go give it your money and see it

How I Would Fix Steven Universe: Lapis Lazuli and Peridot

Okay this started off focused on Lapis Lazuli, but as I kept writing I found a lot to say about Peridot which tied in as well. I was going to do a separate post on Peridot but didn’t think of much to say as I had no problems with her redemption arc.

However with Lapis Lazuli…

Originally posted by giffing-lapis

What started out as a compelling character arc became a little sloppy by the time season three rolled around. Unlike Pearl where there was more to explore with her character besides her grief, I don’t think the writers planned much for Lapis once her arc of trauma was finished. After her confrontation with Jasper, she’s just there to fill up the run time but not actually offer an interesting character outside of her deadpan humor, which is well done but that’s all there is to her. There really wasn’t much attempt to address her wrongdoings, guilt, how she copes, and her mistrust of the Crystal Gems.

Yeah, remember back in “Mirror Gem” and “Ocean Gem” all the resentment she held against the Crystal Gems because she was trapped for so long? They seriously never talked about that? They just play baseball against the Rubies and everything is A-OK? Sorry, I call bullshit. Even if brief, there needs to be a scene where she apologizes to the Crystal Gems for the trouble she caused, and the Crystal Gems acknowledging that she was rightfully upset and apologizing for not reaching out sooner.

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anonymous asked:

Okay I disagree with you on the Game Grumps discourse, but here's the real question; how do you feel about Dream Daddy

I don’t know why, in a game explicitly about dating and fucking men, they’d include this asshole, the least fuckable man in video game history.

Motherfucker’s favorite movie is Old Yeller, he can quote it from memory, he won’t let his kids watch Ed Edd n Eddy, this guy’s idea of a first date is to volunteer at the church open raffle and drop you off at home by 8, motherfucker gets you a $10 gift card for Applebees as a first anniversary present, some guys are carved out of marble, this guy? carved out of provolone cheese. this asshole has strong opinions on the latest Serena Williams tennis controversy and her “attitude problems”, the first time you finally fuck he keeps playing Bryan Adams songs on his sex playlist, “hey great job with the sex, let’s go wash our hands”, this dude has been divorced three times and met his current wife at the Three Days Grace concert “Son can you help me set up the parental controls on Netflix?” motherfucker spent money on Google Glass, he only ever gets pizza from Safeway because it’s “healthier”, “’Hey’ is for horses, son, in this house we say ‘excuse me’”, asshole discusses Big Bang Theory lore with his depressed wife, “haha if it won’t scan that means it’s free right?”, dude has a different polo shirt for every occasion and holiday, this motherfucker goes to the store for cereal and decides to go wild and buys the organic coco puffs knock off, this dude collects Great Clips coupons, motherfucker tastes like zero-sugar applesauce, this guy’s guilty pleasure is his secret Entertainment Weekly subscription,  “I can’t be racist, I’ve watched The Cosby Show”, this dude goes on facebook and shares Mitt Romney memes and tells his kids about it, motherfucker uses youtube’s restricted mode, this guy’s pride and joy is his collected edition of Richie Rich comics and he thinks modern-day Garfield his hilarious, he calls anime “japanimation”, grabs his family and hops in the SUV to drive three hours to go see Grandpa’s choir performance, “don’t give that man any money, he’ll just spend it on weed”, dumbass falls for an updogg joke and posts a How I Met Your Mother gif as a reaction, motherfucker uses his sprinklers during a water ban because be damned if his topiary stallions are gonna go to shit on his watch, dude says rap music doesn’t make sense while filing his Beatles albums alphabetically

 I’ve never played Dream Daddy

it’s just… if you consume East Asian media the least you can do is showing us some respect? If you like Donnie Yen/kung fu movies don’t give your money to Iron Fist. If you like anime don’t call Genji, Hanzo and other Japanese characters in Western media ‘weeaboo’, and don’t go see Ghost In The Shell. If you like K-pop don’t say you have ‘yellow fever’ or whatever. Please listen when an East Asian person voices their concern about racial issues and be a little more cultural awared holy shit why are some people so intentionally ignorant

Dear strip club customers,

Last night we had a club full of customers who all wanted to sit and watch and not spend any money, but they all sure did want our phone numbers and can I just say– just–

I think it’s time we had a talk. Because I love you, dear customers, really I do. So I want to help you help us. Honestly guys, it’s not that hard to be a good strip club patron m, but so many of you seem to have a difficult time grasping what is and is not acceptable behavior. So I provide this list of tips with all the love in the world. Read it. Share it with your friends. Print it out and put it on your fridge. Keep it in your pocket for reference. Do whatever it takes to remember the following things, and it will make everybody’s night better.

•If you don’t have money that you’re willing to spend on the dancers, don’t come. We don’t get paid by the club. Come with money to spend, and actually spend it, or else stay home because you’re taking up space and wasting everybody’s time.

•If a dancer has spent a significant amount of time sitting with you and you aren’t going to get a dance, tip her for the time. We have a limited amount of one in which to make as much as possible, and unless you told her up front that you didn’t want any dances, you wasted hers. Y'all can pay six bucks for a beer but a few dollars (minimum) tip for a beautiful woman is the biggest rip off in the world? Really?

•Don’t haggle us over our dance prices. It’s insulting as hell.

•If a dancer tells you not to touch her in a certain way, don’t do it. It’s wrong elsewhere; it doesn’t stop being wrong just because we’re not fully clothed. Not to mention, you can get us fucking FIRED because your selfish, rapist ass “couldn’t help it.” If you “can’t help it,” stay the fuck at home, you god damn creep.

•Don’t complain to us about the prices of dances, rooms, or whatever else the club has to offer in terms of dancer-customer interaction.

• “You have to work for this dollar!” S T O P

•Don’t get mad at us for not wanting to spend time with you when you don’t have any money to spend or just don’t want to part with it. You not being able to afford a dance is not our problem. You being stingy isn’t our problem. We are WORKING. It’s not an outrageous concept to want to make money for doing our jobs!

• “It’s all about the money for you!” YES! If your boss told you you would no longer be getting paid, you would stop showing up for work, wouldn’t you? We all work because we want to get paid. Again, why is it such an outrageous concept that we want to find someone who will compensate us for our work? If you want a girl to spend time with you for no pay, Tinder is absolutely free.

• Quit acting like because you’re young and attractive, you’re exempt from the rules. “I should get a dance for free because I’m young and hot.” Nobody cares about your fucking appearance. PAY US. Furthermore, quit telling us, “Oh I don’t get dances, I can get laid whenever.” Good for you. Get the hell out and go find someone to fuck you then. Why come if you aren’t going to spend money? You’re a dick. And no, I won’t let you take me to dinner instead, you cheap, cocky fuck.

•Stop asking us for our numbers; we are there to WORK, not find a fuck buddy or relationship.

If you can’t treat us with respect, just don’t come! Idk why so many of you seem to think that you can come to our place of work and act like total jerks.

