gif: friends with benefits

his mouth kisses down my chest, tongue teases my stomach
he says he’s never done this before
i pretend it’s not a lie

he makes me feel warm all over, too hot but comfortable
i tell myself it’s just sex
i pretend it’s not a lie

he never kisses me on the mouth
we both agree it’s too intimate
i pretend i don’t want him to anyway

sometimes he holds me in his arms afterwards, fingers tangling through my hair
i tell him he can leave; he says he wants to stay
i pretend it’s not a lie

he presses a kiss to my forehead, lingering a few seconds longer than he should
he tells me i’m beautiful
i pretend it’s not a lie

he lets me stay the night, and i let him as well
we both agree it’s just casual
i pretend it’s not a lie

i see him out with another girl, hand on her waist
i make a detour and go straight home
i pretend i saw nothing at all

he smells like someone else, lips taste like another’s
i throw up after he leaves
i tell myself it’s because of a stomach bug

he texts me, asking me how i am
i know where this is going to lead to
i pretend he truly cares

he comes, he comes, he comes, and then he goes
as our limbs untangle, i whisper to him, “if you want, you can stay”
i fall asleep, pretending he does
—  Anonymous said: Can you write about two friends with benefits, but the girl is madly in love with the guy. It’s been almost a year and she’s afraid to tell him because she doesn’t want to feel his rejection. 
(cc, 2017)