go away lesbians

so, on this day of visibility I’m not feeling my best and I have a feeling I cannot be the only person in the world. for my lesbians who aren’t feeling the self-love forthcoming today – I’ve got you. And it’s not our faults; shame draws inward from external places so easily. I know it’s hard to be this in a world that constantly tells you not to be. I know it feels worse to be sad on a day where everyone feels so proud.

i won’t tell you this is okay because it is not okay. It is never been okay to be forced to feel shame over something you cannot help – whether it be your race, your gender, your mental health, and any and all things that relate to your identity as a lesbian.

maybe, today we will not be okay. maybe, we’ll be sad. but I know in my own heart that I love you, and that others love you, and we will pull through until tomorrow. We can and will slag through these feelings, and perhaps come into our pride and joy a bit delayed. Either way, the journey does not stop here. We will keep going. We will keep getting stronger. We will get happier. We will be prouder.

normally, i’d be at home, bending jocelyn’s ear, but… she’s away in london for ages - a big trial.


- first of all, jocelyn is still alive, phew



- maggie says it so nonchalantly to paul that i’m assuming their relationship is common knowledge in the town

- jocelyn didn’t give up after losing the trial last series, she got back on the horse and is getting gigs in LONDON again. BIG gigs. you go, girl!!

- also, gathering from the fact that she’s working in london, her macular degeneration is not too bad yet??

- ‘normally’. so maggie totally goes home and rants to jocelyn about stuff, amazing

- maggie sitting on a bench in the churchyard instead of going home to an empty house

the FEELS have returned and i have welcomed them with open arms

Straight people are always askin why girls

But like, have they ever seen a woman? One with nothing on and that ‘come here’ smile. A woman with her hair in a braid laying underneath a tree, a book in her lap smiling at the pages. Those girls you bump into in the bathroom with their make-up bags out laughing and fixing their faces. Girls in their wife beater tank tops working outside, working up a sweat. The ones sitting behind pianos, behind mic stands or music stands jamming out and smiling their brightest. That girl crying in the bathroom who sniffles indignantly when you ask what could possibly be wrong because she simply doesn’t cry in her opinion.

Women are amazing, beautiful, smart, funny. They’re always both strong and gentle, almost never needing cues as to which you need when you need it even if you don’t know how you need it yourself. Why the hell not girls? I get even more frustrated when straight boys ask me this because how can you not appreciate women? And I mean appreciate them in all aspects of what being a woman is, not just that 'lol tits and ass’ shit boys usually give you.
Women need to appreciated more because every single one is a goddess in disguise.

Like… there’s nothing wrong with lesbians and gay men wanting to have their own community separate from non-homosexuals. I don’t understand why non-homos get so offended at the mention of a community of just homosexuals. It makes y'all look homophobic af. If lesbians and gay men are choosing to leave a community and create a new one just for themselves, leave them alone. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and what they want to accomplish that they can’t in the alphabet soup community. Go away.

I met a lady in the grocery line today. I told her about your laugh and how it sometimes still rings in my ears. She smiled and said the cashier was ready for me to swipe my card.

A man at the gas station was rambling on about how a certain energy drink made him feel alive. I told him I didn’t need a Monster to feel the blood pumping through my veins, I already had you. He got so angry with me because I got the brand of his drink wrong and he started to yell. The station manager said he has bigger issues than trying to feel something. I left the store.

An old acquaintance got a hold of my number and wanted to get drinks. She suggested the bar that you and I used to go to. I went, and I told her that I used to come here every Friday night to watch the soccer game. She didn’t ask me who I came with. I don’t think she ever even thought about it. I slept with her that night and it was strange falling asleep on sheets that didn’t smell like you.

My best friend sent me a song that she discovered and I told her it was on one of your fifty Spotify playlists that I spent so long memorizing. She sent me 3 more songs that same day. I didn’t listen to them, I didn’t even look to see what the names of them were.

My English professor gave us an assignment: what is the most difficult thing you’ve ever had to overcome? She told us that if we didn’t feel comfortable sharing an experience then we should come talk to her, but how do I tell her that the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is learn how to fall out of love with you? Learn how to stop doing those little things I’ve picked up from you? How to train myself so I don’t cry when I see someone with the same curl to their hair as you do? That the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was delete all the messages and then all the I-love-you voicemails and then finally, months later, your number? I told my teacher that I couldn’t write her paper because it stings to talk about being hurt. She gave me a different assignment.