Regardless of how you feel about what we’re doing, we are there doing an actual job, and YOU CHOSE to come see us. What’s more, we pay from our own pockets for the pleasure of dealing with your rude, ungrateful, disrespectful asses for no base pay, and with no guarantee of making any money at all (because what we make depends on what YOU, the customers, give us. Most of us are independent contractors and therefore don’t get paid by the club). The least you can do is act right if you’re going to come to our clubs.

Come with money and be ready to spend it, quit expecting us to bend over backwards for a single dollar (how fucking condescending and annoying can you possibly be??), and treat us like human beings. It’s not that hard.

With love, Amara 😘
A word about The Emoji Movie

Today Sony Animation’s The Emoji Movie opens in theaters. Now after seeing the trailers and the hideous Rotten Tomatoes score some people might be tempted to go see it “Just to see how bad it is”. Well to that I say, don’t.

The main reason being if you go to see it in theaters, even if it’s for that reason, you’ll be supporting the film, you’ll be giving the film money. When you give a film money that’s basically telling the film company that you’re willing to pay to see that movie, to a movie company that basically says “Yes, I want more of this please” and they’ll end up making a sequel and making more films similar to The Emoji Movie, which is obviously not what people want.

So unless you’re a film critic and it’s your job to see this film, or you actually legitimately think it looks good and want to see it (because I guess there’s at least one person out there like that (I won’t judge)), then don’t go see it.

To sum this up, I’ll leave you with the words of critic Jay Sherman.

ask and you shall receive | pt 1 (m)

pairing: jung hoseok x reader, sugar daddy! hoseok
genre/warnings: smut, lots of oral, slow burn, dirty talk, dom! hoseok
words: 13,865
summary: your sugar daddy says you don’t have to sleep with him if you don’t want to…trouble is, you do want to. You’re just nervous and a little inexperienced, but he catches on quick and begins to teach you the true pleasures of sex, and boy, are they good…

» pt 1 :: pt 2 :: pt 3 ::

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Sabbat Altar and Celebration Ideas for the Solitary Witch

YULE
Altar ideas: Put mistletoe and pine on your altar; put a candle up there to represent the Sun; keep your Yule log on your altar; use symbols of the Sun; decorate with red, green, white, blue, and yellow (red and green for holly, white and blue for snow and wintery colors, yellow for the Sun).
Celebration ideas: Kiss a consenting person under the mistletoe for luck; give gifts; have a feast; make magickal wreaths with herbs corresponding to the spell intent (you might use lilac, lavender, and camomile for a wreath that brings peace into your home).


IMBOLC
Altar ideas: Use candles to represent the return of spring; make a cute little corn dolly; put a Brigid’s cross on there to honor her; decorate with yellow and green to represent the Sun and return of spring.
Celebration ideas: Clean your house; have a self-dedication ritual (to a particular path, deity, philosophy, standard of life, etc.); clean off your working altar and redo it; cleanse and charge any tools or crystals you need to.


OSTARA
Altar ideas: Use fake eggs, rabbits, and other symbols of fertility or spring; put some potted plants on the altar; place some packets of seeds you might be planning on growing; decorate with purple, yellow, green, white, and other spring, pastel colors.
Celebration ideas: Paint and blow eggs (take proper precautions when handling raw eggs, obviously, especially if you’re putting your mouth on them); if you have a greenhouse, want a potted plant, or it’s warm enough where you live to plant outside, plant some seeds; buy a potted plant; organize your herb shelf.


BELTAINE
Altar ideas: Make a mini Maypole for your centerpiece; smack some candles up in there, especially beeswax, if that’s in your budget; put some faery symbols, like little statues or bells or something like that; a jar of honey or some beeswax is always dope; if you’re comfortable with it, some people like to put representations of genatalia on their altar.
Celebration ideas: Light an awesome bonfire (also be very cautious with this because fire can quickly turn dangerous); leave offerings to the faeries; have a dance outside; this is a good time to plan to have a handfasting ceremony or wedding; cast any love workings you’ve been meaning to do; if you’re an adult and have a person/people who consent to it, you could choose to have sex during this time (but do be safe!); many people try to conceive children during Beltaine.


LITHA
Altar ideas: Symbols of the Sun and the Moon, feminine and masculine symbols if that’s a thing in your tradition; decorate with black and white to symbolize the night and day.
Celebration ideas: Get up before the Sun rises and go to sleep after it sets, so you can experience the day and night; have a bonfire (again, safety is important); have a picnic; just spend a lot of time outside.


LUGHNASADH
Altar ideas: Put bread and grain on the altar; maybe some apples and other autumn fruits; pinecones and leaves are fall symbols; decorate with red, orange, yellow, brown, and other colors of the season.
Celebration ideas: Bake (especially make the cute little bread men); give an offering to the Earth; go to an apple orchard and pick some apples; share a feast with the family or your friends.


MABON
Altar ideas: Wine, or grape juice if alcohol is unavailable for any reason; leaves and pinecones; apples; a money jar (see first celebration suggestion below).
Celebration ideas: For a week or two before Mabon, put money you can afford to give up in a jar, and donate it to charity or a cause you support on Mabon; have another apple harvest; have another feast; do a ritual to honor the Earth.


SAMHAIN
Altar ideas: Pop a few gourds in there, more apples if you want; pictures of the deceased; tools for divination and spirit contact; decorate with black, white, and orange.
Celebration ideas: Divination, spirit communication (obviously only if you know what you’re doing); hold a seance or a dumb supper if that’s more comfortable for you; light a candle in the window for spirits (use a fake one if you want it lit all night); leave some milk and honey for the Fair Folk; give offerings to the dead; put up wards and shields if you’re one of the people who would prefer to avoid spirit activity.

If no one will give me Allura/Lance bestie content, I will make it myself smh. So here’s some headcanons! :)

-Lance flirting with Allura in a joking, friendship sort of way with Allura either rolling her eyes while smiling or jokingly flirting back

-They would totally go shopping together, they’re shopping buddies

-“Okay, I love this dress but it’s really expensive.”
“Allura, babe, treat yo self.”

-They share beauty tips and fashion advice with each other. Allura is always in awe of Lance’s weird beauty tricks because they actually work like where did you find this Lance????

-Sleepovers! I 👏 demand 👏 cute 👏 sleepovers 👏

-Lance can’t get enough of Allura’s hair and will play with it for hours, trying out new hairstyles

-“Ohmygawd, there he is, Allura. What do I do???? What do I do???”
“Hey, my friend thinks your ass is hella fine!”

-They’re each other’s wingman.

-Lance to Shiro: Nice outfit. Bet it would look great on Allura’s bedroom floor.
Allura to Keith: Do you mind giving Lance your heart? His heart got stolen by a certain red paladin.

-Hunk joins them in their hijinks because 1. They’re his friends and he loves them 2. They need some sane friend to make sure they don’t blow their money on everything they see.

-Team You Can’t Sit With Us

-Their selfies with each other are either them being Gorgeous™ or with the dumbest expression you’ve ever seen, there is no in between

-Lance being overdramatic about something and Allura petting his head going, “There. There.”

