goat on the bridge

It's not just the food that's revolting.

(long story)

Back in my college days, I lived on campus and ate the 20-meals-a-week meal plan at the cafeteria. It was… terrible. Seriously. I know people complain about their college cafeteria all the time, but they still gain their “freshman 15”. I lost mine. The food was disgusting. Sunday spaghetti was made from tomato sauce and Saturday’s cheap hamburgers. One week they didn’t bother ripping up the hamburgers: watery, sauce-tinted, overcooked noodles garnished with dry, leathery, two-day-old hamburger patties. It was still better than the other options. At first, they had a “make your own pizza” line, but removed it because everyone was using it, and “bread isn’t cheap.” I remember seeing a real salad in their “healthy eats” line and getting excited, because it’s hard to screw up salads, only to realize that it was literally floating in oil. The salad on the actual salad bar was not an option; it was changed out every morning, whether it needed it or not. Oh, sorry, I meant the ice in the salad bar. Not the salad, no. A student wrote his initials in the tuna and it remained for a solid week. Sometimes the salad would grow its own salad.

They had a big board set up for student complaints, and they would write responses back. Oddly enough, the board rarely had bad things to say; the manager, may he be haunted by a thousand bedbugs, confessed that he didn’t have time to answer every complaint, but he did read every one, and took the complaints into consideration. And, as far as we could tell, threw away all the ones he didn’t like.

Keep reading

AU Ideas

Spy AU: I was pretending to love you just to steal secrets but now I’m regretting my decision, I may actually be in love with you.

Dracula AU: It’s a steampunk world with flying ships, mechanical wings and steam powered pneumatic multi-stake launchers. Vampires take heed.

Werewolf AU: I legit hate being a werewolf. Everyone makes it sound great, but the transformation is painful and there’s hair everywhere and I think I’m allergic to wolf dander.

Fantasy AU: I’m just trying to survive in a world where goblins are killing and stealing, trolls don’t just bother goats crossing bridges and everything smells like swamp… how are you so clean?

Zombie AU: The hordes have rotted away and society is rebuilding. We were doing fine until the new government started interfering. 

Angel AU: You’re an angel and I love you, but is that just because I’m suppose to? God is love and all that, so is that just transfer since you’re his avatar?

Teacher/Student: Yes, I’m aware that I’m more than a little hot but anything more than what we have is just morally wrong. I’d just like to be your friend.

Survival AU: I know we don’t have any food, but I’d like to point out that there are plenty of bodies in the wreck that are doing to get ripe really quick if we don’t start building some fires and preserving… look I know this is creepy and wrong but we’re going to starve if we don’t do something and this is the easiest way to get some food in us with little effort, so we can build shelter and signal for rescue. Don’t look at me like that.

So @eileenthequeen, I saw your tags about the goat thing on my Rromani FAQ post and it reminded me to tell you guys the story about my ridiculous goat so here we go: 

When I was little, my family was living in New Jersey for a while (USA) and we had a farm. Idk if it’s just my family or if it’s normal or whatever but we’ve always had horses and I had a goat friend named Rochelle (Chelley). Now, this goat was fucking fearless. I had a swing set with this totally awesome slide, and Chelley would literally climb the ladder and go down the slide. But that is not what this story is about. 

So, one night we had this ridiculous storm. It knocked out the power where we lived, trees fell down and broke the fences on the horse paddocks, and one tree in particular caught fire because of lightning. The horses bolted into the woods, so my folks went and rounded up the neighbours to help track down the horses. They also noticed that Chelley the Goat was missing. She had been in a stall in the barn that night, so they figured she got scared and somehow managed to jump the wall and get out of the barn. Not surprising for a goat who can climb a fucking ladder, tbh. 

They looked for the animals all night and managed to find all of the horses (I think we had like twelve at the time???), but there was not a single sign of this fucking goat. However, my mother, in all her fucking practicality, had put a fucking collar on my goat with a name tag and our address and phone number (who the hell puts a collar and a name tag on a goat??? daje, that’s who). So she figured they would call it a night and if someone found her, they would call. 

Flash forward to the next afternoon. 

