gleeand

God bless our dead marines (second movement)
Thee Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra
God bless our dead marines (second movement)

Lost a friend to cocaine, couple friends to smack
Troubled hearts map deserts, and they rarely do come back
Lost a friend to oceans, lost a friend to hills
Lost a friend to suicide, lost a friend to pills
Lost a friend to monsters, lost a friend to shame
Lost a friend to marriage, lost a friend to blame
Lost a friend to worry, and lost a friend to wealth
Lost a friend to stubborn pride
And then I lost myself

I love my dog and she loves me
The world’s a mess and so are we
She tumbles long green muddy fields
Sick with joy and glee
And as she dreams sweet puppy dreams
Whimpering gently

Gus am bris an la agus an teich na sgailean* (Part 2)

Part 1

I was torn… Should I talk to Jamie? Should I tell him I had invaded his private fortress, in a way? Maybe this was an exaggeration, but I couldn’t help but feel this way. I wanted him to talk to me, yet I also understood that he needed this solitude, to deal with his own grief. God knew I was still doing the same.

It’s a complicated and personal matter, this thing that is grief… At the same time you want to experience it alone, yet you also want to share everything with the ones who may understand you. That is also painful, even if it does help… The burden gets lighter, but part of me wanted to save those memories of my baby all to myself. I had carried her, I had gone through the agony, the pain, all alone…

But had I really? I had been lost in sadness, and that was owed to me. But I had missed my husband’s pain. Now, I had a clearer view of what he had grieved inside the dark walls of the Bastille. So, after leaving the letter back in its place, I went upstairs to our bedroom, our blue- walled refuge with the large and soft blue quilt. While I was still trying to process everything that had come up upon reading Jamie’s words, I hoped fervently that our bubble would stay that way tonight. For grief is also a volatile business. Fortunately, Jamie and I are not.

I took off my clothes and changed into to my sleeping shift and a grey shawl. Even after washing my face, the obvious puffiness of my eyes would not fool him. Shaking with anticipation, I sat down and combed my fingers through my hair. I was nervous and afraid. Of what, I was not sure. So I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, he is the one who knows me, who understands me, he is the one who completes me. It was an after shock of those lonely times in the hospital bed…  

Jamie would be up soon after joining Murtagh for a dram and checking in on Fergus and Rabbie. He had been checking in on Fergus every night, assuring him he was safe at Lallybroch, that Scotland was his home and that the devil would not come for him.

I heard steps outside the door and he entered the room. With no success, I tried to hide my face, but obviously he saw right through me.

“Sassenach, are you unwell? What is it?”, Jamie asked anxiously. I knew what was going through his mind, and how much he wanted to try to help me, even though his words failed.

He took my hand and we sat at the foot of the bed. He took the hand he was holding in both of his and whispered in Gaelic. I caught mo nighean donn in there. My eyes were getting watery again, I simply couldn’t stop.

“Jamie, I found it, I am sorry.” He instantly knew what I was talking about. He was not mad, he simply dropped his head… “Aye, I thought that was a possibility… To be honest, I didn’t know if I wanted ye to read it or not.” Sighing deeply he continued, in a low husky whisper, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that Jamie, stop it, please. We can’t torture ourselves any longer.” My chin was quivering and my voice was shaking and failing me. I wanted to cry and at the same time shake him out of his guilt.

“I *AM* sorry Claire”, he was sobbing too now, “I am sorry, I want her here. I feel like I abandoned her, you, yet again.” He tried to exhaust himself everyday to erase some of these poisonous thoughts away, simply because having broken his promise to me had broken him as well. Even if had to be done… I sensed his despair, it came in waves of darkness that were stronger some days. On other days the sun was able to pierce through. That so called resilience…

“No Jamie, don’t say that.” I put my arms around him, my tears were slipping on his back through the loose shirt. I felt the same way he did, but we had to keep pushing and pushing. “She’s here”, I added, letting him go just a bit, so I could touch his face. He put his hand over my heart.

“Aye Sassenach, she is. I ken she is.” He hugged me then and we stayed like that for a bit trying to mend each other. “Always… ” For that was what I felt. Not in a selfish manner, for we would have our own Faith with us, no matter what would happen in the future. “I love what you wrote.” He grabbed my hands and kissed them with fervor, palms and fingers, worshipping almost. This was the connection he had to her.

We had left a part of Scotland with her, but we could bring her spirit here… Home. “Wait a minute, will you?” I asked, kissing him, before leaving the room. I walked down the stairs, went into the study. I took Jamie’s letter again and sat down, grabbed the quill and started writing on a fresh piece of paper:

Oh! I do like to be beside the seaside

I do like to be beside the sea!

