god a typo

What if the reason that Ibis takes Jacquel for walkies is that if he takes himself for walkies he’ll just get picked up by animal control. What if the reason Ibis takes Jacquel for walkies is because that exact scenario has definitely happened more than once. 

Or what’s worse, some weirdo dog thief like Will Graham could just come on up like HELLO STRAY DOG LET ME TAKE YOU HOME WITH ME

unhand him, mortal. 

Job AUs

Part 1 | Part 2

General

  • ‘Hey bastard this store is already closed oh wait you’re hot never mind please do come in’ AU
  • 'I’m on the verge of tears because of a rude customer and you step in and stand up for me’ AU
  • ‘I can feel you silently judging me as you ring up my purchases I swear I’m not using these for their intended purpose’ au
  • ‘Why does this cost TEN DOLLARS THIS IS AN OUTRAGE’ AU

Hairdresser AU

  • ‘You’re my regular customer and I’m in love with the feel of your hair’ AU
  • “Rumor has it that you’re a hairdresser with magic fingers and you can fix any bad hair day so that’s why I’m here’ AU

Gift store AU

  • 'Why the fuck are you choosing that for a gift to your crush’ AU
  • ‘You walk in and offer to pay me to wrap your gifts’ AU


Florist AU

  • ‘I work as a florist and every day you walk in, buy one flower and give it to me’ AU
  • ‘I work part-time in a flower shop and you keep asking me about what this flower means in flower language and I honestly don’t know so you end up giving me a lesson’ AU


Jewellery shop AU

  • 'You walk in and ask for the most expensive piece are you loaded to the gills what the fuck man’ AU
  • ‘I’m the employee and this is the first time ever I’ve met you but you buy me a necklace saying the gem compliments my eyes’ AU

Coffee Shop AU

  • I write a bad pick up line on your cup every time I’m your barista’ AU
  • 'You’re the customer and you get back at me for all the times I’ve spelt your name wrong by mispronouncing my name in increasingly horrible ways’ AU
  • 'You’re really short and cute and you buy a cup of black coffee every morning but you make weird faces as you sip it and you never finish your drink are you trying to look mature or something’ AU
  • 'Should I be concerned about how much caffeine you’re taking in’ AU


Bakery AU

  • 'Your love of strawberry shortcake really doesn’t match your appearance but i still think that’s really cute’ AU
  • 'Every morning you walk in and inhale deeply then walk back out seriously just buy something already’ AU 


Drug Store/Chemist AU

  • 'You embarrassedly place your items into the counter so I call a price check just to make you feel more awkward, but it turns out one of your items were actually overpriced’ AU


Bartender AU

  • 'You’re the bartender and you catch someone slipping something into my drink’ AU
  • ‘I ask you to concoct something from all the ingredients on the list i gave you and it ends up tasting so horrible and wrong that i can’t stop laughing’ AU


Teacher AU

  • We’re both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts we’ve received from students and you’ve won for the past three years’ AU
  • 'Romeo and Juliet of the math and english dept. in school’ AU

Writer AU

  • I’m a writer and when it gets close to my deadlines I neglect taking care of myself so you’ll pop in my house every so often to make sure I’m doing okay’ AU


Fast food Chain AU

  • ‘You just ordered a smile and I look at you like you’re batshit insane before bursting out into laughter’ AU
  • ‘You’re an employee and I have a crush on you so when you hand me the soft serve I accidentally grab it by the ice cream instead of the cone’ AU
  • ‘We have a free refill policy for soft drink and you’ve prepared several empty bottles what the fuck’ AU

Corner Shop AU

  • ‘I see you come in here every day to buy the same drink and one day I leave a message on the bottle’ AU
  • ‘You run in looking really panicked and you ask for 6 gallons of milk why’ AU

 

Restaurant AU

  • ‘You’re a famous critique and I’m a server and I get so nervous that I trip and spill the dish all over you’ AU
  • ‘You’ve always been a good cook so I encouraged your start your own restaurant and seven years down the track you own one of the most successful businesses’ AU

