glowin the dark

So Cool!

The scientist I had been told to meet didn’t look at all how I had imagined. I had pictured a tall thin man in a white lab coat, possibly with glasses, but most certainly with a more serious tone than this. This man was short and heavy set, and was trying his best to cover his balding head with what gray hair he had left. He wore a bright red hawaiian shirt with neon yellow pineapples wearing sunglasses. He happily told me the pineapples glow in the dark. I hadn’t asked, but he told me anyway. He also offered to turn off the lights to prove it. I declined. Below the waist, his cargo shorts and socks, which he wore with some kind of blue plastic sandals, were covered in coffee stains. He reeked of cigarette smoke.

“Dude!” He said with a bright smile on his face, “I didn’t think you’d show up! Awesome! This is going to be so cool, I promise. Aw man, you have no idea how cool this is. Can I get you something to drink? Eat? I’ve got soda and pizza in the break room. This is going to be so rad! Hell yeah.”

We walked down a long hallway with white walls. It was your standard hospital affair. There were nurses going about their business, doctors darting to and fro from door to door administering to patients, standard stuff. It wouldn’t have looked out of place if I hadn’t known we were standing at least three stories below the engineering department of the university. He chatted excitedly as he lead me past door after door until we reached one that stood out from the rest. Unlike the other plain wooden doors I had seen so far, this one was made of steel and was set on enormously thick hinges. The scientist swiped a card across a pad on the door and it slowly swung open on it’s own. I expected it to make some kind of noise, maybe a groaning creak or mechanical crunch, but it opened smoothly and silently.

“Alright! In you go! No! Wait, I almost forgot! You have to sign this.”, the scientist says as he knocks the breath out of me by shoving a huge stack of paper into my arms. It weighed as much as a brick. I don’t know where he had been hiding it. He didn’t have this a moment ago. The scientist doesn’t give me time to think about it it further as he shoves a pen into my hand and begins to tell me where to sign on each page. After about the twelfth page he sighs and says, “Oh, you’ll figure it out. Standard waiver stuff. We’re not responsible for anything, blah blah blah. You can fill it out while you’re in the room.”

As I’m attempting to read the nearly microscopic print, the man places a hand on the small of my back and gently pushes me into the room. The door closes behind me as silently as it had opened. The room is empty and the florescent lights are painfully bright. The walls are made of cement with a thick coat of glossy white paint. The floor is made of polished and waxed tile, also white. It’s not too small, but it’s neither is it too large. I spend my first few moments walking the breadth of it, back and forth, and determine it is roughly ten paces wide and equally long. I feel I will be here for quite some time, and knowing the ins and outs of my temporary home makes me feel more at ease. With nothing else to do, I sit on the floor in the center of the room with the door behind me and begin filling out my paperwork.

I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here, but my hand has begun to cramp after signing my name for the ninety-sixth time. I place the pen in my mouth and chew on the end as I stretch my arms over my head and my stiffening shoulders and spine pop and crack loudly. It echoes against the hard cement walls. As I lower my arms, there is another cracking sound directly behind me, like dry dead wood snapping. Lazily, I lean back and tilt my head backwards, so that my view is upside down, to see what made the noise. I had expected the door at my back to have opened, thinking that it had been the cause of the sound. It’s not.

A creeping feeling crawls across my body and I suddenly feel very cold. Something is not right. I lean forward then stand to my feet, clutching the stack of paper tightly in my hands while my teeth grind against the pen as my eyes dart across the room. There is nothing here but the white tile and walls. I walk slowly backwards until my back presses against the steel door. It is hot to the touch, almost too hot. The lights dim and flicker, then they are gone. Somewhere in the dark I here soft footsteps moving across the room, like someone walking barefoot and dragging their feet. They pace back and forth across the far side of the room, from wall to wall, for several minutes. My heart is racing. I think about calling out to the presence, but the words are stuck behind the lump of dread in my throat. I don’t want to know what might answer back.

