to him and began to examine his injuries. You took a deep breath and steadied yourself on the ground.

“Hey, can you talk? Are you okay?” You pleaded towards him. Letting out a breath when he opened his eyes and nodded slightly. thank god.

“I’m,” he winced lightly “I’m Evan. I’m okay it’s just my uh, my arm.” He gasped out through tears, trying not to look at his definitely broken arm.

You took his head gently in your lap and looked down at him once again. You examined his face, nothing but a few scratches on his forehead and cheek. His eyes were so pretty you could’ve gotten lost in them, luckily you snapped yourself out of it because Jesus y/n, he fell from a tree and is injured you can’t be swooning.

“I’m Y/N. I’m going to get you help okay? But you need to help me out, are your legs okay?” You grabbed his face gently and made him look up at you. He nodded.

“Okay, I’m going to help you get up and bring you to my car so when can drive you to the hospital. Is that okay?” Your voice was so gentle and so were your eyes, he almost broke out into more tears. He didn’t think anyone would bother to get him, he honestly hadn’t thought what would happen if he ended up living.

“Yes, uh, yes please.” He stammered out, trying to adjust his legs so he could stand up. You put your arms under his shoulders and hoisted him up. His legs were wobbly and you thanked God that you weren’t very far in your hike. Your car was close, you just hoped he’d stay conscious that long. He was obviously in a ton of pain and his arm… wasn’t pretty. His shoulder was around you and you did your best to lift him to ease his pain that walking must’ve given him.

As you stumbled to the empty parking lot of matted down grass and gravel, you whispered gently in his ear that he could not, under any circumstances, look at his arm. (Your mom had taught you this trick, if you don’t see how bad it is, you won’t freak out as much). He just nodded really quickly over and over again as you opened the passenger seat door. He clambered in and closed his eyes so tight you thought he might pop a vein in his head. You rushed towards the driver’s seat and began speeding through the empty streets towards the hospital.

“Okay, Evan right? We’re almost there is there anywhere else that hurts? -Please stop scrunching your face like that you’re going to pull a muscle- that’s better.” You said as he slowly relaxed his face.

“You told me not to look…” he mumbled flicking his, now opened, eyes to you and then back to his jeans several times. He was trying to distract himself from something… most likely the pain.

When you caught him staring you smiled lightly, and turned your attention back toward the road. Luckily for him, you didn’t see his whole face get red after realizing a nice girl was taking care of him that wasn’t his mom.

As you got the hospital Evan flinched as he saw the bright “EMERGENCY ROOM” sign. Once he was in there he would have to answer a bunch of questions about what happened. He didn’t want to talk to people he just wanted to fall asleep and wake up healed.

“We’re here. Are you awake? Please be conscious, oh god,” you said as you scrambled to his side of the car while the feeling of dread bubbled up from your stomach.

“I- um, I’m f- fine.” He said as he tried to crawl out through the door avoiding any pain that may occur if he moves too quickly.

Once you were both in the position you were in when you walked to your car in the first place, you cautiously opened the doors and scooted him inside. The sweet-looking nurse gasped when she saw Evan’s arm and hollered around for more doctors to help him. The contrast of her bright white uniform and warm brown skin plus her gentle voice made her seem even more friendly, until of course, she almost ripped Evan out of your arms and brought him to a room. The last thing you saw was Evan looking back at you with pleading eyes before different nurses walking in front of you blocked him from your sight.


Wednesday, July 16

It had been a day. You had brought flowers. Is that what people usually do? Bring flowers? What if he doesn’t like flowers? Do boys like flowers? Your train of thought stopped when you were standing in front of the wide marble desk with a big “VISITOR SIGN IN” sign.

The (probably volunteer worker) looked up at you expectantly. She smiled when she saw the flowers, admiring the blues before you started to mumble who you were here for.

“Evan Hansen, he uh, well, I think he broke his arm? I brought him in yesterday- if that helps.” You were slightly embarrassed, you had never had to check in a hospital before to see someone without your parents, and that was 6 years ago.

She smiled politely as she pulled out a piece of paper and began to read it aloud

“Evan Hansen, 17, broken arm and rib fracture?”

“That would be him.” You mumbled, beginning to feel anxious again.

“Room 203 on the left, thank you, ma'am!” She smiled and pointed in the direction of his room. You smiled and thanked her back before walking towards the elevators. 

Boys can like flowers, right? I mean they’re pretty and stuff. Oh god, what am I doing? You reached the right hall and searched the numbers pinned up on the side of every door.
198.
200.
202.