Don’t you see? You haven’t touched these people. They don’t feel you the way I feel you. And if they don’t, then why the fuck do I have to? This is me letting go of you. This is me existing out of your reach. This is so you can’t touch me anymore.

—  Based on Michaelangelo’s ‘Creation of Adam’ painting (via @hiighsound)
Do Not Let The Lovely Ms Anderson Near S3 Scripts...

(Source Yahoo TV)

As Yahoo TV recently noted, Stella Gibson, Gillian Anderson’s character on the thriller The Fall, is “so unapologetically feminist, unapologetically promiscuous, and unapologetically better than everyone else on the Northern Island Police force that she inspires celebratory fan tributes with titles like ‘Stella Gibson being a boss.’”

The detective’s cat-and-mouse game with serial killer Paul Spector (Jamie Dornan) in Season 2 of the drama should also inspire Emmy voters to nominate Anderson for Outstanding Lead Actress. We spoke to Anderson, who’s currently filming Fox’s reboot of The X-Files (which earned her an Emmy in 1997), about key scenes in Season 2, and her hopes for Season 3, which she’ll begin shooting in December.

You wrote an essay profiling Stella for us before Season 2, and you said that some people see her as cold. You wondered if that was something that show creator Allan Cubitt saw in you, since he wrote the character for you. When we did a deep dive into Season 2 with him, we asked him that question and he said no: He sees Stella as someone who’s warm, but she has a “surface coolness,” a kind of control that he does believes you exude as an actress. Do you see Stella as someone who is trying to control things that are beyond her control?

I think that’s pretty accurate. I think she likes to be in control, and I think that’s served her very well in her work and also in her personal life. I think she’s extraordinarily focused in her work, and I think it takes up a lot of her headspace. I think she’s spent so many years singularly focused that she doesn’t really know anymore how to step outside of that until it’s almost become a part of her personality — this concentrated, deliberate, focused, serious, professional. So I think when we get to see aspects of her personality when she tries to step outside her comfort zone — when she makes a deliberate effort to be kind, friendly, warm, complimentary, share a joke or something even intimate and on a personal level — those moments really stand out for the character, watching from the outside, because they are so few and far between. They’re there, and they allow you into another aspect of her that maybe she just doesn’t have access to that readily.

That leads nicely into the first scene I wanted to talk about: When she realizes Spector has broken into her hotel room and read her diary, which is the ultimate loss of control. Take me through filming that moment and how you got to that place. We see the tears building, and the realization that she’s lost something of herself to him, of all people.

I think in the actual scene, the audience hears Spector speaking [what he wrote in her diary]. I didn’t hear his voice, and they didn’t need to have somebody reading out loud, because I was reading the words on the page. What he writes is so blatantly provocative and potentially shaming and intuitive. And the fact that he’s quaffed that boundary, and stepped into not just the privacy of her room and the privacy of her diary but the privacy of her mind and her thoughts — it’s such a violation that it knocked the wind out of her. Literally, she’s so not used to anyone getting anywhere near even on the surface what she projects. She protects herself. So for that protection to have been bypassed, and for him to have found her soft spot completely out of the blue. … He really steps into an intimacy that she doesn’t share with anybody. It’s a huge, huge invasion of her mind — a mind that she keeps very closed.  

In your essay about Stella, you mentioned that she chooses her clothes carefully and cares about how she looks — for herself. You said she’s “at once in touch with her femininity in a way we have not seen, and yet still able to stand up for herself with strength, intelligence, grace, and self-containment.” Is her wardrobe also like a suit of armor, in a way?

What I find interesting is that it’s not. She’s neither wearing suits that are buttoned-up and double-breasted and trousers to emulate the male counterparts on a daily basis, nor is she overtly dressing sexually as armor. I think what I find fascinating about her is that it is purely to satisfy a desire that she has within herself for herself. If that confidence and that self-knowledge creates a boundary somehow, puts distance between herself and other people… I don’t believe that that’s a deliberate statement in any way or a protective device. That’s more about the other person and their take on her or their opinion about how she should dress.

The next scene I wanted to touch on is the lengthy interrogation scene, which became a great power play between Spector and Stella. How did you approach that crucial sequence?