A piece of paper falls from my loosening grip and flutters to the floor. The footsteps stop and a sudden rush of air blows over me. I then feel slender fingers gently rest upon my chin. A chill runs through my spine and I begin to shiver uncontrollably. My skin begins to hurt as the burning sensation of frostbite sets in. The fingers run up my face and attempt to push themselves into my tightly closed mouth. I’m not shivering from the cold anymore. It’s the fear that makes me shake now. The fingers relent from my mouth and trace upwards to my eyes, forcing them open to push further up and underneath my eyelids. I scream and instantly regret it as another set of fingers jams into my mouth, grips my lower jaw and pulls down hard, sending searing pain through my joints and tendons.

The is a loud metallic bang overhead, then the lights return. The thing that came in the dark is gone and my pain swiftly disappears as if nothing had happened. For a brief moment, less than a instant, I believe I see a shadow that isn’t mine move across the floor. My whole body feels weak and ready to collapse. The door opens and I fall into the hallway. Where am I? What was I doing? I can’t remember. Oh right! Yeah! I stand up and stroll down the corridor past wooden doors, nurses, doctors. I have a new patient today. I try to smooth the wrinkles from my favorite hawaiian shirt to make myself look a little more presentable. The pineapple print glows in the dark, you know. It’s so cool. This is going to be so awesome, man! Totally rad!

Get Fit P2: Day 9 is up and it's fierce... get at it!!!

Let’s get moving bitches!!! Big things are happening in the challenge today!! Get ready because we are about to knock out 100 big ones for the squats today! WE GOT THIS!! As always after every rest day EVERYTHING will increase that is why I encourage you to use them wisely. There is also a new exercise added today with the pic below. Okay peeps get on it!!

*How are we doing on eliminating the junk food? Take at least one bad item out of your eating routine a day and start to notice a difference! Also are you drinking lots of water? Keep it flowin and not glowin… no wants dark pee, so keep your body fresh and hydrated!!*

Day 9 Exercises:

45 jumping jacks

15 Standing Chop Squats (each side)

15 mountain climbers (each side)

30 sec plank hold (on elbows or hands)

15 high knees (each leg)

15 Standing Oblique Crunches (each side)

50 regular squats (stand feet facing out, chest forward, shoulder length apart squeeze butt and exhale at the top)

50 Single Leg Kicks (each side)

15 Wide Leg Cross Sit Ups (each side)

50 regular squats (stand feet facing out, shoulder length apart, chest forward, squeeze butt and exhale at the top)

15 bicycles (each leg)

12 Plank Side Dips (6 each side)

45 jumping jacks

Repeat 1 more time for a total of 2 sets altogether excluding regular squats.

Squat Chop – Stand with feet shoulder width apart, arms overhead.  You can use a 5 or 6 pound medicine ball or dumbbell.  Squat down as you bring the ball down to the right side.  Return to starting position and squat, bringing ball down to left side. Continue to alternate right and left.

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Squat Chop

Standing Oblique Crunch - Stand with feet shoulder width apart and left arm overhead; right hand on right hip. Pull left elbow down to side as you lift the left knee to the elbow. Repeat on the right side.

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Single Leg Lifts – Lie on your back with both arms overhead and legs straight out in front of you. As you sit up, alternate lifting your legs one at a time.

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Wide Leg Cross Sit Up - Lie on your back as shown in the picture below.  As you sit up, reach the left hand to the right toe. Go back to starting position and sit up crossing left hand to right toe. Continue to alternate right and left.

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Bicycles – Lie on your back. Moving your legs in a bicycling motion, alternate crossing right elbow to left knee and left elbow to right knee.

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Elbow Plank – The basic plank posture is shown in the picture below.  Hold the position, keeping your core tight.  Try to keep the hips, shoulders and ankles in a straight line.

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Side Plank Dip – Assume the side plank position shown in Step 1 below.  Drop the hip to the floor and lift back to starting position.  Repeat on the other side.

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