I do like to stroll along the Prom, Prom, Prom!

Where the brass bands play:

“Tiddely-om-pom-pom!”

So just let me be beside the seaside

I’ll be beside myself with glee

And there’s lots of girls beside,

I should like to be beside

Beside the seaside!

Beside the sea

When I came back up, Jamie was by the window, back strained with tension, looking down. I hugged him from behind, holding our two tributes. “We could do one thing, Jamie. We can ask your parents to look after her, we can keep a little bit of her with them.” He grabbed my hands for a few seconds and turned around. Placing his forehead to mine he whispered, “Thank you, mo nighean donn.”

Mid-morning the next day we took our leave from the big house. Jenny clearly noticed our fleeting moods and swollen eyes, while going about our morning tasks. But for once, Janet Murray kept it to herself, distributing tasks to the boys. We walked in silent companionship until we reached the Lallybroch cemetery.

There they were. Ellen, Brian, Willie… Jamie had brought a shovel, I had brought a bouquet of flowers, including thistles, tied with a white bow. And of course, our respective letters. Jamie dug a small hole next to his father’s grave.

“Gus am bris an la agus an teich na sgailean”, he said, reading the words Brian Fraser’s stone had engraved on it. I looked at him, “Till the day breaks and the shadows flee away.”

“And they will Claire.” he declared, blue eyes on fire.

“They are flying away now Jamie, they are.”

“And our day is breaking.” With that we placed our pieces of paper inside a box we brought from our room and set it in the hole. Jamie covered it again and I placed the flowers on top of the small indentation of dirt and stones. We held hands.

Faith Fraser was home.

Later that night we were in bed already when Jamie turned to me. “I would tell you about it all Sassenach, but I thought it unfair. Not only your soul, but your body suffered through that alone. My job is to help you, to care for you…”

“And you think that my job is not to care for you either? It hurt, I told you it did, it still does. I was angry. But you are healing me, let me heal you too.” My eyes were begging him, simply because I couldn’t bear to feel that despair alone again, nor would I let Jamie feel it either. We were not that. We are soulmates. “Trust in that, Jamie.”

“Aye, my Sassenach” he smiled, “I poured my heart into that piece of paper, into my daughter’s soul. It felt like I was speaking to her, imagining her like you described her to me. I felt less broken.” He tucked a curl behind my ear. “Mo chridhe, ye are my world.”

“Kiss me, Jamie.” And he did.

I was buried in his chest, in bed, in a fuzzy almost asleep state… He was praying. I wasn’t even quite sure if he was doing so awake as he whispered: “Take care of my treasure, and by your grace, God, let me be enough. In Your wisdom, grant us another.”


*”Till the day breaks and the shadows flee away.” (phrase present in Brian Fraser’s tombstone, in the show, from Song of Solomon 4:6)

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I asked a long-time NA fan about League of Legends, and this is what he told me…

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how TheOddOne used to make me smile
And I knew if I watched his streams
That I could make the dankest memes
And maybe I’d be happy for a while

But in New York I first did shiver
When Blaze attacked and made me quiver
For NA a dark day
I couldn’t believe their play

I can’t remember if I cried
When I watched the gaping skill divide
I knew the gap was far too wide
The day that NA died

So bye, bye to NA’s apple pie
We got one team to the quarters but the brackets ran dry
And them Samsung boys were making Impact top die
Singin’ this’ll be the day we miss Hai
This’ll be the day we miss Hai

Did you watch Huhi with glee
And do you have faith in CLG
If the Hotshot tells you so?
Now do you believe in Aphromoo?
Can warding help his team get blue?
And can he teach us how to make leads grow?

Well I know that we’re in love with Sven
‘Cause we cheered for his Lee Sin again
He flash kicked ADCs
Man, I knew those plays were a tease

It was the Royal team that made us cucks
With some pink brush warding and a lack of fucks
But I knew losing truly sucks
The day that NA died

I started singin’ bye, bye to NA’s apple pie
We got one team to the quarters but the brackets ran dry
Them Samsung boys were making Impact top die
Singin’ this’ll be the day we miss Hai
This’ll be the day we miss Hai

Now for six years we’ve been on our own
And we grow fat on a Fox’s loan
But that’s not how it used to be
When the owner drew cards of blue and red
In a play he’d rather left unsaid
And a team that gave us freeLG

Oh, and while we called LS a clown
The Dane was solo killed by Crown
The lead would not return
No game win would we earn

And while Double read a book on war
The fanboys chanted like before
And we played like that GrossieGore
The day that NA died