My mother gets a phone call from somebody at the Delaware Memorial Bridge toll booth authority or whatever they’re called. Chelley. My motherfucking goat. This badass cabra motherfucker had cROSSED THE FUCKING DELAWARE MEMORIAL BRIDGE (FOUR MILES AWAY DOWN I-95) AND WAS BEING HELD AT THE FUCKING BRIDGE AUTHORITY UNTIL SOMEBODY COULD PICK HER UP. 

For reference, here is a picture of the bridge that was conquered by a fucking nanny goat.

Music 🎶

Im doing this cause I always love to learn people’s music tastes (v interesting)
Rules: put songs on shuffle and share the first ten songs that play
Thank @mr-sp00ky-slut for tag

Instant Crush - Daft Punk (feat. Julian Casablancas)
Elenor Rigby - The Beetles
There’s Dust On Mother’s Old Bible - Suzanne Prentice
Raise your glass - P!nk
Michael Myers - Resplendent- the mountain goats
Anyone Who Had A Heart - Cilla Black
London Bridge - Fergie
Stayin’ Alive - Bee Gees
Piece Of Me - Britney Spears
Stars - Fun.
@little-cheeky-monkey @tearsforbaz @thebookswasbetter @heck-yeah-fandoms @lemememeringue @totalsillyfilly @band-obsessed-teen101 @can-i-have-dustin-pls you can all do this and tbh anyone else cause there are at least ten mutuals who I’m too scared to tag

My Girl

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Summary: Peter rescues you from a bully

Warnings: Mean comments, bullying, punching

A/N: Thank you @skymundane477 for the request!

Originally posted by imagineseverywhere

Originally posted by livinggdreams

(Not my gifs)

Your head remained bowed as you made your way through the school corridors, the sounds of students chattering and laughing not enough to drown out the incessant shouting that followed you. You bit your lip hard in an attempt to stop yourself crying at the horrible words.
“How much did your parents pay Parker to act like your friend?”
“My gran called, she wants her outfit back.”
“Come back here, freak!”
“Look at me when I’m talking to you!”
With that, the guy who’d been doing the most yelling grabbed your arm and spun you round to face him. Your folders and books fell to the floor, scattering across the corridor. No one made any effort to help you pick them up as you ducked down quickly, feeling the familiar sensation of tears stinging your eyes.
“You were pretty quick getting down there, freak,” the guy continued, smirking at his friends before looking back down at you. “Do you spend a lot of time on your knees?”
The gathering crowd whistled lowly, some of them laughing appreciatively at his comment. You reached for your last folder, but another hand beat you to it.
Your entire body tensed, waiting for the person to throw the folder away or dangle it out of your reach. You kept your eyes fixed on the person’s black Converse trainers, silently awaiting the ridicule.
“Take it,” came a surprisingly gentle and familiar voice. Looking up, you met the eyes of your best friend, Peter Parker. You took the folder with shaking fingers, allowing him to help you to your feet afterwards.
“You hurt?” he asked quietly, concern filling his deep brown eyes. You shook your head slightly, about to say something before the guy from before interrupted.
“Aww look at that!” he laughed. “The freaks are looking out for each other!”
“Don’t you have places to be?” asked Peter, stepping in front of you protectively. “Bridges to hold up, goats to scare off, that kind of thing?”
The guy chuckled humourlessly, stepping closer to him and cracking his knuckles menacingly. “You calling me an ogre, Parker?”
Peter raised his hands in surrender. “Dude, I would never!” he said innocently. “Technically I was calling you a troll,” he added, grinning.
Peter pushed you out of the way as the guy swung his fist towards his face, missing narrowly as Peter ducked. You stumbled but didn’t fall, watching in horror as your best friend attempted to dodge the punches and kicks being thrown his way.
The crowd, including you, let out a collective gasp as Peter’s fist connected with the guy’s jaw with a sickening crack, knocking the thug to the ground. Your friend stared at him in shock for half a second, before coming to his senses.
He pushed through the crowd, grabbing your hand as the guy started to get to his feet.
“We should probably run now,” he said hurriedly, tugging you along behind him. Holding your folders and books to your chest with your free arm, and Peter’s hand with the other, you sprinted after him as fast as your legs would carry you, until you were both outside the school gates.
“That was amazing,” you managed to get out as you doubled over, trying to catch your breath. He chuckled breathlessly, glancing up at you as he massaged a stitch in his side.
“That was freaking scary,” he corrected, grinning. “Next time, I’ll hold him and you can punch.”
A giggle escaped your lips as you made eye contact with him, both of your laughter increasing in volume and pitch.
“Seriously though, if he does anything like that again, I’ll kill him,” Peter told you seriously. “He shouldn’t get away with treating my girl like that.”
You raised your eyebrows. “Your girl?” you repeated. You watched as his face turned even redder, and he avoided your eyes as he stammered out a reply.
“Y’know, I mean, like…you’re my best…no, you’re more than-,”
“Peter,” you interrupted, smiling slightly. “Are you trying to tell me that you like me as more than a friend?”
He looked shocked. “I, um, no, of course…I mean…yeah I am,” he said finally, sighing. He finally met your eyes, and you frowned at the apologetic expression he wore. “I’m sorry, we can forget about this and still-,”
You grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him towards you until your lips were pressed to his. He tensed up for a second, before melting into the kiss and resting one hand on your lower back, the other resting on your cheek.
“I don’t want to forget about this,” you whispered, pulling back just enough so that your forehead rested against his. His warm breath fanned over your cheek, tickling you slightly and making you smile.
“That’s good,” he whispered back. “Because that would’ve made doing this really awkward.”
You giggled, smiling even broader as he took your hand in his.
“Yeah I suppose it would.”
Peter stepped back and turned so that the two of you were side by side, your hand still held firmly in his as the two of you set off walking away from the school gates.
“Why don’t we go see a movie or something?” he suggested. “I’ll even let you choose which one.”
You raised your eyebrows. “You’ve never let me choose the movie before.”
He grinned, pressing a kiss to your forehead and wrapping his arm around your waist.
“Yeah, but that was before you were my girl.”

