ready for more of that sweet, sweet omphaloskepsis?
I struggle in some ways to find a balance between giving my opinion online, standing up for myself and expressing my feelings or beliefs, and wanting to avoid unnecessary conflict and not wanting to engage pointlessly with things or hurt people.
the problem is that I have a hard time figuring out where that balance is. and a lot of that, I think, comes from the fact that I have many, many years under my belt of shutting myself down in order to make people more comfortable, biting my tongue because I’m afraid of rejection and abandonment. and I resent that, deeply, but it’s a trap I find it hard to escape (because of aforementioned fear of rejection and abandoment.)
this means that I’m ridiculously conflict averse but also very angry about it.
and like…I don’t know how to negotiate between these two things - the legitimate desire to not want to hurt people, to want to avoid pointless arguments and not get embroiled in stressful internet fights, and the desire to be able to actually, you know, talk about my opinions without feeling like I’m Making a Fuss or Inconveniencing People.
I like to think I’m getting better at it. or at least trying to get better at it. but it’s still something I definitely struggle with.