give up on myself

ready for more of that sweet, sweet omphaloskepsis?

I struggle in some ways to find a balance between giving my opinion online, standing up for myself and expressing my feelings or beliefs, and wanting to avoid unnecessary conflict and not wanting to engage pointlessly with things or hurt people. 

the problem is that I have a hard time figuring out where that balance is. and a lot of that, I think, comes from the fact that I have many, many years under my belt of shutting myself down in order to make people more comfortable, biting my tongue because I’m afraid of rejection and abandonment. and I resent that, deeply, but it’s a trap I find it hard to escape (because of aforementioned fear of rejection and abandoment.)

this means that I’m ridiculously conflict averse but also very angry about it. 

and like…I don’t know how to negotiate between these two things - the legitimate desire to not want to hurt people, to want to avoid pointless arguments and not get embroiled in stressful internet fights, and the desire to be able to actually, you know, talk about my opinions without feeling like I’m Making a Fuss or Inconveniencing People. 

I like to think I’m getting better at it. or at least trying to get better at it. but it’s still something I definitely struggle with. 

Depression convinced me that i was bad, irredeemable, worthless, and that if people got to know me, they’d see it and abandon me. it wasn’t true, as it turns out, and i have value. i can be a good friend. but i spent so long keeping everyone at a distance and pushing them away, afraid they’d get to close and realize what utter garbage i am… even the most tenacious of people had to give up at some point. i hurt them continuously by isolating myself. I’m so sorry for all the times i ignored people trying to be close to me, if you were one of those people: i’m so sorry, and i understand completely. it’s okay to give up on chasing someone who won’t respond to you. it’s okay to take care of yourself and not get too invested in someone who doesn’t want to be close. i’m truly, truly sorry, you deserve so much more than that.

10

do you know that (8/8) : bts edition

  • Percy: do you think I'm dumb?
  • Annabeth: no, you're actually very intelligent and quick witted, despite your lack of confidence in those areas.
  • Percy: wow, I thought this was going to end in a 1950's sitcom manner with you shaking your head, smiling, while looking into the camera and saying "oh Percy"
  • Annabeth: this is the new age, meta memes disregarding the boundaries between fiction and reality and ignoring the simplifications of characters are in
4

You will all cross paths with Taylor at some point, so hold on to faith that you will soon have your chance to hug Taylor and to thank her for what she’s done for you over the years. Take comfort in the fact that in the same way we adore Taylor, she loves and appreciates us too, so never give up hope. You never know what incredible things she has planned. If you ever need a reminder of who will meet her, read the first word mentioned.

Never Underestimate the pain of a person, because in all honesty, everyone is struggling. Some people are better at hiding it than others.
—  Will Smith

anonymous asked:

Do have any Klance parenting headcanons?

“Hunk Pidge McClain, you were named after two of my best friends, who were with me from the very beginning. And also because your dad wouldn’t let me name you Megatron, because he likes to suck the fun out of everything.”

Lance.”

2

Sure beats the heck outta the name I’ve been using for her ( ’-_-)

Day 63/100

The dreaded weigh in was met with some VERY happy results.

My heaviest was 250.
My starting weight was 234.
Last week’s weight was 226.
And after a week of ups and downs and kicking butt, this weeks weight is…

220!!!

I never thought I would be happy posting my actual weight for people to see, but this is a huge accomplishment.

Only 20 more pounds to go until I reach my first goal!

I wish that no one cared and moved on easily with their lives if I died but I know my death would affect people so I can’t be so selfish and take my own life so I wish that something would make me die already …

Be the person you needed when you were younger.“ 
-
And so I never give up on anyone and fight for what I believe in. I hold onto the good I see in people and help them believe in themselves. I share a gentle, kind love that, hopefully, helps heal peoples’ wounds.
—  Because that is what I needed, once upon a time - Jess Amelia