How To Talk To Your Son

Read it here or on AO3

2016. Look in his eyes for the first time in nearly fifteen years. He doesn’t look the way you thought he would. More like Mulder than you anticipated, which is startling. He also looks a little like the dumpy woman fluttering about the porch, still in disbelief that a government helicopter just landed on her front lawn. He looks like her in way that old married couples are indistinguishable from each other, in the way that dogs start to look like their owners. Or is it the owners who start to look like the dogs?

“William?” you ask, even though you know.

“Yeah?” His voice hasn’t dropped yet.

“I’m Agent Scully, I’m going to need you to come with us.”

He looks to the woman on the porch, her colorless brown hair coming loose from its braid. “What is this about?” he asks.

“There’s not much time to explain,” you say, “but there’s a man in this helicopter who’s very sick and we think you might have a certain… element in your genetic makeup that can help him.”

His blue eyes flash–at least those are yours–as he tries to process. Then he says, “Okay.” Just like that, he believes you, and finally you think you understand how Mulder feels, after all these years.

2015. “Just think about it,” Walter says, and you do. You really do.

You have forgotten what it would be like to come home not smelling faintly of antiseptic and bile every day. You and Mulder are friendly. It wouldn’t be terrible to work with him again.

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here are everyone’s ‘firestarter’ lines for willow, just because


FIRESTARTER = “She’s a firestarter. And a twisted one, at that.”,

FIRESTARTER = “What have I said about lighting fires, dear?”,


FIRESTARTER = “%s has more fire in her eyes than usual.”

FIRESTARTER = “Another fire? Well, as long as you’re happy…”,

FIRESTARTER = “Let’s watch the world burn together, %s.”,

FIRESTARTER = “Is not big surprise.”,

FIRESTARTER = “Business as usual, I see.”,

I love that all of the friendlier/more social characters are just like ‘eh, this is a thing that she does, whatevs’

And here are willow’s lines about firestarting

willow to wilson:
FIRESTARTER = “Oh, %s!! Let me help with your next fire!!”,

willow to other!willow:
FIRESTARTER = “Burny twins! High five.”, 

willow to wolfgang:
FIRESTARTER = “Don’t hurt yourself, big guy.”,

willow to maxwell:
FIRESTARTER = “Amateur.”,

willow to WX:
FIRESTARTER = “Are we lighting fires?! I want in!”,

willow to wendy:
FIRESTARTER = “%s! Was that your fire? I’m so proud!”,

willow to woodie:
FIRESTARTER = “Burn it all, %s! Burn it!”,

willow to wickerbottom:
FIRESTARTER = “Didn’t know you had it in you, %s.”,

willow to wes:

willow to webber:
FIRESTARTER = “Your fires are so cute, %s!”,

willow to wigfrid:
FIRESTARTER = “Yes, %s! Burn!!!”,

BONUS: I found another character with concerns about Wilson’s mental health! It’s…. Wigfrid!
FIRESTARTER = “Hm. I worry about you sometimes, %s.”,
That makes FOUR characters with lines that indicate they think Wilson is crazy or in danger of going crazy! (Wolfgang, Maxwell, Wendy, and now Wigfrid!) That means… 36% of all playable characters in the game (not counting the Shipwrecked ones, who are not canonically included yet so have no opinions either way) have concerns about Wilson’s sanity! 

That’s more than a third, and Maxwell and Wendy are fairly intelligent characters, if a touch pessimistic. Wickerbottom should maybe check on that instead of telling him to wear a jacket all the time?

lost and found viii

bughead fanfiction - unbeta’d - chapter eight - it’s been a long day, please forgive errors


“Grief is the price
we pay for love.”
—Elizabeth II

Betty wakes up to sunlight on her face; gossamer beams filtered through dusty white shutters that paint themselves over her body still entangled in Jughead’s dark blue sheets. There’s a short moment of incognizant bliss, a drowsy illusion of peace. But suddenly, the quiet is stifling and her thoughts turn immediately to her son.

Jumping from the mattress, Betty doesn’t bother with clothes, only wrapping the sheet around her as she sprints from Jughead’s room to her own, only to realize Tobi’s not inside it.

Fear seizes her heart until she hears the sounds of a children’s show from the living room, along with the unmistakable jingles of his toys. Rushing out into the space, Betty holds the knot of the sheet in the center of her chest, feeling her heartbeat race beneath the skin as her breathing evens out.

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sweet tooth

[For liam-mchale, who wanted some fluff. Have some high school AU, I hope everything works out for you ^_^] 

The doorbell rings and Stiles opens the door, but doesn’t see anyone until he drops his vision way below eye-level.

There’s a short girl with brown hair swinging in pigtails, wearing a Girl Scouts uniform. “Hello!” she says brightly. “My name is Cora, and I am from Troop-Number-One-One-Seven-and-would-like-to-know-if-you-will-support-my-troop-by-buying–” she starts to say, stringing all the words together quickly.

“Whoa whoa whoa, as much as I’d love to support you guys, I can’t really can’t buy a box of cookies without worry about my dad eating all of it. Can’t really hide it in my room, y'know, ‘cause ants,” Stiles says. “And as much as I love Thin Mints, I couldn’t eat an entire box before he gets home." 

Cora pouts, lip wobbling. "But I really want our troop to go to Yellowstone this year,” she says. “We need to raise money!" 

"Sorry. I can make a donation?” Stiles says, reaching into his pocket for his wallet.

“I guess,” Cora says sadly. 

