Androgyny for the UK

It’s common knowledge that fashion, more than anything, is just a repetition of trends from the past, over and over again. Some may disagree with me, but there is only so much you can do with fabric and concepts. Avant-garde is soon to be glaringly mainstream high-street. Versace has just released a collection for H&M.

As an example of this the UK is currently in the process of experiencing a 90s throwback, particularly amongst internet-dwellers, even more particularly amongst (dare I say it?) bloggers. We’re in the midst of double denim and cyber-goth and brogues. Not that I’m complaining. It’s delightfully continental. I love it.

Beyond this, there is something of an androgynous epidemic occurring.

Let me explain. Last week, I shaved my head into a crew cut. Two or three years ago, I wouldn’t have dared make such a brave move, because as much as I hate to admit, I would have been terrified of what other people would think, of society’s conception of myself (also the fact that two or three years ago I was still in mainstream education and my mother would have killed me). So why, then, can I do now what would have been a complete fashion faux pas only a few seasons ago?

The answer: androgyny, in all its forms, is becoming increasingly fashionable; to the point where we have girls looking like boys and boys looking like girls. Take Marc Jacobs, Calvin Klein and Jean Paul Gaultier.

I’m not talking about transvestites, but something far more subtle; the tailoring of your trousers, the cut of your coat lapels, the colour and fit of your shirts.

A girl in a bow tie and bracers is not an uncommon sight on the streets of Camden and Soho, while a guy in a skinny fit shirt, clunky gold jewellery and a fitted blazer is equally as frequent. Girls, like me, have opted for severely short haircuts whilst nowadays I see more and more boys growing out their hair, styling, and even experimenting with makeup. My boyfriend spends around triple the amount of money that I spend on grooming products.

So why now? As I was saying, we are currently in the throes of a 90s throwback. Well, how about this: androgyny comes from the 60s.

The 1960s was a time where social norms were being rebelled against; people no longer wanted to conform to the restrictions of clothing placed upon them simply because of their gender. Masculinity was questioned, as was what it meant to be a beautiful woman. The people rebelled against cultural stagnation, and the rebirth of popular culture began.

Is what we experiencing now in fashion a tip of the hat to the 60s? I think not. Fashion can often reflect the times that we live, whether it be financial, political, and most certainly cultural.

In a time where the future of this country is uncertain at best, now is the time to take risks and make a statement (see the Occupy movement). People are taking what happened in the 60s to a new level. The stereotypes of male and female have gone out the window completely, and the time is nigh for the Big Gender Issue to be resolved… through fashion. Why should I not wear dresses if I’m a boy? Why should I keep long hair if I’m a girl? It is utter bullshit.

I don’t want to conform to society’s views of what a woman should be, and apparently society is waking up and agrees with me. Male and female is gloriously no longer defined by how we look. Thank God.

So now, when the government is hated more than ever, we see a rebellion through fashion, as we did fifty years ago: an ignominious two fingers to the establishment. 

The Martini

There are three acceptable varieties of America’s great gift to the world: Wet, Dry, and Dirty. Anything else served in a “Martini glass” is NOT A #^%!ING MARTINI, so unless you are drinking a combination of Gin and Dry Vermouth, you’re not having one! That being said, the Martini itself is a wonderful concoction with two varieties of garnish: a twist of lemon peel or cocktail olives. An interesting variation of this is to soak one’s olives in either Gin or Vermouth, but why waste good liquor? However, like many a cretin, one might be tempted to shake the Martini; just because you saw James Bond order a vodka cocktail like that in a movie, does not make it right. Commander Bond is, like the Vodka Martini, a character of fiction, and we at Glitterazi don’t order fictional drinks! Gin is a wonderful thing, so don’t ruin it by shaking your drink and watering it down. Martinis are gently stirred in an ice-filled mixing glass and strained onto the proper chilled stemware.

