Before Castiel had taken over Jimmy’s vessel, he never knew that hands could be so…useful. He never knew that a couple fingers could bring someone over the edge of bliss, or that touch could be so overwhelming. Before you, Castiel had never experienced physical touch.
And because of you, he became addicted.
Now he craves the way your smooth, soft skin feels underneath his fingertips. Craves the way it feels to run his fingers through your wet slick, addicted to the noises it elicits from you. And he’s especially addicted to the way it feels when you clench around his fingers as you come undone, the sensation so new, so incredible.
But Castiel also loves when you touch him. He craves your touch, is desperate for it, looks for it at every opportunity. He loves how it feels when you run your nails down his back as he fucks you, when you pull his hair as he buries his face in you because what you’re feeling is just too good. And god, he loves it when you grip his cock in your hand, stroking him until he just can’t take it anymore.
And then his hands are all over you, running over your body, making you sigh. He grabs your breasts, squeezing them, pinching and pulling your nipples. He slides down to cup your pussy, his thumb rubbing your clit as he watches you in concentration. Totally in awe of the way you feel underneath him and the look on your face when he touches you, like you just can’t get enough of him.
It’s overwhelming and he never wants to stop.
Because it’s one thing to look at someone, to watch them from afar. And it’s a different thing entirely to experience them through touch.
I owed a gift to @bold-sartorial-statement for months, but this literally took months to write, I don’t really know why. I spent hours daydreaming about it and not writing a word, but here it is, finally. Therese, I hope you enjoy it, especially a certain bit - you’ll know when you read it!
As always, a huge thank you to Rie ( @procasdeanating ) who beta-ed and helped when I was stuck.
Destiel - first kiss - newly human Castiel - dissociating Castiel
Cas remembers. Well, he kind of remembers something, a different way of experiencing reality that lies just beyond his reach, now that he is completely human. He knows his sensations were different; he knows, intellectually, how he could feel Dean as a whole multitude of data he didn’t have to gather to just know. What precise temperature Dean’s body had. When his bladder was full enough to make him need to relieve himself. How tense the muscles in his back were. How his blood pressure varied through the day. Once, Dean has woken up with a crick in his neck; he came out of his room rubbing a hand to his nape and shoulder, and Cas knew the exact muscle fiber that was strained in his trapezius.
When he was still an angel, Cas could sense all these things in Dean, but feeling them himself was an abstract concept. He could tune them out, of course, let them drown into the white noise of all the other information that he was getting at once from other people and his environment. But he always reacted more strongly to Dean than to anything or anyone else.
He remembers clearly the first time he physically reacted to one of these pieces of data. He was sitting in a nondescript motel room with Sam, Dean showering in the bathroom next door. Cas hadn’t been paying attention to what he was perceiving, but suddenly he felt the hormonal levels shift drastically inside Dean’s body. Dopamine skyrocketed first, followed by endorphins and oxytocin.
I know I’m probably…definitely reading into this, but this scene is really important to me. In case the pictures aren’t enough, it’s episode 22 of season 9 when Hannah tells Cas to choose between the Winchesters or them, asking him to kill Dean. The reason I love this scene is because there have been several scenes throughout the show where Sam and Dean are captured or hurt or something like that and every time, especially when it’s the other person in danger, they tell the person who is responsible or is given the ultimatum “don’t do this” or “you don’t have to do this”, they’ve even said it to each other and Cas previously. However, here, when Cas is offered an entire army if he can kill one person, neither of them say anything. They don’t ask him not to do it, they don’t protest, not even Sam, they just look at him. It is such a small thing but it is so important to me. Even if it isn’t outright said, which it has also been, this shows how much they trust him and I love that.
Characters: Chuck Shurley, Castiel, Dean Winchester (mentioned), Sam Winchester (mentioned), Lucifer (mentioned), Amara (mentioned)
Pairing: None. General fic - Cas centric.
Warnings: None really. A little angsty but nothing too bad.
Word Count: 1400ish
A/N: This is my entry for @mrswhozeewhatsis 2017 Louden Swain Mini Bang. The song I chose to write for is one of my favorite Louden Swain songs: Like The Heart Goes. I participated last year and I loved it so much. I really rarely write for Chuck, but I adore the character and Rob’s acting as well as his music so I am thrilled this is turning into a yearly event.
This year it is written from Castiel’s PoV as he is reading a letter left to him from Chuck after the Winchester’s and Cas all returned to the Bunker after saving Sam from the Brits.
Thanks Erin aka @blacktithe7 for saving me and betaing this one for me last minute when Ana’s docs were being a bitch.
Cas had been staring at the envelope ever since he had returned to the Bunker with the Winchesters. Dean was alive. They had gotten Sam back. Cas had healed him, so he was fine now too, physically anyway. Mary Winchester had been returned to the brothers by Amara. On the surface, everything was fine, except for the fact that Lucifer was still walking the Earth. Cas was the one to blame for him being out of the cage in the first place. He was the one that failed. The one that once again chose to not listen to Dean. He wanted to spare the brothers of pain, just like he always did, but the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Now Lucifer walked the Earth, because Cas had let him. He thought he was strong enough, but he was wrong yet again, and the world was in danger because of him.
Oh and Cas’ father had disappeared again. Before he had gotten the chance to really talk to him. Before he could ask for answers to the questions he had been struggling with ever since he had learned God was no longer in Heaven. Cas needed answers, but he was coming to terms with the fact that he might never get them. That was until he saw the letter on his desk. His room stood as it did before he had been locked away in his own mind, even if the brother’s had temporarily loaned it to his father. Nothing was out of place. Nothing had changed. Except for the letter.