>Hey, Undernet. I’ve been keeping a loose eye on this whole ‘Underground’s Most Eligible Bachelor’ thing, whether I believe it or not…it’s still kinda flattering.
>So, this year I’ve teamed up with Muffet, and have volunteered to take part on one of her booths next week. I get to be a giant flirt, and support a fine cause in the process. Here’s the details:
[picture follows, elegantly scripted!] Ever wanted to smooch a prince, deary? Looking for some light company this Valentine’s Day? Well, here’s your chance! I’ve gotten Prince Dreemurr to contribute his time to raise awareness for singles everywhere~ Even if you aren’t, giving to the cause¹ is always appreciated! Ahuhu~
Hugs or Hand-holding: 5G for 2 seconds. Facial Smooch²: 10G Lip Smooch: 20G Win-A-Date Raffle³: 100G - every entry gets 20G worth of above affections~
¹No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Contest open to canon characters, alternate timelines, original characters, self-inserts - just no playing a nonfictional character that isn’t you, dearie! Entries begin 8pm Mon 2/13 and end Tues 2/14 at midnight EST. All proceeds go to real spiders! <3 ²Specify during donation, sweetie. Forehead, ear, cheek, pick your platonic favorite, or just that one spot you like! I promise he doesn’t kiss and tell~ *giggle* ³Lunch or dinner date, place and time of your choosing, my treat! At least two hours of quiet time with this adorable fluffywuffykins‡~ ‡No refunds if you call Prince Asriel ‘fluffywuffykins’ or otherwise sour the poor dear and get yourself escorted from the booth!
>She, ehm…sums it up better than me, by miles. But is as bad at nicknames as my parents. ^^; Look forward to seeing everyone there!
The Hinterlands: Remember: you’re here forever. Dangerous local wildlife (bears), lots of elfroot. Castle is nice when it’s not being overrun by foreign religious cults. The Fallow Mire: A giant bog, lots of lightning. Beware of goats splattering against your walls. Crestwood: Not bad once the sun comes out. Has flooding problem local mayor refuses to solve. The dead usually don’t stay that way. The Storm Coast: It’s in the name, really. Bring popcorn for giant-v-dragon fights. The Exalted Plains: Warzone, don’t mess with elven stuff you don’t understand. Terrible infrastructure repairs. The Emerald Graves: Pretty, most local accommodation is haunted. Even bigger bears. The Forbidden Oasis: How in the fuck do you get over there? The Western Approach: One for the history buffs and academics with a death wish. No, I did not fart. The Hissing Wastes: I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. The Emprise du Lion: People still live here for some reason. Airy elven ruins, local demons may not be able to fulfil promises. Halamshiral: If you have to ask you can’t afford it but they make you visit the gift shop on the way out anyway. You will get tossed out for being rude. Skyhold: Current inhabitant now has squatters’ rights but still hasn’t finished fixing the place up. Lovely views but impossible to keep the draft out. Check out the tavern, it’s where all the cool people go. The Deep Roads: Lots of darkspawn and even more dangerous threats. Thedas’s number one mug gift shop. Bring cheese. Frostback Basin: Fascinating local culture. Even when it isn’t the elves, it’s always the elves. Black Emporium: Become a new you but don’t worry, absolutely no one will notice! Val Royeaux: Quite a lot of people mingling around looking important but not actually doing anything. Local street theatre includes Templars assaulting members of the clergy, dramatically foiled executions, and romantic duels.