girl at record player

Do you ever read a book with a really great romance and start crying over the fact that you’ve never been kissed

Keep Holding On - Steve Rogers

request: oh! oh! can I request #26?!? This line: Can’t you see I’m so in love, that I’m terrified? @smilexcaptainx  

people: Steve x Reader / Avengers / ft. Fury

word count: 3.6k (ik, sorry it’s so long but I needed some FLUFF) 

warnings: swearing, fluffy-angst-fluFF

a/n: Another request I, unfortunately, neglected until now. I’m going to link this in with another imagine that’ll be part two for this one! So stay tuned for that one ;)

Enjoy - R.xx  

Every month got better. Every month I fell more and more in love with this insane man… this insane, kind, generous, altruistic man. We fit so perfectly together it was almost scary; how well we knew each other’s minds and emotions. I could detect a stressed out Steve Rogers from twenty miles away. Steve could feel my anger pulsate through my blood vessels whilst being twenty feet below me.

I would walk in the door, there he would be with dinner all set. Steve would stomp his way to the gym down in the basement area of Stark towers, and I would be there in a flash, sitting against the thick, cotton-padded walls, talking to him while he struck the bag as if it was all of Hydra’s men in one three hundred pound cylinder. We’d talk, he’d loosen his tension that laid within the muscles in his shoulders. Soon he would join me on the cold marble floor. There we’d talk for ages, letting all the stress of evil lurking around every corner of our lives all go free in the vast gym Stark had designed for all Avengers to train in. We made each other whole, we made each other happier than the other could ever believe.

We really were the perfect pair.

On nights like this, we would feel the summer wind dance in our bedroom, swirls of cool breezes and gusts of warm wind somehow danced together, waltzing together to produce a perfect temperature for these summer nights.

Nights when we would talk for hours in bed, just holding cuddling our exposed bodies together under the white silky covers.Listening to Steve’s record player. That shabby, old record player would spin Charlie Chaplin’s The Flower Girl all day long, leaving the tune to remain in my dreams as I drifted off to sleep in Steve’s arms.

It was never hard to talk to him about issues I had. I had never struggled to tell him I was anxious about a mission, or I had uneasy feelings about the building we may be inside. Scoping out any vital intel or sick human beings who we’re terrorizing a city, country, or nation. Avengers did not stop at intelligence missions. We went on manhunts, and manhunts always left us bruised and battered, physically and emotionally. Normally we’d get a couple days to go into our hiding places and recharge for a new task from the hands of Nick Fury.

Today, however, we hadn’t even put our heads to the pillows before FRIDAY’s voice was echoing off our bedroom walls.

“Why is he calling us in, I haven’t even showered yet…” I muttered to Steve. He perched on his knees as I sat on our downy comforter. He was trying to wash the stained blood off of my face with a warm washcloth, soothing me so greatly; until we got the call.

Pulling back, Steve looked at me and smiled to see my face hadn’t gotten a scratch on it, just someone else’s blood that he could remove. I had my eyes closed with a scowl now sketched on my face. Chuckling at my obvious annoyance, he leaned up and softly kissed my lips, surprising me with my eyes still closed. I could feel his large calloused hands go up and hold my aching head as he deepened our kiss.

Once he finally had the strength to pull his lips away from mine, Steve opened his eyes to see mine slowly opening up to meet his strong, loving look. “I wish I could let you just sleep but seeing as I’m captain, we should probably-”

“We gotta get the show on the road, I know, blah blah, I know Captain Perfectionist.” Getting up slowly, I felt a weird head rush but ignored the heat that suddenly flew into my head, temporarily blinding me for a moment. I stumbled a bit but luckily Steve was already changing into his suit again, unable to witness my unusual imbalance.

I didn’t have one signature suit, so I got to dress in whatever combat clothes I preferred. The heat today led me to a black quarter length top and slightly loosened black skinny jeans. I needed my legs to breath in case I had to go on a chase and I couldn’t be stopping to unzip my pants to let my thighs breath. Slipping my hair into a messy ponytail, I saw in the mirror that it was still tangled with crusted blood in it.

Steve picked me up and trotted over to the door before putting me down, “Let’s go lazy bug.” I slumped down and walked out the door, my arms were hunched over with a gray hoodie I was able to snatch before leaving our room. I used the hood to cover my fucked up hair. I glared up at my boyfriend who tugged me into the elevator, getting his professionalism on.

