girlhood crushes

The Chambermaid Lynn

An obsessive-compulsive, voyeuristic chambermaid (Vicky Krieps) begins a lesbian affair with a dominatrix (Lena Lauzemis).

Anita’s Last Cha-Cha

A 12-year old Anita falls in love with the new woman in town; years later, a girlhood crush blossoms during the Fiesta of Santa Clara in Obando, Bulacan.

Bare

A young girl in Nevada becomes romantically involved with a female drifter who introduces her to a life of stripping, drugs, and metaphysical experiences that teach her what happens when real life catches up with dark fantasy.

All About E

A beautiful sexy DJ is forced to run when she stumbles on a stash of cash. Can she keep the money, conquer her demons, AND get the girl?

The Summer of Sangaile

17 years old Sangaile is fascinated by stunt planes. She meets a girl her age at a summer aeronautical show. Sangaile allows Auste to discover her most intimate secret and in the process finds the only person that truly encourages her to fly.

Jenny’s Wedding

Jenny Farrell has led an openly gay life - except with her conventional family. When she finally decides to start a family and marry the woman they thought was just her roommate, the small, safe world the Farrells inhabited changes forever. They are left with a simple and difficult choice - either change with it or drown.          

    

Prompt: “You weren’t even supposed to be there!”

Subject: Kakashi happens upon his fiance cheating on him and realizes that he had been missing something all along. 

Pairing: Kakashi x formerstudent!reader

Rating: T

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You kicked up the dust from the cobblestone street, your hands shoved deep in your pockets. The night air was thick, which typically meant that villagers windows were open to disperse the humid air, allowing you to easily listen in on their conversations.

As a Jonin, you were a part of the intelligence squad of the Leaf village due to your extremely heightened sense of sound. You could pick up voices from miles away, which you could find irritating sometimes, but you had learned to tune into what you want to hear over the years.

Shhh- mom and dad will hear you!” You listened in as you walked quietly.

And what is your excuse tonight for not doing the dishes, Senai?” said another voice. “I’m tired of being the only one trying in this relationship

You shook your head, tuning out the voices as you came to a turn. You looked up at the houses, admiring the inside of villagers houses from the street view. You smiled, noticing the blue house nearing was your former sensei. You smiled fondly, remembering your girlhood crush on him from the moment your violet eyes saw his silver, messy hair.

Over the years, you had had to force yourself to dismiss your desires for him. He was 13 years your senior, but you couldn’t help but notice how clear it was that you two were good for each other. You both enjoyed the same activities, had the same values, the same sense of humor, and quite frankly, the same taste in books. But you both knew nothing could happen, even now that you were in your early twenties.

But there was something else that was stopping you. Kakashi had gotten engaged just a few years ago to a villager. She had taken a liking to him when he had saved her during a battle near the village from a stray kunai. You couldn’t help but feel jealous towards this boring civilian that had taken your chance away. But then again, you may have never had a chance at all.

You frowned at the thought of the night he had spoken to you about it.

The two of you had gone on one of your nightly walks together. Normally, you both would find a new subject to talk about with every few feet you traveled. But tonight was not the case. You had something else on your mind: the girl from the village he had saved.

After awhile, he had asked you to sit on the steps of the academy as you had passed by it, making the excuse that he was tired.

“[y/n],” Kakashi began, sitting you down next to you. “Is it okay if I ask you something?”

“Sure,” you said.  

“I noticed you’ve been a little down lately. Is everything okay?”

You nodded your head, your mood shifting. “I guess.”

“You’ve been quiet lately,” he pointed out, tilting his head.

“Just tired,” you replied.

“Something bothering you?” He asked you.

You shrugged your shoulders.

“Something - personal?”

“Kind of,” you replied.

Kakashi frowned from behind his mask, staring down at you.

“Anything I can help you with?”

You laughed sarcastically, sounding bitter. “No.”

Kakashi looked away, swallowing.

“[y/n],” he began again, this time, more determined. “I’m sorry if-…”

“For what?” you looked down at your feet, your face burning.

He too avoided your eyes, “listen, you are my student.”

“I’m not going to be your student forever,” you turned to him. “I’m a Jonin!”

Kakashi smiled uncomfortably, “you are 13 years my junior, [y/n]. And I know, tomorrow you will be promoted to Jonin. I cannot tell you how immensely proud I am of how far you have come.  So please, let’s not do this.”

