crayons, friends, preschool, norah jones, winnie the pooh, judy moody, dr seuss, phinease and ferb, learning to read, tayler swift (i know i know don’t judge me), cats, jump roping, laughing
i remember in my preschool one day the teachers gave us big white t-shirts and gave us paint and the whole day we painted one wall of the preschool like the sea. i painted a sting ray and a purple star fish.
sitting in our back garden. licking a popsicle. wearing a blue flowery dress.
walking with my sister hand in hand. breaking crayons. friends. laughter.
falling. scraping my knee. blood. a hello kitty bandaid.
pig tails and laughter. admiring girls. always wanting to be with maya. watching her. loving her. thats how everyone felt, right?
literally not a care in the world. no anxiety no depression no existential thoughts. no thinking that who i love is wrong. no worries.
my talents include:
-thinking gay thoughts™
-dreaming about having a gf
-being a Gay
-looking at girls
-caring about girls
-crushing on girls
John’s started reading classic fairy tales to Rosie at bedtime. Here are Sherlock’s reviews (on a scale of 1 to 5 stars):
Little Red Riding Hood: ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
“I admire the girl’s independence, but this idiot child doesn’t recognize the difference between her beloved grandmother and a dangerous WOLF? The SAME WOLF she met in the forest less than an hour ago? And you think MY disguises are silly…”
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs:★★ ☆ ☆ ☆
“I like the part about the Evil Queen demanding Snow White’s heart – nice and macabre. So Snow White runs away to the forest and becomes a housekeeper for a gang of diminutive gay miners? They should’ve just ended the story there – I don’t care for all that pointless, predictable nonsense about the poison apple and the prince.”
Goldilocks and the Three
“If those bears were any worse at deduction, they’d work for New
“Thought you might relate to Goldilocks, love – you’re both picky,
impatient, show zero respect for others’ personal property…”
“Oh please, John. Goldilocks
is a moron – now, if Rosie wants to
learn how to perform a proper home invasion…”
The Three Little Pigs:
“It’s a scam, obviously. At least two of these pig brothers are guilty of insurance fraud, and the third
may be in on it as well. A wolf BLEW your house down? While straw and sticks
may not be the sturdiest of building materials, the lung capacity of the
average fully grown Canis lupus is not
great enough to produce the force necessary to demolish even an exceedingly shoddy
The Little Mermaid:
no pirates? Would be better with pirates.”
“I’d like to
know Rapunzel’s diet, genetic makeup (or at least ethnicity), cranial
circumference, surface area of her scalp, the height of the tower, the
surrounding climate and humidity level, what sort of shampoo/conditioner she
used, whether or not she used hairspray or styling product …numerous variables affect the tensile strength and growth rate of human hair, you know…“
“I love a
ball. The ball is good – beautiful gown, the prince in his dress uniform, love
at first sight, dancing the night away, AND a mystery! Yet it’s all ruined
because I can’t stand the utter STUPIDITY of trying the glass slipper on every
eligible maiden in the land…it doesn’t take a deductive genius to recognize
that’s a waste of time!”
one actually has some valuable lessons. For one thing, someone is always
listening – royal minions in a fairy tale, Mycroft’s cameras and covert agents,
the homeless network…we’re under surveillance of some sort at all times. Be
vigilant, be aware, observe. Also, if you happen to have a ridiculous name, OWN IT – there’s
no point trying to keep it a secret, because it’ll come out eventually, JOHN
why do people, namely men, act like fat girls are impossible to love? i hate to burst this bubble you’re living in, but fat girls can be in loving relationships, fat girls are approached, fat girls have sex (and don’t suffocate the person), fat girls are fawned over, admired, desired, and flirted with. and, yes, even by “conventionally attractive” and thin people. im tired of reading shit implying fat women are lower tier, a charity case, or second choices. just because you, personally, don’t find fat women attractive doesn’t mean yo boy jerimiah didn’t wear a pair of fat legs as earmuffs last week.
You have never been brave,
and you have never been ashamed of it.
But now, looking at her
with her supernova eyes,
her razor blade smile,
and her steel enforced spine
which has never bowed beneath the weight of fear,
you find yourself yearning
for a taste of courage like hers.
Maybe she’ll teach you what it is to be brave, and you’ll teach her what it is to be soft.