Slowly, though, a small smirk was forming on my lips, “Really? Lazy bug?”

Smiling down at me, Steve gave me a small shrug and kissed my shoulder while sneaking his arms down and around my waist. The elevator doors closed and we shot down to the Floor 11.

“I call you ladybug and your lazy today, I think it fits perfectly for you.” I didn’t argue from my excessive exhaustion and just held onto his arms tighter, feeling Steve’s soothing kisses on my head, protected by the hoodie. “You are a real nerd, Rogers, anyone ever tells you that?”

“Yeah, actually. Not so long ago, when I met this breathtaking woman, she smiled at me with these pearly white teeth and rosy red cheeks with speckles of freckles. I remember she said I was a giant nerd after I tried to explain to her that the laws of physics do not apply to vibranium because of it’s unnatural chemical makeup.” Okay, I had to smile at that one. The memories of our first time hearing each other’s voices speak, of our hands grasping each other’s, feeling that electricity between us. I saw it all like it was yesterday. A yesterday I wished to go back too.

The team filed in, all looking like they went to a rave that turned into a murder mystery party. Natasha had two cups of Starbucks, one for herself and one for me. Vision had just learned to make tea, and so Wanda quietly sipped on her Oolong Black Tea while I took a seat next to her, folding my legs underneath me, not caring about professionalism when half of us looked like hell. The only ones in track? Natasha, Steve, Vision, and Bucky. The rest of our sorry asses had to deal with ‘walk of shame/morning after’ look.

“Look, I know you’re all pissed we’re in here right now, I am too-”

An irritated Tony interrupted Fury, “Then why have you summoned us here?” he scratched the raven hair that was splayed all over his head.

“Believe me Stark, I wouldn’t be here unless it was for an urgent matter.” A stack of a case brief packets smacked down on the conference table. Taking a small peak over the title, I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and frozen all over.

I took peeks at everyone in the room and saw different yet, appropriate reactions to what they must’ve been seeing or reading about the case that I knew all too well about.

“We’ve received new information on case 27. Agent 11, this the first case you ever had. Even though.. we cut it off, because of unfortunate circumstances,” My pulse raced as all eyes shifted to my shrunken body in my chair, I was hiding in my sweater, trying to become a sort of chameleon and blend into the room. I was having no such luck.

“What… was the unfortunate circumstance?” Natasha, who was the only one with the balls in this room to ask the question that was lingering on everyone’s lips.

Everyone except; Tony, Steve, Fury, and I. We knew about the deadly case at hand far ago, and I had a feeling three out of the four were okay with finished the unsolved mission at hand.

Tony stepped up, helping me out by telling the team the deal with Case 27, so I didn’t have to. The words he spoke made everyone’s hair stand up, gathering goose bumps down their arms and legs.

“So we found a very important target that would nail this case right on the bullseye. You’ll all be sent out to Italy, where the group will be residing. This man,” Fury pointed to the projector, and a nasty man I knew as Fredrik Vulrochiv, was shown. “We need to take out- but interrogate the bastard first.” Nick’s eye landed on Natasha, who rolled her eyes and eventually nodded in agreement of not shooting the guy the moment she would meet him face to face.

“Listen, this isn’t going to be easy. These are manipulators, they twist your words as hard as they will twist your bones, breaking them one by one.”

“Man, I am really loving this the more I hear it…” Sam grumbled, tossing his packet on the table, he sighed and rubbed his eyes. All I could do was just stare at my unopened packet. Blankets of fear for the journey down horror lane that I was going to go on covered my body, suffocating me.

“We all have assignments and different area to cover. I say we get ourselves familiarized with the area before we land in four hour-”

“No. I won’t allow it.” Everyone’s head slowly turned towards at a very tense, Steve. Along with him was a slightly irritated Bucky, sitting below Steve, at his side.

Tony’s eyes ignited in a slightly flaming annoyance at the ‘perfect’ soldier, Tony always carried a love of antagonizing Steve at any expense. “What’s got your knickers in a twist this time, Rogers?”

“I don’t want to start with you, today. Stark, I’m sorry, and Nick I’m sorry as well, but this case was closed for a reason. Besides we’d all need to know how to handle that kind of nuclear weaponry lying there, as well as the bodies ready to murder us the second they get a whiff of our scent.”