“But don’t you see it?” Your throat ached suddenly. “Don’t you see how similar we are? How well we fit together?”

Kakashi looked over at you finally, his single eye hazily gazing down at you.

“I do,” he said quietly. “But I can’t. You’re a child to me. I watched you grow. And I also - I’m seeing someone else.”

You looked away, your chin quivering in the dark. You angrily pushed your palm into your eye, wiping away your tears.

“I’m happy for you,” you muttered. You nodded your head as if to assure yourself that this was expected. “Really. You deserve it.”

“Thank you, [y/n],” Kakashi smiled sadly, “I appreciate that.”

“I’m going to go now,” you stood abruptly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With that, you quickly walked away, leaving your sensei sighing heavily on the steps.

You frowned at the memory. That had been two years ago, and yet it still stuck with you as though it had happened yesterday. You looked up at his window, missing him as a friend rather than a love interest. Ever since that night, he had grown distant from you and you weren’t sure if it had been because of his new girlfriend’s wishes, or he just felt too awkward to be around you. Still, you walked the same trail every night without him and either way, you ached for his company.

“You weren’t even supposed to be there!” You heard a woman screech just as you rounded the corner. With your back turned, you stopped and looked over your shoulder at Kakashi’s small apartment.

“Oh, is that your excuse? That I wasn’t supposed to be there?” Kakashi retorted. “So, who is he? How long has this been going on? Realize, I am not one to lose my temper. But today -”

“He’s no one! Don’t do this, Kakashi-kun.”

“So you’ve been having sex at work with one of your coworkers and I’m supposed to be fine with this? I caught you with him, Kumiko!”

She didn’t reply and you chewed your lip, listening hard.

“You have nothing to say?” Kakashi asked incredulously.

You felt embarrassed to listening into such a private conversation, but you couldn’t tear your ears away from the argument.

“You’re never home!” Kumiko finally returned, voice shrill enough to raise the hair on your head. “How am I supposed to know if you’re going to make it home from a mission? How am I supposed to know if you’re going to come home without a limb? How am I supposed to -”

“That’s what you signed up for! You wanted my money so badly for you sick father, a lot of good it did him! Did you think I would be able to be home every waking moment of the day to listen to you complain about how you have to actually go to work and earn a living that isn’t handed to you?”

“Screw you!”

Your knees were shaking as you listened. You had never heard such rage in his voice. As he had said, he was never one to lose his temper. The way his voice shook struck you to the core as he slammed the window shut. You heard muffled voices from behind the window pane and a moment later, a door slam, followed by footsteps traveling quickly down his rickety wooden steps. You held your breath and turned, quickly walking down the street.

He would know if he saw you that you had been listening. He had trained you to improve your hearing ability, after all. You took a shaky breath through your mouth, feeling your lungs twitch with anxiety at the situation you had just listened to. You could hear him walking down the street in the opposite direction, and you quietly thanked him for not coming in this direction.

For the next few blocks, you pushed everything about Kakashi Hatake out of your mind. You thought about tomorrow and your next mission. You thought about your friends, and your comrades and your parents. 

And you thought about Kakashi.

Slowly, you found yourself sitting down on the steps of the academy. You put your head in your hands, staring at the concrete under your sandals with a frown. You felt sorry for him. He deserved better. But you also felt a rage within you that you hadn’t before. How dare she? 

“Funny seeing you here,” you heard a familiar voice echo in your ear, this time much closer than you had heard just a few minutes ago. You looked up, seeing Kakashi standing before you.

You could easily tell that he was not himself. He seemed more tense, his hands at his sides rather than in his pockets. His headband was hanging from his pocket, and his Jonin jacket was missing from his usual attire.

“Hi,” you managed. You felt as though you hadn’t spoken to him in years with the exception of missions.

He sat down next to you, placing his arms on his knees and staring out into the distance.  

“Long day?” You asked, trying not to give away what you already knew.

“You could say that,” he nodded quietly. You remained quiet, watching his unchanging profile under the moonlight.

“Everything okay?” You asked, daring yourself to speak. Kakashi shrugged, not looking at you.  

“Did you guys have a fight?” You asked, biting your tongue as you realized how personal that sounded. The words came out before you thought about them, like foreign words someone was forcing you to say. 

