I want to send a hug to everyone who got told “You just need to learn to love yourself more!” or “That’s just your low self esteem talking.” after you tried to come out.
Learning to love yourself is important but it’ll not make your lgbt+ idenity go away. It’s the other way around: Being able to openly live as who you are will build up your self esteem - and who you are is a lgbt+ person.
The “Just love yourself as you are” rhetoric is, especially aimed at trans and nonbinary people, often simply transphobia dressed up as “positivity”. Some people will tell trans boys “Just love yourself as you are” and mean “Just love yourself as a girl” - which is paradoxical because trans boys are not girls. A trans boy loving himself means he loves and accepts himself as the boy he really is.
Other groups in the lgbt+ community who may face this (perhaps even well-meant but completely wrong) rhetoric are gay people and asexual people. (”Oh, you just think you’re lesbian because you think you’re not attractive enough for boys.”, “Aww, no, you’re not asexual, you’ll find someone who wants to sleep with you if you learn to be confident in your body!”).
Of course gay, asexual, trans or nonbinary people can have low self-esteem, just like any other human being. They can feel unattractive or unlovable. They can hate themselves and they deserve to get support and to be encouraged to love themselves - but the idea that being lgbt+ is merely a result of self-hate is incredibly lgbt+-phobic and cis-/heteronormative. It’s plain wrong.
I hope you love yourself - as the lovable and precious lgbt+ person you are.
I don’t deserve you, because you’re brilliant and lovely and everything a girl could ever want. You don’t deserve me because I’m a mess of feelings and literature and you don’t deserve that kind of mess in your life. We both don’t deserve each other, just for different reasons.