“That’s what an intelligence briefing is for Captain. Sorry to be the one that shits on your parade, but this is happening. I want this case down and finally burnt in hell, where it belongs…”  I could feel Nick’s stare at me but I refused to look anywhere but my shoelace that was untied, waiting to be redone by my quivering hands.

The room was silent for a few moments, Steve was aggravated and I was destroyed, but what broke my statue state was Wanda’s sniffles. She had tears running down her blotchy cheeks, ones that she tried to wipe away, “I’m sorry, sorry-”

She apologized to the group as she patted her cheeks with a tissue. I finally let my head rise and found her brown, glowing eyes, glittering with tears as she stared into my soul, seeing the horror that was The 27.  

“How much is the risk?” She asked me. No one understood except me because I knew she was reading my thoughts as well, and I was weighing the risks and the more this case became real to me, the more the scale tipped in the Devil’s favor.

So I just shrugged my shoulders, picking at my dirty, caked nails. I softly muttered to her, though, wanting to let the room leave me be in my little humble chair in the back of the room. “Around seventy.” Wanda let out a sob, shaking her head as she stood up, knocking her tea all over the table, “Please, YN! No!”

“No!” Steve suddenly roared. Stalking over to me, he leaned down to meet my scared, doe in headlights, eyes.

“You can’t sacrifice yourself, doll. I know that’s… this is y-your… your mission. I… I-I need you to stick around here for a long time, though, and so does everyone else,” The group nodded, even Fury who had a glint of guilt in his eye that watched me.

“Steve, this is my life and these are my decisions. I went in on Case 27. It’s my Hydra if that makes you understand any better. Just look,” Standing up, I gathered some courage from god knows where, and walked to the front where the pictures of Case 27’s last mission we’re shown. I clicked the right arrow and the team gasped when they finally were projected onto the screen.

The photos that appeared we’re of the gruesome aftermath. Men, all around… the good people and the terrible people, it didn’t matter because they all were just bodies now. No longer souls. In the middle of this mass murder mess, was a small woman, caked in dirt, blood, and scars that still littered her arms today, that woman was me.

After the secret war of 1999, I had gone on my first ever Captain-mission. The task was to end these warp-minding men who used the power of trickery into gaining more and more of an army. They wanted full control, of not just a country, or even a continent. No, they wanted the world to bow down at their feet. They use to be quite prominent in the papers, but the new died down of them when the group seemed to have ‘gone under’. I knew better than that. They’re probably lurking somewhere, in the shadows maybe. Or in plain sight, all I know is that they never left me. 

Their words, knives, bullets, laughs… all haunted my dreams, my happy moments, my memories…I almost had those bastards,  I should’ve seen the mistake I had made instantly. I didn’t though because life isn’t happy endings. That moment in my life, that mistake I made, cost twenty members of SHIELD, their lives. I had just miscounted the men, I misjudged their defense force. I missed two vital things a Captain needs to be on top of.

I had been attending to a wounded fellow member when a bullet ripped right through my left lung, lodging itself in there quite painfully. The teammate I was trying to save just smiled at me, squeezing our bloody hands together, he laid his head back on the ground as I screamed in pain and sorrow for the fallen member. I took out my assailant and left the mission unfinished.

I knew that the enemies had called for backup and I was expecting them to arrive at any minute. So I saved myself that night, only myself. Leaving, I had twenty intelligent, determined SHIELD members at my side. I arrived back at SHIELD with carrying only one remaining body back into Headquarters; my own.

It was abnormal to hear Bucky’s voice boom during conference room meetings but I guess he found some spirit inside to rise on his feet and stomp on the ground like a fussy child, “Please, I’m begging no, Nick. She has a vendetta against that group! She’ll only go in as a suicide fighter and you know that!” 

Walking over to Fury casually with no threat in his movements, Bucky still managed to make Tony tense. Which I had caught in the corner of my eye. “Barnes-” “No. I went up again those band of…assholes, in 1990, Paris. Even they outsmarted me, that was before they even gained their mass weaponry that they possess now. I was with five other winter soldiers, trainee’s of mine, we all made it back. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing I don’t know!”