You turned your head around and saw the faint figure of a nurse talking to a sleepy looking Evan in a hospital bed. It was Evan! He was okay! Now, do you knock or?

You decided to knock and the nurse turned around, startled. She walked to the door and let you in after checking her clipboard.

“You’re y/n?”

“Yes ma'am.”

“I’ll go get a vase for the flowers.” She scurried off pretty quick after that, deciding to give you privacy.

Evan eyes were open so wide you thought they might pop out of his head. His arm was in a cast and his hair was matted down almost enough to cover the bandage on his forehead.

“Hi, I’m uh, I’m glad you’re okay.” You said as you slowly walked toward his bed stopping abruptly as you looked for a chair to sit on. 

He noticed and shuffled over towards the side farthest from you on his bed. You sat down lightly and faced him, taking in his features all at once. His eyes, still milky brown and his cheeks weren’t as puffy or red as they were in the forest. There were freckles lightly dusting his nose and cheeks and his bottom lip was bigger than the top and a bit swollen from him biting on it. He took your breath away.

“Thanks uh for yeknow.. getting me at stuff? I mean that sounds so stupid you basically saved my life and I’m so grateful and-” he noticed you staring. “Uh, just, thank you, Y/N.”

“It’s not a problem… I uh, brought you flowers..?” You said, immediately flustered when you realized you were staring. “I don’t really know if you like them but they were really pretty and I thought that’s what normal people do, right?” You were rambling again. shut up y/n!!

“They were really pretty,” he said softly while fiddling with the covers he was under. “I like them, thank you again I guess.” He looked so nervous and you couldn’t understand why.

Truth is, he was nervous because he didn’t think you would come back to see him. I mean you probably had other stuff to do than worry about him right? Why were you here? Did you care about him? His heart fluttered at the thought of that. She cares about me? So he just gently fiddled with the covers until you resumed the conversation.

“Do you like brownies?”

“What?”

“Oh, uh well I was going to make you something for when I come back tomorrow… if that’s okay, of course! I wouldn’t want to, like, intrude or anything you know?” You let out a nervous laugh and forced yourself to look up.

He was staring again but he seemed… softer. He didn’t seem so on guard like when you initially walked in or when he was in your car. You didn’t really know how to reply so you just smiled gently and waited for his reply. Just as the pool of dread started building in your stomach again he replied.

“You really, uh, like you really don’t need to bake for me! I mean it would be cool, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t want anything you gave me but I just wouldn’t want to be an inconvenience! Because who wouldn’t accept brownies from a cute girl? Did I say that out loud? Sorry, I uh-”

You cut him if with your giggling and looked up at him barely containing your infectious smile.

“It’s cute when you ramble.” You said quietly. You were looking down towards your fiddling hands, scared you’ve overstepped a boundary.

He blushed; You did too.

You spent the rest of the day just talking about anything. You didn’t really want to leave and he didn’t want you to either. He wasn’t used to enjoying people company and not being scared of doing something wrong, but you were sincere and nice and funny. You went home at around 9:00 pm and once you left the room felt strangely empty, that is, until he saw the light blue flowers on his bedside table.

Over the past week and a half, you had become quick best friends. Neither of you and really had a bestfriend before, but you fell right into the habits that best friends do. At least the ones they do when one do them is in the hospital… well, you get the idea.


Friday, July 25

Three light taps on his hospital door and you wandered in announcing the arrival of brownies. He frantically tried to fix his hair and smooth out his shirt before you got close enough to see him clearly.

“Hi Ev!” You chirped while holding the brownie pan outwards like it was a trophy.

If he was going to be honest, he didn’t even really like brownies. He thought they were too much chocolate for one sitting, but seeing your grin and how proud you were of them… brownies might not be that bad as long as he could share them with you.

“O-oh my. Hey y/n.” He gave you a half wave and made room on his table for the brownies. why is she being so thoughtful? I mean it’s adorable but that never happens to me.

“Okay, so,” you said while sitting down next to him on his bed and smoothing the covers. “I was wondering, why were you in a tree in the first place?” You asked as politely as possible as one can while stuffing a brownie in their mouth.

There it was. He couldn’t tell her. He could barely tell himself. What was he going to do? Whatever, just make something up Evan, quick!

You noticed him freeze up and slowly shuffled away from him. Maybe he just didn’t want to relive the experience.

“Oh it’s not, I mean it isn’t really…important.”

