when wizards social media
Harry Potter updated his facebook status: “we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.” –A.P.W.D”
Hermione: so true
Ron updated his facebook status: food
Harry: eat something?
Caption on @LunLoves photo: if you look hard enough you might see the three legged garden gnomes. They’re a unique creature that only will leave their burrows for lavender infused apples during the full moon but have the lovely ability to garden fresh basil! This one was very friendly and stood still while I took its photo! (@hermione.spew try tilting your head a few degrees to the left to clear your vision!)
hermione.spew: there is a very logical reason for what that is exactly
hermione.spew: @ron.ron might be able to explain this better than I can
ron.ron sent a Direct Message to HJPotter: I think Luna thought that the muggle garden gnome was real
hjpotter: I thought you got rid of that thing
ron.ron: I guess she saw it before I got around to bringing it home
hjpotter: why did you pick the garden gnome one with three legs?
Neville sent Harry a private message: remember how I said the greenhouses were probably okay
Neville: and that I swore that I could handle the third and fourth on my own and that Sprout could go on holidays
Neville: and that I would be fine
Harry: do I need to bring a first aid kit?
Ron updated his facebook status: food
Hermione: this is your twenty third status in a row about food
Ron: I can’t help it!
Harry: why exactly are you posting about food every time you’re online?
Ron: dunno the stupid box keeps asking me whats on my mind and I thought it might summon what I wanted.
Ginny Weasley (@gin.ny) moral of the story is that you can make anyone cry if you yell loud enough
Humans of Diagon Alley posted 3 new photos: “sometimes I forget that I’m allowed to be upset. When my boyfriend died it was a really hard time. People got really distant and it was hard pretending that I was okay. A lot of people were expecting me to move on after a few days but I couldn’t. I couldn’t find a way to be okay then, and I’m not always okay now, but that’s alright. I’m living and one day that will be enough.”
Hannah Abbot updated her status: I swear to god the next person who sets off fireworks in the tavern will be scrubbing the floors with their toothbrushes.
Susan: that serious, is it?
Hannah: please tell me that wasn’t you
Susan: remember when you didn’t let me copy your paper for potions third year
Hannah: IT HAS BEEN YEARS MOVE ON
Hermione Granger created a new page: S.P.E.W.
Ron Weasley and 1024 others like this page.
Hermione Granger updated the description: The Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare seeks to improve on standards of living for the House Elf community. We hope to achieve better communications and support these works in a more effective way. Stay tuned to this page as we will be having a series of panels in the upcoming month, led by Winky and Kreacher. .
Ron sent Harry a private message: so Hermione thinks we plan on going back to school at some point right?
Harry: ha jokes on her
Ron: she keeps making study schedules so we don’t fall behind
Harry: when in the history of ever did those ever work
Ron: we should get Neville to tell her that we’re never going back
Harry: that’s a great idea mate
Harry sent Neville a private message: hey man
Neville: no not a chance
Neville: I’m not suicidal I’m not telling Hermione that you and Ron aren’t going to complete your seventh year.
Harry: mate you literally fought a giant snake
Hermione sent a private message to the dream team: traitors
Caption on @gin.nys photo: and this, ladies and gentlemen, is the famous Boy Who Lived who isn’t drunk but only ‘drunkish’. You’ll notice him trying to climb the street pole while Ronald, only marginally ‘drunkish’ is trying to hold the fully stable street pole up. These are your war heroes.
hermione.spew: I thought you boys were studying for auror examinations
forge.w: that looks like top notch studying to me
percy.wealsy: Ronald you’re a public disgrace. You should consider your image next time you engage in bar drinking.
ron.ron: sorry @percy.weasly I couldn’t hear you over the sound of I don’t care
Harry sent a message to the dream team: guys do you think raccoons hate being raccoons?
Hermione: it’s 4am shut up I have to give a lecture tomorrow
Harry: THIS IS IMPORTANT
Hermione: raccoons are trash pandas, the equivalent of Ron. Ron, do you hate being a trash panda?
Ron: that was a jump there, Mione
Hermione: im sorry if it wasn’t clear ITS 4AM
Harry: but I had a dream about raccoons
Hermione: listen potter im glad you discovered the existence of normal dreams that aren’t visions inflicted by a noseless man who talks to snake and is trying to commit genocide, but I will hex your nose off if you don’t go back to sleep.