A/N: Thank you for reading, please tell me what you think of this in my ask box!!

Human! Marianne and her ultimate defense

So I keep reading stories where Human Marianne ends up in this fantastical situations where Bog is A Goblin and by default one of the fae. And according to lore, iron is supposed to be an ultimate weakness of these beings.

So picture this, human Marianne in torn jeans and a muddied apron because she was suddenly whisked away while cooking in her kitchen.

She holds a still hot skillet by the handle because it’s her only weapon and the butcher knife had been a few feet too far for her to reach by the time she was pulled into this mess of a fantasy land.

She hits her first attacker, a troll too violent and too eager for human blood to notice that her skillet is made of iron and her nerves of steel.

Rumors quickly spread of the human who felled a troll and freed the goats across the bridge and that is how she becomes known as the Iron Lady.

But really she’s a disgruntled 25 year old with an anger problem and a need to get back home because she left the oven on and Dawns birthday cake is going to burn. Unfortunately she winds up the prisoner of a banished Bog King and gets lead on a quest to help him regain his staff, his throne and his unwittingly, wins his scarred and hardened heart in the process.

edit: the reason she’s pulled in is because the mushrooms she used for her special dish were actually part of a fairy ring. The fairies weren’t too happy about that.

Have you ever read the (originally Norwegian) folk story “Three Billy Goats Gruff”?  It created the word Troll as a mythical being who lived under a bridge.  I always imagine it is a bridge like this one near Rispond in Sutherland.   Of course a Troll is something else entirely to the social media generation!

The signs as really bad puns

Aries: i just ram a mile

Taurus: i call bullshit

Gemini: we’re people two

Cancer: someone’s a little crabby

Leo: i’m the coolest cat around, i ain’t lion

Virgo: lol virgin

Libra: you’re so beautiful, you caught me off balance

Scorpio: i work at a business scorporation.

Sagittarius: now don’t be horsing around 

Capricorn: i don’t mean to get your goat, but…

Aquarius: its just water under the bridge i suppose

Pisces: oh my cod

We are goats

Hello. It is your friendly neighbourhood Anwen here. I am here with a message from my 2am brain. You know that story about the goats and the bridge and the trolls? Well, friends, we’re the goats. By that, I do not mean that we have cloven hooves, although if you do, then that’s rad, and I wish you luck with text posts. No, what I mean to say is that here be trolls. More precisely, here be unfulfilled individuals who genuinely have nothing better to do than attach hateful comments and incredibly triggering material to your posts. 