“Of course it’s important, silly! Otherwise you wouldn’t have fallen and broken your arm from 50 feet up in the air!” You said while making wild hand gestures as if it would help you picture what you were saying.

“I don’t, I couldn’t really,” He couldn’t tell her. He couldn’t tell anyone. “I fell.” He decided that falling was better than letting go.

You looked at him quizzically. He looked guilty? He kept his gaze down and played with his hands more aggressively than usual, he also bit his lip. He was lying. but why would he lie about falling out of a tree?

“Okay.” Was all you said as you stood up slowly and grabbed the flower vase.
“I’m going to uh- go get some water.”

He watched you scurry off the bathroom and exhaled. You knew he was lying. He didn’t want to lose you or let you think he’s a liar, but absolutely no one could know what he had done. His mom would hate him and so would you! He looked toward the plate of brownies and then back towards the bathroom door. All that was playing in his head was 4 words, like a broken record: no one can know.

Sunday July, 27

You didn’t go to the hospital today. Evan had acted so strange after you asked him why he climbed up there in the first place. Once you got back from the bathroom he seemed closed off and distant, he seemed almost rude which was very out of character for him. You knew he didn’t have many friends at school, but he was so warm and sweet before, now he was just so cold and unresponsive.

So as you walked up your front steps after running a few errands for your sister, you almost jumped out of your skin when the door was answered by a middle aged woman with blonde hair. Your mom was right behind her and introduced you.

“Sweetie, this is Heidi! Evan’s Mom.
Heidi this is y/n, my youngest daughter.”

Heidi reached her hand out towards you with a big smile on her face.

“Thank you so much for helping Evan, it means so much to us. You’re even visiting him at the hospital! He seems so much more happy whenever you stop by!”

Her voice was sweet and a little gravelly, probably due to her job which (according to her clothing) was a nurse. Nurses worked long hours. That was probably why Evan was alone at the park in the first place.

“Oh, it’s no problem!” You said as you shook her hand. Her eyes were Evan’s, milky brown and sparkling, and then it hit you.

You’re even visiting him at the hospital! He seems so much more happy whenever you stop by!

Was Evan usually so closed off? He seemed so sweet you couldn’t possibly imagine that to be the case.

“Miss Hansen, if you don’t mind me asking-”

“Heidi, please dear!”

“Heidi, is Evan usually… closed off? He’s been acting sort of strange these past few days.”

She looked a little surprised at first but replied calmly nonetheless.

“He’s been, avoiding things. He hasn’t been taking his meds lately and has trouble talking to people. His meds keep his,” she cleared her throat slightly before continuing. “Negative emotions on track…I’m honestly surprised he talks to you without fainting from nervousness.” Her face turned sorrowful, as if she was thinking about the times he acted like what she was describing.

“Oh, I’m sor-”

“Don’t be silly, you’re helping him! Anyways I’ve got to run if I’m going to be at work on time, I just stopped by to say thank you!” She waved her hands a bit when she talked, it reminded you of Evan. You waved goodbye as she left and ran to your room, your mind was racing a mile a minute.

Evan has medication. Evan doesn’t connect with people. Evan is usually pretty closed off. Evan doesn’t know how to talk to people.

Well, no more ignoring him now. You grabbed your keys and a sweatshirt and walked out to your car, calling out a quick goodbye to your mom.

You were so enwrapped in your thoughts you almost missed the turn to the parking lot of the hospital. You didn’t know what you would say or even if he wanted to see you, but you knew one thing for sure. You were going to find out why he climbed that tree.

You knew the way to his room by heart now, which was strange considering you’ve only walked here twice. You didn’t bother with directions from workers you just marched right in and knocked on his door.

“Evan.”

“Y/N.” he said, surprised you were in his room and even more surprised that you looked so stern.

“Promise me you won’t lie?” You asked, maintaining your gaze directly at him.

He gulped, but nodded slowly.

“Why haven’t you been taking care of yourself and why did you climb that goddamn tree?” Your voice was gentle and shaky, but your body language stayed intense. He didn’t know what to say, had his mom talked to you or something? She did mention going to your house to thank you for being his friend, but what did she tell you?

“Uh- I don’t know what you’re talking about?” His voice raised slightly at the end, as if it was a question.

“Evan your mom said you hadn’t been taking your meds, and that sometimes you-”

“Stop it. Stop it.” He said quietly as he hugged his knees up to his chest.

“Evan please, you know you can talk to me, right? I’ve only known you for a little while but I feel like it’s been forever! Whenever you feel like tha-”

“Stop it.” He said it louder his time, looking at you instead of his hands.

