gif by me 1

Why don’t you love me Part 1 

This had become normal. You ate dinner in silence only asking to pass this or that. After dinner, it was pretty much the same thing. You tried to make small talk but after a month you were beginning to thank it was you. Bedtime was you going to bed late and him staying on his side. It uses to be when you went to bed Chris would hug you as soon as you got in bed, but now he seems to want to be anywhere but with you. Tonight it had to change. You have spent all day getting yourself fixed up for your husband. It had been a while ,but you found your sexiest panties and bra and put them on underneath a beautiful light dress. Putting on your heels and making sure everything is perfect for dinner. You had nothing else to do but what for Chris. He was supposed to be home any moment. Thirty minutes later he wasn’t home put you didn’t let it get to you. An hour later the wine was open and still your husband had still not shown up. “Hey babe, call me when you can. I’ve made us a nice dinner and it’s getting cold.” You said hanging up your phone. After two hours seating on a kitchen table alone. The tears started to come. Then the anger. Getting up and leaving everything on the table. You grabbed your keys and left a note for your husband. “Chris I can’t do this anymore. So I’m going to make this easy. I’m leaving. I wanted to be with someone who loves me and wants to touch me. I’m not even sure if you love me anymore. I want you to be happy and I love you so much and even if I don’t make you happy.” Leaving the note on his dinner plate. You walked out the door. Trying to lock the door thru your tears and going to the nearest hotel to figure out what you should do next. Getting your message Chris hurried home. He didn’t think anything was wrong. Couples get into runts sometimes. Pulling in he didn’t see your car, but didn’t much thought into it. Opening the door he called out for you. “Y/N!” He said dropping his keys on the bookcase by the door. “Sorry, I’m late.” He said as he walked to the table and seeing your note He could actually feel his heart break. Grabbing his phone he hits speed dial to call you. “Y/N. Call me. We need to talk. I love you. Where are you?” He said getting upset. Falling in his chair putting his face in his hands and wondering how he could ever make you feel unloved

The death of Finnick was, devastating…Him screaming in pain and then his last scream were he yells “Katniss” was the end of me.

I want Yuuri to cry.

Hold it! Before you get to my throat, I’ll explain why:

The scene in ep 1 where Yuuri cries alone in the toilet really got to me….because I could relate to it so well. The way he behaved like an emotionless robot when he was outside with Celestino, the way he made the fake voice while talking to his mother on the phone, and the most heartbreaking of all was when he cried…

Here are the things which struck me the most :

1) Yuuri’s own mother didn’t realize exactly how upset Yuuri was……this leads me to believe Yuuri never allows himself to cry even in front of his closest family and friends….Sure he whines when teased by others or cries when he gets physically hurt, but actual full blown crying just to let out his feelings? I don’t think he’s ever done that

2)Yuuri was trying to hold back his voice……as far as Yuuri knew, there was no one in the washroom, he could have been louder if he wanted to…but the way he choked back on his voice makes me feel this isn’t the first time he has cried like this….silently, so that no one knows. How many times must he have cried into his pillow? Just to muffle his voice and hide his tears?

Yuuri has subconsciously conditioned himself that crying in front of others is wrong, showing his vulnerability, even when with his own family , is wrong…….and now, even if he wants to cry his heart out to someone…….he won’t…no, he can’t
He just can’t bring himself to do it….

And I’m saying all this as a person who goes through the same thing……I’m starting to open up…..just a bit, enough to trust two friends to not look at me weirdly when I have a silent cry……but to this day I haven’t found someone I can trust myself to simply bawl my heart out to without being judged or being told ‘don’t be such a crybaby’ or ‘don’t cry over something so silly’

So just once….just once, I want Yuuri to cry.

I want him to stop holding up that dam he has built up over these years and just let his emotions out. And it doesn’t have to be over something great like losing a tournament……. it can be something as stupid as falling on the ice exhausted…..when he’s just practising, alone in the Hasetsu castle’s ice rink…

And when the dam does burst, I want Viktor to be there for Yuuri.

I want Yuuri to be able to break past his conditioning and trust Viktor enough to cry as loudly and messy as he wants to.

And I want Viktor to simply plop down on the ice next to Yuuri, give him a shoulder to cry on, to gently run his fingers through his hair and wait for Yuuri to calm down and just tell him,

It’s okay.