The Martini: In a mixing glass over ice stir 5 parts Gin to 1 part Dry Vermouth (more Gin=Dry, more Vermouth=Wet), strain into a chilled martini glass, and garnish with either a twist of lemon peel or cocktail olive. A Dirty Martini is made by adding Olive Brine to taste and garnishing only with olives.

Nov 13-19, 2011

Ashton Kutcher recently concluded the longest set-up for an episode of Punk’d yet. Demi Moore is devastated. 

Illegal immigration from Mexico to the US is down due to the economy. The news prompted Barack Obama to announce that his second stimulus package would include ten million Mexicans. 

British musician Peter Doherty is claiming that his flat is haunted by Amy Winehouse’s ghost. A friend of Doherty’s told reporters he thinks what Doherty keeps seeing is actually his neighbor, Boy George, coming home hammered after Drag Night. 

Two bullets were discovered to have hit the White House on Tuesday. Following an investigation, they turned out to be the GOP’s best shot at the Oval Office. 

Skin-care corporation Simply surveyed 3,000 British women about how they treat confidential information. Women keep secrets for an average of only 32 minutes, leading area man Mark Hornheffer to realize that after first having sex with a girl, his chances with any of her friends are completely blown 33 minutes later. 

The British Medical Association wants to ban smoking in private cars. Next: banning smoking in homes, in case you’re burgled by a non-smoker.

The mayor of Utah’s second largest city has admitted to using a pen name to write positive news articles about it. After confessing, he explained, “How was I to know anyone would care? This is a state where 60% of people are okay with a man writing his entire book under the pseudonym God Almighty.” 

Kat Von D says that while dating Jesse James he cheated on her with nineteen other women. It’s unclear whether or not she counts Sandra Bullock, his ex-wife. 

Satellite images were recently taken of giant man-made markings in the Chinese desert, creating concern it was part of a Chinese plan against the US. It turned out that the Chinese recently ran out of warehouse space, so now they’re stacking all their US bonds in the desert. 

Former adult actress Sasha Grey recently read to a class of Compton elementary school students, angering parents. Grey responded that by encouraging ghetto children to read, she hoped to keep them away from gang banging. 

On Sunday two OWS protestors got married. They met at the protest just a month prior. Asked if they worried the nation’s 50% divorce rate would ever affect them, they told reporters, “No, if we’re not happy with something, we stick it out.”

Bill O'Reilly’s new book about President Lincoln, Killing Lincoln, is being panned for its many historical errors. It’s so bad that Ford’s Theatre, where Lincoln was assassinated, now refuses to sell it in their bookstore. Upon hearing they banned his book, O'Reilly quipped, “Ford’s Theatre? Shows how much they read: it ain’t a play, and it ain’t about that president!”

Lady Gaga and her creative director have parted ways. As creative director, she’s the woman behind much of Gaga’s image, videos, music, and success. Asked what her next move would be, Madonna said she’d like to make a new album.

NBC canceled cult hit-show Community in favor of Whitney, a show about the struggles of a white lady named Whitney. Viewers agreed that they’d prefer it if the show was about black Whitney struggling with addiction to the White Lady. 

Following reports of girls inserting vodka tampons in their bodies to get drunk faster, Lindsay Lohan has adopted the practice, prompting her lesbian hook-ups to call her “Bloody Mary.” 

Brad Pitt told 60 Minutes he plans to retire from acting in three years at age fifty. Regarding his work afterward, he’d like to produce films that interest him. His first project will be a post-modern take on Santa Clause, or as he sees Father Christmas, “…an increasingly haggard man beholden to children from all over the world who aren’t even his.” 

A pair of gay penguins at the Toronto zoo are being separated to breed with females. Zoologists say that the endangered species they belong to need their good genes. Asked his opinion on it, Toronto hairstylist Clyde Vixxxen commented, “Gurl, you know I’ve split-up over good jeans before.” 

The area around the former estate of cocaine kingpin Pablo Escobar, located in Columbia, is overrun with hippopotamuses. They apparently escaped from his private zoo following his death. Originally four, there are now twenty-eight of them. Experts say in another ten years it could be a hundred. In other news, Rick Ross is actually a rapping hippopotamus. 

