Seeing the person who used to make your heart stop for the first time in a year breaks you, and then heals you.
Seeing him, I was overcome with the oddest sensation: I saw him and I broke. No, wait, I was healed. I was surprised my heart remembered to beat.
He looked at me and told myself, “Breathe in.”
He started coming my way so I reminded myself, “Breathe out.”
He was standing in front of me, “Breathe in.”
He said with a seemingly bright smile, “How have you been?”
Over a year was spent imagining what this moment would feel like.
I pictured it dark, gloomy. I pictured myself weeping in my car afterwards. I pictured him being just as sad that our friendship was crushed over the past year.
Instead, I was happy. That’s what I needed.
He was happy, he wasn’t nervous, he wasn’t sad that our friendship ended. He was okay. That’s what I was craving; to see how completely unaffected he was.
I replied. I held my breath until he was gone, afraid of what I might say if my lips weren’t otherwise occupied. I snuck one more glance at him, to see if I would see something other than disgust.
I saw our stories. I felt our laughter. I heard our hushed voices as secrets passed through our lips. I tasted my tears.
And then I saw disgust. Not in him, but in myself.
All of that, shared with the wrong person.
“The guitar tab for Adam’s terrifying ‘Creeping Around’ song was a lot
of fun to make. Just reading the lyrics makes me laugh out loud as I picture
his gloomy homemade video and Hannah’s horrified reaction.” – Nina Cosford, GIRLS Illustrated Artist
Keep an eye out for more thoughts from Nina and
share your favorite moments from GIRLS week to week on Twitter and Instagram @girlsHBO using #GIRLSIllustratedEntry and you could score some illustrated swag.
your hair had been curled and pinned down in all the right places. your face looked flawless, thanks to your close friend who was also a makeup artist. you were surrounded by your best friends as you slipped out of your satin robe and into the beautiful white dress that you’d only wear this one day. you couldn’t help but cry and laugh as you looked at yourself in the mirror, overwhelmed with emotion on this day. the dress fit you in all the right places, and you felt like a million bucks. you couldn’t wait for matty to see you.
“i don’t want to cry, my makeup looks too perfect,” you laughed as you dabbed at your eyes and hugged a friend standing near by. your bridesmaids giggled as they took pictures of you looking stunning.
“are you ready?” your mom asked you as she dabbed at her eyes as well.
“i couldn’t be more ready to marry him, mom, i’m so excited,” you said in an exasperated voice. as soon as you got a moment to yourself, you checked your phone to see a text from matty himself. “i know we talked about not speaking to each other until the ceremony or whatever but i couldn’t resist sending you this (since it’s technically not speaking?) words can’t describe how happy i am that you chose me to spend your life with. thank you for everything, can’t wait to see your beautiful self today xx.” your heart filled up more than you thought possible as your eyes got dewy once again at the sweet words matty had sent. you just wanted to run down the aisle and get it done. you wanted to be mrs. healy already.
Tonight - a gallery of Red-bellied Woodpecker ladies. The light was too gloomy for good pictures, but I thought it was super cool to see that I seem to have at least two different females in the yard because I noticed different patterns of colour on their blue patch on the head. Also - a tongue shot, and look at those talons!