(based loosely off of this beautiful piece of art by UpTheHill)
In the mornings, the sun rays hitting your pale skin, the way you’d slowly saunter towards me, bending over and observing me, as if you were trying to remember every possible detail as quickly as you can. You think I’m asleep, but I’m not. I see the little flutters of your eyelashes, the small little freckle on your face that you always try to glamour before going out, the way your pale blonde hair sticks out in a very un-Malfoy-ish fashion after you’ve just woken up. The way you’d slowly maneuver your lips over mine, straddling my hips, ghosting your warm lips over mine as you whisper silently, “Time to wake up sleepyhead.” The way you’d threaten me, while smiling lightly, to hit me with the pillow you held in your hands if I didn’t get up soon. The way I’d flip you over and you’d start giggling as if it was the funniest thing ever as I’d pin you down and kiss you. The way you’d lead me slowly into the kitchen, your sweatpants hanging low on your hips, giving me a glimpse of last night’s adventure. The way you’d sit me down on the breakfast counter, giving me pancakes and a warm cup of coffee. The way you’d giggle over the useless things I’d tell you as we sat there, submerging ourselves in the worlds in each other’s eyes. The way you’d play with my fingers, tracing the small calluses on my hand and the scars from school, nodding along to my half-hearted explanations as our hearts beat in sync. The way you make my heart flutter just by looking at me, the way your breath hitches when you see me enter a room.
why do all you people, and I mean the fandom AND the new writers, insist on bringing out Harley’s good side like she’s some kind of saint? I love Harley precisely because she’s a sly fucker who wanted to make money writing best-sellers out of her patients’ mental illness. She was an opportunist who desperately desired a life of glamour, and going with the Joker, besides an entire world of pain and abuse, gave her exactly that: she was finally in the limelight, outside the ordinary, going down in history. That was pretty much clear since the start in her characterization??? So why is everyone and their cousin pretending she was the Good Doctor TM or that she gives a shit about people ouside her inner circle? Harley used to be funny and cunning before being squeezed into the role of another boring antihero that has nothing to do with her characterization. If DC wants so badly to prove they can write what they believe to be “”””empowered women””””, what about trying show that women can be manipulative and ambitious too? That they can be horrible and selfish? I just don’t get it.
I have this headcanon that for a while after HTTYD1, when Hiccup and Astrid have first started dating, and it’s all very nervous and giggly and tentative and your run-of-the-mill early teens figuring out this whole ‘dating’ thing, that Stoick is very very scared that it is all going to fall apart. He’s worried that Astrid is just into Hiccup because he’s now a hero, and that eventually the glamour is going to fade, and that his dorky little son and this tough very-Viking girl are going to realize that they are too different, and it will all crash and burn and Thor above, he does not have the slightest clue how he is supposed to comfort a heartbroken 15 year old boy whose first girlfriend just dumped him.
Stoick already likes Astrid very much, and he’s hoping and praying to every god there is that it works out, but he’s also pretty much convinced that this relationship is living on borrowed time.
Then Snoggletog rolls around, and he’s looking around at his entire village on fire, holes blown in the roofs of houses, and a small heard of baby Gronkles are waddling around the town square. And when he asks who is responsible for this madness, he’s expecting Hiccup to pop out of the wreckage and give him that sheepish smile, or for the twins to step forward and cackle with mad pride.
Instead, the other teens push forward a wide-eyed Astrid Hofferson, who gulps and whispers, “…the eggs explode.”
And Stoick looks around at the chaos, the destruction, all the damage that came out of such good intentions….
and bursts into laughter, because good gods, this girl is going to be his daughter-in-law someday, he just knows it.
Paladin: Do not fight the Paladin. You might be able to whittle her down eventually, over the course of several years, but you will be so bored. You will be so bored you will start to do anything just to get her to stop her 3-button combo. the combo will never stop. it will never, ever stop.