“Evan I-”

“No. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You can’t just say that I can talk to you when I’m ‘off my meds’ y/n. You can’t, you just- you can’t come waltzing into my life and then try and fix it.” 

He seemed almost… angry? You didn’t know how to react, you had never seen him angry before.

“I’m sor-”

“I think you should just mind your own business.” He said softly, looking out the window while trying to calm down.

You didn’t know what to do. You never thought you were trying to fix him? You didn’t know he had anything wrong. Were you supposed to leave?

“I’ll just- uh.” You sniffled slightly, on the verge of tears. “I’ll just go.”
And with that you were out the door, running towards the elevator with a tear making its way down your cheek.


Later that evening Evan couldn’t stand he things he said. He was just so tired. He didn’t mean the things he said, obviously, but he just couldn’t talk about his feelings. He had trouble talking to people normally, so when his feelings came up he shut down. He knows how harsh he was, and he flinched at himself every time he thinks about what happened.

You had exchanged numbers the first day you visited, but he doubted you wanted to ever see him again. He looked over at the flowers you had got him and frowned as he realized they were wilted.

Monday, July 28

You didn’t leave your room. You couldn’t. How could you have been so stupid? You shouldn’t have mentioned his emotions and you shouldn’t have tried to convince him it would help to talk about something he clearly didn’t want to talk about.

Meanwhile Evan was writing and erasing a million texts to send you to say he was sorry.

Tuesday, August 4th

8:26 AM
No new messages to: Y/N

You missed him, but how were you supposed to come back from that? 

“hey I used to be your bestfriend until i overstepped my boundaries and now you hate me!”

No new messages to: Evan
He wished he was good with words. He missed not only his bestfriend, but you. he missed the late night phone calls talking about whatever you guys could come up with. He missed the random texts about what you should get from McDonalds as if he knew what you wanted at that moment. he missed your smile and he missed your unjudgmental presence. He wished he could just send a freaking text.


Thursday, August 6th


From Evan:

I’m sorry. Can u come over?

To: Evan

Why would u want me to? You were right, I should just mind my own business.

From: Evan

No I swear I didn’t mean it like that.

To Evan:

The how did you mean it?

From Evan:

I didn’t mean it at all! Please just come visit and we can talk

To Evan: 

ok


You pushed the door open and crossed your arms over your chest, trying to make yourself feel as small as possible. He looked at you took in your appearance. 

Shorts with a gray hoodie, that looked normal.

Dark eye bags, paler than he remembered, blank expression, that was not normal.

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry.” The words fell out of his mouth like he had no control over them. “I was so rude and I understand if you never wanna see me again and that’s fine! I just missed you a lot and I wish I could take what I said back because I didn’t mean it and I was just so stupid and tired an-”

You let out a long sigh and rubbed your temples. “Evan what am I doing wrong here? I thought I was actually having a good friendship for once and then I screwed it up.”

“What?”

“Why do you think it hurt so much when you yelled at me? I can handle outbursts Evan, but not when they confirm everything I thought I was doing wrong.” You leaned your head against the wall of his room and tried not to make eye contact.

“Y/n- I”

“It whatever Ev, I shouldn’t have come back I’m sorry.” You adjusted your purse and lifted yourself from the wall you were leaning against, ready to run as soon as you could. Before you could make any actual movement though, he was out of his hospital bed and in front of you, shaking hands and all.

He stopped your escape and crushed the air out of your lungs with a bear hug. You were frozen, why was he hugging you? Eventually, you relaxed into him and he dragged you onto his tiny hospital bed.

“I should be sorry.” You mumbled into his neck.

He looked so guilty in the brief moment he had looked down at you, but it quickly became a small smile.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Y/N, no. I just don’t do well when I talk about stuff like that.”

You nodded slightly into his shoulder to show you understood.

“I’m still sorry.”

He stared at you for the longest time before he just simply kissed your temple. After realizing what he had just done, he started to freak out and he was shaking and stuttering. He had never been this close to a girl before, much less a girl he liked before.

“Oh I-I didn’t, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anyth-”

You shut him up by gently taking his hand and interlocking your fingers with his. He stared at your hands in disbelief before looking back at you.

“I’m perfectly comfortable around you.” And you would fall asleep with his and your hands intertwined together, listening to his heartbeat.


He was falling; but this time, not from a tree. this time he was falling for a good reason. This time he was falling for you.