“I’m done with her,” Kakashi finally said. You were taken aback by his abrupt response.

“Oh?”

“There are two types of people that I don’t associate with in this world,” he began. “Those who leave their comrades behind, and cheaters.”

You nodded your head, “I’m sorry, sensei.”

“Please,” he waved a hand at you. “Don’t call me that. I haven’t been your sensei in years. It makes me feel older than I am.”

You felt uncomfortable. And a fleeting thought passed your mind: were you going to be his rebound?

“Well, I’m still sorry,” you tried again. “You deserve better.”

“I don’t think so,” he looked away.

You knitted your eyebrows together, “why is that?”

“I have done many things in my life. But having strong relationships hasn’t been one of them.”

You inhaled, nodding your head and feeling unsure as to how to respond.

“I don’t think that’s completely true, Kakashi-sensei,” you paused, aware of what you had called him. “You have had plenty of good relationships in your time. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I never loved her,” he looked out over the horizon, stony-faced.

“Y-you wh-? I’m sorry?”

He looked over at you, frowning. “I didn’t.”

“Are you just saying that because she cheated on you?”

Kakashi cringed and your hand flew to your mouth, your cheeks burning.

“I’m sorry,” you sputtered.

“No, I knew when I saw you that you had heard,” he lifted his head, looking at the stars above.

“So it’s true then,” you looked over at him. “She cheated on you?”

“She used me,” he nodded. “The whole time, she used me. I saved her two years ago from a stray kunai and you’d think she won the lottery when she saw me. Her father is sick- or was sick - he’s dead now. She wanted me to help her pay for everything. And I obliged because I was - I don’t know why I did it. I just did it. But I never felt connected to her. She’s ordinary, you know?”

You nodded, frowning. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“I think I was just lonely,” Kakashi admitted quietly. “I think, I was just upset that I couldn’t have what I wanted in life, so I settled for what was there.”

You nodded, “more pay and more honorable glory?”

Kakashi shrugged his shoulders, “No, not entirely.”

You sighed, unsure of what to say. Finally, you stood up, awkwardly flattening your clothes in the process.

“I should probably be going now,” you started. “I have a mission tomorrow and I should have been in bed ages ago. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.”

Kakashi nodded his head, not looking at you. “It was nice seeing you again. It seems as though we only cross paths during missions nowadays.”

“I suppose you’re right,” you agreed. You stood there in a moment of silence, staring down at him as he looked over at the darkening horizon.

“Well, I will see you around, Kakashi-sen-, er- Kakashi.”

“Yes,” he nodded, looking up at you finally. His single eye curled up in a forced smile. “See you around.”

You turned around and began to walk, feeling your heart ache for both him and yourself. Despite how you’ve told yourself many times that you were over your girlhood crush of your sensei, you couldn’t help but feel that ache of desire for him again. The realization that he was an option in your late teens was enough to set your heart afire. And yet, now in your early twenties, your heart just ached with that familiar desire. Talking to him again in a setting that wasn’t business caused you to remember the days when the two of you took walks together, which caused you to miss the days when you thought you had a chance.

You bit your lip and swallowed, your head down as you neared your apartment. You felt sorry for him. He deserved so much better, so much-

“[y/n]! Wait,” you heard a voice say. Your heart quickly jumped into your throat, and you turned around. Kakashi was briskly walking up to you.

“Kakashi?” You tried to act confused, but you couldn’t help but feel a twinge of happiness to see him once more.

He closed his eye, taking in a deep breath.

“Listen,” he began, “I- …remember the night before you became a Jonin? How we sat on that stoop in front of the academy?”

You nodded.

“I’m sorry for that,” he looked at you. “I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am for what I did.”

You narrowed an eye, suspicious of his words, “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”

Kakashi looked up as if trying to will himself to say what he really meant.

“I wish I hadn’t told you that I had someone else. I wish I hadn’t rejected you in such a way that it made you feel like a child.”

“Oh,” you said, looking down. You felt suddenly sad that this may not have been what you thought.

“No! I mean,” he sighed. “I rejected you because you were so young. You’re 13 years my junior, [y/n]. I felt like a dirty old man for wanting a relationship with you as badly as I did. I wanted to be with you. I sound like a creep, but you were my best friend. You understood me in ways that no other woman has.”

You swallowed, eyes connecting with his.

