if i fought this indie singer, who would win? (pt. 2)
so i saw this text post floating around a few years ago and absolutely loved the concept. so, just to make it certain i’m not stealing your idea, rather just adding some other artists i think should be mentioned. original text post by @miragesofu! here we go.
Ed Droste (Grizzly Bear): There is a 40% chance Ed knocks you out. He’s so full of love and in a happy relationship with his adorable boyfriend. Although I feel like if threatened, his inner protective grizzly bear could come out. (Like that time he roasted Taylor Swift on Twitter?) So if you really want to, you can fight Ed. (But why would you want to?)
Ellie Rowsell (Wolf Alice): There is an 80% chance Ellie knocks you out. I mean have you seen how much cred she has from being in one of the best grunge/indie bands in the modern music scene? Also, her brother is a model so they could both just easily stun you with a glance. Don’t fight Ellie.
Yannis Philippakis (Foals): Turn around. Walk the other direction. He will get Dickensian on your ass. There is no way in HELL you are gonna win this one. Sure, he’s 5′7 but this man has the strength of 10 greek gods. He may come off as cuddly and soft (which he is) but it’s all a front. Don’t. Fight. Yannis.
Jack Steadman (Bombay Bicycle Club): 0% chance Jack knocks you out. He’ll most likely be preoccupied with sampling the most indie shit you’ve ever heard that he won’t even realize he’s supposed to be in a fight. Fight Jack.
Joe Newman (Alt-J): 50% chance Joe knocks you out. He’s got a bit of pent up anger from people always asking what his band’s name means. He’s got a soothing voice that could put you in a trance mid-fight so, it’s up to you. So if you’re up to it, Fight Joe.
Harry Koisser (Peace): -500% chance Harry knocks you out. I mean come on, he’s in a band called Peace. Doubt he’s gonna be in any fights anytime soon. He’s always wishing he had perfect skin so I doubt he’s gonna want to get it all cut up. I mean, sometimes he kinda deserves to be punched 4everever. so. Fight Harry.
Alex Trimble (Two Door Cinema Club): 0.5% chance he knocks you out. He’s all recovered from the hiatus and is back to his normal self. Although, he’ll probably be lecturing you on why social media is corrupt and ruining our lives. He’s also lost his northern irish accent completely. So for that reason alone: Fight Alex.
Van McCann (Catfish and the Bottlemen): 30% chance Van knocks you out. He’s not the strongest dude in the game, but he’s definitely got determination. If anything, he’ll get a good punch in but it will most likely have been complete luck. He’s a good guy though. Fight Van.
Connor Schofield (Jaws): 60% chance Connor knocks you out. He’s in one of the best indie bands right now and has written some Bops. Been on sold out tours and has 2 albums out. All of this under his belt whilst being unsigned. This guy has some tricks up his sleeve. So if you want to? Fight Connor?
Dave Bayley (Glass Animals): 60% chance Dave knocks you out. In a physical fight? Maybe not. But in a battle of wits this kid would have you begging for mercy. Went to Oxford University and is super smart just because. Brought back Pineapple’s and made them indie again. Don’t fight Dave.
Elena Tonra (Daughter): This one’s gonna end in a draw. Sure, she’s super cute and super petite but have you heard her lyrics? This girl has experienced a bit of life here and there. Once you hear those words all you’re gonna want to do is make her a cup of tea and ask her if she’s ok. Don’t fight Elena.
Matt Hitt (Drowners): -0% chance Matt knocks you out. This guy is like best friends with Alexa Chung and dated that one girl from 50 shades. He’s gotten cool from the people he knows. Sure. he’s got a cute face but the only thing he’ll get out of a fight is looking super angsty with a bruised eye. Fight Matt.
Josh Tillman (Father John Misty): -420% chance Josh knocks you out. He’ll be too busy writing about the demise of our society while simultaneously calling you out on your bullshit. He’s got some important things to say, but let’s admit it. He needs a good punch. Fight Josh.
Ben Howard: 15% chance Ben knocks you out. This guy’s middle name is angst. It isn’t. But it should be. He’s got some words that can tear your heart out. But overall, he just wants to be listened to. Don’t fight Ben.
Justin Vernon (Bon Iver): 10% chance Justin knocks you out. I mean come on, we’ve all heard holocene. That guy wouldn’t hurt a fly. Although he is very versatile and could be useful in a fight. (Most likely not). It won’t get you anywhere, so unless you really want to, Fight Justin.
Declan McKenna: -0% chance Declan knocks you out. This kid is one of the youngest in the game right now. Memes are his thing. Relatable to them #youngpeople. He’s just so easy to make fun of. So for the fun of it and because it’ll be an easy win, Fight Declan.
Mac Demarco: 0% chance Mac knocks you out. This guy is the literal definition of chill. He’ll probably offer to grill you a hotdog or some weird shit like that. He’ll get in a fight with you and at the end of it all still tell you “God Bless.” Just because it’ll be fun, Fight Mac.
Thomas Mars (Phoenix): 0.5% chance Thomas knocks you out. This guy is like 40 something now? Been in the game for long while. One of the OG Indies. There will probably be some sort of language barrier between you two, so it’s probably not even worth the fight away, Don’t fight Thomas.
Gary Lightbody (Snow Patrol): 5% chance Gary knocks you out. He’s a bit tired of being known as that ‘Chasing Cars’ guy. He’s also Irish so I wouldn’t want to fight an angry Irish man. But then again, he’s just another tall lanky Irish dude. Fight Gary.
Sameer Gadhia (Young the Giant): 50% chance Sameer knocks you out. This guy has the face and voice of an angel. Again, super smart and witty. But at the same time, has something intimidating about him. I’d say it’s a hit or miss. Don’t fight Sameer.
Dan Auerbach (The Black Keys): 0% chance Dan knocks you out. Okay this dude not only has The Black Keys, but has another band called The Arcs AND a solo project. Someone needs to tell this guy to sit down and take a break. He’s probably tired as hell. Fight Dan.