The largest instance of Facebook spam occurred this week. Hacked profiles had pornographic and violent images posted to them. The pictures were since removed, causing Gary Glitter to complain that his photo albums were deleted.  

A former write-in candidate for the Arizona governorship was recently discovered homeless, broke, and sick with pneumonia in Ukraine. The man lost everything in a bridal scam. He says he plans to return to Arizona, where an internet friend has offered to sell him a bridge. 

It was announced in December that Qatar is hosting the 2022 World Cup. Following concerns regarding the desert heat, this week they promised to build out-door stadiums with solar powered air conditioning, a technology which doesn’t yet exist in a viable form. FIFA is hoping Qatar will by then have legalized tourism, women, and soccer. 

For twitter-twatter of no matter, plus the lines that don’t make it in, follow Julian Belvedere on Twitter

Drink of the Week(end) - The Martini

There are three acceptable varieties of America’s great gift to the world: Wet, Dry, and Dirty. Anything else served in a “Martini glass” is NOT A #^%!ING MARTINI, so unless you are drinking a combination of Gin and Dry Vermouth, you’re not having one!

Death to (or from) Diesels

When Tinie Tempah said, “these haters couldn’t get to where I am with a full tank of petrol,” he must have been driving a diesel car, because range per tank is the only real advantage of a compression ignition engined automobile. You see diesel, despite the warped view of some European “environmentalists,” is slowly killing you. No, it is; the harmful emissions from oil burners are exponentially greater petrol/gasoline engines, which means that the current CO2 scare mongering is making everything much worse for everyone. Major ports around the world are installing high voltage shore-power in order to prevent large vessels from having to run their polluting diesel generators whilst in port, yet the powers that be want more dirty diesels on the roads near our homes? Clearly something is amiss here, and it’s not that marine diesels are that much more polluting than their road-legal counterparts. No, the need for greater MPG ratings and lower CO2 emissions has shockingly come at the expense of our collective health and that of our planet, which is why I truly hate diesel powered cars.

Of course, most them are utter crap anyway, since the French build a disproportionately large number of the polluting little diesel shit-boxes. However, good cars (when equipped with a proper engine) also fall victim to the ills of the much heavier and less versatile diesel. In simple engineering terms, the engine in a petrol/gasoline-powered car can be made much lighter, because it operates at much lower pressure. The same power plant by being internally lighter has a greater RPM range, which makes the car easier to drive and much more responsive, and having less overall weight over the front axle improves handling remarkably. Add to this the facts that diesels require specialized maintenance and have pressurized fuel systems, which makes running out of diesel a very expensive proposition, the slightly better MPG figures seem like a bit of a Faustian bargain.

In the United States, which is the actual home of the environmental movement for those of you completely unaware of modern history, the only diesel passenger cars currently available for sale (VW and Audi has put a sales hold on the TDI) require Urea Injection of their NOx-rich exhaust gasses to meet even minimal (non-CO2) emissions standards. That’s right, there has to be what is basically piss sprayed in to the exhaust, which has already gone through particulate filters and a catalyst. Even then it barely passes, and should you run out of the fluid, the computer has to be programmed to not allow the engine to start. Plus the particulate filters have a knack for clogging in lower (although. really not that slow) speed driving, which also causes the car to shut off. The Americans are also in the process of converting heavy vehicles to run on much cleaner natural gas power. The engine manufacturer, Cummings Diesel plans to make more of these engines than traditional diesels in the coming years, yet the Europeans are pushing for more diesels that produce more harmful nitrous oxide(s) and particulate emissions. These kill people, and with the advent of Socialized Medicine, we all have to pay for the treatment of the unnecessarily effected cancer patients. Therefore, help save lives and the planet by boycotting dirty, foul, and potentially murderous diesels…

Especially the Renault Clio “Eco”!