There are a few reasons as to why these trolls exist. A lot of them are That Guy; you know, the kid who honestly just finds it hilarious to provoke a reaction in someone, and will stoop to any level to get it. It’s like moral limbo with these guys, except the bar is so low that it’s practically underground. You cannot get lower than these guys. They do not have a limit: the only thing resembling a limit that they have is the point at which you react, and if that takes posting gore and racist comments, then they’ll do it. 

Trolls like this tend to target certain people, and the most common targets are young girls and people from oppressed groups, be it PoC, people from the LGBTQIA+ community, or disabled people. You cannot stop these trolls from targeting you. It’s a sad fact of the Internet: there are dark corners. 

As your friendly neighbourhood Anwen, I want people to be safe, and there are a few things you can do if someone does start attacking your posts or messaging you with harassing content:

  • turn off anonymous for a few days, first and foremost. A common troll tactic is to send threats and triggering content, and a lot of them will stop if you turn off anonymous, because people don’t always want to be caught. 
  • if they continue with anonymous turned off, then disable your ask box and submissions. Submissions is a very important one as some people will send triggering or disturbing images.
  • block them and report them here. Encourage your followers to do the same. If they’re reported more than once, it’s more likely that something will actually come of it.
  • if they reblog your posts with comments or images, do not reblog your post back from them. Ignore any reblogs and comments - don’t fuel the fire more. This only gives them the reaction that they want. Even if the content is reblogged by one of their friends, don’t engage them. It’s very hard not to, but ultimately it’s the only way they’ll tire out.
  • equally, don’t answer any messages they send. Just delete them and don’t make any reference to having received them. If you don’t react, there’s no fun in it for them, and no reason to continue.
  • if necessary, step away from the site for a few days once you’ve followed the above steps. Remember that your mental health is more important than keeping on top of your blog. Staying safe means knowing when you need to take a break. 
  • for younger users, if you can, find a support network (eg adding trusted mutuals on other social networking platforms, or telling someone what’s going on). As embarrassing as it might be, if the harassment continues, tell someone. This is coming from someone who was harassed online as a young teenager - it’s too much to deal with on your own. That’s not a weakness. Staying safe also means knowing when you need to share the weight, and even though it’s online, it’s still tough to deal with harassment. 
  • above all, remember that the onus is on these people, not you. They’re doing it because they are incredibly unfulfilled people, and they have problems in their own lives that they are unable to deal with. They’re choosing to ignore their own issues in lieu of trying to create problems in other people, and it does not reflect on you at all. Someone choosing to harass or trigger you is doing it because of their own faults, not yours.

It’s kind of sad that I went through this 9 years ago and it’s still so rampant, but there you go. The Internet is a great platform for a lot of things, but it’s also an absolute cesspool.

I hope everyone is groovy!!

Heyyyyy.  Idk if this person doesn’t know people can see these or not…

I’m going to assume they do, though.  They’ve been doing this for long enough.

This person, Maevenn?  Is the worst kind of troll.  Because they are a coward.  They leave reviews in their bookmarks, where the author can’t moderate and can’t reply and can’t delete.  And they’re there forever.  

This one’s not too bad.  In fact, I’ve had actual trolls who weren’t too scared to comment on my fics leave worse reviews.  But some of their comments on other bookmarks are downright nasty.  And she left them on some of my friends’ fics.  So.  Yeah.  I’m pissed.  

So I’m just gonna reply to this little “comment” right now, since they didn’t give me the chance to:

Lemony.  Really.  You act like you’re surprised.  It’s tagged Explicit.  It’s tagged for smut.  What on earth did you expect, Maevenn?

Don’t like smutty fics?  Maybe pay attention to the ratings.  That’s why they’re there.  Don’t blame me for writing something you personally don’t like.  Believe me.  I don’t give a flying fuck what you think. 

And I guess that leaves me with only one other matter of business:

Originally posted by babygoatsandfriends

That’s right.  A goat for every troll. Get out from under the bridge.