goblin paladin

6

It’s Friday, and time for some more podcast fan-art!
This time it’s that dastardly gang of misfits and murderers roaming the Endless Dungeon, known as the infamous @thedungeonrats !
It’s a tremendously fun podcast, with some great characters and encounters, so give it a listen!

I’ve been wanting to paint something for my DM screen for a while that would showcase the pcs in my game, something that they could look at while they are playing and be like “hey, we’re pretty badass”. This is my attempt at that, just the group f@cking shit up, or maybe about to get f@cked up, time will tell.

Paladin: I take the finest room….. and bring the goblin with me to sleep.

Monk: Wait what?

Cleric: Goblin, do you need help Sweetheart? Blink twice if you need help…

Goblin: After-after we lost the barbarian… I just needed someone to hold

Monk: This can’t be lawful!

Paladin: Do… do you NOT have goblin whorehouses? In my city there is a goblin in every room! And what does it matter? She is of age.

Cleric: She’s a goblin with a lifedebt to us! She can’t consent!

Monk: Wait, where’s the bear?

Ranger: Don’t Touch My Bear!

It’s the second session of an online campaign, using roll20 and Discord voice chat. The party is 6 level 1 characters and they’re fighting fifteen goblins in a dungeon. It’s the goblins’ turn while the players OOCly talk tactics.

DM (muttering under her breath): I’m super tempted…

Sorceror: Guys, I don’t like the way she just said she’s super tempted! Maybe we should talk about that!

DM: *cackles*

Cleric: Yeah, that’s not a good laugh.

DM: Okay, this goblin is gonna come up here…[six goblins now surround the paladin, who is at full health] And they’re all gonna swing at [paladin].

Paladin: *sigh* Okay, bring it on.

Most of them hit, and they roll well for damage.

Paladin (incredibly indignant and offended): HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED

DM: *already laughing her ass off*

Paladin: THAT YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL AND ELEGANT PERSON, AND THAT IF WE EVER MET IN REAL LIFE I WOULD GIVE YOU A BIIIIIG HUG TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, AND I WOULD LIFT YOU UP AND SPIN YOU AROUND AND THEN I WOULD DROP YOU OFF A CLIFF!!!!

The paladin was knocked out.

2

RPG Inktober day 2: Paladin
A new Character I’m coming up with. She’s a goblin paladin. She sees that goblins are always looking to stronger beings to protect them. And they often turn to demons and warlords, who end up exploiting them, anyway. She wants to be someone good and strong who will protect them, so they don’t have to be afraid any more.

“I am the very model of a modern goblin paladin, I know all sorts of history on warlords such as Saladin. Upon the periodic table I can locate halogen, I seek out anyone who’s doing evil and I challenge ‘em

“I know a lot about things that most people only dabble in and I can hit a foe at thirty paces with a javelin, for I have sworn an oath to be defender of the populace, and so I’ll slay a dragon who is burning a metropolis”

Please help me add more verses! I’m trying to write Screed Toetaker a signature song or maybe I’ll make a “Smite Evil Playlist” with easily recognizable songs

Gilbert and Sullivan! Sure, I’ll give it a try.

“I’m very well informed on matters spiritual and practical, with my holy avenger I make fiends wish they were on sabbatical. Concerning smiting evil, I always cut straight and true, no matter how many blackguards try to run me through.

“I know the difference between Excalibur and Caliburn, because the Lady of the Lake went ahead and let me have a turn. In short, though you might not hear thanks to all the raucous din, I am the very model of a modern major paladin.

So we had our first encounter with zombies in a small hallway, there were 2 zombies and one bigger and one smaller goblin. Our half-elf paladin was in the frontline tanking and had taken some damage while the rest of our team, me the elf cleric, our human mage and eladrin warlock stayed little further.
me: so i use my channel divinity: turn undead spell, i raise my holy symbol and shout FUUUUUUCCCKKKKKK at the closer zombie
dm: *chuckling* ok roll for wisdom
*i roll pretty high*
Dm: ..so the zombie flies to the end of the hallway, hits the wall and turns into ash
me: …how did I kill it… well anyways… i turn to our paladin and use my healing word and shout at him FUUUUUUUCCKKKK
*rolling well and healing a lot*

our whole party bursts into laughter
Dm: well if it works

hotemotionalmess  asked:

Haha, that was great! How about headcanons for their first kiss?

Ugh my heart!!! I love stuff like this!!! Thank you for the head canon!

