Dear P:

It’s been 4 years since the last time I kissed you. I still remember that we were heading out to church and you said : ‘Wait!’ and you kissed me on the lips and I just smiled. I never thought that would be our last. We “dated” for 7 years and I don’t regret a single day of that 7 years. I loved you with all my heart and I know you loved me too.

But you broke up with me. And I totally get it, I don’t blame you at all. You are the daughter of a pastor, and you just can’t be a lesbian. That’s just how things are. I know you tried. We both did. We were still so in love even after your dad sent us to those 'meetings’ to stop being gay. I just remember how you were crying after every meeting, and I always tried to be the strong one for the both of us. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. And that’s why I don’t blame you at all.

But now you decided to be 'straight’ and you think gay people are gross and wrong.
Well, I’m bisexual, and I’m sorry I couldn’t change like you did.

We are still friends, we still hang out, but I know things are different. And I hate myself because I just want to hold your hand at the movies, I just want to lay my head on your shoulder when I’m sad. I still think about kissing you.

7 years is a lot time to just forget about everything and move on. Even more when the last thing you said to me before breaking up with me was: 'I will always love you with all my heart, but I just can’t do this anymore’.

Deep down I’m still waiting for you. I’m waiting for that glance, for that look. And I hate myself.

I don’t blame you.



ich hoffe, wo auch immer du bist, weißt du, dass du’s mir wert bist. du bist jeden kilometer wert, den ich mir die füße wund laufe, um den gedanken des fehlens erträglich zu machen. jede schlaflose nacht und jeder aufgequollen-geweinte tag ist es wert dir nah zu sein. jede geschichte, die ich von dir, von uns, zum tausendsten mal erzähle und sie wie auswendig gelernt klingt legt gewicht auf meine liebe zu dir. jedesmal, wenn ich den sonnenaufgang bewundere und mich zum aufstehen zwinge, weil es keine option gibt, ist deinetwegen. jedesmal, wenn ich aus meiner haut fahren möchte, wenn ich kurz davor bin alles einfach nicht mehr auszuhalten und es mir die luft abschnürt, weiß ich, es ist deinetwegen. weil du so viel bist und warst und einnimmst. weil du meinen weg nicht gekreuzt, sondern verändert hast und weil du mir gezeigt hast, was es bedeutet wirklich glücklich zu sein. ebenso, wie du mir zeigst, was es heißt mit einem unglück zu leben, dass einem die grundlage nimmt. du füllst meine räume, meine zeit und meine gedanken. du füllst jede träne und jedes lächeln, das ich mir abringe wenn es die situation verlangt. du füllst die ohren meiner freunde und die gedanken fremder. du bist es wert. mit dem tod den du gestorben bist hast du das leben, das du zurückgelassen hast vervielfacht. und manchmal verstehe ich selbst nicht, was passiert ist und warum es alles mitreißt. in solchen momenten sprechen die menschen von schicksalsschlägen. ich hätte dich ausgewählt, immer wieder.


in meinem kopf wächst die verzweiflung
wie das geäst eines alten waldes
das knacken der stämme, nur ein rauschen
am morgen, wie sie jeden weg, jedes wollen
zu hürden schlagen

nichts bewegt mich, bloß
der wind die lichtverhältnisse durch den
tag trägt

ich spreche nicht mehr von wellen
nichts schäumt, nichts spült
nichts wäscht klarheit in meine gedanken

nur das holz, so hohl, so morsch
frisst sich durch den wald, die verzweiflung
und kann nichts tragen, nichts (auf)halten

ich setze einen atemzug tun
morgenrot an die baumkrone
und niemand hat es gehört

weil schon das laub geschäftig
an deinen spuren klebt

nichts habe ich begriffen
bis der wald den brustkorb sprengt

Si esto es un error, cariño, haz que sea el mejor error que hayamos cometido.
remember pannenkoek2012 and his 0x A Press runs?

For those of you who don’t, he put out a video a couple months ago detailing how to reach a certain star in Super Mario 64 in only half an A press. Its one of the most fascinating videos I’ve seen in a long time and it involves artificially raising scuttlebugs and parallel universes. To explain that would ruin the video so if you get the chance I’d recommend it.

