I turned my head with an eyebrow raised as she stepped out of her apartment building for the last time. She had a bag packed, draped over her shoulder, and a smile that made my heart stop. She really was coming with me.
It was then that I realize that she was exactly what I had been looking for all this time.
I’ve never been good at that lovey-dovey, chick-flick moment crap, but there have been a few girls in my life that I thought I loved.
And I owe them an apology because it turns out that the feelings I had for them weren’t love. I thought they were, but now, knowing the way I feel for Y/N… I have only every truly loved her.
Cassie. She was firey and passionate, and she knew what she wanted. Ultimately, the minute I bared my heart to her, revealed my world to her, she dismissed me as though I couldn’t be bothered to tell her the truth. Even after years apart when she found out the truth, I thought I could love her still. I had really never stopped loving her, but something was missing.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I know what was wrong now.
She wasn’t you.
Lisa. She took me in when I thought I had no place to go. She offered me a home and a life outside of this life. She loved me unconditionally and never questioned the broken mess that I was. She allowed me to love Ben which may have been her greatest gift. She was the hardest to walk away from.
In the end, my reason for leaving would be Sam, but I realize now what I didn’t know then.
She wasn’t you.
Part of me wishes I could go back in time and undo the time that I spent with these women because it was time spent that I could have been finding you, could have been loving you. But I realize now that those experiences made me the man that I am today. Without them, I’m not sure if I would be ready to love you as fully as I do. Without them I may never have realized that you were what I was really missing.
So, to all the girls I’ve loved before… thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes and making me see. Making me see that I am capable of a love that is greater than myself, capable of loving so deeply it hurts, capable of laying it all on the line once I really found the right reason to.
And Y/N, that reason is you. I think you know that, or you wouldn’t be coming with me now.
I just want you to know those women helped make me a better man for you, but I’m so glad that I finally have you in my arms because you are what’s right in my world. You pull me from the darkness. You saved me when I was lost. You are the love of my life.