Stan Marsh: And best of all, I wrote that all the Scientologists should no longer have to pay money to belong.
Scientology President: What?
Stan: I realize that to really be a church, we can’t charge people for help.
President: What are you, stupid?! Then how do we make money from those people?!
Stan: …Well, it’s not about the money. It’s about the message, right?
President: Wait a minute, whoa, whoa! You don’t actually believe this crap, do you?? Dummy! Brainwashed alien souls?? E-meters and thetan levels?? Those people out there buy that crap, and I thought YOU were smart enough to see what was really going on!
Stan: But you said that there were–
President: What’s better than telling people a stupid story and having them believe you?! Having them PAY you for it, stupid!
Stan: But then, why me? Why do you need me to write something so badly?
President: Because if those people all think you’re the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard, then they’ll all buy your new writings, and you and I together will make three million dollars!
Stan: Three million dollars?
President: That’s how the scam works! But this is a scam on a global scale! Do you fucking get me now?!