He glanced at Tony who had a snarl on his face from the mentioning of the extra Super Soldiers that were obviously now dead. “Yeah… I killed a few dozen of the dicks, but the rest… they are not human. They have no soul, no brain to logically think about anything but killing whoever gets in their way! We, do not have the power to get through this mission-”

“You’ll get this mission done. You’ll get it done with a smile on your face too, Barnes. All of you, I don’t care about vendettas. Frankly, we could use one at the sound of your weak asses.” Bucky squinted at Fury’s backhand words towards him.

“Listen, we gotta get them this time, guys. We don’t have that much time left.”

“Before?” Tony questioned.

“Before they…create something that would change the world for the worst. This needs to be carried out today, no exceptions. I’m sorry, Agent 11. I’m sorry, Steve, but this is final.”

Looking around the room, not one face was readable. I had no idea what they were thinking as they read over their briefings. Some gasped, some held their head in their hands.

I did, however, immediately detect anger in Steve’s eyes. I had to look away from him before I felt guilt build in my chest. Looking towards my best friend, I could see a small amount of pain peaking out of Bucky’s eyes.

As much as I’d like to say that I was brave and felt confident when I carried out those orders, I can not. Because, truthfully, I was shaken to my core the moment we had gotten ambushed. I was blinded by fear and past memories invading my mind I didn’t even realize that the conference room had emptied, leaving me and my brief packet… and a furious steve.

He kept his jaw locked as he saw down next to me. Normally, Steve would know what to do with missions where he felt my life was in peril. He’d come to my side and ask what to do, and that’s when we would go to the beach and sit on our blanket Wanda had knit for us for Christmas. 

That was our moment to think, get away from the walls of Stark towers and let our minds drift away by the sea’s breeze.

This time though…he had no words, nothing to tell me it would be okay, or that I needed to stay behind for my own safety. We knew everything about this mission. The good, the bad, and the evil that laid ahead. 

The only response I got was a warm hand wrapping over my icy, pale, bluish hand. I smiled at his large hand dominating mine, it gave me somewhat of a feeling of protection. Maybe not tomorrow, or even in 12 hours. But in this moment I felt his protection covering me like a forcefield.

“We’ll be okay, alright…we’ll make this out alive, YN, because we’ve got the whole team on our side. Okay?”

I left a small smile on my face when looking up at Steve’s panicked eyes, scanning mine for any trace of fear. He couldn’t find any, though because I didn’t have any. I knew what was to come, and he knew too. That was the most frightening thing of all, no fear meant no worries. No worries meant that being killed wasn’t one her mind anymore, it was fading in the background. She no longer was herself. YN was a soldier, ready a mission with no strings attached to her life anymore. 

“Listen, YN. Please, do not do this, and leave me here. I let love slip away once, and I can not have that happen again, not when I’m so in love with you, I’m fucking terrified…”

A small gap was on YN’s face when he spoke, he never even said shit, and he jumped all the way to number two on the scale of swears! Looking at Steve, YN could help herself, she couldn’t let the tugging of his heart grasping hers, go. She loved it, honestly, YN loved the feeling of his love. He made sure to show it, whenever he could. If this mission went south, and YN was going to spend the rest of the summer in the hospital, she knew that it would kill her to have Steve in pain that whole time.

As much as it was easier going her way, she swerved towards Steve’s heart, letting it take her own heart, prisoner.  

Grasping his shoulders, she hugged him to her body. Steve wrapped his arms around YN, letting her cry on his suited shoulder. He couldn’t tell whether these sobs were of pain or relief. He couldn’t tell whether YN was crying from relief or from the pain of having to stay alive. Her nails dug into Steve’s suit, but it was no matter. He knew that YN wasn’t leaving this base as a woman with a death warrant. She was leaving with a reason to live.

“I’ll make this out alive, Steve. I promise. I’m not going to leave the man I’m madly in love with alone. If I did, I’d be hurting us both because leaving you, is like having to rip out part of my soul and leave it with you until I return. I want my soul, Steve. You are my heart and soul, don’t forget that. Ever.”

A tear strayed from his eyes that looked like a cloudless sky, glossed over with water that he wanted to be kept inside, but couldn’t seem to control. Steve kissed my wet, salty lips that smiled against his. A feeling of relief washed over me once I realized I wasn’t going to be gone within hours, I was going to be here, fighting with my wonderful, courageous man that would stop at nothing to end all evil, but more importantly, would not sleep, eat, or think, until he had his heart and soul back in his arms again.

“Why do you have to be so damn perfect, Steve Rogers?”

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