“I really loved you, [y/n],” he finally said. “I mean that. And I’m sorry.”

“Are you just saying all this because she cheated on you?”

Kakashi clenched his teeth, “I knew you would think that.”

“Well?”

“No, it’s not,” Kakashi said, “listen to me, I don’t want her. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want anyone else except you, and that is how it has been for more years than I would like to admit.”

Your chin quivered suddenly in the silence between the two of you. You exhaled, processing his words. Finally, he took a step closer to you, his full frame towering over you. The two of you stared at each other as beats of silence passed. Carefully, he lifted a gloved finger to your cheek, tracing it down the side of your face with calloused skin. He put his hand to the nape of your neck, fingers woven into your hair as his thumb caressed your jaw. You let out a shaky breath, admiring his face from such a close distance.

Carefully, you lifted your fingers to his mask and he smiled down at you. Your knees felt like jello and your chest felt as though someone had filled it with hot, burning air. Finally, you pulled down his mask, first over his nose, then down his lips and over his chin. Your fingers traced his beauty mark before he grabbed your wrist and pulled it away.

“I always wondered what you were hiding under that mask,” you whispered fondly. He smiled down at you, his eyes grazing over every inch of your face. Carefully, he leaned into you and you could feel yourself shaking. His breath was warm as he hovered over your lips, teasing you.

“Now you know,” he whispered before finally planting his lips upon yours. You stood motionless, reveling in the way his lips felt on yours. Finally, you found your courage and kissed him back, wrapping your arms around his neck to bring him closer. Your spine shivered with electricity, and you ran your fingers up through his silver hair. He moaned at your kiss, wrapping his arms around your waist.

Finally, when you both couldn’t breathe anymore, you pulled away. You stared at his swollen lips as he stared at yours, both in shock at what had happened.

How scandalous, a former sensei and his student.

“I love you,” he whispered to you breathlessly. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to tell you.”

You laughed, smiling a toothy grin with your fingers still tangled in his hair.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”

anonymous asked:

The thing is, there is NO way they didn't debate in the writers' room for ages about having C tell L she loves her during the death scene. It went on FOREVER. They had about 10 opportunities to put it in & they didn't. Throwing it in as a consolation prize to a dead woman is kind of messed up, tbh. Feels more like Clarke clearing her conscience than coming to any kind of realization. If Bellarke get an ILY when they know there'll be consequences the next day, that'll be huge and a first for both

Yes! I’m curious to see how the show will make the ILY between Bellamy and Clarke different from her past ILYs. Bellamy hasn’t said ILY to ANYONE, not even Octavia (I think. Anyone know if I’m wrong about that?). I think it’s significant that Bellamy hasn’t said those words to anyone yet. Tumblr will blow up when he does say it :-) 

I think Clarke’s loves (Finn, Le.xa, and Bellamy) are meant to reflect a young girls changing view of love that happens as she matures. In Finn, she had her girlhood, puppy-love crush (you know, the boy/girl you thought was so cool and attractive and squealed over, especially when he/she pulled your hair while you were walking in a line to the cafeteria). Bellamy (you already know why) will be the closest definition to true love (the kind that promises commitment, like-mindedness, and unconditional love until death) this world can offer Clarke, but typically, this kind of love goes unappreciated until you have a love like Cl.exa.

L.exa was the first real love. The kind that surprises you, excites you, and consumes you (burns brightly, but also burns quickly until there is nothing left. You lose yourself to this type of love). The kind in which awful things are done to each other, for each other, and with each other. Also, the one that as you grow older, you reflect fondly back on once in a awhile because “damn, they made you feel so f*cking alive.” But, they were also the ones that never truly understood who you were at your core. Yes, there was a love connection, a dark connection that I would define as love, but a love that feels incomplete … and, at times, wrong, while still containing a bit of right. That is the love Clarke shared with L.exa; overall, I think. L.exa could never have nor would ever have been able to understand Clarke’s fundamental core, the core that is noble/honest and more closely tied to Bellamy. 

Therefore, I think the show will make Bellamy different from her past loves, and one way to break the Clarke cycle of heart break, is to have them (like you said) say ILY knowing that the consequences of saying that will have to be dealt with every single day after for the entirety of their lives. It’ll make this love story different, and the writers are showing us different loves stories. I’m excited to see how they develop this relationship further. It’s going to be epic!