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Adult Movies

I am in the habit of labeling things for K.  When I say label I mean, “Oh, no K, you can’t sit up in the front seat of the car because that’s for adults!  When you are an adult, you can sit in the front seat!” or something like, “I know you want to go on California Screamin’, but you aren’t tall enough yet!  When you are older and taller, I promise, you can go on it!”  It’s tough to fully explain why as well as for him to know that there are a lot of things he will be able to do when he is an adult.

Sadly, my simplified categorization came back to bite me in the butt when he pulled out Lethal Weapon 1, 2, and 3 from our DVD case.  You see, I found this lil gem at Target—all 3 movies on one DVD—pretty perfect, if you ask me.  He wondered if we could watch it and I said, “No, Baby, that movie is for adults!”  Simple enough answer, right?  I thought the conversation was over and we had moved on to something really earth shattering like, why the WiFi was so slow… but alas, I was wrong.

The next day at church, K was having a conversation with one of the ladies at church.  She asked him how his weekend was.  He shared with her that he got to go swimming, swing on the swings at Nana and Grandpa’s house, play golf, and watch movies… but it didn’t end there.  He quickly added, “I couldn’t watch Mama’s adult movies!  She says those kinds of movies are only for adults!”  Now, think about how that sounds coming from a 5 year old.  The way he said it, it sounded like it was porn central up in our house. He made it sound like triple X movies are running rampant and he has access to them!  I was quick to retort with something to the effect of “No, Sweetie!  That isn’t what I said.  Well, yes it was what I said, but that’s not what I meant” and swiftly, turned to her to clarify that it wasn’t an “adult” movie, but was an action movie with lots of explosives and violence… she smirked and was probably thinking, “Yeah right!” but what was I supposed to do?! 

You guessed it—blog about it and share this little glimpse into my life with all of you!

That’s what I think romance is anyway

Scenario:  Watching TV and a commercial about Valentine’s Day comes on… 

K:  That’s what you and Daddy do?

Me:  What do we do?

K:  Snuggle and kiss and hold hands.

Me:  We do!  I like to snuggle with him.

K:  He likes to snuggle with you.  But you aren’t married and only married people should kiss.

Me:  Um… No, that’s not the only people who kiss.

K: But for romance love, kisses are kinda required.

Me:  That’s true, but…

K: (cutting me off) well that’s what I think romance is anyway.  Lots of snuggles, and holding hands… and kissing……………………… on the lips, like you and Daddy do, but not like you and I do!

*and immediately stands up and walks away…

Do you know what’s the strongest thing on the earth?

K: Mama, I bet you can’t guess what the strongest thing on the earth is.

Me:  Well, why ask me if you don’t think I can guess.

K:  You have one guess Mama.  Just go ahead!

Me:  Um, is it steel?

K:  Oh Mommy, is that really your answer?  No… It’s love!

Me:  Who told you that?

K:  No one.  I just got it from my brain.  Too bad you didn’t think of it.

*Touche son!

Worst Villain Ever—So now I’m the idiot

K: Mama, I bet you can’t guess who is the worst villain ever.

Me:  How bad is this villain?  And is it a boy or a girl?

K:  He’s a boy and he’s VERY bad!!!

Me:  Is it the devil? 

K:  What the heck?!  Who’s the devil?  I was talking about Braniac.  Geesh Mama, do you know anything???

*Clearly not Son!!!

Don’t wear junk

Scenario:  In the kitchen, getting ready to head out for the day!

Me:  How do I look?

K: Mama, you look beautiful in anything.

Me: Thank you baby!

K:  Well, except junk!

Me: Wait what?  When would I wear junk?

K:  Well, it’s possible.  All things are possible.   But when you wear stuff you like, you look marvelous.  Just don’t wear junk!

Easter with Nana and Grandpa

Scenario: In the Dollar Tree Parking lot thinking that I might want to check with my mom as to what she plans on buying for me son for Easter.  So I call her before entering the store.

Me:  Mom, what do you plan on buying K for Easter?

Nana:  Anything his little ole heart desires.

Me:  Um, could you be a little more specific?

Nana:  I was being specific   I will buy him whatever he wants.  All he needs to do is tell me and it’s his.

Me:  Mom, you can’t just buy him everything.

Nana:  Why not?  I’m his Nana!  I can do whatever i want.

Me: Ok, so I guess I won’t get him anything.

*Thinking to myself–this kid better be thankful he’s an only child.  If he wasn’t he wouldn’t get the lion’s share of all holidays!!!

3rd Rule about girls

Scenario: Sitting on the couch getting our shoes on.

K:  Mama, does that woman have a baby in her belly? (pointing to the TV).
Me:  I think she might, but the show didn’t say that she did.  
K:  (confused look).
Me:  You know what, Love, here’s another girl rule that I want you to remember.
K: (rolls eyes).
Me:  NEVER ask a girl if she is pregnant.  If she tells you she has a baby in her belly then you can ask questions, but we never just ask a girl if she’s pregnant.  And while we’re at it, why don’t you repeat back to me the other two rules you already know about girls.
K:  Never ask how old they are.  And never ask how much they weigh.
Me:  Right.  And now, what’s the new rule.
K:  Don’t ask them if they have a baby in their belly because then basically you’re calling them fat.
Me:  Um… yeah… that’s right, but…
K: I get it Mom, let it go.

Kinder-Garden

It’s kindergarten interview season up in our house.  I visited about 10 schools—some out of curiosity and some out of necessity. I have found a school for him. But on the way to a new school (one he isn’t going to) for assessment, K marveled at the garden. I admit the foliage was amazing. The grounds were vey well kept.  The flowers were gorgeous.  It was clear that some of the tuition money goes back into the ground, so to speak!  And that’s ok—it’s gorgeous to look at!

 

Here is how the conversation went:

K:  Mama, look at how pretty this garden is.  I love the flowers. I love the bushes.  There are no dead leaves or any-sing.

Me:  They are very pretty.  It smells nice too, huh?

K:  Oh yes!!!  But you know what?  I know why it’s so pretty.

Me:  Why?

K:  Because this is kinder-garden.

 

*In my head—yes, Baby, that is exactly why!!!  Love this kid!