-Lance: I’m going to jump! Everyone: Lance no! Allura: *videotaping* Do a flip!

-No but Allura really does care for Lance’s wellbeing and will fight anyone who insults him that isn’t part of the team.

-Allura: Lance is such an idiot. Someone: Yeah, he’s so stupid. Can he do anything, right? Allura: eXCUSE ME I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW HE THE MOST CARING PERSON I KNOW AND IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP RIGHT NOW YOU’LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY FISTS.

-Allura/Lance friendship guys

Negotiations

I walked into the room, avoiding direct eye contact with the alien waiting for me. Its huge eyes just looked like a jet black sclera set in a sack of vaguely damp, wrinkled gray leather. If eyes are a window into the soul, this creepy little guy would give satan a run for his money. They just put me on edge, somehow. I’d have to make eye contact anyway, but it could wait.

I strode up to the meeting table, pulled out the chair, and sat down. I shuffled around in my bag for a moment before pulling out a small piece of tech, which I set on the table in front of me.

“Before we begin, I want to be sure of a few things. This device you’ve provided us with, it is 100% effective at understanding and translating languages, correct?”

The alien across from me nodded. It’s a nice little allowance they’ve made for comfort, learning our body language, but its bulbous head threw the whole gesture off. It made me think of one of those old inflatable toys with a weight on the bottom, that would lean too far to the side before bouncing straight back up. Woobles or something. It didn’t really matter.

“Nearly. We occasionally find a race with one or two concepts that it has trouble with, but that’s easily smoothed over.”

I took a deep breath, and waited a moment to compose myself. This whole thing was going to be more trying than not interrupting old man Higgins up the street while he went on about whatever racist sentiment was in his head at the moment.

“One or two…okay. That’s odd.”

The alien blinked. Eyelids came in from not just the top and bottom, but also the sides. That’s just plain creepy. Reminds me of one of those really old movies they threw on the media blacklist pretty much as soon as first contact started. Something in black. Whatever it was, I remember seeing it as a kid, and that guy at the beginning had nothing on this alien’s eyes.

“Have you already found something it can’t translate?”

I nodded, then pulled out my communicator and scrolled through a few documents. I really needed to clean this thing out. Can’t believe I didn’t get around to it before coming to such an important meeting. Imagine the debacle that would result if I opened exactly the wrong thing. Never can know what that might be, honestly.

“Of a sort, yes. Mind humoring me for a few minutes?”

The alien steepled its hands together, and leaned forward. That’s just plain creepy. I wonder how they learned such context specific body language? Not that it really matters, I guess. Not my problem.

“Certainly. After all, it can take years to accept a race into the Federation.”

Nodding again, I pulled up a document on my communicator, then leaned back in my chair as I began. This was going to be more interesting than that time your classmate Jimmy found some old matches somewhere and almost burned the school down by mistake.

“Excellent. This shouldn’t take much time. I mentioned that we found some issues with your device. Allow me to demonstrate: Espionage.”

The little device on the table beeped, and a red light flashed.

“ERROR: NO ANALOGUE FOUND”

I sighed. That one had been an accident. We just had the thing sitting in a conference room while we discussed the implications of the visit when it came up. But, when something that simple for us to understand came up, we had to try for more.

“Reverse Engineering.”

Again, a beep and a flash of red.

“ERROR: NO ANALOGUE FOUND”

“Spycraft.”

And again with the beep. This was going to get irritating if I didn’t speed things up a bit. Too bad we hadn’t managed to find a mute option for that feature.

“ERROR: NO ANALOGUE FO-”

“Overwhelming Force”

“ERROR: NO-”

“Scorched Earth”

“ER-”

“Kamikaze”

“E-”

Blitzkrieg, Stealth, Mutually Assured Destruction, Acceptable Losses, Pyrrhic Victory, Guerilla Warfare, Encirclement, Entrenchment, Siege.”

The device gave off a series of distressed beeps, punctuated by rapid blinking of the little red light. I almost felt sorry for it. Almost.

“TOO MANY ERRORS DETECTED. REBOOTING. RUNNING SELF DIAGNOSTIC. NO DISCREPANCIES FOUND,”

I paused, and glanced across the table at the alien before looking back down at the translator. This was going to hit it harder than a washed up holovid actor with no auditions and less money hits rock bottom.

“Xenocide”

The chair across from me clattered to the ground as the alien practically fell out of its seat. I don’t blame the poor thing. Of all the aggressive, militaristic words we tried, that was one of the ones we least expected to translate. I mean, really. Who has a word for the intentional extermination of an entire sapient species when they don’t even understand fundamental hostile international mechanics like spying?

“Why do you have a word for…what was all that just now?”

I chuckled a bit while motioning for the alien to sit back down. His reaction had been pretty good, perfectly suitable for one of those hammed-up old dramas where the hero realizes they’ve been working with the villain all along.

“We were confused about that too. So we took a look at the information you sent as part of first contact with us. We noticed something interesting. Every single race in your Federation is carnivorous. Why is that?”

The alien seemed smaller somehow as it settled back into a seat. It looked kind of like a balloon slowly losing air, if that balloon was made of moldering gray leather with eyes that made your spinal column decide it wanted a holiday in Fiji.

“First contact has always been made after sapient races make it to multiple worlds. We’ve never found a sapient herbivorous race which failed to destroy themselves in resource wars and aggressive action. We’ve never found herbivores capable of surviving long enough to leave their own world.”

I leaned forward in the chair and smiled while finally making direct eye contact with the alien. I think the poor thing shivered when I did that. Not that I blame it. Imagine your reaction when you start to put the pieces together and realize that your friendly, upstanding next door neighbor might be the world’s most wanted criminal.

“And the races you have found, while commonly using threat displays, do not waste resources on wars they cannot easily win, correct?”

The alien nodded as it slouched a bit in its chair. It looked kind of like it was trying to hide. Who wouldn’t want to hide from the monsters in their closet?

“Wasted resources means decreased likelihood of survival.”

I shrugged. That was true enough, though rather coldly logical. Dispassionate logic like that has never been our strong suit. Then again, that’s why I’m in this situation in the first place, so it evens out.

“And yet herbivores constantly waste resources on aggression, on movement, on having more young than will possibly survive.”

The alien was staring at me. I’m not sure when the last time it blinked was. I wonder if those eyes need some kind of lubrication to keep from drying out. Probably, they looked a bit less creepy than they should’ve. Looked like they were losing their shine.

“And they die for it. That’s exactly why we’ve never encountered spacefaring herbivores. Their inherent aggression is their own demise.”

I held eye contact. I’d almost swear the alien was a weird statue right now. Don’t know who would commission a statue made of old greasy leather, but I’m sure there’s someone with too much money and too little sense who would give it a shot.

“Indeed. Now, back to the subject at hand. I’ll ask you before we continue: what can you offer humans for joining your Federation?”