I thought that it was exquisitely written.  How did I prepare for it? I mean one always intends to be entirely off-book, but with something like this, it’s really important to know 100 percent that you are off-book and can follow the rhythm of the scene from beginning to end without interruption. When we did a rehearsal of it, it was clear that Jamie felt the same way because we were able to do the 11-and-a-half pages straight through. What was fascinating about the process was that because we haven’t sat face-to-face in scenes before, it was as much about the actors dancing as it was about the characters dancing and observing each other, sussing each other out. We both lightly got into…predatory is the wrong word, but it’s almost like two cobras facing off. A cobra and a mongoose or something. It was something about that, and because it’s such a quiet scene, and we end up very grounded in our bodies but also very much in each other’s space. It had that kind of heightened sense to it. It was so much fun to play, and also to see how good Jamie was and could be.

There are times when each of you speaks directly into the camera. Allan has said that he wanted to do that so viewers would feel the intimidation. What were those takes like to film?

Usually those moments are asked of actors at the very end. It’s like the final take, which means that you’re either exhausted by then, or you have the rhythm and you’re vibrating at a particular level. And so, it can actually be exhilarating. I think you can’t help but jump into the perspective of the viewer and get a sense of the power that such a shot would have in a scene like that. So it can be quite fun to be able to play with that heightened intention there.

Another memorable scene was the aftermath of Stella’s rejected invitation for Reed Smith (Archie Panjabi) to join her in her room and ACC Jim Burns (John Lynch) coming on to Stella there instead. Stella says that line to Burns about how we all have these emotional and physical needs that can only be met by another human — the trick is to ask the appropriate person. Can you imagine an appropriate person for Stella?

What I love about that scene is that, of course, Burns thinks that she might be talking about him when she says, after that, that she made a mistake herself. It’s like he slightly wonders if maybe they’re on the same page, even though she admonished him initially. Who would be the right person for Stella? I mean, I would think that it would be an unmarried man, within a decade of her own age maybe, above or below. Equal intelligence, successful, has a sense of self-knowledge and understanding of appropriate behavior and boundaries himself. Whether she’d be able to handle that, I think, would be challenging for her. I think that she could do it… if they saw each other once a week. [Laughs]

There will be a third season of The Fall, and Allan has confirmed, of course, that Spector will survive being shot. I found it so interesting that Stella ran to Spector first when he and DS Tom Anderson (Colin Morgan) both took bullets. In your mind, why was that?

I mean, it is really the right thing to do. She spent how long now tracking this guy? She knows that there’s medics around. She knows that Anderson’s likely going to be perfectly fine no matter where he’s hit. She doesn’t want this to end here. She’s fascinated by [Spector]. She is fascinated by what drives him. She also knows that he’s got a young daughter, even though that’s obviously going to be a complicated relationship. But I think she doesn’t feel like her business with him is done yet. It’s also an easy out for him after what he put people through.

One of the things that Allan has said he hopes we’ll learn more about in Season 3 is Stella’s history with her father, which is addressed in her diary. Is that something that you’re looking forward to exploring more?

I think so. We’ve talked about it, and I am interested in exploring quite a bit more. I’ve had a lot of thoughts and ideas about where we head next, but Allan is the one who goes off in his little world of genius and figures out the best way for it all to unfold. I have 100 percent faith in him. Wherever he leads us, even if it has no resemblance whatsoever to a direction that I thought might be fun or interesting or fascinating for myself or for an audience, I know that he’ll lead us down the right path. It may or may not have anything to do with her father. [Laughs]

There was a lot of secrecy around Season 2. I’m sensing there’ll be a lot of secrecy around Season 3. How does that compare to what you’re dealing with now in terms of secrecy with the return of The X-Files?

It’s a little bit of a different level because first of all, The Fall world is a smaller world. So at the very beginning, those scripts are going to a small handful of people. When you’re dealing with a network like Fox, and you’re dealing with a franchise, there’s a lot more potentially at stake. There’s a lot more people who have their fingers in the pie. And also, the expectations are so high, and there’s a lot of boxes that need to be ticked, especially with the first episode. It’s always so much more satisfying when there’s as few spoilers out as possible, with any scenario. But I’d have to say lockdown is greater for The X-Files. [Laughs]

Great Article, but this: “Who would be the right person for Stella? I mean, I would think that it would be an unmarried man…”  gave me pause, as in:

Because we already ALL know who the right person for Stella is: 


I rest my case, your honor.

But see you were the first person who really fucked me up. You’re the first person to have me laughing till I pee one minute then the next be balling my eyes out. Our relationship was real in my eyes, that’s the bad part. But you were just there for games and you still are. You’re still trying. So yeah maybe instead of falling back in that hole of shit, I’ll just be a rude bitch towards you. I mean you really fucked me up pretty bad. Maybe you should see how it feels to be used too. Maybe that’s what you need.
—  10:33 and still thinking