Monk: Do it. Fight the Monk. They are chill and cool friends and are always happy to punch and be punched. Fight the Monk and then afterwards kiss the Monk and buy them an early Christmas present, maybe swap glamour tips, it’s going to be a good time i promise you.
Warrior: Absolutely fight the warrior you will win 90% of the time because 90% of the time they will forget defiance. this matchup is a game of wits and you will have a headstart. however, if you are the unlucky few who fight the 10% who remembered you will be absolutely slaughtered and you will have a closed casket ceremony.
Dragoon: fight the dragoon, under any and all scenarios. Any environment, any weather condition, fight the dragoon. obviously if you can fight them near a ledge, absolutely do this and you will win. If you cannot find a ledge, you can instead call them a novice game and they will fly into a rage and mess up their 300-string combo. this is when you strike.
Bard: This one is a tossup, honestly. your opening move should always be to make a scathing comment about their dps. If they take the bait, you have won. If they remain silent and play Foe’s Requiem, you need to get out as fast as you can because death is coming and i wont be able to help you.
Ninja: honestly i have no idea. i dont know what ninjas do. they have secret handshakes i guess??? and a magic fog machine? and they can summon water or something i dont know, there’s backflips, i would not recommend this. maybe bribe your way out of the fight with a wall scroll? you can probably pick one up at like hot topic
White Mage: How dare you. How absolutely dare you even consider this. DOn’t you dare fight a white mage they are just doing their best and this is a wretched scenario.
shame on you.
Summoner: ?????????? ???????maybe? if you can find a summoner, then i guess you could fight them. its going to be a very unpleasant fight and it would sort of be like fighting a, a, i dont know, a yangtze river dolphin, or like a pinta tortoise, except that theyre poisonous. try to ignore the summon, as the summoner himself is the soft, fleshy target, the vulnerable heart of the summoner’s complex web of diseases and weird cross class skills.
Scholar: similar to summoner only easier to bully. slap away their summon and push them in the dirt. this is an easy and sad fight.
Black Mage: this is a winnable fight in a few different ways. do not bring friends, you will regret this. on a similar note, however, feel free to fight in crowded areas. i guarantee the black mage will pull aggro and get themselves killed without you having to lift a finger. if on the off chance you are alone with the black mage, throw AoEs at them. after three or four they should start screaming incoherently about a “rotation,” and this is when you make your move.
A lot of SBs on here talk about the work of looking for sugar, and maintaining a good sugar relationship - the amount of texts, the workouts, the combination psychologist and cook and witty conversationalist and savvy businesswoman you have to be.
And yes, in a lot of ways, you need to approach this a lot like a job - it’s not always going to be fun and glamour, and it is going to require your effort and skills to maintain.
But it’s important to remember one of the ways sugaring is *so* much harder than working for a regular 9-5 paycheque.
You don’t get sick days. There is no room for mental health days. You don’t get to come into the office and phone in a shitty performance that you’ll make up for later because you’re tired, or had a fight with your roommate or you just had your heart broken or you’re having a nervous breakdown from exam stress.
The last week or so, I’ve been struggling with a depressive episode. I leave the office and all I want to do is go home and climb into a onesie and lose myself in Netflix and icecream and I honestly don’t even have the energy to answer texts from close friends. And I have been a *shitty* SB. I have POTS for whom I have dropped off the face of the earth, a lot of them at critical times, and now I’m scrambling to repair the damage. To come up with reasons for my disappearance that aren’t “You just required too much energy and I couldn’t bring myself to care”. Friends will understand that explanation. Boyfriends and parents and even bosses. But you can’t tell an SD “You weren’t a priority next to my self care”
Whether you’re in the sugar bowl already, or just thinking of entering it - remember that it is emotional labour. It can be as much, if not more exhausting than having a physical labour job. Sometimes you will pick up stuff too heavy for you to carry. Sometimes you will get injured and you will not be able to manage the demands. Be prepared for that.