The alien sputtered as it started moving again. I’d swear it looked offended. Maybe it doesn’t see where this is going. Not that it really matters, I guess. I mean, it probably matters about as much as posting a formal complaint to a new corporate policy, which is to say not at all.

“We’ve already sent the offer. You’ve seen that, I’m sure.”

I nodded, and began to tap out a staccato rhythm on the table with my fingers. I never could remember where I learned this stupid tune. I’ve known it as long as I can remember, and it just moves into my head on occasion and sticks around like that one couchsurfing friend who doesn’t understand the idea of wearing out their welcome.

“And I’m asking, what else do you have to offer?”

The alien just shook its head again, staring at the device. I wonder if it thought we might’ve tampered with it. As if we knew how. That little thing is way beyond our current abilities. We had some scientists pry it open and look inside, just to be sure.

“Nothing. I’m not sure why you’re-”

I raised my hand, cutting him off. Huh. Not sure why that worked. Did they learn that much of our body language? That’s still really creepy, if it’s the case. Or, maybe I just have it on edge. I dunno. I guess it doesn’t matter.

“May I have permission to connect my datapad with my ship’s computers?”

The alien glanced away from me for a moment. I assume it was checking in with superiors somehow. Maybe it was psychic, to an extent. Or maybe they just had an implant of some sort. We’ll find out eventually, I’m sure.

“Yes, if you like.”

I sighed. I guess that makes things easier for us. I don’t think anyone was going to like what I was about to do. This whole thing felt kind of like one of those holovids of an accident, where you know what’s coming and don’t want to keep going, but for some reason you just can’t seem to stop and pull yourself away.

“Computer, show video: Hiroshima”

A screen appeared in the air above my datapad. It started playing back an old, grainy video. Shaky, taken by hand in an aircraft in a firefight. Below, you can barely see a city being blotted out by a massive explosion. A cloud of smoke, fire and debris was rapidly climbing into the sky, billowing, growing, blooming into an eerie and easily recognized mushroom cloud.

“That’s…you’re using weapons of that scale on a population center? How recent was this?”

I shrugged, and closed the video. The screen on my datapad went back to the document I had up earlier. Gotta love how well they managed to predict this whole thing. I made a mental note to recommend a raise for whoever set up that document for me.

“Three centuries ago. Prior to our invention of spaceflight. Part of a much larger conflict. This is a relatively minor example of “overwhelming force”“

“ERROR: NO A-”

“Shut it. Computer, show infosheet: Battle of Stalingrad.”

A series of graphs and diagrams appeared above my datapad. They showed resources, time, maps, battle plans, and death tolls. Images were interspersed throughout, as were annotations on the tactical value of this, the emotional value of that. Prominent among them was a single apartment building, including notes on sniping from the roof and support via tunnels.

“That…what purpose would that…why w-”

Again, I raised my hand to cut him off, before closing the infosheet. Maybe it was both. Nah, couldn’t be. Only way it was both having this guy on edge and our body language is if it somehow had our body language built in. Unsettling thought, but not exactly likely.

“Because Stalingrad was an advantageous location and the people who died there were considered ‘Acceptable losses’“

“ERRO-”

“Computer, show gallery: General Sherman’s March to the Sea.”

A multitude of images appeared over the datapad. Rail lines and roads intentionally broken and destroyed. Farms and fields scoured clean and left to fallow. Buildings and towns razed to the ground. A broken people left to mourn and starve.

“So much waste…that can’t be intentional, can it?”

I glanced at the images, the wanton destruction that campaign caused, and the very orders that caused it. That kind of thing may be considered morally reprehensible now, even a war crime, but it wasn’t always. At the time, the strategy was extolled as one of the reasons the war ended the way it did.

“It was intentional.”

The alien stared at me, its reflective black eyes bigger than I’d ever seen them before. Creepy as all hell, that’s for sure. I’d rather not deal with these kinds of meetings in the future. Maybe after this I could negotiate for some kind of retirement.

“But…why?”

I tapped my datapad and closed the gallery, then leaned back and tossed my feet on the table. May as well relax, I already knew how this was going to end.

“Because it rendered the enemy unable to use resources Sherman couldn’t keep. Computer, assemble and show video grouping: RTS Games”

A large grid of videos came up, showing a huge range of scenes. Largely battle, the settings varied from open space to deep ocean, from early history to the far “future.” Even battles across space and time could be seen.

“The translator can’t have gotten that right. Those are military tactical simulations. Higher level than anything I’ve ever seen or heard of.”

I laughed as I closed out all of the videos and turned back to the alien. Creepy and unsettling as it might be, I’m pretty sure I was terrifying the poor thing. Not that I really felt sorry for it. Not at all.

“No. They aren’t. Those are games. Toys. For. Fun. And they’re a couple hundred years out of date. From what I’ve seen, nearly every human capable of coherent speech is capable of tactically overwhelming your Federation. And since we’re already here, in space, it’s too late for you to say no. So, I’ll ask again:

What do you have to offer us?”

Hey guys, mini thing about newsies

So far, Newsies has 5 stars on Netflix. This was obviously expected but I wanted to just say, make sure you rate it. Rate it 5 stars even if you’re not a huge fan of Newsies. Why? Because if Netflix sees that more people enjoy the professionally filmed musicals then we may get more.


If Newsies has five stars then it will send out the message that yes, these musicals make money. It will send out the message that people would pay to see these recordings. Through this, we may get more professionally filmed musicals. The more stars this gets the more likely it will be that more musicals will go up.


So yes, even if you think Newsies is only a 4 or 3 star musical, give it a five. If you give it a five, eventually your favorite musical might just be filmed and sold/posted as well.


If your favorite musical has closed but is doing a stage tour, then we could get a recording of the tour. That still ends with us getting professionally filmed shows. This is actually a huge step forward for us to get easily accessible shows that also supports the cast and crew. So yes. Give it five stars. If you see it drop to four, make a new account under your bill and rate it. Have every one you know give it fives. This is important guys.

the person you’ve been dating for the past two months has something important to tell you. you are about to go home so you two can finally have “the talk” when someone approaches you with a knife and demands you give them all your money “if you don’t want to get hurt”, and you both do, but the bastard still hits your semi-not-really-bf before running away. you start screaming, trying to take your phone so you can call an ambulance, but the other guy tells you to calm down because he’s fine.
“HOW CAN YOU BE FINE?”
“look.”
you saw that he was stabbed, you can see where his shirt got ripped, but there’s not to the littlest stain of blood. you lift his shirt up, the wound is there, but no. no blood.
“this is what I wanted to talk about”
at least it’s not going to be the “It’s not you, it’s me, let’s be friends” kind of talk.

Never Go On A Date Without Being Paid

1. Your goal here is to make money. If you have to pay for travel and are not compensated you are losing money.
2. Your time is a commodity. Do not let him devalue that.
3. If he’s not giving you a “gift” for the first date he’s probably wasting your time anyway.

