• McGonagall:Have you had any thoughts about what you would like to do after you leave Hogwarts?
  • Sirius:[Lifts an amused eyebrow] W-
  • McGonagall:-And your response cannot be anything along the lines of ‘Why would I need to work?’ or a simple 'I’m Sirius Black’.
  • Sirius:Well, Minnie… [Stops leaning back on a tilted chair in favour of putting his feet up on her desk] I have thought quite a bit about it lately.
  • McGonagall:[Surprised enough to ignore his insolence] Really?
  • Sirius:I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my crème brûlée over the holidays, and I remember thinking, ’Wow, you’re ridiculously good-looking. Maybe you could do that for a career’.
  • McGonagall:[Frowns] Do what, exactly, Mr Black?
  • Sirius:[Deadpans] Be professionally good-looking.
  • McGonagall:[Is so flabbergasted she doesn’t stop Sirius helping himself to her tin of Ginger Newts]
  • [Sirius Black’s careers advice was overheard by a First-Year Ravenclaw named Gilderoy Lockhart]
8

As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner.

The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.

Imagine Hamlet, but instead of Hamlet, it’s Gilderoy Lockhart

Act V, Scene I:

Laertes: Lay her i’ the earth./And from her fair and unpolluted flesh/May violets spring! I tell thee, churlish priest,/A minist’ring angel shall my sister be/When thou list howling.

Gilderoy: Ah! Thought so! So unlucky I wasn’t there. I knew exactly the counter-curse that could have spared her!

Act I, Scene V: 

Marcellus: How is’t, my noble lord? 

Horatio: What news, my lord? 

Gilderoy: Spooky how the time flies when you’re having fun! 

Act V, Scene I: 

(He leaps into the grave) It’s really quite filthy down here. 

Act V, Scene II: 

(Gilderoy telling story of how he was kidnapped by pirates)

Horatio: Is’t possible?

Gilderoy: My dear boy, do use your common sense! My books wouldn’t have sold half as well if people didn’t think I’d done all those things!

Act V, Scene II:

(Laertes dies) Ah… yes, well, that can sometimes happen. Um, but, uh,the point is, uh, you can no longer feel any pain.

9

“Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five times winner of Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile Award. But I don’t talk about that; I didn’t get rid of the Banden Banshee by smiling at him.”