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As a nation in the grip of Quaid Fever, you’re no doubt aware of A Dog’s Purpose – an upcoming film about a lovable canine quantum-leaping into various dog bodies. And since dogs can only reincarnate as other dogs, the apparent “purpose” is an inescapable torment cycle of servitude for their human masters … a batshit philosophy seemingly practiced by the filmmakers themselves.

For those unaware, the hard-to-watch production footage shows a scared German Shepherd unwilling to dive into rushing water in order to shoot a “heroic” river rescue scene, only to be shoved in and ultimately pulled under the current. Accepting that the dog survived, and that the footage is out of context and edited, it’s still more than safe to say that this dog “appreciation” movie won the People’s Choice for Most Ironic Dick Opus.

As expected, the backlash was swift, and this story about an immortal dog voiced by Josh Gad won’t be a box office powder keg after all … thanks to the moral outrage of a public seemingly unaware that this shit happens all the goddamn time.

Why The ‘A Dog’s Purpose’ Video Is Just The Beginning


I never thought a small piece of shade could bring me so much happiness. That a pile of tools, a bucket, a knife, a pencil, might become my greatest treasures. Or that knowing Richard Parker was here might ever bring me peace. In times like these, I remember that he has as little experience of the real world as I do. We were both raised in a zoo by the same master. Now we’ve been orphaned, left to face our ultimate master together. Without Richard Parker, I would have died by now. My fear of him keeps me alert. Tending to his needs gives my life purpose.


A hunter caught him drinking from a stream when he was a cub and named him Thirsty. When Thirsty got too big the hunters sold him to our zoo, but the names got switched on the paperwork.The hunter was listed as Thirsty and the tiger was called Richard Parker. We laughed about it and the name stuck. — Life of Pi (2012) dir. Ang Lee