Shiro

  • To be honest, it was probably right after Keith rescued him from the galra ship in space during season three (and I know he’s most likely a clone but for the information we have now that he’s “not” a clone I’m going with it)
  • When Shiro disappeared, it broke your heart because not only is he gone and possibly dead, but because you never had the chance to tell him your feelings towards him 
  • So when you see him, covered in tattered clothes with crazy hair and terrible injuries, you have never seen him more beautiful and, even better, alive
  • It then became a classic running scene where you run towards him, but you slow down to stand right in front of him, and you kiss him long and hard
  • At first he was caught off guard, but he then melts into it and kisses you back
  • “You don’t know how long I have been meaning to do that.”  

Keith

  • The first kiss between you two isn’t exactly romantic
  • It started when you told Keith that maybe going on missions with him wouldn’t be the best idea because you aren’t as good of a fighter like everyone else and you don’t want to get in the way
  • Keith doesn’t really know how to express himself, so he gets mad that you would even think so badly about yourself
  • This then turns into an argument because he’ll be damned if he doesn’t make you understand your true worth
  • “I don’t want to get in the way, Keith!” “But you’re never in the way! The team needs you- I need you!”
  • With that he pulls you in and kisses you hard, his mind not thinking clearly as he wants you to know everything at this point
  • After that there’s definitely no going back

Hunk

  • Sometimes when Hunk is trying out new alien foods, he likes your help in making new good creations
  • This one started off as just a little project, but then turned into Hell’s Kitchen when nothing was working
  • Finally you come up with a new thing to add and when the two of you try it, it’s so good that Hunk almost cries
  • “This is so good I could kiss you!” “I mean…I wouldn’t mind that…”
  • At first he thinks you’re joking, but when he sees the seriousness in your face, his laughter soon disappears
  • Instead he smiles as he leans towards you hesitantly, and almost as if in slow motion, his lips press against yours, sweetly and contently 

Lance

  • It was during a mission and the two of you had to sneak on a galran ship, but you didn’t realize how guarded it was, so there was a ton of back to back fighting
  • You were surrounded by the galran robots, each one firing at you from different angles. Its started getting to a point where there were too many of them and you didn’t know it you could fight them all off
  • Just as you were about to loose hope, a blue bolt of light flashes by your face and hits a soldier that was just about to strike you. If you moved an inch, the shot might have hit you
  • You look to see Lance, shooting the soldiers from above and helps you finish them off. Once the coast is clear, you run up to him as he removes his helmet.
  • “You saved my neck back there!” “Well, I knew you could handle it, but-” It was then that you kissed him, but you couldn’t savor it for long as more alarms started to blare, but you both knew that there’s more where that came from

Pidge

  • Late one night while you were wondering the castle because you couldn’t sleep, you stumble to find someone else in the same place you are
  • Your first defense was to get mad that they stayed up so late, but then you sounded like a hypocrite, so you offer to have a surprise slumber party in her room
  • At first Pidge was surprised, she wasn’t expecting this on her nightly trip to the kitchen, but she agrees never the less
  • The two of you stay up in her room, talking about nothing in particular, but then you guys get so tired that you get slap happy and brutally honest.
  • “Did you have a crush on anyone on Earth?” “Nah, luckily I have a crush on a green goblin who’s a paladin of Voltron.”
  • Pidge starts giggling like a fool, but doesn’t giggle as much when you press her lips to yours, drunkingly on love
Screed Toetaker’s Theme

This is the final version of the song

I am the very model of a modern goblin paladin, I know all sorts of history on warlords such as Saladin. Upon the periodic table I can locate halogen, I seek out anyone who’s doing evil and I challenge ‘em

I know a lot about things that most people only dabble in and I can hit a foe at thirty paces with a javelin, for I have sworn an oath to be defender of the populace, and so I’ll slay a dragon who is burning a metropolis.

Although to you my oath may seem constricting and impractical, I can assure you it provides me benefits most tactical And furthermore the structure it provides my life is quite enough to guide me when it comes to questions of morality and stuff

I know the difference between Excalibur and Durendal because I used them to end evil’s show before the curtain call, in short, when I have done such deeds that bards get sick of balladin’ I’ll be the very model of a modern goblin paladin

Thank you @wearepaladin for the help

So one of the fun features of BickleWikk, the Goblin Paladin, is that she is an officer of the law (of forging and crafting). and as an officer, has need to subdue suspects.

So I gave her the grappler feat. So she can pin things larger than her self.

She’s like a frickin jumping spider, yo!