The day before the first meet I always send this message:
Hey! I’m really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow! I can’t wait to see you face to face and really get to know one another and spend some quality time with you. I’m hoping this will be the beginning of an amazing relationship. Before that happens I just wanted to let you know that I do require some financial consideration for my time. I generally receive around (xxx) for this initial time together. I’m sure you were intending on providing something along those lines, but I just wanted to be direct to make sure we’re on the same page! If this is an issue for whatever reason, please let me know xoxo

A real SD will have no problem compensating you for your time. Salt will throw a fit. This is a good way to make sure you’re filtering out the salt and seeing if your financial expectations are the same as your POT. If he doesn’t agree to pay you, move on. If he agrees to pay you by wants to pay you less, that’s up to you to decide if it’s still worth your time.

I love PTA Sans. No matter the AU. 

 ~Undertale~  

Helen: It looks like we’ll have to cut funding for the talent show. 

Sans: wait, hold up- what? that’s such crap! why? 

Helen: Well if we want to make the exchange for only gluten free lunches, we’ll have to. 

Sans: what? but there are, like, fifteen other lunch choices without gluten, and the kids can just bring their own lunch- 

Helen: Sans, you’ll just have to deal with it, okay? These lunches are more important than the talent show. 

Sans: Helen, for the love of god, i did not spend all night cutting out box tops just to hear the shit that spills from your mouth.

~Underfell~

Daniel: Well I just think monsters and humans should be separated in the sports teams.

Sans: what? why the fuck would we do that? the teams are perfectly fine, fuckface.

Daniel: It’s unfair to some of the human players, Sans.

Sans: oh, just ‘cause your kid can’t kick a ball fer shit?

Daniel: *huffs* I’m just trying to make it fair.

Sans: no, it sounds like you’re tryna make it segregation.

Daniel: This meeting is for all of our children, not just yours. Just because Frisk works well with monsters, doesn’t mea-

Sans: who gives a fuck?! all your kids are shit!

~Underswap~

Linda: *sees Papyrus* *smirks and walks over with Helen* Hello Papyrus. Sorry your plan for that field trip didn’t go through. 

Papyrus: *shrugs* eh. it happens. it looks like we won’t take the kids to the science museum after all.

Helen: We just don’t have the money to go to there. Maybe we can take them to the local library. That’s far more affordable and interesting to the childre-

Papyrus: the fuck? ha, no. we actually have over twenty thousand bucks for our field trip.

Linda and Helen: *gawk* What? How?!

Papyrus: my bro’s the head booster mom. they just had a fundraiser.

Sans: *bursts in through the door with arms full of cash* WE’RE GOING TO EUROPE! MWEH HEH HEH!

~Swapfell~ ~Fellswap~ ~Whatever the fuck you call the yellow one~

Sans: *looks at his clipboard* *storms over to Gloria* YOU! PARTICULARLY FLESHY HUMAN! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?

Gloria: *blinks in surprise* Huh? What do you mean?

Sans: ARE YOU SERIOUS? ONLY TWENTY DOLLARS IN SALES?

Gloria: It’s only how much my daughter could sel-

Sans: GLORIA THIS IS A FUNDRAISER, NOT THE GOD DAMN GIRL SCOUTS! AS HEAD BOOSTER MOM, I DEMAND THAT MORE EFFORT BE PUT INTO YOUR SALES!

Gloria: Sans, we’ve already sold most of the cookie dough! We don’t-

Sans: DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING LIVE, GLORIA? WE MUST SELL ALL THE COOKIE DOUGH!

~Horrortale~

Sans: *goes over to the snack table* Whoa. *picks up a pumpkin-shaped cookie that’s well designed* whoa. nice work, Sadie. been years since I’ve had cookies. *is about to eat one*

Suzanne: *rushes over* Oh dear. *snatches cookie away and sighs* I told her not to make those Halloween themed cookies! She knows we cancelled the Halloween themed party next week.

Sans: whoa, what? c’mon, why?

Suzanne: Well, we didn’t want to offend your people.

Sans: “my people”?

Suzanne: Why don’t you have some of my non-offensive brownies instead?

Sans: Suz, i’d rather starve than eat your brownies.

Suzanne: Oh yeah! I’m sorry, Sans. I forgot your people are all anorexic.

Sans:…….. hey, why don’t you and your family come over t’dinner, sometime? my bro’s cooking’s to die for. s’on me, pumpkin *winks*

~Altertale~

Sans: *brought some of Asgore’s scones to the meeting*

Lillian: Oh, are these scones? *tries one* Bleh!? ARE these scones?

Sans: *sighs* yes, they are. is there a problem?

Lillian: Whoever made these needs a few cooking lessons. A few dozen.

Sans:…… *picks up phone and begins to dial*

Lillian: Who are you calling?

Sans: for your lesson. *the call picks up*

Toriel: Hey, Sa-

Sans: she insulted the scones.

*the call goes dead*

Toriel: *bursts through the window* WHO THE FUCK-?!

~Underlust~

Helen: Alright, so far I am leading the sales with over two hundred dollars. *smiles to herself* I suppose my Suzy is just determined to help out our school.

Sans: *rolls his eyelights*

Helen: And Sans? How much did Frisk raise?

Sans: two thousand.

Helen: *sputters* Thousand?! How?!

Sans: candles weren’t doin’ it for us. we tried something else.

Helen: *hesitant to ask* What… did you sell?

Sans: well, we decided it was a good idea to post my picture up on craigslist and-

Linda: YOU SOLD YOUR BODY?!

Sans: Paps and the queen were happy to help, too.

Helen: That’s illegal! It’s a crime!

Sans: boo, the only crimes here are your lemon squares and that getup.

~Echotale~

Martha: It just shouldn’t be mandatory to vaccinate our children!

G: *sighs and rubs face* look, Martha, if you don’t vaccinate your kids, they’re gonna fucking die.

Martha: I am NOT letting those people pump those shots of retardedness into my child.

G: that’s not even a proven-

Martha: I’m sorry; what kind of certification do YOU have?!?

G:*blinks and digs into his pocket* huh? whoa. what’s this? *pulls out his PhD* whoa! huh, i didn’t even know that was in there. *looks at Martha* weird, huh?

~Outertale~

Helen: My child has straight A’s.

Linda: My child made class president.

Sans: my child flew into outer space and freed an entire race. *puts on sunglasses* far out, bitches. *disappears*

` ° * ✧ ° RANDOM SENTENCE STARTERS.