The Search for the Lost Word-Part 1

The quest for “that which as been lost” is key to the entire system of freemasonry. W.L.Wilmshurst states:

“What it is that has been lost is not explicitly declared, but is implied and is stated to form "the genuine secrets of a Master Mason.” It is the loss of a word, or rather of The Word, the Divine Logos, or basic root of our own being. In other words the soul of man has ceased to be God-conscious and has degenerated into the limited terrestrial consciousness of the ordinary human being.“

anonymous asked:

as salaam alaykum. how do i make my heart softer?

Walaikom Assalam - such a powerful question

How Do I Soften My Heart?

  • Make more dua
  • Read more Quran & ponder it deeply [Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? (57:16)]
  • Pray more
  • Spend more time in sujood
  • Spend more time with loved ones
  • Make istighfar often
  • Forgive as best as you can
  • Remember Allah often with dhikr
  • Do good deeds as if it is your last day to accumulate them
  • Smile often at people
  • Give everyone the benefit of the doubt and many excuses
  • Look for the good in everyone - including yourself
  • Protect yourself from haram as best as you can
  • Be grateful for your blessings - keep counting them
  • Surround yourself with God conscious people
  • Attend the masjid more
  • Do more charity
  • Spend more time with elders & kids
  • Devote time to your passion
  • Remind yourself to be humble
  • Remember death and what that means to you
  • Purify your intentions

🖤 🖤 🖤 🖤 🖤 🖤 🖤 🖤 🖤 🖤

7

“People always say I’m the Beatle who changed the most but really that’s what I see life is about. The point is unless you’re God conscious then you have to change because.. because it’s a waste of time.
Everybody is so limited and so really useless when you think about the limitations on yourself, and the whole thing is to change, try and make everything better and better, and that’s what the physical world is about, is change.”
-George Harrison 🌻

datboifronk  asked:

Hey I hope you're having a nice day sorry for sending you two asks in such a small time space I was just curious about your "protest art" or whatever you'd like to call it I'm interested in how you started doing it and how you get hired to make that kind of work.

Not at all, I really enjoy questions!! 💕

I think you mean my political illustration series? Sorry if I misunderstood!

I actually wasn’t hired to do these, though the first one really took off in my S6. And just to clarify–what follows is my personal viewpoint and journey on this topic, nothing more!

I think awareness and education are so very important. It’s one of the reasons I do lots of wildlife conservation art. I rarely do the illustrations like the ones above, and when I do, I don’t make them just for the sake of another edgy, politically charged piece. I really try to use this platform to encourage people to stop being bystanders. A lot of times people just don’t know and don’t know what they can do.

  • Go put the pressure on your local and state-level representatives. 
  • For the love of god vote.
  • Be conscious of choices and purchases you make that will have a damaging effect on the environment and wildlife.
  • Be aware of what your representatives are slipping into bills and what the repercussions will be. 
  • If a cause is important to you, donate.
  • If you can’t donate, petition
  • Don’t let crises like Flint, Michigan go on silently.
  • Put pressure on companies who endorse corrupt activities.
  • Don’t allow injustices, prejudice, and brutality go unmet with resistance.

If something matters to you, make it matter.
Be the change you want to see become your reality. 

I don’t make an illustration for every topic that moves me. Sometimes, like the Syrian crisis, tragedies are so horrific that I can’t even think of a design and a donation is all I have to offer.

But overall, I’ve never been really into protest art or work with a political statement. As far as making a message with my art goes, my heart lies in comedy and finding humor in day-to-day things that unite all of us. One of the things I enjoy most about my webcomic @cooncomic​ is that people of all backgrounds and ideologies say they find it very relatable. And I can’t underline the importance of that enough. Because the world is full of dark, depressing headlines and shitty injustices. And at the end of the day, I firmly believe that what everyone really needs is to unite in a good laugh to remind us that, despite our challenges, despite all the terrible things in the world, we’re not so different. We really aren’t. That was Charlie Chaplin’s philosophy, and it’s something that’s always inspired me about his body of work.

But also like Chaplin, I think some topics can’t be shied away from. Some things are too important not to say. And we should never hesitate to make a difference where we can. Take action, be that change. Keep a kind heart and leave the world less shitty than you found it.

Bend Heaven, Raise Hell.

Characters: Yongguk, Himchan, Daehyun, Youngjae, Jongup, Zelo (OT6)+Side Characters

Setting/Genre: Gods!AU, Heaven and Hell!AU, Chapters

Length: 2073 words

Warnings: None

Summary: One Single Law can change how three realms work.

CHAPTER 1: Fire and Anger.

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