We were singin’ bye, bye to NA’s apple pie
We got one team to the quarters but the brackets ran dry
Them Samsung boys were making Impact top die
Singin’ this’ll be the day we miss Hai
This’ll be the day we miss Hai

Dreaming, screaming hoping for redeeming
The fans flew off from SF steaming
One team left and falling fast
They landed stranded out of gas
The players tried for a gambled Cass
With the Reapered in the backstage face aghast

Now Chicago was the final tomb
While the Asians walked into the room
We all got up and booed
Oh, but we never got so screwed

‘Cause the players tried to take the Rift
The Samsung men cut them adrift
Do you recall a match as swift?
The day that NA died

We started singin’ bye, bye to NA’s apple pie
We got one team to the quarters but the brackets ran dry
Them Samsung boys were making Impact top die
Singin’ this’ll be the day we miss Hai
This’ll be the day we miss Hai

Oh, and there we were all in disgrace
A generation losing face
With no time left to start again
So come on, Jack see Impact, Jack C9
Jack’s Rush sat on a stream online
‘Cause sponsors are an owner’s only friend

Oh, and as I watched their burning base
The Syndra shot balls at his face
No Jensen born a Dane
Could win that Faker’s lane

And as the games stretched deep into the night
To right our continental plight
I saw Monte laughing with delight
The day that NA died

We were singin’ bye, bye to NA’s apple pie
We got one team to the quarters but the brackets ran dry
Them Samsung boys were making Impact top die
Singin’ this’ll be the day we miss Hai
This’ll be the day we miss Hai

I saw the guy we could accuse
And I asked him for some tiebreak news
But Phreak just tweeted and turned away
I watched games back from season one
Where I’d held the hope we could have won
But the casters said Fnatic took the day

And on the web, the children screamed
The adults groaned and the Euros memed
Too many words were spoken
The fanboys all were broken

And the three men I admire most
The QT, Dom, and Scarra’s ghost
They played on Twitch streams for the host
The day that NA died

And they were singin’ bye, bye to NA’s apple pie
We got one team to the quarters but the brackets ran dry
And them Samsung boys were making Impact top die
Singin’ this’ll be the day we miss Hai
This’ll be the day we miss Hai

They were singin’ bye, bye to NA’s apple pie
We got one team to the quarters but the brackets ran dry
Them Samsung boys were making Impact top die
Singin’ this’ll be the day we miss Hai

a DMMD Christmas story by sleep deprived M.A.

It was the night before Christmas
in a world full of cocks
Virus was sleeping 
while Aoba was in a box

The Lion was prancin’
all through the halls
While Hersha whispered
Virussss isss old asss ballsss

Trip was turning 
alone in his bed
while Mink slept with Noiz,
who was giving him head

While Clear was on the couch
dreaming of jellyfishes
Ren was on the streets
lookin’ for his bitches

While Ryuuhou was on the floor
spinnin’ his dreidel
Koujaku busted him
while swingin his ladle

While Sei lay in bed
his eyes filled with fear
Tae san yelled 
“Why the fuck all y'all here?!”

Aoba suddenly burst out of the box
wearing nothing at all 
but his piss-yellow socks

But everyone was quiet 
without even a shout
until Virus woke up and yelled
“Who let your bitch ass out?!”

Soon alcohol was flowin' 
down their throats without care
and everyone was blowin’
and they couldn’t get air

Then Ren walked in
right from the dog door
and proudly proclaimed
“Y'all nasty to the core”

Then Sei walked in
with booze in his cup
and stated coldly to Ren
“Oh shut the fuck up!”

But Virus grabbed Ren
and Koujaku grabbed Sei
they bent them in two
and said “Fuck it, we’re all gay”

They all went upstairs
dirtying everything but the bed
leaving Tae crossing her arms
and shaking her head

They soon were all moaning
and thrusting with glee
and all as one they soon came with a
“SKREEEE!”

Aoba sat on his box
face full of strife
eyes full of tears
questioning his life

In the end everyone orgasmed
and had a great time
but the neighbors next door had had enough
so they called the police and  gave them a fine.

THE END

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I will look back on these times and say 
“man those were the golden days" 
there is nowhere I’d rather be than chillin’ on Glee
and I wanna thank you for making me part of this family 
it’s a crazy world and we don’t know where we will go 
but I will be your friend when we get there

He’s so confused
Don’t put Blaine through that shit, glee

And no, he’s not lying in a malicious way. He just doesn’t fucking know what to do. He wants to take the opportunity and he also wants Kurt to be happy and to be a part of it. Baby boy…