❛ Have you been playing with matches again? ❜
❛ Do have anymore of that one stuff? ❜
❛ So, where do we go from here? ❜
❛ What the hell is that thing? ❜
❛ You know, you aren’t supposed to be doing that. ❜
❛ I almost forgot you only come around when you need me. ❜
❛ Oh, yeah, you played me good, didn’t you? ❜
❛ I’m not joking with you this time. ❜
❛ Do you ever think about having kids? ❜
❛ I didn’t mean to punch you that hard. ❜
❛ Nice shiner there, buddy. ❜
❛ Great way to start the day. ❜
❛ I just want peace and quiet. ❜
❛ Please, just go away already, ugh. ❜
❛ I’m not giving you any money! ❜
❛ You don’t own me. ❜
❛ Tell me what to do or what to say. ❜
❛ I love my freedom. ❜
❛ Shut up before I break your arm. ❜
❛ Now, that looks like a grand adventure. ❜
❛ I’m taking you home, come on. ❜
❛ Jesus, are you really that drunk? ❜
❛ What did you take? How many you’d take? ❜
❛ That’s not an orange. It’s a lemon. ❜
❛ The wait is almost over. ❜
❛ So, when are we going to finally meet? ❜
❛ I would like to see you in person. ❜
❛ Are you online dating again? ❜
❛ I’m not sad, I’m just tired. ❜
❛ I want to take a nap so bad. ❜
❛ I thought we could just nap together. ❜
❛ Life can be messy. ❜
❛ I wish life could be mess free. ❜
❛ Are you high or just stupid? ❜
❛ You can be anything you set your mind to. ❜
❛ We are not going to be like them. ❜
❛ I just wanted to fit in, I don’t know. ❜
❛ Are you going to that party tonight? ❜
❛ I thought we’d be together forever. ❜
❛ I really liked you. My fault. ❜
❛ We don’t like surprises. ❜
❛ Please save the lecture for someone who gives a shit. ❜
❛ What the hell did you do? ❜
❛ Well, you poor thing. ❜
❛ I’m just saying, murder is an option. ❜
❛ We can always kill them, yeah? ❜
❛ What’s all this glitter for anyway? ❜
❛ Damn, you look like shit. Smell like it too. ❜
❛ It’s not too dark and not too light. ❜
❛ I wanted to know what you liked so I stalked you. ❜
❛ I didn’t stalk anyone for the last time already. ❜
❛ I’m not sorry and I have no regrets. ❜
❛ You are so fucked, you know that? ❜
❛ Hey, you stole that from me! Give it back! ❜
❛ Screw you. ❜
❛ Just fuck off already. ❜
❛ You look like a Simpson. ❜
❛ I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. ❜
❛ I’m not mean, I’m just honest. ❜
❛ I will stab you with my fingernail, try me. ❜
❛ Your wish is my command. ❜
❛ I would love to see you suffer. ❜
❛ I’m not in, no way. This is bad. ❜
❛ I don’t want to break any rules. ❜
❛ Fine then. Don’t call and don’t text me anymore. ❜
❛ I’m not mad at you, don’t worry. ❜
❛ Do not ever question my parenthood again. ❜
❛ I don’t have time for this. ❜
❛ Death is all around us. ❜
❛ You’re just like the girl from gone girl. ❜
❛ You left, not me. ❜
❛ I’m not the one that’s always leaving. ❜
❛ I can’t believe this is truly happening. ❜
❛ I was wondering, if you wanted to look at the stars with me? ❜
❛ I always wanted to go on a date. ❜
❛ I knew you were trouble when you walked in. ❜
❛ I had a feeling. ❜
❛ Wait, do you feel that? That vibe right now? ❜
❛ Where could the gem be? ❜
❛ Do I look like someone you should mess with? ❜
❛ It stinks it this place. Can’t believe you call it home. ❜
❛ Wow, this is your house? ❜
❛ I can’t believe you didn’t think to ask me first. ❜
❛ You have a lot to learn. ❜
❛ What do you take me for? ❜
❛ What do I have to do to get it from you? ❜
❛ Will you ever stop asking me that? ❜
❛ This place never ceases to amaze me. ❜
Subject/Degree-Themed Asks

Math - What simple things add happiness/excitement to your life?

History - What is one striking childhood memory that you still have until now?

Science - What comprises a perfect morning for you?

Literature - What’s your favorite book or movie and why?

International Studies - What’s one language you’ve been dying to learn?

Psychology - Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

Philosophy - What’s your favorite quote or saying?

Computer Studies - What’s one gadget you couldn’t live without?

Engineering - What’s one innovation that you wish was invented?

Economics - When it comes to relationships, is surplus or shortage better?

Advertising - Describe yourself in 5 words. May be a phrase or 5 different words.

Architecture - Top 5 cities/countries you want to visit.

Sports Management - What’s your hatest/least liked sport?

Communication Arts - What songs convey exactly what you’re feeling/what you need right now?

Education - What’s one skill/craft that you can confidently teach a group of 20 people?

Writing - What’s one trope/plot line you wish to see in books or movies?

Finance - Give us some money saving tips!

Health Sciences - What are your favorite foods that are considered healthy?

Tourism - How will you advertise/convince people to go to your country in 10 words?

Legal Studies - What’s an unpopular belief you have that you will defend ferociously to anyone when they contradict it?

Music - What are some of your favorite lyrics?

Nursing - What’s the one thing that revives you after a stressful day?

anonymous asked:

Hey! Do you know of a quick way to make money online? Prom is coming up and i need to make a lot in only a month or two!! TIA :) <3

Hey Girly!!

Yes! Oh my gosh. I remember when i had that struggle a few years ago. Lately, i’ve been using a few but, this survey website i found. I’ve only been working with them about 6 months now  BUT i have made $20-65ish a day (depending on how determined you are) haha.
Here is the link for the one i use if you want to give it a try! :) 

Other new ones i’ve started the last few months  that seem to work pretty well as well are going to be HERE AND HERE. ( so yes 3 in total haha) 


**ALSO when you sign up for this site you get a bonus of $5 just for signing up to help you get started! I’ve been paid about 8 times so I know it’s not a scam. It’s easy and quick to sign up and it’s worth giving it a try if you need money quick.

You’ll be able redeem your points for paypal, a check, or giftcards. Good luck and have fun! Keep me updated and PLS send me pictures of your prom dress when you find one!! I love seeing prom dress pics c:

Kidnapped Starters

WARNING: possibly triggering content below!

Originally posted by empirefoxtv

Kidnapper

“Hush now. If you scream too loud I may be forced to do something you’ll regret.”

“You are a pretty thing aren’t you?”

“Trust me. You were no crime of opportunity. I’m getting paid a lot of money to deliver you.”

“They say, 2/3 of kidnappings are performed by someone the victim knows. Want to take a guess as to who I am?”

“You are in no place to be making demands, missy/mister.”

“Say one more word, and I may be forced to cut out that sharp tongue of yours.”

“I am sorry about this. Guess you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Lucky me.”

“Are you ready to behave, or do you require more punishment?”

“You better behave. You won’t like me when I’m angry.”

“Every time you misbehave I add a tally. You don’t want to know what happens after.”

“Beg. Convince me why I should keep you alive.”

“Looks like your _______ came through with the ransom after all. However, I’ve grown rather fond of you. I think I’ll keep you.”

“I’ve always wanted a pet. I wonder what sounds you can make.”

“When you can control yourself the gag will be removed.”

“You were being so careful too. Next time you think someone is following you. They probably are.”

