Me at a job interview at buzzfeed
Buzzfeed: Well we reviewed your portfolio and we think you may be a good fit making comics or illustrations–
Buzzfeed: Excuse me?
Me: Let me tell you how this is going to work. You will hire me. Every three days i will deliver to you a thinkpiece on the film Osmosis Jones. I cannot write about anything else. Every time I deliver said thinkpiece, you must pay me $1500. Do not question what I am using this money for. I will deliver you your articles, consistently, and without complaint. My articles will be wildly popular. Five months into this endeavor i will disappear entirely. I will deliver you my first thinkpiece in a week from today.