girl on cigarette pack

She’s a beautiful girl, the way she carries herself makes you want to know her. Her confidence level makes you question how a person could be so well put together but girls like her love the chase and adore attention. Girls like her will watch you bleed yourself dry while you just wanted her to smile. Girls like her will let the world in on how she’s feeling because only strangers compliments can make it a little better. Girls like her will smoke packs of cigarettes waiting for someone to say “hey, that’s not good for you, why are you doing that?” so she can tell them everything that broke her heart. Girls like her will kick you to the curb faster than you can say “wait”.
—  Girls like her // ep
autobiography

girl with a body like a hangman’s noose. girl with a mind sharp as a razor. girl with a razor she still keeps in her purse, even though those days are long gone. girl who did lines in the bathroom every day for two weeks. girl who showed up to the party uninvited. girl who totaled two cars in a year. girl who said yes so many times she forgot how it felt to say no. girl with a memory like a land mine. girl who never calls back. girl whose hands shake in the morning. girl who loved you more than you deserve. girl who loves him more than he deserves. girl who hides love poems in cigarette packs every valentine’s day, just in case she ever needs something to burn. girl with scarred knuckles. girl who still flinches at loud noises. girl who has thrown up in every therapist’s office she’s ever been to. girl with daddy issues. girl who can’t handle her liquor. girl who drives the getaway car after stealing a handle of liquor. girl who got kicked out of catholic school. girl who says the hail mary every month, anyway. girl who wanted to be a wolf when she was eleven. girl who will howl at the moon if you get her drunk enough. girl who wasn’t drunk enough to forget the scene in the car that night. girl who knows he wasn’t, either. girl who will never forget. girl who will always, always forgive.

You used to be a smaller girl,
would sit on the laps of boys in bars,
bat your eyelashes to the beat
of their pulse
that hummed a song
you always knew
all the words to,

& then
there was
the chorus of lighters
that would emerge
from dark pockets
to light every cigarette
you pulled from your pack.
Oh Leo girl,

with your muted need
for soft attention—
drawing power
from allure, fistfuls of hair,
drunk lips & half-smoked bowls
resting on bathroom sinks,

the way you
swayed a moment
into something your hands
could pull taut
& then shape
into a dream
you actually believed in—
but time

has bent the idea of yourself
into something
that can’t even look its self
in the eyes anymore

& the fingers in your mouth
know if there is a God
he put you here to spin
inside this very dream,
& if you let them root
for the words
hiding between your teeth
too timid to ride on the swell
of your tongue

make sure they know
that the girl you used to be
held a love so small

because she knew
it could never
hurt her.

—  You Crawl Your Knees Off ✮ Amanda Oaks