gnu foods


Made a dinner fit for any Morporkian. Dwarf Bread, Slumpie served with mash and salad with the all important hard boiled egg

I used the slumpie recipe from Nanny Ogg’s Cookbook and for the dwarf bread I added poppy seeds to this recipe

Now I just need cocoa and a tupenny upright for dessert

How do they rise up?


Ankh-Morpork “Chocolate” Bonbons, from Thief of Time by Terry Pratchett!

It was a tossup between this or rancid yak butter tea (also from this book), and between you and me rancid yak butter is hard to come by in disgusting heathen America. I was also craving chocolate-covered nuts, which are either incredibly waxy fake chocolate with dessicated nuts, or hideously expensive and dispensed only by mystical chocolate gurus atop Mt. Godiva. 

Anyway, let the Guild of Confectioners describe their thinly-veiled distaste:

Ankh-Morpork people, said the guild, were hearty, no-nonsense folk who did not want chocolate that was stuffed with cocoa liquor and were certainly not like effete la-di-dah foreigners who wanted cream in everything. In fact, they actually preferred chocolate made mostly from milk, sugar, suet, hooves, lips, miscellaneous squeezings, rat droppings, plaster, flies, tallow, bits of tree, hair, lint, spiders, and powdered cocoa husks. This meant that, according to the food standards of the great chocolate centers in Borogravia and Quirm, Ankh-Morpork chocolate was formally classed as “cheese” and only escaped, through being the wrong color, being defined as “tile grout.” 

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Rincewind’s Potato Madness, from Interesting Times by Terry Pratchett! (Although this potato obsession is referenced in several books, to be sure.)

Yes, that’s 3 different styles of cooked potato. And no, I could have done several more potato variations, but my husband cried uncle and curled up into a fetal position, sobbing about my “maniacal fixation.”

Rincewind, after being stranded on a deserted island, develops a bit of an attachment towards potatoes in all forms. However this fondness soon crosses wires with his other desires, which results in some confusion for our intrepid antihero:

Instead of the cheesegrater Rincewind was secretly expecting, the view consisted of a couple of young, concerned faces. One of them was female, but Rincewind was relieved to see that she wasn’t Pretty Butterfly. This one looked younger, and made Rincewind think a little of potatoes.

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Dwarf Bread, from The Fifth Elephant by Terry Pratchett!

This one needs no introduction, other than Sam’s astute observations in a dwarf bread museum:

The one positive thing you could say about the bread products around him was that they were probably as edible now as they were on the day they were baked. Forged was a better term. Dwarf bread was made as a meal of last resort and also as a weapon and a currency. Dwarfs were not, as far as Vimes knew, religious in any way, but the way they thought about bread came close.

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Distressed Pudding, from Night Watch by Terry Pratchett!

This has been a very distressing pudding to make. I’ve had a long period of messing up Strawberry Wobblers, burning the first batch of pudding, and then accidentally deleting the photos of the good batch. But ah, all is better when you bathe in the ooey gooey warmth of some homestyle cookin’:

‘Well,’ said Sam, 'she says she’s going to make you some Distressed Pudding, sarge. She makes great Distressed Pudding, our mum.’

The best, thought Vimes, staring into the middle distance. Oh, gods. The very best. No one has ever done it better.

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So everyone should go out and eat this bar right now. It’s a Gnu Foods Flavor & Fiber Chocolate Brownie Bar. It’s basically a Fiber One brownie done right. The ingredients are so much better, it tastes better, it has more than double the fiber and protein, and it’s bigger. What more can you ask for? Seriously I was just eating this and was amazed that is was a fiber bar and not a brownie. They also have a white chocolate blondie bar and peanut butter bar. I am in love.

*DISCLAIMER: This is not my picture. I got it from Yahoo! Images.