“You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When
you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a
bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it
becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water
If that doesn’t sound so bad to you, like if you don’t live next to any octopus tanks, well, just know that they can move around pretty good on land, too. In captivity, they apparently leap out of their tanks all the freaking time, at which point they scurry along the ground like all the nightmares ever. Octopus scientists (octometrists?) have found them behind desks, on bookshelves, and in teapots. Also, some of them are shape-shifters, meaning everything around you right now could potentially be an octopus. If you didn’t plan on sleeping this week, say hello to the mimic octopus.
Yeah. So, octopuses are intelligent, tool-wielding, shape-shifting grudge holders, and the only reason they haven’t attacked us yet is because to them, we don’t taste very good without being deep fried either. As soon as they master boiling-grease technology, humanity is on notice.