“And where do we think we’re going?”

“They say when you can’t see your other senses amplify. What do my touches feel like, pet?”

“If you behave maybe you’ll get your own bed at my feet.”

Victim

“P-please. I-I didn’t see your face. J-just let me go, and n-no one will know.”

“Help, please!”

“Who are you? Show yourself!”

“You think tying me to a chair and swinging a knife is enough to intimidate me?”

“How do you know my name?”

“Tying me to a bed. Very subtle.”

“Please. I-I have money.”

“Why? Why me?”

“Could you loosen the handcuffs? They’re chafing my wrists.”

“You better hope I don’t get out of here.”

“I’ll give you whatever you want. Just please let me go.”

“Mmph!”

“Please. I can’t feel my legs.”

“No, no more. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Is the gun supposed to scare me?”

POT Dating Tips

1. Always confirm the same day that you guys are meeting. These men have crazy schedules and they can cancel on you same day, best to know before you do your hair & makeup. 

2. Never drive or uber a long distance to meet them. They should offer to come to you and if they don’t they should offer to uber you. I always get ubered to my dates, I never give them my real address obviously but somewhere close that I could walk or a place I could drive to and leave my car. Driving or ubering a far distance because he said he would reimburse you isn’t worth the risk. These men ain’t shit! they will lie to you. Don’t risk being out of gas or money, never worth it. 

3. Always vet them before you meet them, nothing worse than going on POT date to find out he wants to pay you 200 per meeting. ASk questions nothing to invasive but just enough to see if can meet your needs. If you want monthly allowances make sure he’s open to that. IF he wants to do per meet to start, discuss how much. You can obviously negotiate a better price in person, but make sure you guys are in the same range $$$.  Don't’ waste your hair/makeup and a cute outfit on a fuck boy who thinks he’s a sugar daddy. NEVER go on the POT with someone who gives you weird vibes, I mean if he’s weird over the phone he probably won’t be better in person, nothing is worth your safety. 

4. Be cute but comfortable, Opt for the heels that are more comfortable over the ones that may look better with the outfit.  Nothing worst than being out and having your feet hurt the entire time. 

5. Be sexy and alluring without showing too much. I have big boobs so no matter what I wear their gonna show, but I always wear dresses that aren’t  too tight or show that much cleavage. He may want to take you to social events with his colleagues or friends, you don’t want to show up on your first encounter with your boobs out or a dress that barely covers your ass. You want to give off a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets vibe. You don’t have to spend much to look great, Forever 21 or Zara has great dress options that are affordable. Macy’s always has in store sales on shoes ( Got a couple of heels from there), DSW also. A little black dress with some cute heels and some simple accessories can go a long way, ladies. For new sugars, you can spend under 100 bucks buy a cute outfit that you can re-wear to multiple POT dates. Ball on a budget until you can get him to take you, to Saks ;)

6. Knowledge is key! reading book  Ho Tactics and the art of seduction has really stepped my sugar skills up. Body language and confidence is everything! This may sound silly but I practice my faces in the mirror so I can get an idea of what I’m looking like when I say certain things, also what angles i look best in so I know how to tilt my head or smile. You have to mindfuck these to give you everything you want but never had. I always give eye contact it shows that you are really engaged it also turns guys on. I always order martinis or wine because of the way the glass fit in your hand. Eating a  olive off a  toothpick while eye fucking a guy will drive him crazy. Always ask follow up questions, whens he’s going on and on about his job or life, in general, show that your interested make comments be engaging. Also, brush up on current events, I use the SKIMM to help keep me up to date on current events. Be pretty but also cultured.

7. Always choose a high-end restaurant in your area. I usually yelp and look for restaurants with $$$ that has the best reviews, I legit have been to areas in D.C that I wouldn’t have been able to afford or even heard of. Set your standards high and don’t lower them. Don’t ever go out with a guy who thinks going to some cheap chain restaurant is acceptable. Like your makeup shouldn’t cost more than the menu. Gain knowledge on the nicest spots in your area, if he wants to take you somewhere lower end that’s the easiest way to spot a Splenda. If it doesn’t go anywhere at least you got to go to a nice ass restaurant, ate some good ass food, and drank some wine that cost as much your textbooks. Still a win. 

8. If you’re meeting for a quick date such as Starbucks ( which I don’t even recommend, they give me Splenda vibes)  make sure you choose a time when it’s not too pack. You don’t want to walk into a packed Starbucks with the line to door and no seats for your first date it sets an awkward tone. You want to be in a quiet setting where you can discuss the arrangement privately, without random people walking by every minute.  Choose a time after lunch, or later in the evening. 

9.Safety First! Never give out private information, give out fake email address, phone numbers, etc. The only thing I’m truthful about is that I’m a student and my age. Never get into a POT car, or go back to his place. I also send my friends my location so they know where I’m at all times. Also download a safety app, very useful. If a guy gives you weird vibe excuse yourself to the bathroom and call a uber, try to find a different exit and leave his ass. Never meet up in a sketchy area or place. Make sure the place is public and that it is quiet but moderately packed. Never meet up too late in the night, and don't’ over a drink. Overdrinking puts you in a bad head space which can lead to a bad situation that could be unsafe. I have no more than 3 cocktails on date depending on the time we are together. These sites are filled with psychos, be careful !. 

10. Last but not least Never give up the pussy until you get yours. Things happen maybe you drank too much, or he was really cute so the chemistry was there but it is never a good idea to sleep with POT before the arrangement has been hashed out.  This is not normal dating and he is not your bf. Unless he’s paying your bills, tuition, rent or aiding your makeup addiction why does he deserve pussy???? Always get your first, these men will fuck and dip out never to be seen again. GIving him quick access will not get your bills paid sis, don’t do it. Before you think about giving him some think about your rent that’s about to be due, the tuition you still have to pay, that car payment, or Rihanna new makeup line that’s about to drop.  Pussy is power use it wisely!

Feel free to add on ladies. Pusssy is power, let’s encourage each other and help each other to mindfuck these men! #TeamVagina

Secrets (Part Two) (Trans!Peter)

So there has been a lot more anti-trans or negative trans things all over Tumblr recently thanks to— well we all know what its thanks to.

I had a specific request for something positive and pro-trans and I absolutely agree we could all handle something positive and fluffy and nice, so here we go.

This is a Part Two to my first trans!peter fic Secrets.

For those who haven’t read PART ONE— Peter is Tom Holland/15 years old, the relationship between he and Deadpool is strictly platonic. This is not Spideypool shipping, this is just a friendship.

Trans!Peter and protective dad!Tony and protective friend!Wade

*************************
“You’re gonna stay with me, right?” Peter asked nervously and Wade patted his shoulder comfortingly.

“Not going anywhere Spidey. Just here for support.”

“Thanks.” Peter rubbed at his chest, tugging uncomfortably on his binder.

“You alright? Do we need to loosen it?” Wade was still in full costume, mask and katanas and all, but he started pulling his gloves off to help Peter if needed.

