Congratulations to Simone Biles, Madison Kocian, Gabrielle Douglas, Alexandra Raisman and Lauren Hernandez of the United States for winning the Artistic Gymnastics Women’s Team Final for the 2016 Rio Olympics!
your first relationship might not be perfect. your first couple relationships might not be perfect. teenagers don’t tend to have very long lasting relationships and with the added stress of being a f/f couple, it might not last very long or work out well. this doesn’t mean that you’re never going to be in a long lasting relationship with a woman, just that this one ended quickly
every girl who isn’t straight isn’t going to be the right girl for you. you might start dating a girl and then realize you’re not actually into her, or she might feel that way about you. this doesn’t mean you’ll never find a girl you really like who really likes you back, just that this wasn’t the right relationship
there might be issues in your relationship. you might have different expectations, different needs and desires, different interests. you don’t need to change yourself or pretend to be something that you’re not to make the relationship work, you’ll have other chances
given how few other lbpq girls most of us know, i know that a lot of the time it feels like your first relationship is the only chance you’ll get and that you need to make it work out. don’t force it. don’t pretend to be or feel something you aren’t/don’t for the sake of the relationship, don’t let her cross your boundaries because you’re worried she’ll break up with you and you’ll never have another chance at dating a girl if you don’t let her
this is coming from my personal experiences- the first time i dated a girl, i did everything she wanted to, ignored my own preferences, pretended to like what she liked, let her do whatever she wanted. this didn’t make the relationship last longer or be better, it just made it lopsided and unhappy. she wasn’t right for me, i wasn’t right for her, and that’s alright. just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean i’ll never date again
you’re going to get another chance. you’re going to date another girl. everything doesn’t hang upon this first relationship
He’s Muslim. Like I am. He calls me to tell me how his new girl “didn’t work out”, I ask him what is it that she was missing. He tells me how she has a past and I explain to him that we all do. “No, not that way…a sexual history”. He’s over 30. Most people our age have a sexual history, I explain. “Yes, but she is Muslim” and I ask him “Are you not Muslim too? Were you not bragging about hooking up with that girl…what was her name…Jessica? Britney? Whatever. At my cousins wedding?”. He tells me how it’s different. “She’s a white girl”. I tell him some would consider me a white girl. “But you’re not. Not really. I mean you’re Muslim. Turkish too. Bosnians aren’t white anyway. There are different rules for us.” I get quiet. I’m not sure how to explain to him that Muslim women have sex too. He doesn’t believe me. He says “I used to think we’d end up together. But you had a child”. I laugh. I tell him that the prophet married Khadija even though she had children. He says it was different then. “I’d marry you if you were a virgin”. I ask if that’s what he wants. He tells me yes…“i want a wife who is a virgin, there is nothing wrong with that, don’t give me a new age feminist lecture either. I can have preferences”. I ask…“how many women have you touched?”. He goes quiet. “You are not a virgin either”. He tells me it’s different for him, he is a man, men have needs. “What of women? Do we not have needs?” “ Sure but women can wait. The husband can fulfill their needs”. I ask him who he thinks fulfils my needs since I no longer have a husband. “You don’t have sex. You are a good girl. You have always been a good girl. I want my wife to be like you”. I laugh again…“but you don’t want me?”. “ No, it’s not you but…you know…you’re not a virgin. I’d like someone like you…just less experienced” he says but his voice sounds bitter at the last words. Experienced. I’m sure he meant to say damaged goods. Someone else has had me before him. “What else?”, I ask, “What else does your future wife need to have?”. He tells me she needs to be smart, educated, he’d like post grad work too, but she must know how to cook well. He says “she cannot be modern…like you. I mean, I like you a lot but you are too modern. We would never make it work. You and I…you are too smart”. He mentions a Ph.D. I ask if he has one. He doesn’t. He didn’t finish college. He works at the tire factory. But his wife must be educated. Educated and intelligent but she must allow him to take care of her. I tell him “you want your wife to be everything but what are you? What are you offering her?” He tells me he will love her, provide for her, and she must do the same. She must also take care of him, finish school, be a virgin, be intelligent, want children, have children, raise the children, work, cook, clean, and be a virgin. He mentions the virginity thing twice. I ask him if he is expecting too much without giving anything in return. He says a woman would be lucky to be loved by him. “I’d love you, but you know…” and I finish it for him “I am not a virgin, I know”. I laugh again. The women are expected to be everything all in exchange for love, an ounce of love. Not even good love. Mediocre love. The men….the men are expected only to find such a woman. I tell him “I hope she doesn’t suffer. Whoever she is that you marry. I hope she doesn’t suffer.” He doesn’t understand. Why would a woman want anything other than the love of a man?