So my parking situation at my apartment is kind of fucked, and some nights–like tonight–I have to park three cross-streets down. So, I’m putting it in park, and I looked to my left… There’s one other girl who lives in my apartment complex who drives the same model jeep as I do, and she’s parked down here too. I find some level of comfort in that.
I sigh, and look immediately to my right, only to be visually assaulted by this giant terrible plant that I hate. It’s thick and gross, and taller than me, and its creepy tendrils are the only thing shrouded in the dim moonlight, and it’s unfurling at least three of it’s disgusting appendages right across the hood of my car.
I first encountered this plant–and I do mean this plant, specifically–on the night I first arrived in LA. It was 2am and I’d been driving for the past 26 hours, just one bizarre foliage encounter away from losing my goddamn mind, and there he fucking was. I knew the west coast would feel like another world to me, but I didn’t realize that it would happen so soon, and that it’d be primarily the fault of this horrid, grotesque beast of a plant.
And for the last 10 months I’ve been avoiding it, but I guess deep down I knew this day would come. That this plant and I were fated to do battle one day. That–against all odds–our karmic destinies were intertwined.