wonderful glasgow quotes

- “before you ask [if i’m naked underneath his kilt] the answer is no”

- “[joey tribianni voice] alriiiiiiiiiight…..alllRIIIIIIIGHT”

- “it’s saturday niiiiiiiiiiight….how we feeeeeeeling?”

- “sophie? who’s sophie??…. I heard from beth’s mouth that it’s BETH”

-“please, before we go any further, there’s one thing i’d like to do, I find it to be incredibly important. incredibly important indeed. so please, if we could just get some quiet. I’d like, maybe just a ten second round of applause, for the old irn bru recipe. [a bright orange scottish drink, that had to change its recipe due to the sugar tax in britain that was recently implemented] I don’t know what was in it, I don’t know if I wanna know what was in it, but they do wonders with that stuff don’t they?”

- “I am very, very very happy to be back in Scotland [gestures to his kilt] as you can tell [does a cute little dance to show it off]”

- “where are you guys from? italy! you’re doing this [gesturing with his hands] so i’m assuming so”

- “where are you from? [american accent] TEXAS! alriiiiiiight! cool! how long are you in scotland for? 2 hours? we should…we should uh..get a move on then. are you enjoying scotland? what do you mean no? [crowd boos] HEY! HEY! HEY! LESS OF THAT! LESS OF THAT! [to the texans] not that you don’t deserve it to be honest. you’re in scotland- piece of advice, don’t say that. huh? [incredulous] oh well it’s cold! sorry!”

-“hello sir! how you feeling? [scottish accent] AMAZING! BLOODY AMAZING! RIGHT! CHRIST! AMAZING! RIGHT! CHRIST!”

- “right we’re gonna do…[his sporran nearly comes off and he fixes it] almost lost me sporran!”

- [the PA system cuts out just before if I could fly and harry spends 5 minutes not knowing that nobody could hear him so he screams without his inner ear mic] HEEEEEEELLLLLOOOOOO!

-[a member of the crew eventually gives him another mic that works] can we just give it up for ROB everyone! he’s a 6 foot 7 giant that just runs around all the time fixing everything!

-“its been a great show so far, I have thoroughly enjoyed myself [whips a banana out of his sporran and starts eating it] see this sporran? great for snacks, you can carry all sorts of things, [holds a banana and orange up] a banana, and orange, a ladder [motions going up a ladder] hmm maybe not. would anyone like an orange? orange? coming at you! [chucks into the crowd and they fight for it] oh no! oh dear!

-“I would like to introduce you to my wonderful band, first of all. FROM GLASGOW [crowd cheers] I SAID SHES FROM! GLASGOW! [crowd goes insane] please put your hands together, make some noise for miss CLARE UCHIIIIIIIIMAAAAAAAAAA”

i know people are very much like “oh it’s just snow, people overreacting as always” but with a red weather warning hitting parts of scotland it’s better to be safe than sorry

- don’t travel if you can avoid it
- keep supplies in your car: medications, blankets, bottled water, portable phone charger
- keep spare blankets and candles in your house
- find out how to check for frozen pipes, blown fuses etc if you’re new to living alone
- check in with people to let them know how you’re doing but also make sure other vulnerable people are okay
- you don’t need to panic buy but make sure you have basic essentials such as bread, sandwich fillings, soup etc
- just be sensible

i was outside for maybe 20 minutes and the cold has already fucked up my joints. disabled and chronically ill folks in the affected area, take care of yourselves.