“No.” Peter shook his head. “No it’s fine, just… just feeling super noticeable right now.”

“Not noticeable.” Wade assured him. “Since we got rid of that ugly black thing, this nude one blends in a lot better.”

“Ok.” Peter took a deep breath. “Okay. Let’s go.”

Wade kept a big hand on Peter’s shoulders as they headed into the living room of the Avengers compound, sitting down together on the couch across from where Tony was sitting, jotting notes down as he read through a file.

“Deadpool. You take your hand off my kid or I’m gonna break it off.” Tony said without even looking up and Wade laughed before removing his hand and leaning back, folding his arms over his chest.

“What are you even doing here? I feel like last time you and I ran into each other—”

“Mr Stark.” Peter interrupted before Tony could unleash some sort of verbal destruction on the mercenary. “I really need to talk to you.”

“What’s up, kiddo?” Tony put his file down instantly, leaning forward and clasping his hands loosely between his knees. “Everything alright?”

“Mr Stark–” Peter looked at Wade for encouragement, who sent him a thumbs up. “I am– I am–trans.”

Silence.

Peter took a deep breath and pulled his t shirt off, exposing both his binder and the slightly reddened spot where he took his injections. “I’m um… This is who I am.”

Silence.

Then, “Trans.” Tony repeated. “So. Um transsexual? Transgender? Is there a difference? I don’t even know. Okay. Trans. Alright. How long? Can I ask that?”

“I’ve been transitioning for close to a year.” Peter offered and Tony nodded. “I take testosterone injections, and wear a binder to keep everything–” he made a motion over his chest. “It’s been more difficult to hide with being Spider-Man but–but I’m working on it.”

“Okay.” Tony nodded again. “Alright.”

“So–” Peter spread his hands uncertainly. “So, I wanted you to know.”

“Did you tell this one before you told me?” Tony pointed at Wade who made an offended noise.

“Wade found me when I was hurt one night–”

“–hurt?!”

“–I was fine. But Wade had to help me and he found out and– and you know it was nice to have someone know, and I didn’t want to hide it anymore. I don’t want you to feel like I’m lying to you about anything. Aunt May says–”

“May knows?” Tony interrupted. “About the binding and the shots and this guy?”

“Well maybe not about me hanging out with Pool, but I mean, yeah. Everything else. She has to pay for the injections so–.”

“Okay.” Tony folded his arms. “I’m gonna need the suit back.”

“Mr Stark!” Peter cried, suddenly much closer to tears than he’d been just a moment before. “Why would you–”

“Check it out, Iron Dildo.” Wade snapped, and leaned forward with something like a growl. “How bout you back the fuck off, see that this kid is trying to be honest with you and you being an asshole isn’t going to—”

“Hey, guy who kills people for money, how about you shut up for two minutes and let me talk?” Tony retorted. “Peter, give me your suit.”

Peter reached into his back slowly and pulled out the suit, handing it over to Tony with shaking hands.

Tony turned it over a few times, looking at it thoughtfully. “So.” he cleared his throat. “So should we talk about redesigning this with a binder built in? So you don’t have to wear one in addition to the suit? Or would that be uncomfortable?”

“Wh–What?” Peter ran his fingers through his hair. “Um, what?”

“Is a binder built into your suit too uncomfortable?” Tony asked again. “Like does it need to be something like a corset sort of thing? Or hooks? Or since your suit tightens around you automatically do I need to upgrade where it holds around your chest? Or would you rather just– you alright, Pete?”

“I’m fine.” The fifteen year old covered his face with his hands. “I’m fine, it’s just—” his voice caught and Tony’s eyes softened.

“You just let me know how to make this easier for you, okay? I dont know anything about anything like this, so you’ll have to speak up.”

“Sure thing.” Peter wiped his eyes and sat back up. “Um, thank you, Mr Stark I can’t—”

“Also.” Tony made a show of picking up his tablet, scrolling through some documents until he apparently found which ever one he was looking for. “I noticed you haven’t signed up for the insurance program available to you through the Stark Internship. Recently it was decided that insurance will now cover binders and testosterone injections and all the…things that I don’t know about that goes with that sort of thing.”

“Recently?” Wade repeated, sounding skeptical, and Tony sent him a narrowed eyed glare.

“Yes, Mr. Wilson. Recently. As in within the last ten minutes. Is that a problem?”

Wade held up his hands peacefully, and both the adults turned to look at Peter, who still looked like he might cry any second.

“Mr. Stark—”

“You don’t ever have to be afraid to tell me things like this.” Tony’s voice was gruff, and he pulled his sunglasses out of his shirt pocket to cram on his face. “Tell Aunt May that your internship will be covering any and all costs associated with you… transitioning. Is that the right word? I don’t want to say the wrong– I need to do some research, I think.”

Tony blew out a deep breath and looked between the two of them.

“Anything else you want to tell me? Like that maybe you two are dating? Because Deadpool I swear to god if you are even looking at my kid wrong I’m gonna rip you apart and drop the pieces from the sky. Lets see if you can regenerate from that.”

“Gross.” Wade snorted. “He’s like eight.”

“I’m fifteen guys.” Peter interjected.

It doenst matter!”
“It doesn’t matter!”

Wade and Tony yelled at the same time, then glared at each other for a minute.

“Well kiddo.” Tony sent Peter a smile. “Anything else today? Because I feel like you have homework.”

“Yeah. Some spanish.” Peter nodded and reached to put his shirt back on. “No, I– I guess that’s it.”

“Well, you know where the door is if you want to talk.”

Peter didn’t even hesitate, just stood up and leaned over Tony’s chair to give him a hug. “Thank you. This was…easier than I thought it would be.”

“Whatever you need, Underroos. You know that.” Tony patted his back. “Now get. Spanish homework.”

Tony waved at Peter, glared at Deadpool, and waited until they had left before picking his tablet back up, settling in for a long night of researching everything and anything related to helping support teenagers who were transitioning.

A throat being cleared made him look up.  “For the love of– didn’t I kick you out?”

Wade shrugged. “I’m just laying this out here– the whole protective dad thing one hundred percent does it for me. So if you ever decide to unclench enough to have some fun, call me.”

“Get out!” Tony cried, but he was smiling, and Wade was going to count that as a victory.
*******************

“What were you doing?” Peter frowned up at the mercenary when he finally showed up at the door.

“Asking your dad out.”  

“That’s disgusting.” Peter complained and punched Wade’s shoulder hard enough to send him reeling a few steps. “Don’t do that.”

Several minutes later, Peter added. “Mr Stark isn’t my dad.”

“Yeah, you waited too long to say that. I officially vote for Iron Man to be your dad.”

“…yeah me too.”

******************
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Just a reminder to all you beauties that are thinking about transitioning, mid transition, or have made it through and are now happily the person you were always meant to be—

You are lovely, you are valid, and you are not burdens or anything else along those lines. Don’t let any other fuckers tell you any different.

–Kara