He’s managed to get the any% run of the game (that is, to just complete the game’s story by beating bowser in the final stage, not to collect all the stars) down to only requiring a single A press.

That A Press is right here:

In the stage Bowser in the Fire Sea, there’s a pole thats required to reach the second ‘floor’ of the stage. The only way to get off the pole is to press A to jump off it. The pole is the only way to get up to the second floor, and if you can’t get up to the second floor you can’t eventually reach bowser.

Pannenkoek put a video out on his side channel detailing 14 different ideas for avoiding this jump and why they wouldn’t work on his side channel (where he also posts a lot more cool stuff, its super fascinating and explained really clearly)

So what has he tried? (if you can’t watch the video)

  • Just dropping off of the pole rather than jumping doesn’t work. 
  • Jumping into the seam between two ceilings regardless of height allows you to warp to the hangable ceiling. Of course, jumping is an A press, and you can’t grab onto a ceiling without jumping into it. 
  • Someone suggests that you could raise a goomba into the room and then bounce off of it. Unfortunately, thats not possible without hacks, but its hilarious so he shows us anyway (also, it still wouldnt work to save the A press)
  • He could use cloning to clone a goomba and then place them in strategic positions to create a goomba ladder that he could bounce off. Unfortunately, goombas don’t work for initiating cloning.
  • Bomb-ombs, however, do. Using the bomb-omb to clone goombas to make a ladder (shown in the thumbnail) would work! Alas, the only bomb-omb on the map is beyond the pole, so this method is out. He can’t even bring it down from below, since it’s actually not loaded while it’s out of sight.
  • What if he cloned the pole itself? Again, impossible, since the bomb-omb isn’t reachable, and even if he could, theres nowhere you could place it that would allow you to climb into and drop off the cloned pole. A double-bust!
  • What if he cloned the warp to the bowser fight? Impossible, as you may have guessed, not only because the bomb-omb is inaccessible, but because the warp is loaded in at the start of the level so you can’t clone it. BUT it would work if he could!
  • Somehow use the amp? (the little electric ball that hovers and shocks mario) Wouldn’t work, even if you could somehow manipulate one to be around the pole, while mario is dropping off the pole he’s immune to the amp.
  • Get a boost from the lava while being above it? It’s possible with stutter-stepping to experience the property of a floor while being above it. Unfortunately, the property that gives it the lava boost effect does not work in this way.
  • Just use the poles supporting the later half of the level? Unfortunately, they’re just walls and there’s no trickery to climbing up a vertical wall.

Following so far? good! now hold onto your hats.

  • He could use the bully to knock him off the pole. The question is how do you get it into the room? You can’t manipulate it from below, even though unlike the bomb-omb it does exist. There is a way, however, provided multiple glitches were found. If you could force the bully off of its platform, get it into the lava and start boiling without unloading it (because it’s dead), then it will descend infinitely. If you kept it going until it reached a vertical parallel universe, then stopped it from being boiled, it would snap to the highest floor below it. Then you could climb the pole and get bumped off. As you may have guessed, there’s no glitch that allows you to do any part of this.
  • Conserve vertical speed from a lava boost? Hitting an edge while you’re jumping out of the lava conserves that vertical momentum until you gain some more of any kind. Punching doesn’t change Mario’s speed, so standing still and punching until he hits a ledge and falls off, giving him the rest of the vertical speed, is another possibility. Unfortunately, even if you were able to manipulate it perfectly, it still wouldn’t be enough.
  • He could somehow rotate the seesaw platform past what is normally possible. Then, it would be spinning so fast it would surely catapult Mario upwards! Unfortunately, it has a fixed rotational speed when Mario is on the platform, way below what it would need to be.
  • He could move to a parallel universe, then use the platform to launch him up into the air! Since, when he’s in a parallel universe, any rotation affecting Mario affects him as if he was still in his original point on the main universe. Imagine like, spinning a piece of paper around one of its corners and tracking the location of the other corners. If mario moves to one of the other corners, when you turn the paper he moves much further compared to when he’s at the one being turned (You still with me? good!). 

Unfortunately, the seesaw has no traction also, so this isn’t possible with that platform.

I highly recommend you watch the 13 minute long video showing a man’s futile attempt to get past a simple pole without jumping off of it. Then go show him some love at his main channel and his side channel (which is actually more active).