Idol/Manger AU

  • ‘I’m your manager and holy shit you have crazy fans’ AU
  • ‘You’re an idol and you got the lead role in a romance drama and you practice at my expense’ AU
  • ‘Can you please act appropriately do you know just how many of your fuck ups I’ve had to cover up last week’ AU 


Firefighter AU

  • ‘You’ve just been saved from a burning building and you’re begging to go back in to save your pet cat’ AU
  • No that’s impossible how the fuck did you manage to get it to catch fire?!” AU

Sex Line Operator AU

  • ‘I called you because I was curious and wow you have a very soothing voice can you please sing me to sleep’ AU
  • ‘I have a very cute neighbour and very thin walls and one day I call you and err your moans are very synchronised with my neighbour’s’ AU

And Finally:

  • You’re a drug lord and I think I’ve just walked into your drug den’ AU

sorry not sorry

2

remember the white dress i wore all through that film? george came up to me the first day of filming, took one look at the dress and said: “you can’t wear a bra under that dress.”

“ok, i’ll bite,” i said. “why?” and he said: “because… there’s no underwear in space.”

he said it with such conviction. like he had been to space and looked around and he didn’t see any bras or panties anywhere.

he explained. “you go into space and you become weightless. then your body expands but your bra doesn’t, so you get strangled by your own underwear.”

i think that this would make for a fantastic obituary. i tell my younger friends that no matter how i go, i want it reported that i drowned in moonlight, strangled by my own bra.

rest in peace, carrie fisher (october 21st, 1956 - december 27th, 2016)

{Here.}

It’s an experiment in limitations, unofficially titled how drunk is too drunk for a person who doesn’t do the drunk thing. The mistake had been in thinking that a few extra drinks would do nothing more than loosen a few of Neil’s strings. Andrew had forgotten to consider the unfortunate side effect, that alcohol amplifies natural tendencies, and so as soon as Neil hits one too many, he takes the opportunity to thoroughly roast all of his teammates (with the exception of Andrew, who spends the evening braced for it anyway).

The non-monsters plus Nicky (and baby Foxes, whose existence Andrew ignores on principal) only egg him on, while Neil remains oblivious to the fact that they’re exceedingly entertained and not mortally wounded, like he intends. It’s a mess that Andrew watches silently from the kitchen, carefully nursing his own drink, while making sure Neil doesn’t do or say anything irreversibly stupid, or there would be additional messes for Andrew to clean in the morning.

It’s all well and good, fun and games, no one quite loses an eye, but Neil trips over a chair leg on his merry way to assault Kevin and goes sprawling on the carpet instead, amid a laughing (but concerned) chorus of fellow drunkards.

“Ow.”

Baby.

Neil rolls onto his back and claps a hand to his forehead, even though it was not his head that he hit, but most everything else.

Relinquishing the stormy hold he has on the empty kitchen, Andrew crosses the living room to loom over Neil, unimpressed and ignoring the triumphant cheers and disappointed groans as money exchanges hands behind them. (The game: how badly will Neil’s first drunken adventure end? Provide examples. Nicky whines, “Twenty bucks on Kevin bitch slapping him. So close. Damn chair. You rigged it, Allison, you put that there.” She did not.)

Neil looks up at him through his fingers and with unfocused eyes, but he smiles brilliantly. Andrew considers wiping it off of his face with his foot, but then Neil says, practically sings, “Andrew.”

Keep reading

The old gods are dead.

Zeus gets high alone and remembers the days when the sky was his, before life caught up with him in a dark alley way.

Hera waits at home. She knows. She knows it all. She wants to tell him it’ll get better, he’ll be okay, she loves him. She wants to take her own advice. She wants to lie. She never will.

Apollo and Artemis travel the world. They have a one way ticket to the moon.

Poseidon swims into the sea, or maybe it’s the sky. No one can tell the difference anymore. The girl with serpents for hair mourns for him on the shores of the end of the world.

Hades lies awake, his wife curled around him. He smiles because people finally believe in death.

Athena cries. She is transparent and weightless as she rides the midnight train, her voice is hoarse from protests. Wisdom left here long ago.