“Please don’t tell me you’re walking door-to-door by yourself. And where are your cookies if you’re selling 'em?” Stiles peers out the door, but he doesn’t see a parent hovering nearby with a wagon of cookie boxes or something.

“My brother has them in his car,” Cora says, jerking her head towards the street. 

There’s a familiar Camaro parked by the curb, engine purring, and Stiles’ stomach drops promptly somewhere past his feet. No way, it couldn’t be, Stiles thinks. “Your last name wouldn’t happen to be Hale by any chance, would it?” Stiles asks.

“Yep,” Cora says brightly.

“Okay, scratch that, I want…uh, how many boxes can I get for twenty bucks?” Stiles says, pulling out the lone twenty in his wallet.

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An Ingenious Business Plan

In celebration of reaching 200+ followers (!!), I’ve written a fic based off of this post about SMH getting involved with their local troop. This is definitely going to be a multi-part, but I thought I’d publish the first bit just to whet your appetites. Thank you guys so much for your support and enthusiasm!

It’s not often that Shitty is glad to be wearing a shirt. Or pants, for that matter. Or clothes in general. He likes the feeling of being unrestricted by society’s insistence that he cover most of his body for no reason, all day long.

This is not one of those times.

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Lmao i can tell my teacher doesnt take me seriously caus im wearing this random girl scout uniform i found at goodwill and i told her i was too dumb to register to the course online, also…she works for buzzfeed!

Отчего-то захотелось нарисовать Джерику в скаутской форме.

Так как я ничерта не знаю о скаутах, по очевидным причинам, пришлось перелопатить кучу информации о сий организации. Но я всё равно не понимаю, как работает их форма. А так по сути… пионеры и пионеры.

Их современные требования к значкам вызвали у меня знакомое отвращение летних лагерей и прочей схожей херни.

I wanted to draw Jerrica in girl scout uniform.

Because, for obvious reasons, I don’t know a thing about girl scouts, I had to google a shitton of info about them. But I still don’t understand how their uniform works. But basically… they are your average Soviet pioneers.

Their modern requirements for achievement badges made me recall disgusting memories about summer camp and similar shit. 

At approximately 1:05 AM this morning, the St. Gabriel Union Depository was under armed assault by at least a dozen armored thugs who were making off with huge duffel bags of cash, gold, and other riches that the depository held there. Luckily, these men were quickly apprehended by the masked vigilante known as your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. As good as it was to see Spider-Man apprehend these armored goons, authorities did say that one of the suspects managed to get away; a woman, with silverish gray hair and a rather skintight cat suit. While she may have gotten away, the rest of Boston can sleep peacefully knowing that heroes like Spider-Man and Daredevil and even Spidey’s new sidekick with the girl scout uniform watching over us. Whitney Chang, NPU news.

gabbyshibaki  asked:

Gabby walked up to the door and knocked. 'Ok just sell some cookies and they'll get off your back.' She huffed to herself. Gabby looked down and tried to cover her legs more from this ridiculous girl scout uniform she was forced to wear even though she was a grown ass lady.

Jol beamed and opened the door.
“Who is it~” He sang flinging the door open wide, hoping it was a new client. The day had been slow and he was getting bored.
“Ah…a sweet seller?” He asked cocking his head, ears flopping to the side.

Frat Boy Niall Pt. Three: (Dirty) One Shot

This will make more sense if you read Part One and Part Two first.

My writing (masterlist for mobile)

smut warning


“Jeanine, this is the best party ever,” Rochelle gushed as she stumbled into the kitchen.


“Hang on,” I said, taking two short strides over to her to grab her arm before she fell over. She was clutching tightly to her red solo cup on which someone had written “WORLD’S BEST SECRETARY.” I led her over to the sink, supporting her weight as she tottered on unsteady heels. I took her cup, dumped the alcohol down the sink, and filled it with water. “Drink this, then you can go back to beer,” I told her.


“Seriously,” she slurred, now leaning against me. “I know you didn’t want to do ‘CEOs and Office Hoes’ since the Gamma Delts did it last fall, but come on, aren’t you having fun?”


“Of course I’m having fun! I’ve been looking forward to a good party since I got off the cruise ship.”


She gave me a look that would have been levelling if her eyes didn’t keep sliding out of focus. “Meet any good guys?” she asked.


My mind jumped to Niall, and Tom, and the fight they’d had in the pool lounge, but mostly I remembered fucking Niall three times in two days.


“Nah,” I said. “Just a bunch of asshole KAs.”

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"Imagine Sam and Dean finding out you are their little sister" One Shot

Author: human-impala-with-sam-and-dean

Original Imagine Link: 

Warnings: None


“I have what?” You’d asked your mom on the day you were leaving home to set off on your own. She’d been acting odd all week, like she had something important on her mind. Finally you told her to just spill it already, it was driving you mad.

“Brothers.” She’d repeated, “Half-brothers actually, two of them.”

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Bite me

For laschatzi, the rum allergy to my goat’s milk.

44.          “I’m helping my niece’s girl scout troop sell cookies and hell no, fuck off soccer coach, we were here first” AU

Bite me.

Emma surveyed the table one more time, her niece Paige standing right next to her in her girl scout uniform, smiling eagerly.

“We are going to sell all the cookies!” Paige exclaimed effusively and Emma smiled fondly at her. Coming to the side entrance of the park had been a great idea. They’d get the moms coming out from baseball games and their children would dive into the cookies. They will be sold in no time.

Except is was then that she noticed the tall, tantalizing, dark haired stranger in jeans and a soccer shirt setting up a table with a bunch of kids.

Hell no. Emma thought. This is bad.

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