She doesn’t remember him. Perhaps that is death within itself.
There is sadness in the way Mikasa looks at him. As if though no matter how hard Eren tries, Mikasa will never wake from this deep, poisonous slumber. That no matter how he touches her, talks to her, listens to her, it will never be enough.
“You still don’t remember?” He whispers, taking her hand in his. “Anything at all?”
Perhaps this is his own punishment. That whatever god is up there is testing him.
“Nothing,” Mikasa sighs. She looks at him once more. “I’m sorry.”
Eren can’t do anything but nod. “Right… maybe next time then.”
If this was still the Mikasa he knew, if this was still the Mikasa who loved him, then she would have asked him to stay. Asked him to try harder, asked him not to give up. Perhaps ask is too nice of a word; instead Mikasa would demand this of him.
Eren, you are not weak. She would say. Eren, you are strong.
Instead, she lets him go. Eren walks away without looking back because just looking, hurts more than not looking. He feels her eyes on her and as he enters into his own room, he breaks down in tears.
What have I done, Eren thinks. What will I do now?
You keep moving forward. A voice that sounds like Armin says. You don’t give up.
But Eren doesn’t want to. He wants to close his eyes and sleep forever. He wants to forget, just like Mikasa has, and not care about anything in this world. All he wants is his mother and father back, and the titans to never exist, and the world to be a normal place again. He wants to ask Mikasa’s hand in marriage, work on projects with Armin and…
And see the sea.
Eren doesn’t think it’s possible. It’s all death out there anyways.
Thanks so much to @aurieackerman for reminding me to post a video of my Attack on Titan Music Box. <3 It was a bit of a challenge to get a recording without any attention demanding cat complaint in the background, but here it is.
One of my favorite things to do back when I was really into attack on titan was to convince people watching for the first time that Eren was actually dead when he got swallowed, and Armin was actually the main character of the series. They wouldn’t believe me until I pointed out that Armin was the narrator of the opening monologue.
They got really mad when they found out I was fucking with them but it was so FUN.
First Image: May 2017 // Second Image: November 2017
Thank you to all the people who’ve been following me despite not posting anything in months. I’m really looking forward to drawing tons of Rivamika on this blog; but I needed some time to boost up my art skill. I just wanted to throw up that messy second image to show you my progress!