Demeter counts down the days until her daughter returns. She is made of memories and madness, but what’s the difference?

Persephone wears her strength and her darkness. Beauty is power, and she will make the world know her name.

Ares crumbles like dust. He stopped understanding war a long time ago. Senselessness topples heroism every time.

Aphrodite gets drunk on the sky again. She catches her reflection in the clouds. Her innocence has left her a long time ago.

Hermes runs through the streets. He is young, young and beautiful, and he knows it. As he slips away, his smile doesn’t.

Dionysus watches it all. He watches the family he once knew laugh and cry and forget. He never forgets. He’s been here a long time. He is watching them flicker out and fade.

The gods are dying. The gods are dead. The gods are us.


- @rustofstardust

Why didn’t B.A.P win any shows for Wake Me Up?

my thoughts on a question nobody asked me but have them anyway lmao

fans:

  • not enough people streaming on melon. literally this is the main one
  • maybe could stream a bit more on youtube?
  • needed more people voting live and for pre-votes
  • I can’t think of any more hmm did I mention melon streaming??

TS:

  • very rushed promotions to squeeze it in before the tour: only 2-3 weeks instead of the usual 4 (and usually groups don’t/can’t win in the first week of promotions anyway, so that only left around one week of being on shows in which we had a chance of winning)
  • I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s TS’s fault, but generally, fewer people tend to buy physical single albums than full or mini albums because they’re essentially paying the same price for less (eg rose was the first time I bought a B.A.P single album), but actually rose is so far their second highest-selling single album, which is pretty impressive 

things out of our control:

  • tough competition: comeback at the same time as other groups with better melon streaming / larger korean fanbases
  • music bank and music core being cancelled during the first week of promotions. mucore doesn’t have a winner anymore, but mubank was arguably our best chance at winning after the show, and because the first ep was cancelled, that was shown during the second week (whereas if that ep was a new one from the 2nd week then we could have possibly had a chance of winning), and then that was it, promotions over…
  • changes to how winners are chosen on the show: no more tudou streaming and I think no more laifeng votes? still not exactly sure what they are, but before we could collect our strength and buy them points on the show (as dumb as it sounds) and spend ages doing extra streaming on a website that kept crashing and deleting views, but now the show cares more about melon streaming too (like the other music shows) (do u see how important digital streaming is)

but don’t let that make you sad! from what I’ve personally seen, the general reaction (both fans and not) to wake me up / rose has been more hyped and impressed than it has probably since matrix. B.A.P have said they have more comebacks scheduled for this year, so hopefully we’ll be able to get them what they deserve next time.

PS: people sometimes compare B.A.P’s youtube views to other groups, where we usually don’t do as well. then there’s the usual topic of some fans leaving and moving to other groups during the hiatus etc etc etc……. well actually, our youtube views aren’t really that different from pre-hiatus? I remember when 1004 (their main breakthrough and at the height of their career back then) was released on the 3rd of february, jongup’s wish was for the mv to reach 1 million views by his birthday on the 6th - 3 days later and it still didn’t reach 1 million. on the other hand, wake me up reached 2.25 million views in around 5 and a half days. with the explosion of kpop in the last couple of years, some groups enjoy immense success on a whole new scale. our achievements only seem inferior if we compare them to others - let’s focus on ourselves and see how far both B.A.P and we as fans have come, and think about how we can continue to go forward!

PPS: nice things I’ve noticed recently (last few months since noir/skydive): 

  • more content creators in the fandom making things: more gifsets, graphics, fics etc
  • said content getting more recognition
  • a sense of humour! crack blogs, more people making funny videos and text posts and funny edits
  • honestly I keep finding new B.A.P blogs to follow - more people joining the fandom or existing fans choosing to take more part in the fandom on tumblr!
  • fans on tumblr interacting more with each other! through networks or just starting to talk to each other on here :D
  • B.A.P trended on tumblr for yongguk and himchan’s birthdays!
  • himchan and youngjae gaining more recognition in general these days
  • keep it up guys I love you all