Ron sent Hermione a private message: do you think pigeons are sad about being pigeons
Neville posted 7 new photos: we’ve made some great progress in recovering 3 greenhouses. These are some example of Devil’s Snare in bloom. You might note the display of purple flowers that only happen for 2 days a year. #plantsaregreat
Luna: how lovely! My Great Aunt Hilda used to make wreathes out of aged devils snare to keep the griffins from entering her home. <3
Harry and Neville like this comment
George Weasley made a new event: help the famous boy who lived move into his new flat
1007 going| 3658 interested
Harry posted a new status: thank you, George Weasley, for making sure that plenty of people would help me move in exactly five boxes worth of things into a very small flat. I appreciated that.
George: anytime (:
Hermione sent Harry a private message: fuck ron found memes
Hermione: he has defiled the group chat
Hermione: I thought we agreed we would never show him memes
Luna sent Hermione a GIF over private message
Luna: do u pronounce gif as gif or jif
Luna: jif sounds better
Luna: dont be a memater
Percy sent Hermione a Words With Friends request!
Hermione posted a new status: Enjoy your Halloween everybody, but remember to be respectful for those remembering the past.
891 likes, 50 sad reacts.
Ron sent Harry a private message: where are you
Ron: people are worried about you
Harry: dunno tpo of te water towerr
Ron: kay just wait there I’m on my way
Hermione sent Ron a private message: did you find him
Ron: yeah but he’s wasted
Hermione: I left a hangover cure beneath the bathroom sink yesterday just in case
Luna sent Harry a private message: you’re going to be alright
Percy posted a new status: I publicly admit defeat. Hermione Granger is clearly the better player in Words with Friends and I regret ever challenging her in the first place.
Hermione: thank you for honoring your side of the deal (:
Harry posted a new status: hey guys stop sending me flowers I have a very small apartment also I’m allergic
Humans of Diagon Alley posted a new photo: “We weren’t in touch with our daughter during the war. We didn’t even know our daughter, if you can believe that! She made a difficult choice to keep us, and herself, safe. All the matters though is that we each found our way home again.”
Harry: good job granger
Caption on @ron.rons photo: thank you world for letting me see Malfoy in community service robes
hjpotter: I still think him as a ferret was great
hjpotter: but this is even better
forge.w: I have this photo framed for the shop
hermione.spew: guys be nice
hermione.spew: lol just kidding he deserves community service for everything he ever did and said.
ron.ron sent hermione.spew a direct message: u okay there?
hermione.spew: I really dislike him
hermione.spew: sometimes when im sad I remember the time I punched him and then im really happy again
Ginny sent Harry a private message: you have spiders beneath your sink
Ginny: you have a lot of spiders beneath your sink
Harry: yeah but they’re my friends
Ginny: ??????? I wasn’t aware that I was talking to Hagrid?
Harry: when I was a kid living beneath the stairs I used to make friends with the spiders.
Ginny: moving past your traumatic childhood we’re getting rid of those spiders they are not my friends.
Ginny changed Harry Potter’s name to: Hagrid 2.0
Ron posted a new status: its been a long time coming but I’m pleased to say the Canons finally won a match.
George: you’re crying aren’t you?
Bill: he is
FleurWeasley uploaded a new Vlog Video: steak night Fridays (translated from French)
9028 thumbs up | 10 thumbs down
Ron posted a new status: after an awful 5 months of learning nothing new, I can proudly say Harry Potter and I are official aurors.
690 likes, 246 loves
Ginny: I’ll put 50 gallons down on you guys switching careers before two years go by
Luna: well done Ronald and Harrance! Be careful of street buttersnargles when patrolling
Hermione: im personally amazed you both passed your potions examinations
Hermione: honestly I never saw that coming
Hermione: please tell me you didn’t use a specific textbook
Harry: Hermione Granger literally not a clue what you’re talking about (:
Ron liked this comment
Hermione posted a new photo: he swears my cat is a satan creature
Ginny: weird he came home with so much hair on his clothes we thought he met someone
Charlie: this makes so much more sense
Ron: first-your cat was clawing me in its sleep
Ron: secondly-I hate you all
Harry posted a new status: merry Christmas everybody.
Harry sent Hermione a private message: will you come with me again
Hermione: to see your parents?
Hermione: of course. Let me grab my cloak
Harry: thank you